Robyn Lee

Waiting For The Right Man

by Robyn Lee

I hate waiting.

Because honestly if you had a choice of whether you could get what you wanted now or later, which one would you choose?

If you could choose whether you could have your ideal man now or later, which one would it be?

I get it, it gets pretty lonely out there and it’s nice to have someone to cuddle with, especially when it gets a little bit colder outside, I’m in the Midwest, brrrrrrr….

But a lot of times by being impatient, you really screw yourself over — I did.

Let me explain.

Even though I know the power of waiting and being patient, time and time again I still find myself making silly mistakes that cost me a lot of money, a lot of time, or a lot of grief.

The latest was with my computer.

There was a particular Windows Service Pack update that you MUST leave your computer on for in order for it to install properly.

Instead of letting the update go all the way through, I impatiently turned off my laptop so I could go out and work.

Here’s the funny thing about it.

My laptop went on working fine, with just a few “minor” issues like not being able to print, or not being able to uninstall programs or my computer blacking out when I wanted to install a program. (Notice how easy it is to ignore the big things that go wrong with computers or even…the wrong relationships).

Finally, my computer went completely out on me.

What hurt the most was knowing, had I waited 15 more minutes for the update to install, I would have saved all my information on my computer and saved a whole lot of money.

Are you like me? Are you wanting things right now?

Maybe it’s not being impatient during a Windows update, but maybe you want to be in a relationship…Right Now!

You probably wouldn’t believe how many emails I get from women telling me that they can’t wait for a guy to ask them out so they are going to take matters into their own hands.
I kind of wince when I read these emails because I know they are making a huge mistake.

Not only because I have read and invested in tons of relationship guides and programs but because, I’ve tried it before!

And drum roll please…It absolutely doesn’t work.

You may be fine for a while, just like my computer, but soon things start breaking down in your relationship or interactions (which you might ignore, as I did).

And eventually, the big crash. Everything falls apart and you start to realize you were better off if you didn’t push things to go your way.

Yes, I admit it waiting sucks sometimes. But there are a couple of reasons I feel that you should absolutely wait on the guy who is right for you.

Have you had this feeling before?

You’ve probably heard me say this before, but being pursued by a man is not like any other feeling you can have (not being stalked but pursued).
If you’ve had it before you know!

Allow him to compete for your attention. Don’t make it so easy for him. You are valuable too.

When you take matters in your own hands and ask him out or throw yourself over him, not only are you saying to him that he doesn’t have to work for you, he loses interest also, because he doesn’t have to work for you.

Note: If you want to learn how to get him to notice you without throwing yourself at him or being too obvious, I give ways to do that here, advanced attraction techniques.

It’s similar to him saving up for a big gaming system for months. And then finally getting it. When you are invested in something, you tend to treat it better.

When he’s invested his money in this gaming system, he makes sure that no one misuses it and plus he spends a lot of time with it.

When you get something for free, sometimes you just don’t value it as much as something you spent your hard earned money on or something that took you a lot of time to get.

By allowing him to pursue you, you are putting insurance on your relationship. He will want to stay even when times get tough because he invested a lot of time and energy getting you in the first place.

If it was easy to get you and you were already there, what incentive does he have to stay…you will just as easily come back to him.

But if he had to work for you, he has placed a high value on you and won’t run when things get tough or you make a few mistakes.

What do you think? Do you feel waiting is worth it or should you just go after what you want?

He Doesn’t Believe In Love

Mini Blog Post Series – Are You Giving Too Much??

Occasionally, I will answer relationship questions for readers of my 10 Lesson Mini Course on Men (it’s free, btw).

And as I was answering a question for one of my readers, I realized that a lot of women may have issues with the same thing and decided to post a mini blog post on giving too much in a relationship.

About My Reader

My reader was telling me about how she has been dating a guy for 7 months and how the relationship is great but….he does not want to commit because he doesn’t believe in love.

Hmmm….doesn’t believe in love.

What We Tend To Do

Oftentimes when dating you may respect a guys decision to only want to see you on certain days or the fact that he has been hurt in the past and wants to take the relationship slow. You may be very accommodating because you don’t want to scare him off.

