A lot of times when there is trouble in your marriage, it seems that everything would be easier if your spouse would change and do things differently, then you can change your response towards them. But what if your spouse doesn’t think anything is wrong? What if your spouse feels the same way? If YOU made the changes everything would be just fine. This is frustrating and results in a cycle of arguments.
I am going to discuss with you how you can change your marriage drastically without any help from your spouse. I will reveal to you three things you can start doing today that will change the dynamics of your relationship so much your spouse will start to make changes on their own.
One of these things is not like the other
If your marriage has been suffering for a long time, it may be difficult to think of happier times. But I am going to ask you to do just that. All relationships are not horrible all the time. If that were the case you would not have made the commitment to get married.
This might be challenging, but I want you to think about some times when you had a happy marriage or a happy relationship. How did YOU act? Were you nicer to your spouse? Were you more supportive? Were you more understanding?
It can be helpful to respond to your spouse in the way you had previously when your marriage was going well. Sometimes, just a change of response to your spouse gets them to change their behavior towards you. Your understanding, loving, caring behavior towards them may make a huge difference in their behavior towards you.
What happens when you keep on doing the same things?
You get the same results. So why is it that people think if they yell louder at their spouse or continue to express their feelings in the same way that something magical will happen and their spouse will finally get it? If you have been trying things to improve your relationship but they have not been working, I want you to write them down.
You will want to keep a journal of what actions or techniques you are using that are getting you the desired results you want and which ones are just yielding more of the same behavior from your spouse. The strategies that are working, keep doing them. If there are strategies that you have been using for a period of time and they are just causing things to become worse, stop doing them.
Releasing control
Sometimes the easiest thing to do when there are problems in the marriage is to blame the other person. “If only he would listen to men things would be better.” “If only she would help out around the house things would be better.” “If only they would stop drinking things would be better.” – One thing is for certain, it is easier to change yourself then trying to change anyone else.
You might feel that you are the “good” spouse and you are doing all the right things in your marriage. But your spouse might feel differently. Being committed to change will be helpful in saving your marriage since oftentimes both spouses don’t see the problem or one spouse just might not be willing to work on the marriage.
Your commitment to change will be vitally important because one of you will have to do things differently to make things better in the marriage and since you can’t MAKE your partner do what you want, you will need to find out what behavior you have to exhibit to get your partner act in the way that you want.
Want help in repairing your marriage? Join my 4 Part Repair My Relationship Mini Course for Women.