Help! My Husband Stares At Other Women—Why And What To Do

There is nothing worse for a woman to be walking with her husband, only to have him turn and stare at another woman. I also wondered why my husband seemingly stares at other women until I found out the truth and learned what to do about it. 

Learn the reasons your man stares at other women and the difference of when he looks (versus stares) at them, and find solutions to this challenging problem right here.

Why Your Husband Looks At Other Women

The roving eye. Does it mean your husband is unfaithful or that he doesn’t love you anymore when your man looks at another woman? At first, I also believed that if my man had a head-turning reaction to another woman walking past, it meant he didn’t love me or that he was cheating on me. 

However, I would discover that things are not that simple. Life is more than 50 shades of gray. I discovered there was a difference between looking and staring when it came to my man and other women. 

At First Sight 

Have you ever walked in a mall and noticed an adorable leather jacket with a matching purse and shoes on display in a shop? Chances are you stop and look before you even know it. Right? As a woman, you are geared to look at something pretty when you see it. 

Men are exactly the same, except their focus is on women. Now, before you get ready to fling your high-heeled shoe at me, I do know that there shouldn’t be any difference. 

Since women won’t easily stop and stare at a good looking man when they are already attached, why should men stop and stare at a beautiful woman when they are standing right next to their partner?

Science has proven that men are indeed wired a little differently to women. They can’t resist the urge to look when they see a beautiful woman. Anything novel will instantly arouse their interests, causing their head-turning reaction. The real question is not that they look, but what they are thinking when they do look. 

Your Interpretations—Looking vs. Staring 

A single look, followed by your man looking back at you as if nothing happened is usually quite innocent. Chances are your husband merely noticed the other woman, appreciating her beauty on an almost subconscious level. Instinctively, he is turned on by the image of the woman, but this doesn’t mean he will act on it. A look is instinct, but what about a stare?

When your husband’s initial look is expanded into blatant staring, you have a more serious problem. While a look is innocent, a stare may hint at more serious intentions and fantasies. 

When A Stare Becomes An Affair 

Not all looks mean your husband is being unfaithful, and while it may hurt, you will usually be able to move past it. You are allowed to feel hurt when your husband looks at other women, but this doesn’t always signal infidelity. 

So, how do you know when a stare becomes an affair? Here are some signs you may want to take notice of:

• Not looking back at you when he’s been staring at other women could indicate a guilty conscience. Chances are he is already fantasizing being with the other woman. 
• A general disinterest in you. A man who stares with the intention to pursue other greener pastures will not be able to spend quality time with you. What begins with a stare may end with him losing all interest in you over time. The novelty has worn off, and not only does he notice other women, he is actively seeking that contact.
• Realizing his roving eye has been noticed, an unfaithful man may try not to spend time in public with you. This could be because he feels guilty or that he doesn’t want to explain himself and has no interest in controlling his instincts.
• You may notice a change in his behavior and appearance. If he suddenly starts grooming himself more than usual and starts to make comments about your appearance, his roving eye has moved into comparison mode, and he is intentionally comparing you to other women.

What To Do When Your Man Looks At Another Woman 

There are many opinions on whether a woman should just ignore or blatantly accuse her husband’s roving eye. What is clear is that a woman will have an emotional reaction when she catches her husband looking or staring at other women. 

The real question is whether or not you should say something or suspect the worst of your husband.

Action Plan For Your Husband’s Looking Around

If your husband is looking at other women, but he quickly looks back, seems not to notice he has done it, and has not engaged in any of the possible signs of an affair listed earlier, you can follow this action plan:

Talk To Him

Tell your husband how you feel when he looks at other women and you are right there. Make him aware that it is emotionally hurtful to you, but don’t accuse him of being unfaithful. Men tend to see accusations as a form of attack, and in this case, their logical mind is overridden by instinct, and you’ll end up having a fight that will not see you win. 

Start Looking Too

Far from a jealousy thing, start looking at the same woman he looks at too. If he has turned to look at a woman with some visual attributes, you may spice things up by telling him you also think she’s hot. This may surprise him, but more importantly, it will include you in the moment. 

If you are really open in your communication, you may find this can become a fun way to connect to each other. Likewise, he may start pointing out things you look at. While women aren’t as inclined to look at other men, he may start trying to think like you, which will go miles towards developing empathy. What could have been a potentially threatening situation can become a way to bond more and build similar interests and understanding.

Appeal To His Emotiveness

While you may feel your husband has the emotional depth of a soapdish, you may be unnecessarily harsh to him. 

If you take the time to explain to him that you feel like he is comparing you, that his looking makes you feel like you aren’t enough, and that his inattentiveness when other women are around makes you feel insecure, you may be able to get your point across to him.  

Remind Him

Chances are your husband doesn’t even know he is looking at other women when he does it. Remember, it is instinctive to him. Like a primitive caveman who has looked at a potential mate, he may not know he has offended you. The cavewoman didn’t have  issues with sharing her mate, so genetically, your man may have been conditioned to do this for the sake of breeding for the clan. 

Gently remind your man he has been looking a little too much at the other woman. This will allow logic to assert itself in his mind. You will also feel better for having mentioned that he is acting rudely toward you. Holding the resentment in will only lead to further anger and feelings of being unvalued. 

Keep An Eye On Him

Don’t become paranoid, but keep an eye on him. If your husband’s looking becomes roving, and you notice his staring has a little too much intensity to it, you should be aware of the instinctual part of his mind becoming more assertive. This is your warning sign to have a more serious conversation with him. 