But what about you? What do you want? Is he accommodating you? What are your standards?

If you are not getting the things you want in a relationship, you shouldn’t be giving like you are. If you are giving him everything he wants, there is actually little desire for him to give you what you want. Why? He’s getting everything he desires, why should he change anything.

What You Should Do

1) Firstly, you have to decide what you want in a relationship. If you want a committed relationship full of love and someone who believes in love, you should not be settling for anything less.

2) Once you figure out what you want in a relationship, I would suggest not giving a man everything he wants (for example: sex, cooking for him, cleaning for him, living together) if you are not getting the things you require or need.

You should save these things for a committed relationship. And if he is not ready for that, you should not be ready to give to him like you are already receiving everything you want.

I would also recommend taking a look at this site, What’s He Really Thinking? You will start to understand which men are most likely to commit before getting into a relationship.

A Friendly Kiss & Now I Love Him

Dear Robyn,

I have been in love with someone since the day I’ve met him.

It sounds corny and cliché but I know myself and my heart. I’ve never told him, though I’m sure he’s noticed.

He just started dating someone else. We are really great friends and hang out all the time so I brushed it off to enjoy our time together.

The other night we were hanging out as usual but he was flirting with me more than usual. He laid down beside me and for a while we were tangled up in each other, just lying there. He kissed me that night, on my cheeks, and forehead and then on my lips, not like a friend but passionately.

We’ve never been this close before and the entire night keeps running through my head over and over, like I’m reliving every second to feel our connection again.

He knows me very well and he knows better than to play with me, especially my emotions but I can’t help but think he thought of it as a friendly kiss. I feel like it was so much more but I won’t let myself believe it because I don’t want it to hurt if the truth comes out that it is not.

Any advice you have would help me so much Robyn.

Nadia

Note: If you want to learn techniques on how to turn your crush into a relationship when the attraction is hot, I would highly recommend taking a look at From Flirting To Forever.This comprehensive flirting guide not only gives some great flirting tips but guides you step by step on what to do in the different stages of attraction.

Nadia,

Don’t fool yourself now! That does not sound like a friendly kiss. Whether he admits that he is into you or not, you guys shared an intimate moment.

The litmus test of friendly kisses: If you were dating someone and they kissed their best friend like he kissed you, would that be ok with you?

Now, since we have established the kiss at the very least was a little more than friendly you can plan your next moves.

Here’s what I would suggest:

Talk to him: Normally, I would suggest that after a kiss you let the guy take the lead and guide the relationship. I would suggest waiting until he called you.

In your case, I would actually recommend that you initiate a conversation with him about what happened, especially since he is dating someone else.

If you don’t say anything about the kiss, he will believe that it is ok to kiss you or touch you without having to give anything in return in form of a relationship or any explanation.

By not saying anything you are communicating that you are free for his advances whenever he’s feeling like “he wants to get to know you better”.

Tell him that you are a little confused about what happened that night, especially since he is seeing someone else.

Just ask point blank “What was that all about?”

Listen: Then listen to what he has to say. Don’t interrupt him just listen and he will most likely give you the answer to your question.

If you want to continue being friends you have to allow him to explain without punishing him for what he says.

He could say that he really likes you and he wants to start a relationship with you but he can also say that he doesn’t know what happened and he’s sorry that he misled you.

If you want to be a good friend you have to prepare yourself for either response.

If he says something to the effect that he made a mistake, then you should make it clear to him that it is not fair to you that he play with your emotions like that.

He should not be taking advantage of the fact that you are into him.

If he says in fact that he is interested in you, you have to take things slow. Besides the fact that he is already seeing someone and he would have to end the relationship,

You mentioned that it was love at first sight. I’m sorry Nadia, but I don’t believe at love at first sight. I do believe that you felt chemistry.

A lot of women get into huge trouble with believing that they have found their prince charming based on one interaction or just seeing him walk down the street.

Here’s why:

If you believe him to be the man who will provide everything you need in a relationship, you start giving like he is already providing everything you need.

