Robyn Lee

I have had a crush on a man for many years now. We actually dated briefly some years ago, but things didn’t work out.

After our relationship, he got married, but we still remained friends. Things started to go downhill with his marriage and he told me that when he got his divorce that he wanted me in his life.

I got really excited because it was like a dream come true.

He did divorce his wife and now he is in another relationship (not with me) and claims that he is in love and is ready to remarry.

I have doubts about this relationship because he still calls me and talks about our attraction to each other and sends flirty text messages and asks for pictures of me.

He’s currently out of state on work and I want to do as much as I can to bring his heart closer to me before he comes back and into the arms of his new woman.

I’m thinking I should send a daily email to remind him how I feel about him, but I feel I’ve already done all I can.

What would you suggest I do?

Guest Poster: Marvin Barrett

Marvin helps single women identify and avoid dating non-committal men and find their Mr. Right. He coaches women to identify the best places to meet the right men for them, read the signals men display when uncommitted and how to attract the right guy to approach them. Learn how to meet and find the right man for you.

This man is testing you to the hill and if you can’t see that then you’re in big trouble.

He is basically seeing whether he could still have you if he wanted and you are playing right into his little trap.

I don’t want to invalidate the feelings you have for this man because what you feel is probably real and comes from a sincere place but I gotta tell ya…

Leave this situation alone or pay the price later.

I believe you’re probably worth more but you are selling yourself short here and I think this man probably doesn’t value you enough to want to marry you. He wants to marry some other woman but not you. So regardless of the doubts you have about him remarrying, he’s not made you his number one. Instead, he wants pictures and flirty messages, he sees you as fun.

Let’s break this down for a second.

1. You dated briefly in the past but didn’t work out. (Cool, no problem here, these things happen)

2. Then he got married and after problems in his marriage, he got divorced. (Again, not a major problem, unless his wife divorced him because he cheated!)

3. After his divorce he told you he wanted you in his life. (Whatever that means!!! Where’s the ring for you? BIG PROBLEM HERE.)

4. Then you get excited because he was available again and describe this as a dream come true (fair enough, it’s understandable, no problem)

5. Following his divorce, he gets into ANOTHER relationship (not with you, although he had the option to) and plans to REMARRY. (Put another ring on another woman’s finger despite he’s pledge that he wants you in his life. He may say he wants you in his life but he sure doesn’t want to marry you.)

Can you see the problem here?

This man isn’t serious about you in the way that you are about him. I want you to GET this because if you continue entertaining this man, you’re going to get hurt.

After his divorce, he could have got with you, after all, he said he wanted you in his life but his actions tell a complete different story – he’s marrying another woman but wants you to send him sexy pictures of you -if the alarm bells aren’t ringing right now, they should be.

You’re falling for the sweet words and flirty text and picture messaging. You’re falling in love with the idea of being in love and that’s not good.

This man is running game on you and you need to see it for what it is.

This man just told you he’s in love and plans to remarry but sends you flirty texts and requests pictures of you…and you really WANT that to be your man? It’s up to you.

You need to see yourself being worth more and more deserving than that. This guy will never see you in the way you deserve because if he did, he would be backing up his words with actions (i.e. remarrying with you, not another woman)

Two words…..move on.

I am a very involved woman with a full life. I look around my local supermarkets, stores, my karate club and even the organization that I volunteer at, and the vast majority of men that I see are either much older than me (usually married) or teenagers. My work is also not a good place to look, as I am in a female dominated profession (teacher).

How can I meet more eligible men?

Guest Poster: Jaimy Blazynski

It is wonderful that you participate in many activities because being so active will make you far more appealing to men. If of course you can find these men. Meetup.com is one of the best sites going right now. You can put in your zip code and do a search for single’s groups. This is not internet dating but more groups you can join that will offer fun gatherings and outings. There may be a meet up group for singles who like the outdoors, or restaurant hopping singles, or perhaps just singles in their 20’s. Take a look and you will certainly meet many new people. And remember meeting new single friends in your age bracket is a great thing too. They are likely to have friends that you could meet. Have fun and keep a positive attitude. And just be careful that all of your activities don’t take up too much time. Because if finding love is a priority for you, then you need to be sure to make a little time for new friends.

About our Guest Poster: Jaimy Blazynski is CT’s very own Date Doctor. She started her own company got5minutes.com in 2005 and has been helping people find love ever since. You can hear her every Friday afternoon at 6:10 PM on 96.5 WTIC with Damon Scott. She can also be seen on Better CT at 3:00 PM on Fridays. Jaimy recently published her book, Crush-Lessons Learned Through a Lifetime of Crushes. In addition she and her husband produce and host The Date Doctor Show every Sunday evening at 8:30 p.m.. Jaimy has been giving dating advice to thousands over the years. Her mission is to help everyone find true love and have fun doing it. Her favorite piece of advice is…never settle! To learn more about Jaimy, get her book, catch her podcast or register for a singles event, visit www.got5minutes.com.

I have a problem. I have some feelings for my ex boyfriend but I realize that I don’t want to get back with my ex boyfriend because he is not the type of man I want. I want to be able to move on but I can’t find the right guy. I am tired of being single! What can I do to get in a new relationship?

