6 Simple Ways To Determine If He Is “The One”
If you have been dating someone for a while, you may wonder if he is “the one”, and in your haste to find Mr. Right, you are sometimes blinded by your feelings, and can sometimes end up with somebody who is really not good for you.
It is important for any woman such as yourself to understand that if you are not completely honest with yourself and do not see the relationship for what it really is, you could very well find yourself 10 years down the track in a marriage you wish you’d never got into. So most likely, before you enter into a long term relationship you want to find out how to determine if he is right for you.
I am going to share with you 6 questions that you should ask yourself to determine if the guy you are with is right for you. Be honest when you answer the following questions because it will only hurt you in the long run if lie to yourself about whether you both are compatible.
1. One of These Things Is Not Like The Other…
Do you have the same values as him? I know we live in a world where everything is accepted and if you aren’t open to other people’s beliefs you are called closed minded or too conservative. But really, this is your life.
When it comes to important values like religion, how you should handle your money and if you want to have a big family or a small family, these usually should be discussed up front. If they are deal breakers for you, don’t settle.
I once dated a guy for 4 1/2 years trying to convince myself that religion didn’t matter to me or that I could change him (big mistake). But in my heart religion was the core of how I lived my life. We believed in 2 completely different things and that caused a log of anxiety for me which led to weight gain. You really don’t want to take as long as I did to come to terms with how important your values are.
On the other hand, if you don’t value religion that highly or you don’t care which political party another person supports, then by all means it’s not that big of a deal to you, this person could be the right person to you.
But if you know in your heart it’s a value you can’t compromise on, don’t compromise on it because it just leads to heartbreak and a whole lot of arguments.
2. How Do You Feel?
How does your man make you feel? Does he make you feel good? Are you relaxed around him? Can you just be yourself?
This is equally as important, because if you feel you can’t be your complete self around him, imperfections and all, you will continuously have to live up to this high standards and when you fall from his graces, you risk the chance of losing him.
And plus it’s so much darn fun when you can have fun with the person you with. You should be excited when you see the person you’re dating. They should make you feel good.
This world is filled with so many stresses and depressing moments that when you come home or when you see your mate, you should feel refreshed by them. If you don’t have this feeling he may not be right for you.
3. Does He Treat You Right?
I always like to determine this by testing it against my two favorite men, my dad and my brother. My dad and brother both treat me very well. So if I don’t feel that a man is treating me the way my dad or brother would, that’s not a situation I want to be in. When in a relationship you should feel that the other person wouldn’t intentionally hurt or harm you.
Maybe it isn’t your dad or brother maybe it’s another man that respects you or cherishes you, but if you aren’t being treated right, that’s a red flag. If he is cheating on you, hitting you, talking negatively to you, not supporting you – these are all forms of being mistreated.
And it’s a sign that you have low self esteem if you are still in the abusive relationship. No one deserves to be mistreated. Period.
4. Are You Settling?
Are there things you always wanted in a relationship, and your man just doesn’t have them? You might be settling. If the only reason you are with him because you feel that this is the best you can do or you’re lucky to find him, more than likely you are settling.
There are two sides to this story, there could be things that you wanted in a relationship and your man doesn’t have them but you found out that what your man DOES have is actually better for you.
On the other hand, it’s the situation where you always feel something is missing or that your heart can’t rest easy in the relationship because you know you want more.
5. Do You Treat Him Well?
Ah ha, you didn’t think I was going to get to this one but this is also an important part of the relationship. How you treat your man is going to speak volumes to whether he is right for you. If you feel you can’t respect him or don’t trust him, this probably is not the man for you.
How you treat him speaks volumes to how much you respect him and if you are entering into a partnership/committed relationship with him you want to make sure you trust him to have your back and to work towards your goals together.
On the other hand, it may be an issue with you and maybe you never learned how to treat a man so that he will want to do things for you. Kara Oh has an awesome book on Amazon called From Dating To ‘I Do’: The Ultimate Dating Guide: How To Win His Heart Forever. It teaches how to date a man to bring out the best in him. At under $2 on Amazon, it’s a steal.
6. Do You Know Him?
I know I’m going to get a lot of women angry here, but it has to be said. I receive so many emails from women telling me that they have just met a guy and he is “the one”.
You just really set yourself up for disappointment with this one. If you haven’t even met the guy or you have not known him for a long time, it will be impossible to know if he is the one. What you are most likely experiencing is infatuation and not love at all.
If you don’t know a person, it is impossible to tell if that person is the “the one”. You are going by a perfect version of him.
Here are some consequences of being with the wrong person:
Consequence 1. You will always feel that something is missing
Consequence 2. You will know deep down that you deserve better
Consequence 3. You may spend many years feeling trapped with somebody who is just not right for you
Consequence 4. You may find yourself as a single mother, after having children to this person you never should have even been in a relationship with
Consequence 5. You will live your life feeling unhappy and unfulfilled
Some additional tips I put together for you:
Tip 1. Find out what do your friends and family think about your relationship. Do they like him, do they hate him, what are their thoughts? Remember, your friends and family love you and want the best for you, so what they have to say should not be taken lightly.
Tip 2 Think about the way he makes you feel most of the time. If you are constantly walking on eggshells, or you are often annoyed or angry at him for whatever reason, then the answer here is obvious. If however he treats you like a queen, worships the ground you walk on, and you know he would do absolutely anything for you, and you feel the same way about him (and this is important!), then chances are your relationship is off to a great start.
Tip 3. And one of the most important ways to determine if he is right for you is to ask yourself this question, If my mom or sister or aunt was the same age as I would I feel comfortable with knowing that he was her companion? If your answer to this question is no, you should seriously rethink the relationship because if he isn’t good enough for your family or people you love he surely isn’t good enough for you.
Finding out if he is right for you is as simple as looking at your relationship with complete honesty. Look at your relationship from both yours and his perspective, and consider how your friends and family view your relationship as well, because it is those closest to you that will see your relationship for what it truly is.