If you are in a long distance relationship you know sometimes it’s tough. Periods of separation and closeness can be difficult. You may go through an entire range of feelings, from being lonely and depressed when you separate (no matter how many times it happens) to even being distant when your partner is around because you are so used to them leaving soon after. I’m going to share with you four necessary strategies to make sure that your long distance relationship works.
Say It to My Face
In any relationship it is best to have adequate face to face time but especially in LDR’s. Things can be misinterpreted through email, text messages, and even over the phone. It will be important that you and your partner invest in internet video software. (Skype is pretty good) This does not replace face to face communication but it is the next best thing. When you are able to see a person’s facial expressions and body language many arguments can be avoided. Many things can be misinterpreted through text messages, emails, and even phone calls.
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Scheduling Dates: These dates don’t have to be face to face dates. These are just times when you and your partner are committed to just talking and being completely there with each other. These should be treated like important meetings. Don’t schedule the time during your favorite T.V. show or a time when you know you are likely to be distracted. Make this time special where your sole focus is to spend time with your partner, whether it’s over the phone, on Skype or through instant messaging.
DON’T Lie to Me
Often times when you have the luxury of seeing someone face to face you can tell by their body language if they are upset or feeling a little down. In a long distance relationship this is difficult to do. So it will be up to you to express these feeling to your partner. Share your feelings with your partner. This will be important, because if you start getting deep into conversation and you started the conversation tired, angry, depressed, etc… if they say the wrong thing, it will just worsen. So when your partner asks you, how are you doing or how are you feeling, it will be important to be honest.
Tip: It might be helpful if you and your partner allow each other some time if one or the other calls during an inconvenient time. For example, if you are feeling particularly tired from a long day at work, you can tell your partner, “You know what, I am feeling really tired, can I talk to you after a get a little bit of rest, I will call you back at 8:00p.m. tonight” – In order to do this you have to have a conversation with your partner prior where you both agree that the above is acceptable behavior.
Handling the Inevitable
When you are particularly angry with your partner because of something that was said during a conversation, or you believe them to be doing something you don’t agree with or any variety of other issues, it will be important that you don’t randomly call them up and start arguing.
Prepare your partner before a talk. You should preferably discuss how this will happen BEFORE an argument arises. A short text message or email telling your partner you want to discuss an issue with them will suffice. BUT, both parties should understand that the issue is not necessarily an argument but a conversation that will better the relationship.
Communication is going to be vitally important with your LDR. Many problems come up with long distance relationships that do not arise when there isn’t a separation. You will have to decide how often you communicate, when do you travel to see each other, who pays for communication, who pays for travel, and when you are together – how much time do you actually spend together vs. time spent with family and friends.
Most LDR’s fail not because of the distance but because of miscommunication. You have to be committed to effective communication in a long distance relationship. There are really few rules here but the ones that you and your partner have come up with. When creating these rules make sure that both of you are in agreement, because if one of you are not committed to a particular communication style, then it will not work.