How To Deal With A Selfish Husband [And 5 Ways To Spot Them]

I have never met a perfect couple. Even partners that make it look easy face constant challenges. And what I have come to realize is that working together is a constant in every strong marriage. In learning how to deal with a selfish husband, this is the mindset you need to adopt.

Ignoring this issue is not the best idea. Tolerating it isn’t either. In fact, doing the latter could lead to feelings of resentment. Over time, you will come to resent your husband for not valuing you as a companion. Are you not good enough? 

Here comes the worst part: Your partner’s lack of appreciation will leave you riddled with self-doubt. So, does this mean you have to pull the plug on your marriage? Is everything lost?

No, you don’t have to end your relationship. Thankfully, I cover everything you need to deal with a selfish spouse. I cover everything from the signs of a selfish hubby to real-world solutions to this problem. 

Here we go. 

Signs Of A Selfish Husband

Maybe you are not completely sure if your husband is selfish. Probably because he is not selfish round-the-clock. I know the feeling. One minute he is dependable, the next he’s left you hanging. Here’s how you know for real he is selfish. 

He Is A Control Freak

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t expect your husband to agree with you on everything. That would be weird. But even when you are both not seeing eye to eye on an issue, he should be open to the idea of a compromise. If your man insists on ‘being the man’ in every situation, then it’s a sure sign he is selfish. 

I get it, people play different roles in a relationship. But, the worst thing your husband can do is suppress your individuality by forcing you to do things his way. 

He Repeatedly Lectures You

There’s a chance you have tried talking to your partner about his negative habits. How he reacts will tell you a lot about his character. If he is genuinely apologetic, then it’s because he was not aware he was being selfish. But if I am being honest, things rarely go this well when dealing with a selfish partner. 

Since he can’t admit when he is wrong, he will go on the defensive. Instead of coming to terms with his bad behavior, he will lecture you while focussing on your shortcomings. In no time, you will be the topic of discussion, and not in a good way. It can be maddening, trying to reason with such a person. 

But wait, there’s more. A selfish hubby might make you question your sanity. I am serious! 

He will deny culpability every time you confront him on something you aren’t comfortable with. This is a form of emotional blackmail. Instead of trying to work on his issues, your husband will hold you to ransom by constantly reminding you of your own flaws. 

He Is Never Wrong

Is your husband always right? It’s okay to have a strong point of view, but it takes courage to admit when you are wrong. But there’s more. A selfish partner will have a very negative attitude. He might also be highly critical of your actions. 

These are all signs of a selfish personality. While it’s normal to argue and fight in a relationship, a selfish spouse will never extend the olive branch once things settle down. 

Of course, there are times when you will have to reach out after an argument. But if you find you are the one always making amends, then be on your guard. You could be dealing with a narcissist. It’s impossible for a husband who is selfish to think how his actions are affecting you and your loved ones. 

He will never apologize. This shows he doesn’t feel accountable for his actions. 

I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. If your husband does something to offend you, then he should apologize. It’s that simple. Otherwise, it proves that he is caught up in himself and his interests. 

It’s His Way Or The Highway

Does your husband refuse to compromise on his decisions regardless of your situation? Does he insist you follow strict and limiting rules? If yes, then your husband is a selfish individual. 

Listen, your partner should value your opinion. After all, you have unique experiences that might contribute to the discussion. 

A selfish lover will constantly shoot you down. As you can imagine, this will negatively affect your well-being and self-confidence over time. If your man does this, it’s a sign that he’s trying to mask his own insecurities. Be wary of such behavior. Give him an inch, and he will take a mile. 

If you notice this behavior, you should put your foot down as early as possible. If not, your husband will continue asserting his needs over yours. 

In my experience, lack of compromise in a relationship leads to resentment. Your husband should understand that you have a say in your marriage as well. It’s true that your spouse can make suggestions and provide guidance in difficult times. But, you should have the final say on decisions that matter to you. 

He Tries To Control Your Finances

It’s totally fine if you choose to take your husband’s advice regarding your finances. But even if this is the case, he should respect that you have the final say when it comes to your money. 

Now, a selfish partner doesn’t have to directly have to interfere with your finances. By constantly criticizing and ridiculing your financial choices, a selfish partner is laying the seeds for self-doubt. 

Look, you work hard for your money. Unless you allow him to, your husband has no business dictating how you should use it. Let him mind his expenditure. If you choose to have a joint account together, then you should both have a say in the budget. 

Reasons For Your Husband’s Selfish Nature

Knowing a selfish hubby and what to do to fix the situation is great. Also equally important is finding out why he is so selfish in the first place. Is it his upbringing or is your man simply incapable of putting anyone above his needs? Let’s find out.

Career Woes

It’s not surprising for a marriage to lose momentum after a long period of time. This is perfectly normal. But when this is combined with a stressful job, it increases the risk of your husband becoming self-centered. He is more likely to become more demanding and nit-picky during this time.

My advice? Take action as soon as possible. If you don’t put your foot down, then this behavior will become permanent. Keep him in check when he starts making unrealistic demands. 

Make him understand that even though his job is difficult, it doesn’t give him the excuse to ignore you and your family members and also disregard your feelings.

Cultural Influences

Now, you should be tolerant of your husband’s culture. But, if you feel some of his values make him selfish, then it’s time you did something about it. It’s simple. Men are not superior to women, especially in a relationship setting. 

Finding out more about your husband’s culture will help you better understand his mindset. Thankfully, this means he might not be aware of his selfish acts. So you will have an easier time reasoning with him. The last thing a loving husband wants to do is to make you uncomfortable and miserable. 

