He Doesn’t Call Or Text Me Anymore! Why & What To Do

Updated May 2021

Texting is fast, fun, and often more convenient than making a phone call. Not to mention, you can do it discreetly all day, making this form of communication even more exciting. 

Sending them out, waiting for the response, the emojis, and instant communication can feel like an adventure. But, sometimes texting can get messy, especially when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. Even more difficult is when you don’t know why he doesn’t call or text you anymore.

I’ve heard it time and time again: “My boyfriend doesn’t text me much anymore.” It’s happened to all of us – we are even guilty of doing it to our own men and family members – so let’s just remember it may be natural behavior and there may be a few different reasons we all do it. Yes, feeling left out can be stressful, and it causes your mind to start wandering down that never-ending road of less-than-positive thoughts and paranoias. 

I discovered there are logical reasons as to why my boyfriend barely texts me anymore, so I’d encourage you to try to relax and stay positive. Hopefully, once you read this article, you will discover an answer to your question and have a little peace of mind to hold onto the next time you are asking yourself, “I don’t understand why my boyfriend barely texts me anymore.” Along with that, you will know what to do when your boyfriend barely texts or calls you.

Join me as we explore the possible motivations behind the lack of digital responsiveness in your boyfriend and learn what you could and should do about it.

Why My Boyfriend Doesn’t Text Me Much Anymore

I recently saw a meme on Facebook of a couple of birds on a branch, all chirping away merrily, except for one that sat hunched down, silent. The caption read: “Guess which one is male.”

After my initial giggles subsided, I got to thinking: Are men really more silent than women? Certainly, men tend to be a lot less responsive to texting than women are. When you are trying to build a relationship with your boyfriend and he responds to your page-long messages with a few emojis or not at all, this will definitely upset the apple cart of relationship bliss. 

When it comes to texting, men and women are indeed different. This applies to our use of love languages too. While women are more inclined to say “I love you” or text their boyfriend with hearts to show how much she loves him (yes, all 301 little red throbbing hearts matter to her), men may respond with a meaningless “okay” or a thumbs up (while they may indeed mean they agree or appreciate it). 

Yet, it isn’t as simple as saying men have less to say or that they can’t wiggle their thumbs over the keys fast enough to write a meaningful and lengthy text message. Instead, it comes down to three simple reasons why most women can say, “My boyfriend doesn’t text me much anymore!”

3 Reasons Why My Boyfriend Doesn’t Call Or Text Me Anymore

1. Actions Speak Louder Than Words; Men Like To Show, Not Tell

There are some countries around the world where, believe it or not, a man will spit on a girl to show her he loves her. Yes, as outrageous as that sounds, this is how men communicate in some parts of the world. 

In countries of North Africa, boys will throw stones at girls they intend to marry! So, don’t be surprised when your boyfriend doesn’t react the way you want him to by not returning your texts (even if you sent him a dozen this hour) or not calling you back. 

Men tend to show their love or intentions. This is why, in the animal kingdom, the male of a species tends to be the most decorated and flashy when compared to the female. The actions, dances, displays, and strange rituals are how these male specimens show their interest. Talking seems to be kept to the bare minimum when compared to their lavish displays. 

Most men will tell you they don’t like texting as they fear they will be misunderstood. They’d rather go show their woman how much they love her. Again, this may not end up being the kind of display you would like. He may not bring you a big shiny diamond ring, but he may change out the tires and battery on your car instead. 

Needless to say, men prefer not to type messages or proferings of love. Instead, they keep silent. They trust their actions will speak loud enough. Sometimes, when they respond, they will choose the emoji that is convenient (and top of their phone’s favorites list), not thinking what that emoji really means to their partner (or if it’s appropriate in that situation). 

And when their lady responds with vexation because her well-thought-through essay didn’t get any larger response than a thumbs up and a smiley face, men start to reply to texts even less often. Pretty soon, since they are distracted or otherwise engaged, men even avoid talking to their girlfriend on the phone since they get zinged there too. They would rather interact on a personal level, where there are less chances of making a relationship boo-boo. 

In their minds, it’s just easier to say it in person or better yet, show it in person. For example, you may be worrying “why doesn’t he call or text me anymore,” but you did go out on a date, or he sent you flowers, and that was his way of showing you he likes you.

Speaking of dates, remember that body language falls into the “showing, not telling” category as well. Another way to know if a man is all about the in-person experience instead of texting or calling is his body language. Does he make good eye contact when you are with him? Does he smile a lot, sit close, and touch you in flirty ways?

