I created this quick video to answer one of the most popular relationship questions I receive through my blog.
It has to do with meeting someone that you really like and all of a sudden they become really “busy”. Listen to my thoughts on this situation and comment below! Look forward to hearing your thoughts. This is my first time answering a relationship question through video!
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Hi
I can’t beleive there are woman who do all the calling and wonder why the man dosn’t call them.Men will call if they like you its that simple.
I’ve never called a guy and will only return calls if he leaves a message to do so especially in the first couple of months of dating. Untill I know its an established relationship and he is commited to me. Men like the chase. As a woman you just have to be open and friendly and not play games. I’ve never found this to be any different .
Thanks Gab for your comment and sharing your experience. You are a very smart woman. Yes, men do love the chase.
I have been in this situation time and time again so I do empathize with women who find themselves in these situations.
It’s a tough habit to kick but it happens when a woman realizes her worth. Sometimes it takes longer for some women than others but I wanted to share this as I thought it would be helpful to other women.
Do you like the audio/video format? Or would you rather read the answers?
I found the vedio to be rather interesting. It was a few months ago i was in the same situation where i was placing all the calls to him and actually started feeling unattractive and my mind started wondering. I did smack myself out of that and stopped all contact with him to the point i could go through my day without wanting to call him. Guess what? He started calling me a lot. I am also enjoying the chase as well and it feels DAMN GOOD!
Both are okay. I just need help because we were going strong for a little over six months, then he pulled back. He acknowledged that he was distant and that he had a lot on his plate with work, family, etc.
We saw each other a few weeks after that; that’s been it. I felt like I was losing him so I called, texted him more than he did. Even told him I missed how we used to be and he said nothing. I’m so naive that I just realized a few weeks that I have been doing more of the texting & calling. Christmas came & went, although he said we would get together a few times. Never happened. He called me before New Year’s that he has something for me.
Again, three separate times to possibly get together fell through before and after that call. I get a text almost a week later saying he still has my gift and will get it to me soon before he goes out of town again. I replied the next day that I know he will when he is able to make some time.
Still haven’t heard back. I feel so stupid. I really messed up and now that I have pulled back a little he could care less. My heart is so broken because he told me he liked me a lot and I opened myself up just to get hurt again. I wish I had seen your website months before this!
Hi Kim,
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Firstly, you shouldn’t feel stupid or that you messed up everything. The first change has to be in your thought process.
Yes, you contacted him more than he has you, but it’s already been done. So don’t beat yourself up about it. You have to focus on your action plan now.
In your situation, I would say the best thing to do would be to be patient. Give him the space that he needs to pursue you again. If you guys have been dating for 6 months, you have some history as the backbone of your relationship.
It’s going to be difficult, but give it some time. Allow him to miss you. And while you are doing this, enjoy your life. Hang out with some friends and family that you know support you and enjoy being around you.
It might sound silly, but you having fun and enjoying your life is going to be just the medicine you need to strengthen you. Oftentimes when you are doing this, the guy calls you right in the midst of you enjoying your life.
Yes, it is difficult the first few days and even a week of not hearing from him, but you get stronger as time goes on.
So, 1. Be patient 2. Enjoy your life 3. Relax, he’ll most likely be in touch
Robyn Lee
I kno a man who has stopped picking my calls n i wouldnt say ours is an established relationship.i’m gettin on with my life.he stil sleeps around and i complain abt it.i like him cos he’s one of the most intelligent men i’ve ever met.life goes on tho.
Thanks for your comment Kay:)
Dear Robyn,
As I live in Iran and use a low connection of internet , I would rather read the answers.
Thank you for your great advices , I’m using them all in my new relationship , and I’m achieving great results.
Maria
Thanks Maria for your comment, I’m so happy you have been finding the information helpful:)
yes this situation happens when you are enjoying have learnt to handle your self without him, He pops in when you dont need his support.
He doesnt realise that you needed support when you were sad and down and urged for his shoulders.
Hi Shilpa – Thanks for your comment. Be careful when first meeting/dating a man in sharing your insecurities or problems. Those first interactions are to see if you are compatible enough to grow something more.
It should not be used to share the most intimate details of your life with or your sorrows with a person.
This will happen eventually, but it should happen once you are in an exclusive relationship, that’s when a man will be receptive to providing THAT type of support.
In the beginning, share the fun parts of your life:)
Robyn
i have been seeing this guy for almost a year now..when it al began we both had partners but i broke up with mine but he continued on with his gal…he calls mi evryday throughout the day but we cant see each other everyday since he lives 200km away from mi and the gal.we get to mit when he is town or i visit him.i dont know if i should break up with him or not,he wont let mi have a boyfriend like he`s got a gal and they have a baby together js recently…
Hi Namesto,
You have to decide what you want. If you are ok with being the girlfriend on the side, continue to do the same.
