3 Simple Ways To Deal With A Man Who Won’t Commit

Dear Robyn,

I’ve been seeing this guy for 9 months now and he still hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend.

Over the summer, I found out that he had a girlfriend, and they had been together for 5 or so years.

He explained to me his situation: he wasn’t emotionally or physically attached to his LONG-DISTANCE GIRLFRIEND. He broke up with her, but I recently found out that he is still talking to her!

I love this guy, but don’t know what to do. Maybe he hasn’t moved on? If that’s the case, should I drop him? I don’t know what his plans are but he tells me everyday that he loves me very much.

Help me.

A.

Note: If you are dealing with a man who doesn’t want to commit, it may be helpful to be able to understand what’s on his mind and even if you will ever be the type of woman he will be able to commit to. That’s why I also recommend that you check out my advanced attraction techniques.

Dear A,

Dating is like a good game of chess. You don’t have to be a chess fan to know that in order to win you have to think strategically and two or three moves ahead.

This doesn’t mean that you are playing games with the other person, but it does mean that you should have a clear image of what you want before you start giving of yourself. You have to have an end goal in mind.

Whether that end goal is a relationship moving towards marriage or just a committed relationship is all up to you. But you have to know before you start getting emotionally involved.

A lot of women get in trouble because they meet a man and instead of listening to what he actually says about where he is on the relationship spectrum, we listen while all the time believing we can change him to our liking.

This will always fail, and you will always be unhappy if you do this.

It sounds like in your situation, he is very comfortable not having a commitment with you and still being able to communicate with his long time girlfriend.

I’m not sure if your “significant other” told you before that he wasn’t ready to settle down, but if a man says that he most likely means it. You should run fast if a committed relationship is what you want.

If this is not the case and he has expressed an interest in being exclusive with you, here is what you need to do.

1.Decide on what you want – What do you want from him? Do you want a committed relationship or are you fine with you guys just hanging out and without a title? Chances are since you wrote the letter that you want a commitment.

2.Commitment Conversation – Have a conversation with him. This conversation should be held in during the daylight hours. If you are having the conversation at night while kissing or more, it is less likely that his answer will be honest. You should say something like this…

Ex. “I am willing to be in a long term, committed relationship that has the possibility of ending in marriage that does not include regular communication with your ex girlfriend.” And then ask him. “ Are you?”

Or, if you are not looking for a marriage relationship just a committed one you can say…

Ex. “I am willing to be in an exclusive, committed relationship that doesn’t include regular communication with your ex.” “Is this something that you want?”

This might seem very forward but it gets to the point. There is no room for misinterpretation.

Before becoming intimate with someone (having sex), you should make clear what your goals are.

If he can agree to a relationship with ONLY you that is long term and ongoing, only then should intimacy be discussed.

If he just wants it to be a one time thing, then it is best to part ways. Usually it will be tough for a man to lie to you about wanting a long term commitment. Most men will disappear after a few days if this is all they want and you have expressed that you want a committed relationship.

If you have already been intimate with him, I suggest you have the same conversation and if he says that he is not comfortable with being in an exclusive, long term relationship with you, let him know that it is best for you guys to part ways because you do not feel comfortable giving of yourself without a commitment.

3.Playing the Waiting Game – After you have had your conversation, there is a chance that he will decide that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Respect his decision and give him time to think. If he has not called you after 2 months to tell you that he DOES in fact want a long term relationship, it is time for you to date other men.

Girlfriend to Girlfriend: Really, you have to ask yourself if the reason him and his ex broke up was just because of the distance. If it was, what happens if she comes back or moves into the same city.Without a clear commitment,  you will be setting yourself up for heartbreak.