“I have no problem attracting men that I want BUT after the first few dates they tend to pull away. I’m currently dating a guy and he replys everytime I text him BUT he doesn’t initiate communication any more and doesn’t ask me out. What can I do to make him want to be with me?”
Regarding the specific situation with this guy, you say that you are currently dating him, but he doesn’t initiate communication with you now and doesn’t ask you out.
Are you actually still doing anything with him at the moment, or do you consider yourself to be “currently dating” him because you have gone out with him a few times and have not officially broken up?
If you haven’t gone out with him for a few weeks or you’re having to push him into doing stuff with you by continually inviting him out, it is a pretty clear-cut situation.
This is that the guy has decided that you’re not the one for him and he’s probably just trying to give you “the hint” by not calling you any more.
As a guy I can assure you that when we find a woman we are excited about and things are going well, we won’t stop calling or trying to get together with her – unless there is a VERY, VERY good reason not to. [Of course though, we might try to play things cool by only contacting her every two or three days.]
Even if something like a family tragedy occurs, we would probably still contact the woman and tell her that we are not going to be able to see her for a while.
So the bottom line is that there is probably nothing now that you can do to make him
want to be with you, as he no longer appears to be interested.
Your only slight hope is that if you stop texting him, he may begin missing you and start contacting you again. However, if you keep initiating contact with him it is only going to make you look desperate and seem like a pest.
It is actually very important at the beginning of a relationship that the guy is the one to initiate most of the contact, as this keeps the masculine-feminine dynamic in the right balance (men are naturally hunters and do not normally respond so well when they become the hunted).
But now, let’s look at the bigger picture – the trend of your recent dating life:
The Bigger Picture
You have no problem attracting the kind of men you want, but they tend to back away from you after the first few dates.
Obviously, you are doing a lot of stuff right. These men have initial interest in you and they are motivated to act on it.
This is great because many women have trouble even getting this far. [For those women in this position, please have a read of my article, “How to Get a Guy to Like You”, as it provides some important information on gaining a man’s interest and attention.]
My advice is that since you are not having any trouble getting new dates, you should try to let go of the outcome of finding “the one” and instead focus on just having fun – then let the chips fall where they may.
Don’t get so emotionally attached to any one guy after only a few dates. You don’t know him well enough to determine whether he would be a good long-term fit for you in such a short time. Furthermore, you could easily meet someone even better the following week.
Remove the pressure from every interaction and take the longer view of it being a numbers game in which you have to sort through a lot of guys to find your “perfect match”. That way, you will also appear a lot more attractive as it helps to eliminate the perceptions of neediness and of having an agenda which we will discuss in the second part of this article.
About our Guest Poster:
James is a dating and relationships author and coach who specializes in teaching women how to attract the man of their dreams, make him fall madly in love, and then keep him interested over the long haul. He runs a website Attract Men Easily which provides cutting-edge information on these topics.