Guest Poster: Jaimy Blazynski

You should never stay with a man that you are not happy with just because you want a relationship. I know this may not be what you want to hear but you need to start by liking and accepting who you are as a single woman. Otherwise you are going to keep grabbing for a man to make you feel better about yourself. Once you like yourself for who you are you will be much more desirable to men. And you will be far more likely to find a healthy relationship.

Get a hobby that is not all about finding a man! Pick up a sport, take a class, visit a craft store, go to the gym, etc…

Once you are in a good place to date you will find it so much easier to find love. Internet dating is my favorite as there are so many great singles on there. But many disagree and say there are only jerks on these dating sites. I will share a secret with you…The women who say there are jerks on the sites are the types of women who only attract the jerks! Perhaps they believe that is what they deserve, or this is most familiar to them. Do not be one of these women and you will find true love. But it all starts with loving you!!

About our Guest Poster: Jaimy Blazynski is CT’s very own Date Doctor. She started her own company got5minutes.com in 2005 and has been helping people find love ever since. You can hear her every Friday afternoon at 6:10 PM on 96.5 WTIC with Damon Scott. She can also be seen on Better CT at 3:00 PM on Fridays. Jaimy recently published her book, Crush-Lessons Learned Through a Lifetime of Crushes. In addition she and her husband produce and host The Date Doctor Show every Sunday evening at 8:30 p.m. Jaimy has been giving dating advice to thousands over the years. Her mission is to help everyone find true love and have fun doing it. Her favorite piece of advice is…never settle! To learn more about Jaimy, get her book, catch her podcast or register for a singles event.

I like a man and he has been giving me signs that he likes me for the past couple of months. But he hasn’t asked me out yet.

He is leaving soon for a few months and I think the reason he hasn’t asked me out is that he doesn’t want me to wait for him.

So how do I let him know that I am for sure interested and wouldn’t mind waiting on him?

Guest Poster: Marvin Barrett

Marvin helps single women identify and avoid dating non-committal men and find their Mr. Right. He coaches women to identify the best places to meet the right men for them, read the signals men display when uncommitted and how to attract the right guy to approach them. Learn how to meet and find the right man for you.

Looking at your question I get the impression that you’re playing a dangerous of “assumption n seek” You’re making assuming conclusions but are still seeking assurances.

There are 2 reasons why I say this is:

1. You give no real indicator of the actual signs he’s giving you, which leads me to question what are those signs exactly.

2. Despite you picking up on his signs, you haven’t let him know that you’re interested.

The big question here is, if you know that the signs he’s been giving you suggest that he does likes you, why haven’t you made him know that you’re also interested in him and will wait for him?

Equally, if the signs you say he’s giving you are ones of interest, then your lack of response in letting him know is probably telling him that you’re not interested.

How he will see it is, if he’s showing you signs and you’re picking up on them but not giving anything back that says “Yeah, I like you too”, then he won’t make any further moves. He will take your lack of action as a sign of disinterest and won’t risk possible rejection by asking you out.

It’s difficult to say whether or not he likes you because I have no information on the signs you’re receiving from him which make it virtually impossible to look any further into it.

But if I were to work on your assumption that he does like you and the signs you’ve been getting are ones of genuine interest then I would suggest that you do the following:

1. Arrange a time to both meet up as soon as possible and just hang out like you normally would.

2. Talk to him about his trip away.

3. At some point during the two of you talking about his trip away, pose him a hypothetical question. Ask him “If he met a woman whilst away that he really liked and they got along really well and believed things could work out, would he consider a relationship with her?”

What you’re looking for here is where his mind is at in terms of women and relationships. Keep the conversation general and avoid putting the spotlight on the two of you for a little while.

You need to know where his mind is at. A man who’s jetting off somewhere for a few months is not likely to be thinking about women and relationships of a serious nature, so try and gauge where he’s at mentally and then make your own call based on what he tells you but avoid telling him about you and how you’d wait for him, it looks desperate.

If you gauge his levels of readiness and it seems relatively open, then pursue the conversation further.

If he says he would start a relationship with her all things being well, you now have a good insight into what and how he’s thinking. He’s open to the idea of a relationship.

You now know he’s thinking on the levels you like, so you can now direct your conversations about the two of you but I would recommend you still remain hypothetical in your conversation and make light humour out of it because you want to see his response without any of you feeling pressured or awkward.

Say something like: “I can’t believe you’re really going away and allowing these other men to whisk me away.”

Remember, you’re not being serious here but you want a response and this would be after you’ve gauged his levels of readiness.

The idea here is, make him think about you whilst away so when he comes back you’re the first person on his mind.

Avoid making assumptions about some of the signs he may show you.  Get into his mind. Figure out where he is at mentally in regards to women and relationships and then the next steps for you should be clearer.

I created this quick video to answer one of the most popular relationship questions I receive through my blog.

It has to do with meeting someone that you really like and all of a sudden they become really “busy”. Listen to my thoughts on this situation and comment below! Look forward to hearing your thoughts. This is my first time answering a relationship question through video!