You will always lose if you do this because the way a man becomes more interested in a woman is if he is the one giving and making her happy.

If you are super interested in him you don’t give him any room to pursue you and he will need that room in order for his attraction to grow.

If you find yourself in this situation or you are interested in a man and want to know how to close the deal, I highly recommend From Flirting To Forever by Kara Oh. Honesty, the best flirting techniques to attract a man and actually keep him that I have seen.

Have you ever been in a situation similar to this? What did you do? Post your comment below.

He Doesn’t Want To Get In A Relationship?! 3 Reasons Why

Are You Recognizing His Inability To Commit To A Relationship?

Dear Robyn,

I’ve been seeing a guy for almost 10 months and at first I didn’t really like him. He had a crush on me for 2 years and I finally decided to give him a chance and see if he was “the one”. We aren’t in a relationship and I have been single for 4 years.

He says the way his life is right now he doesn’t want to go down that road until he gets himself in order. Before we were just friends and we still are great friends. I really like him and I just want to know if I should stick around or should I give up? I don’t want to rush anything because we’ve been pretty good despite our arguments which stem from me wanting to be in a relationship with him, but I stopped once I had a talk with him about some things that were on my mind. So do you think I should let him go or continue pursuing? Andrea

Note: If you find that you are confused by the things that your man does, check out my advanced attraction techniques. Andrea, It seems that they always get us when they are super attracted to us and because we might be going through a dry dating period we decide to give them a chance when maybe otherwise we wouldn’t. As women part of what attracts us to men is their attraction to us.

There are actually different stages of dating that you must move through effectively to get into a committed relationship. “Prince Charming” (as they all are during the first stage of attraction) probably showed you lots of attention when he was trying to get you to date him.

But the next part of the dating process is sometimes difficult to handle and this is the part when both parties must decide if they want to spend additional time together or if it was just a little crush and they really aren’t compatible with each other. During this time, it is very common for a man after he has pursued you and has shown interest to pull back a little.

He might not call or contact you for days or weeks and he might not seem as interested as he once was. One mistake women make during this time is to question him about getting into a relationship or even worse try to pursue him. The best thing to do during this period is to occupy your time with other things.

This is how to do it effectively:

YOUR LOVE CURRICULUM:

Patience 201: This means that if he is not calling or contacting you, be patient. But at this time you should not pursue him any further. You should wait until or if he calls to set a date with you. Calls that are acceptable: Those calls that do not involve asking him about a relationship or asking him out on a romantic date. It is actually a good idea to call so he knows that you don’t hold any ill will towards him. Maybe you call him because you want to get his opinion on a subject he has expertise in or maybe you call because he left something at your house. Your call should be warm and friendly; you are just giving him an opportunity to ask you out again.

Friendship & Family 101: Spend more time with your family and friends to help the time fly by faster. If you are waiting for someone to ask you out, it might seem like everyday is a week or every week is a year. If you are consistently filling your schedule your focus won’t be on him calling you or him initiating a date.

Introspection 301: Most importantly, you should use the time to look inside yourself and see if you are truly compatible with this man or if this is a relationship YOU would like to continue. You might decide after reviewing everything that it is better to leave this guy as a friend.

Girlfriend To Girlfriend: If this guy actually told you he needs to get himself together before he enters into a relationship, I feel that you should do just that, give him time. But by giving him time he needs to understand that you won’t necessarily be there when he gets all his ducks in a row. You don’t actually have to tell him this; just continue to date other men. Some women confuse dating with intimate relationships and it is not that. Dating is an opportunity to meet other people to see if there is a chance that you could be compatible with each other. So if your “friend” doesn’t happen to be the one, don’t fret there are always opportunities to date other men.

Are You Too Easy?

Alright, I was guilty of it…

When I was younger I even paid for it!

What I’m talking about is approval. And at 8 years old, Tasha said that she wasn’t going to be my friend anymore and she was popular, so I ran right in my house and emptied out my piggy bank.

Yes, I paid her to be my friend.