After all, you can’t fault him for his cultural background, especially if he is willing to correct his habits. 

Childhood Experiences

What kind of childhood did your husband have? Finding out will help you a lot as you learn how to deal with a hubby who is selfish. As you know, your childhood plays a significant part in character development. 

Your husband’s upbringing could be the sole reason he is self-centered. For example, if your partner is the only child, it could be that he grew up without having to share anything. As you can imagine, he will find it difficult to put your needs first. 

On the flip side, growing up in a large family might fuel the flames of selfishness as well. If there wasn’t enough for everyone, then hoarding resources will come naturally to him. So, is such behavior hardwired into your husband? 

Not really. Of course, changing his habits will be a challenging feat, but it is possible. I am getting ahead of myself. I’ll tell you more about what to do when your spouse is selfish.

Birth Of A Child

Now, I know what you are thinking: Isn’t a new child supposed to be a bundle of joy? While this is the case for most couples, there is a chance your husband might feel ignored. 

Not all men have natural paternal instincts. You know what it’s like at the birth of a child. All your attention will be focussed on your newborn. 

Unless your husband is emotionally mature, he will take offense at this. As a selfish partner, he will demand your attention at all times, throwing a tantrum if you don’t comply. Some cases can quickly deteriorate to a point where he will refuse to help you with your child. 

Inferiority Complex

Your hubby might have deep-seated issues that develop into a narcissistic personality over time. Unfortunately, you will be his emotional punching bag if you aren’t careful. Does your husband constantly berate you? Does he insist that women are not supposed to have ambitious career plans? If so, then your partner has an inferiority complex. 

I know, dealing with this kind of issue can be frustrating. However, there is a chance you can save your marriage. Be upfront with him about his actions. 

While it’s natural for him to be adamant at first, he will come around if he values your union. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help if you feel it’s necessary. Talking to a therapist might help your husband overcome his inner struggles.  

Next, let’s now look at how to deal with a selfish partner

How To Deal With A Very Selfish Husband

Living with a selfish husband sucks. I know. Especially if he wasn’t always this way. Thankfully, there are steps you can take to handle this. Read on to find out how to deal with a selfish spouse.

Get Back To Your Roots

Have you sacrificed your individuality for your relationship? Selfish partners will always take from you, it’s never enough. Before you know it, you will be a husk of your former self. My advice? 

Get back to your roots. Remind yourself what it is like to put your interests first for a change. Trust me, this change in attitude is what you need. 

Do you have a hobby you would like to pick up? Go for it. Are you thinking of starting an online business? Then jump in with both feet. My point is, you have a lot of options. 

Guess what?

Your absence will serve as a dose of reality for your husband. He will realize you do have a life outside your marriage. Once he realizes his actions are the reason you have pulled away, he is more likely to correct his ways. Now, this approach might seem harsh, but it’s the only way to maintain your mental well-being. 

Spending less time in the presence of a selfish hubby gives you more time to focus on your interests.

Never Complain

Complaining is not a good idea. Even science agrees with this. If your husband feels attacked, he won’t listen to what you have to say. I know, this is a lot to ask, especially if your spouse is getting on your nerves. Complaining will only push him further into his shell. 

But, calmly discussing why his actions are straining your marriage will make him think more about his behavior.

Let Your Expectations Be Known

Compromise is important in relationships. But letting your husband know about your expectations of him will ensure your needs are met as well. Your selfish lover doesn’t expect you to be assertive. He counts on the fact that you will do what he says to avoid a confrontation. Here is an example. 

Let’s say your husband promised to drop you off at work. At the last minute, he changes his mind for no reason, insisting you take a cab. You should not let this slide

; let him know that his selfish decision will disrupt your plans as well. 

Word of advice. It’s important you don’t budge when asserting yourself. A selfish partner will try every tactic in the book to make you drop your demands, from pleading with you to bringing up past mistakes. Stick to your guns; don’t let him steamroll you with unrealistic demands. 

Make Yourself Heard

Your silence is what enables your partner to keep on going with his selfish antics. Also, your spouse will assume you are okay with his behavior. Speaking up puts your husband on notice. He won’t be able to justify his selfish behavior anymore. Remember to maintain your calm when you are addressing him. 

Going in guns blazing is not a good idea. Not only will your partner get his guard up. There is a high chance you will end up fighting. 

Get To The Root Of The Problem

Is your husband truly selfish? While it’s easy to pile the blame at his feet, there’s a chance you are contributing to the problem as well. Keep in mind that relationships are a two-way street. Have you considered that your hubby could be reacting to your own habits? 

Now while this might be hard for you to accept, it will help you find a sustainable solution to the problem. 

There’s a chance you might both find getting over your differences difficult. Working with a professional is the best way to go in this case. An expert will help you both sort your mixed-up emotions. Over time, you will be able to narrow down the root cause of your husband’s selfishness. 

Make A Decision

The sad thing is, some people never change. You might want the best for your husband but there’s little you can do if he is stuck in his ways. If this is the case, then it’s time for you to make a decision to determine the fate of your union. If your hubby truly loves you, then he will make an effort and change his selfish ways.

After all, someone who loves you will not want to see you miserable. But if your partner refuses to change, then maybe it’s time for you to strike out on your own. 

Final Thoughts

I believe that by now, you are completely sure if your spouse is selfish. The key point to remember is that a selfish husband only cares about themselves and their needs. It doesn’t bother them that their actions could be hurting you. 

If this is a person you truly love, take your time to understand where he is coming from. Once you do, try the solutions above on what to do when your husband is selfish. It is not guaranteed that they will fix your marriage, but it is worth a try. All the best!