How to Prevent Divorce

We’re all familiar with the statistics: Nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce. So, whether you’re newly married or you’ve been with your spouse for half your life, whether you’re happily married or you’re beginning to struggle, even if you’ve been struggling for years – if you want your marriage to survive and thrive, the question of how to prevent divorce is one that needs to be answered to avoid joining the wrong 50%.

To that end, we’ve compiled a list of 10 tips to help you prevent your marriage ending in divorce. Some of them will seem pretty obvious (and for that reason, they’re too often overlooked), while others will not. Together they will set you and your spouse up for a strong and happy marriage.

1. Make time for each other every day.

It seems like this should be a given in every marriage, but the truth is, time spent with your spouse probably diminished pretty quickly after the honeymoon. Between work, kids, and everything else, it’s hard for even two people who live in the same house to spend quality time together every day.

However, quality time spent together is vital to the health of any relationship. Spending time together fosters a sense of unity and teamwork – keys to a happy marriage. And it doesn’t take much. Even 15-20 minutes a day of quality time is enough to keep a marriage strong.

Not sure how to make that happen? You could try:

• Turning off the TV (and putting your phones away!) 20 minutes before bed to spend that time talking about your day.
• Setting your alarms to go off a few minutes early so you can have coffee with each other every morning.
• Instituting “couch time”: Teach your kids that the first 15-20 minutes after you both get home from work or after dinner is set aside for you and your spouse to sit on the couch and connect. Your kids can learn to respect that time without interrupting, and they’ll even come to love seeing it happen. Don’t be surprised if they remind you to do it if/when you forget.

The main thing is this: If dedicating 20 minutes a day to connecting with your spouse can prevent divorce, then it’s worth it. Resolve together to make whatever sacrifices are necessary to see it happen.

2. Love your spouse the way he/she needs to be loved.

By this point, most of us are familiar with the concept of love languages as outlined in the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. (If you’re not, I highly recommend you look into it!) We know that we all feel loved in different ways. Maybe you feel the most loved when your spouse speaks words of affirmation and appreciation to you. Maybe you feel the most loved when you receive a thoughtful gift, or when your spouse takes the time and effort to do something for you.

How you receive love is your language. It is also most likely how you naturally show love. If you thrive on acts of service, you probably serve your spouse easily. If you need words of affirmation, you probably speak them often. The problem comes when we show love in a different manner than our spouse receives it.

Perhaps you’re a gifts girl and your husband is an acts of service guy. Maybe you’re a physical-touch husband with a quality-time wife. It’s important to know and understand your spouse’s love language, and then show them love in that language. Don’t assume that your spouse feels loved from the same things that make you feel loved.

Figure out what makes them feel loved and then do those things.

Even if it feels awkward and uncomfortable.

Even if it doesn’t come naturally.

Even if it makes you feel silly.

You’ll find that loving your spouse in his or her language will become more and more natural over time.

3. Stay faithful to each other.

This probably seems like a no-brainer, huh? But infidelity is sneakier than you might think. It’s important to intentionally honor your vows of faithfulness, rather than simply assuming as affair is not something you would do.

An affair begins long before two people are physically (or even emotionally) intimate, so the work of avoiding it begins long before an obvious issue arises. In order to prevent an affair, you must:

• Be honest with yourself about how you feel.

Is there someone you’re attracted to outside of your marriage? Someone you look forward to seeing at work or elsewhere? Someone who’s attention you seek out?

Denial of those feelings is the first step toward an affair.

• Communicate your needs and feelings to your spouse.

Are you feeling overlooked? Underappreciated? Those kinds of feelings make you vulnerable to the attention of someone outside of your marriage. Communicate your needs and feelings to your spouse so that the issue can be addressed.

• Intentionally seek ways to fill your spouse’s needs.

When our relational attention is focused on our spouse, we aren’t looking to spend it elsewhere.

4. Do something together.

Find a hobby or activity that you and your spouse enjoy doing together. Do you both want to get in better shape? Try jogging or hiking together. For the less active, even Netflix can be a “together” activity when you find a show you both love that you only watch when you’re together.

Having a hobby or activity that you do together will naturally create time together bonding over something you enjoy.

5. Do something for yourself.

Wait, what? Didn’t I just suggest you find something to do together? Why am I now suggesting you do something for yourself?

The truth is, our whole lives cannot and should not revolve solely around another person, even when that person is our spouse. It’s important for your emotional well-being that you pursue things that interest you.

Even if it’s inconvenient.

Even when your spouse can’t relate.

Find an activity or hobby that you love, and pursue it.

6. Give them space to do things on their own.

It’s a mark of maturity to encourage those we love to find fulfillment outside of ourselves. If your spouse does not already have a hobby they enjoy, encourage them to find one – even when their hobby is inconvenient or you can’t relate to it.

7. Own your mistakes.

The biggest mistake any of us can make in a relationship is to shift blame. Doing so undermines the other person’s trust in us. Since healthy relationships are built on trust and mutual respect, blame shifting will lead to slow cracks in your foundation that you might not notice in time to fix.

To own your mistakes means that when your spouse says, “You did this, and it hurt me,” you admit that yes, you did it. Now is not the time to argue your intentions, or explain that you did B because he/she did C, so the whole thing is their fault anyway.

Simply admit that you did it, and sincerely apologize. Doing so will diffuse any argument that might have been brewing, and will give you the opportunity – at an appropriate time – to talk more about what happened and why. Trying to do that while your spouse is still in the midst of hurt or anger will only lead to more hurt and anger.

8. Honor and respect your spouse.

This one is simple: Don’t make jokes at your spouse’s expense, whether they’re around or not. Don’t laugh at them, make fun of them, or use sarcasm to make them feel small or stupid.

Just don’t.

A lot of people argue that this is just how they are, that they’re just joking, and that their spouse shouldn’t be so sensitive.

If this is you, stop it.

Your spouse’s emotional well-being should be your first priority. Getting a laugh from others or, worse, showing yourself superior, should not even be on your priority list.

9. Manage your money together.

One of the leading causes of divorce is financial stress. One sure way to prevent divorce is to learn together how to manage your money, follow a budget, and make financial decisions. You both came into your marriage with experiences and preferences, but once you’re married it is time to work out a new plan that works for both of you.

10. Communicate.

This is perhaps the most important factor in a healthy marriage. You have to communicate. Talk to each other about your feelings, about your issues, about everything. Don’t be afraid to have the hard conversations about money, sex, or anything else. Failure to communicate – or waiting too long to communicate – is a major reason for divorce.

So, don’t wait until you’re so angry you’re ready to blow before you bring up an issue that needs to be addressed. Don’t wait until you’re ready to look outside your marriage for sexual satisfaction (or worse, after you already have) to talk to your spouse about your sex life. Communicate about the hard things immediately, before it’s too late.