Dear Robyn,
So, I’m 16. There is this guy that is 22 that has sparked my interest. I’ve been friends with his family for a while but hadn’t met him until a few months ago because he attended college in California.
Anyway, he is everything I’ve ever wanted in a guy. He played college baseball and plays guitar and he is a great Christian guy. We talk a little bit here and there but I’m already very interested in him.
How do I get his attention? I know I’m younger than him but age is just a number. I’ve always been told that I act older than my age, and I want him to give me a chance to prove that to him.
What do I do?
Anna
Anna,
Thank you for your letter. As a woman I can definitely relate to your situation. When I was in high school I had a crush on an altar boy at my church, more appropriately described as an altar man. I was around your age and felt that I was mature enough to handle a relationship with him.
In my situation, I was very lucky, the guy I had a crush on paid me absolutely no attention, which was a blessing in disguise.
I understand your feelings that age is just a number, but unless those numbers start at 18, you are putting yourself at risk for more than heartbreak.
Just to be clear, I would not recommend pursuing the relationship. If it’s a true connection it can wait. You both are in different stages of your life and I would actually be pretty concerned if he tried to pursue something with you and you should be also.
Tough Love: Who wants a 22 year old guy who is mentally attracted to 16 year old girls? (It is kind of similar to a guy in your class dating an eighth grader, what’s wrong there?) That would mean he has some serious social problems.
In the future things may be different. If you are friends with his family there will be lots of opportunities in the future to think about a relationship with your crush.
But now, here’s what I feel you should do:
Praying 101: I would pray about the situation. Ask for guidance. Praying about the situation and trusting the guidance God provides will clear your mind.
Hanging Out With Friends 101: Stay busy. Hang out with your friends and meet new people. You might want to try dating guys from other schools if you feel there are no good matches at your own. If you are looking for an older guy, try dating a guy one to two years older.
Patience 301: A lot of what I’m saying will make perfect sense to you once you are a tad bit older. You’re right, you may be very mature for your age and part of maturity is patience. Wait a couple of years and see if you feel the same way about him. And even if you do, he should be the one thinking all those good things about you and pursuing you, not the other way around!
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