From your comment it doesn’t appear that he is the type of guy that would wake up one day and realize he wants an exclusive relationship with you. And if he does, you are almost guaranteed that there will be another woman on the side, just as you were.
Are you getting what you want at all? It seems like you got the short end of the stick.
So, decide what you want and then take the necessary action. Did I mention sometimes the right thing doesn’t feel GOOD at FIRST? But if you want your desired result, you might have to go through some sad feelings. Hope this helps.
Robyn
thnx for ur advice though i feel sad..moving on sims difficult at tyms..i smtyms wonder if il find a guy who wil accept my flaws lyk ths guy did n nt judge mi in any way..m HURTING ryt nw…
I definitely understand the feeling of not trusting that there will be someone else who will accept you for who you are. But the first step is accepting yourself. This might not be easy because sometimes we get caught unconsciously beating up on ourselves. But slowly you will get better.
Once you are ok with yourself and love yourself for who you are, you will be able to know what you deserve.
It’s not always easy to let go of something you are comfortable with, but sometimes it is for the best. But it has to happen on your OWN timing. Not because anyone suggested it to you.
Robyn
Hi Robyn, I’d just like to say your new technique with the video is very good and I do like it. Just some personal advise and it’s nothing bad, but try and cut down on your ‘umms’ when you speak. I know you were probably nervous, but you have a great voice and good advice to give.
Thank you for not being afraid to tread in new territories in everything you do.
Michele
Thank you Michele:) I don’t think I’m ready to give up on my um’s yet – so I’ll have to edit them out:) – I think I’ll use a new filler when I’m thinking like AND.
Not so much nervous but I admit, I am more comfortable behind the pen. Thanks.
Robyn
He has many girls even a pretty girl he sleeps wit at his office how do i ensure i’m the one he chooses.and he has stopd picking my calls wot does dis mean?
I would say that he did you a huge favor. Do you really want someone who sleeps around with lots of women? It might hurt not talking to him, but you can’t change how he already is and If he has let you know that he is sleeping with several women, it’s not a behavior he likely WANTS to change.
Yes, it’s difficult, but if you don’t want to end up as one of the collection, it’s best to leave this one alone.
Robyn
Hi Robyn, i need some advise…i was dating a great guy for about four months! Everything seemed to click with us and i started to fall for him…HARD! Hes very attractive and i guess most would say kind of a player…hes always got girls really wanting him….hes HOT! I started to feel him pulling away and so my woman intuition told me i need to step back and focus on myself…being with my friends and i started dating other men…nothing serious with any tho bcuz my heart is with the hot guy! Why does he call me every day and night to see what im up to? I feel like hes keeping me around until he finds something better or to see how long i hang on! I really want him but i do not chase him….i sometimes dont answer his calls or texts bcuz i dont want to always be available for him! He has told me his family and friends that im the coolest woman he has ever met and that he feels good when we are together! Why does he do this to me? What does he want from me?
Hi Mandy,
Thanks for sharing. The important thing to decide is what you want from a relationship. When you are clear with what you are looking for then you are able to determine if he can provide that.
You are doing good at focusing on yourself and your life. If you want to go out with him there is nothing wrong with that, just allow him to be the one to ask you.
As you start to date more and find out more about each other, then he will bring up the topic regarding the both of you becoming an item. But you are fine with dating other guys until that talk comes up.
Robyn
Dear roblee i rily love this guy,i cant leave him even tho i’m giving him some space.when i told him i love him,he said i’m fun to be with and he enjoys spending time with me.he’s has a company of his own and he’s sleeping with his front desk officer at work.since i learned that i dont feel very comfortable going to his office again and i must admit she is very pretty.pls tell me,why has he stopped picking my calls and what can i do to make him stay faithful and leave d girl at work?
Honestly Kay, there is nothing you can do to MAKE him want to do anything he doesn’t want to do. If you want to continue to be the woman that has to chase after him to talk to him, then continue doing what you are doing.
Do you want to be the woman who has to always make the call in order for him to talk to you?
You have to value yourself enough that you aren’t holding on to something that’s not there. I get that you love him, but you have to love yourself more and what you are doing is only going to make you feel worse about yourself.
Thanks roblee,now lets talk abt anoda guy i kno that is just so understanding and caring but i feel he’s not my class.he has proposed several times but i cant even imagine myself sleeping wit him.i think i shud leave him.what do u think?