If the answer is yes, then trust me, he is just not the texting kind of man. He would much rather hang out with you and communicate in person. He wants to show you what’s on his mind, not type it in on a phone keyboard, accidentally using the wrong emoji (we have all been there right!). So, don’t fret too much, and remember men are all about showing and not telling.

2. He Is Busy: Men Often Consider Texting An Interruption

Simply put, he is busy. We all get busy, right? Remember, women are generally great multi-taskers. We are known for that. 

So, while we are working, walking the dog, working out, or hanging with the girls, we still text like it’s just a natural task we do throughout our day. We like to share the deets with our gal pals about our texts, and we pass our phones to each other showing the latest texts with cute emojis or gifs. 

Men and their communication ways are a totally different story. They are just not wired the same way as the ladies. Maybe a big project at work has his attention, the gym is his sacred time, or a guys night out is just that, a night with the guys without interruptions.

It’s sometimes hard to fathom, but some guys are not attached to their phones. I dated a guy who left his phone on the counter when he got home from work. It just wasn’t that important to him to stay connected. When he was at the gym or with his friends, I didn’t hear back from him until a few hours after he was done. Their phones aren’t appendices to them, like ladies and their phones are to each other. 

It doesn’t necessarily mean you are not on his mind, it just means he has other things going on, and well, texting is not on his mind. Remember, communication is different for men and, when they have a lot going on, oftentimes they hyper-focus on that one task at hand. They do not want to deal with too much on their plate all at one time.

3. Girl, He’s Just Not That Into You, Sorry!

When you’re wondering “why is it that my boyfriend barely texts me anymore,” it may be a tell-tale sign that he is just no longer interested in what you two have together. You may no longer meet his needs or tick his boxes. It may be a blessing if he doesn’t constantly text you then. He’s giving you signs, so read them!

Why waste time on someone who is not going to return the love you give? You deserve the truth, even though this particular truth can hurt. Relationships are hard work, and sometimes no matter what you do, they just fail. Not because you aren’t awesome, but because you were meant for another awesome counterpart! He’s just not this particular texting partner.

Now you know a few reasons why a guy may not call or text back like he used to. One big question remains: what to do if he doesn’t text you back? It’s hard to keep your wits about you when these things happen because you may start to lose touch with your inner-strength and confidence. You have to remember, you rock, and if you remain calm and rational about the situation, you will come out feeling so much better!

What To Do If He Doesn’t Text You Back

Are you ready to find out what your options are when he doesn’t communicate by texting or calling you? Stop saying, “My boyfriend doesn’t text me much anymore” and try one of these steps.

1. Reach Out, But Keep It Laid Back

I know, I know. It sounds complicated, but it’s really not. Just be yourself. You are compassionate and caring, so let that shine through your communication. There are subtle ways to let him know you care, without hitting him on the head with a verbal vomit stream of texts. 

Shoot a quick text saying, “Hey, how are you?” or “Hey, I was just thinking about that time when we both fell while ice skating on our first date.” This will let him know you are thinking about him. By sending cute text reminders, you are reminding him of your presence in his life. You are giving him space by not asking anything other than that he think of you too.

Your boyfriend doesn’t text you because he may have a lot on his plate right now and needs a little “me” time just like women sometimes do. Was there a recent conversation about work where he sounded stressed? Maybe a big project has him preoccupied? Is he up for a promotion or on the verge of losing his job? Look for the right time to ask him about work and if there is something you can do to help. Show support; don’t demand attention. 

The most important thing is to make sure you do not crowd him. Remember that time when you needed space because you had a lot going on and the man in your life wouldn’t get the hint? If you can put yourself in his shoes, it may help you understand that he is simply needing some space to work on some personal issues.  

Men are different from women. Sometimes, they don’t communicate when they have a lot on their minds. They want to know you are there for them, but they also need time to work out solutions to their situations. This may seem a little selfish. But, we all need and are entitled to space sometimes.

Remember, space is healthy. He needs space to think, not space “away” from you. Space and time can be difficult to give when you really care about someone, but you may just find when you do, the lines of communication open right back up again, and you hear those exciting dings from your phone!

2. Take The Bull By The Horns And Ask Him!

If giving him time and distance isn’t working, and he still doesn’t communicate by texting or calling, then you may need to step up and ask him up front what is up. Be brave and don’t be afraid of the response. Whatever the answer is, you want to know what lies ahead so you can move forward or move on. Nobody likes to be in a relationship limbo.