And shortly after that, we weren’t friends anymore. So even though I spent my life’s savings thinking I was making a smart investment in a friend, she still didn’t like me. And I was hurting my “friendship” with her rather than helping it when I paid for her approval.

And that’s what a lot of women do today with dating. Most of us don’t outright pay the guy to keep on dating us (although some do), but sometimes we’re guilty of hurting ourselves to get his approval. This means putting our wants and desires aside to make him happy.

The bottom line is that God made each one of us unique for a reason. No one can copy his design. And what attracts men or anyone else to you is YOU being yourself.

And when I say too easy, I mean too easy to please others, without putting your feelings and expectations first.

This is important because you teach the world how to treat you by the way you treat yourself. And if you are giving in to every single thing someone else wants, they have no reason to treat you differently.

Here’s a huge secret: Good men will pursue you to be a PART of your life, not to control your life.

Here are some warning signals that you are becoming too easy.

1. Low Expectations – It’s easy for a man to become a part of your life. All he has to do is compliment you or ask for your number and he’s in your life. Or you go out with him a couple of times and you really hate it but you continue to keep him around for fear you won’t get another opportunity.

2. Being An Actress – This means not being yourself. You think he will like you if you “act” like someone else. This might be the worse because you know in your heart that this isn’t you but you have to continue to play the part for him to like you.

3. Being Too Available – This means changing your plans too quickly to make them work with his. If you planned to workout on Friday at 5:00p.m., and he asks you out to a movie at the same time. Keep your date with yourself. Tell him you are busy at 5:00p.m. and you won’t be able to go. Make him work for it. Believe me, he will ask you out again if he’s interested.

So maybe you didn’t outright pay cash for a “friend”.

But you are doing something far worse. You are paying with your heart. Because if you are doing things just because of someone else, you really aren’t doing things that make you happy. And this is where heart break comes in.

And true happiness is what attracts the RIGHT man in your life.

Why Am I Still Single? Read This Before You Get Desperate

Before, I met prince charming there were some things I was doing that were actually harming my ability to meet some really nice men. And once I changed these things, I got everything I wanted.

3 Reasons SOME Women Remain Single When They Otherwise Would Be In Healthy Relationships

1. Feelings – How do you feel about men? Be honest with yourself. Do you think all men are dogs, all they care about is one thing, or that they will always “be a man”? Well, if you are continuously thinking that way that is what you will get. Before, I met my prince charming that was the first thing I had to change.

I had observed many relationships, probably not the best ones and I had a general dislike towards men. No matter who you are you aren’t that good of an actress. If you have a general bad feeling about men, he will feel that, and he will get as far away from you as possible. Or worse, every man you meet will live up to that expectation because that is what you are thinking.

2. Expectations – What are your expectations for yourself? Do you believe that a good man will come into your life? I hear so many women complaining about how men don’t like professional women, women who attend church, fat women, skinny women, black women, white women, and so on. Well, if that’s what you believe that will become true for you. There are good men out there that like all different types of women. And the women who get these good men, are those women who believe that those good men WANT them.

3. Chasing – This has been a controversial issue for a long time. Should women pursue a man that they like? My stance on this has varied, but recently it has been a definitive NO. I do not believe women should pursue men.

Firstly, if you are chasing men, you put yourself in a mindset of lack, that there are a lack of good men out there that will ACTUALLY chase YOU. As a whole, we could create a world of better men, if we just stop spoiling men by chasing them. Does the lion get his food brought to him in the jungle?

Think about what would happen if he did. He would be lazy and lose his fight. And when women chase men and make it easy for them, he gets lazy and expects for you to make the first move all the time. And there is nothing like a lion when he is hunting. He will use all his strength and energy to get his target. And if you haven’t had that feeling yet, it has to be on your bucket list.

No, not being chased by a lion, being chased by a man who truly wants you. The feeling can not be replaced! Getting what you want from a man is more about using your feminine qualities than trying to MAKE him do what you want. You don’t do it with force, you do it with love. You can learn how to change how men look at you and therefore, attract more good men.

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