Don’t overthink how you want to ask him. That will show right through on a text, phone call, or even in person, for that matter. If you feel more comfortable asking him by text, try to keep it short and to the point.

For example, “Hi you! I miss talking to you. Is everything okay?” That is a broad question, really, but it could reveal things going on behind the scenes that are not related to you at all. You might be surprised that he has been going through a situation you didn’t even know about, and now you can be there for him when he is ready to let it all out.

Give him a call, listen to his voice, and allow real and authentic communication to happen. Texting can get messy and the real message can get lost easily, only causing you to get worked up and worried. If he sounds normal over the phone with you, it is probably that he has been busy or he didn’t want to text.

When you speak to your boyfriend, he may be more responsive now that he hears your voice, and you can start a discussion about how you might feel about each other. Better yet, set a future date so you can see him in person and together work on building your connection. Again, remember, guys like to show more than they like to tell. They are creatures of action as mentioned before. Give him a chance and let him show you how he feels.

3. Is It Time To Move On When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Text Or Call You?

It’s okay, I promise. There is no shame in moving on if it is time. Breakups are hard no matter how long you were dating or in the relationship. But, if you have asked him straight, and you opened up the lines of communication, making it easy for him to explain why he doesn’t text or call anymore, but you still get the same lack of response, I think you may know the answer deep down. It’s just time to move on.

The polite thing to do is to let him know the right way to let go of the relationship. If you have been in the relationship for a while, then it is a difficult conversation that must be had. Do it in person, trying to meet face to face, so you can go your separate ways amicably.

On the contrary, if you have only been chatting for a little while, and went on just a few dates, you do not owe much of an explanation. Just fade out and move on.

That old proverbial phrase “There are other fish in the sea” is actually true! While you are wasting your time trying to find out why this guy is no longer into you, there is another guy who totally is, and he is ready to show it. 

It is easier to continue to analyze your current guy situation and try to fix it, or blow life into something that no longer has life, but if you remember you matter, the possibilities are endless. Take that leap of faith, if and when you are ready, and I promise you will not be disappointed.

It can be overwhelming if the man you love doesn’t respond with text messages or doesn’t call. Take it in your stride. You are worth chatting with. He may simply be busy, not a great communicator, or otherwise involved. It’s not always that he’s not into you when he doesn’t respond to texts and calls. 

Why Doesn’t He Call Or Text Me Anymore FAQS

What Do You Do When A Guy Doesn’t Text Or Call?

While you may be disappointed and worried when your boyfriend doesn’t respond to your text messages or calls, you should avoid overthinking or wearing the proverbial shoe (if it doesn’t fit you). Chances are that he is simply busy, preoccupied with more pressing issues, or he may be bad at these forms of communication. 

It isn’t always about you. 

Instead, try these tips:

• Call him in person, listening to his tone of voice. If he is distant, it could also mean that he is awkward on the phone. 
• Meet him in person, and see if he makes eye contact and whether he is more open to communication then. 
• Ask him what is going on as he may have issues where he would appreciate your offer of help. 

Why Would A Man Suddenly Stop Talking To You?

While you may jump to the conclusion that he doesn’t like you, the chances are bigger that he may simply be going through something that requires his urgent attention. He may not be able to reach out and communicate because he is also overwhelmed by his current situation. Perhaps he is suffering depression or feels awkward and insecure too. 

If your boyfriend doesn’t text you anymore, the chances are greater that he is simply going through stuff and can’t commit to you right now. Be supportive and find out what is behind his silence.

How Do You Know A Guy Is Losing Interest In You?

When he doesn’t want to spend time with you, or if he meets you in public, he seems more interested in other people than in talking with you, then he is likely not into you. Read the signs: body language, focus, and intention. He doesn’t have to respond via text message or say anything for you to read him. 

Be sure not to make a snap judgement based on what you see though. If you believe your boyfriend is losing interest in you, confirm that he isn’t going through some other life crisis, offer support, and make sure the communication channels are open (not just via text or call).

The Final Call

Ultimately, you want to be able to communicate with someone you care about. If your boyfriend starts giving you radio silence, it’s time to be logical and not make an emotional deduction. Instead, make sure he knows:

• You are there for him
• You care about him
• If he wants to talk, you won’t judge him
• And if it’s in both your best interests to end the relationship, you will be mature about it

Have you experienced your boyfriend suddenly not texting or calling you anymore? What did  you do to resolve the issue? Please share your story on our social feed.