You will need to seek conscious action on his part to refrain from his instinctual behavior. If you say nothing and do nothing, you run the risk of him acting out on those instincts. This is especially true when the woman your husband looks at is a colleague or someone he has regular contact with. 

Know The Difference Between Lust And Sexual Attraction

Men tend to be more sexually activated than women. This means they will receive some sexual pleasure from seeing a beautiful or sexually attractive woman. 

However, this does not mean he will definitely act on it. Instead, become aware of the difference between sexual attraction (getting excited by a sexy woman) and lust (doing something about it).

What To Do When Looking Becomes Staring

The ship may already have sailed for your relationship. Intent staring may be a prelude to something other than instinct. 

You have been weighed by his mind, and possibly found wanting. At this point, you need to talk intently with your husband. Make him aware that while you know he doesn’t always look with any ill intent, his looking has become staring, and you are aware of his potential to stray. 

Discuss if there are reasons for him to be unhappy in your marriage, making sure to open lines of communication with him. Be sure to do the following:

State Your Observations Logically

Getting emotionally worked up will solve nothing here. Chances are that your husband is not really aware of how close to the edge of infidelity he has strayed. Be sure to point out factual moments and events where you caught him staring. 

Create Boundaries And Set Conditions

You want your husband to respect you, and while you may want to prove you are better than the other woman, this is not a contest between you and her. Rather, this is about your husband not respecting you enough for some reason. 

Make it clear to your husband that you won’t accept certain behavior from him, like him being unfaithful. This is essential to refresh his logical and mental control mechanisms and ensure he doesn’t have any gray areas in your relationship that may encourage him towards being unfaithful. 

Set boundaries like not allowing him to work late if he has been staring at his female colleagues. Clearly, you don’t want him to be in a position where he can potentially be tempted. 

Open the lines of communication in your relationship. You need to become a presence in his mind, not a harping or nagging presence, but still be on his mind so he remembers he is already in a relationship and not up for fooling around.

Be Real

Don’t go all military and become the eyeball police. Your man is human, and he will have moments when he will trip himself up. 

Real love says, “I know I am on your mind most of the time, and while you may be tempted, we can work on you not straying.” Immature and unrealistic love says, “I see you staring! You are already undressing her in your mind, and this is the end of the relationship. I can’t be with you since you will obviously be unfaithful.”

If you are looking for “perfect,” try the mirror and see if you find it there. We are all human, and when we offer an accepting and supportive home environment to each other, we increase the chance that our partner will trust us and not actually stray.

Why Does My Husband Stare At Other Women And Other Questions? 

What Does It Mean When Your Husband Looks At Another Woman?

While it may be instinct for your husband to look at other women, you are entitled not to approve of this kind of behavior. 

Looking may not mean he is being unfaithful, he could simply be having a moment ruled by the primitive side of his brain. However, if it goes unchecked, and if your husband is already unsatisfied in your relationship, looking can become staring and lead to infidelity. 

How Do You Tell If Your Husband Is Attracted To Another Woman?

Physical or instinctual attraction is not really what leads to infidelity in most relationships. Rather, men become attracted and act on this when they are unhappy or feel unsatisfied in their marriages. 

Signs your husband is about to become unfaithful or is overly attracted to another woman may include:

• Stalking behavior where he trolls that particular woman’s social media pages.
• He may engage in fantasies and start watching porno.
• He can’t talk to you, but he seeks out conversation topics with the other woman.

What Is Micro-Cheating?

Whenever your partner stares at, talks more about, or engages more frequently with someone than is socially and emotionally acceptable, they are micro-cheating. Essentially, they are being unfaithful to you, but without the sexual component, though their cheating may graduate to include sexual cheating too.

What Do You Do When Your Husband Looks At Another Woman?

Start by openly talking to your husband about his roving eyes. When he knows that you know and have seen him looking, the chances of you heading off any follow through of infidelity increases. Communication will help you discover if your husband has reason to cheat beyond merely noticing a pretty woman.

Why Do Men Look At Other Women?

The act of looking at a beautiful woman triggers a sense of satisfaction due to the emotional and chemical reaction that happens in the brain. This makes men feel good, which is due to the release of endorphins and serotonin levels increasing. As a result, the behavior is captured in the brain as being positive, which reinforces and forms the habit. 

When Your Husband Looks At Another Woman, What Is He Thinking?

Chances are that when your husband looks at a random woman in public, he has noticed she is beautiful. She may also present a novel appearance that caught his eye. If he can’t stop looking and starts staring, there may be warning signs for your relationship. 

How Do I Stop Him From Looking At Other Girls?

Try these tips:

• Confront him for looking around. Ask him if he is looking for a new wife or if he is considering cheating on you.
• Don’t become jealous. It’s not about you.
• Don’t compare yourself to the other woman.
• Appeal to his reason. Would he like it if you stared at other men? Get him to see things from your point of view.

A Final Look

Your husband may look at other women and really not mean to offend or hurt you at all. Be mindful of this kind of behavior escalating to staring, which may hint at him entering that gray area of micro-cheating. You are worth being faithful to, so be sure to remind him of that. 

Staring at other women should set off some warning bells in your mind. Your husband’s attention may have become captivated, and his staring may be due to his needs not being met, which can lead to unfaithfulness. 

When your man looks at another woman, you need to remind him how this makes you feel, but when he stares at another woman, especially one he works with, you should take action to ensure your marriage doesn’t pay the price. 

Has your husband been staring at other women? How do you notice when his looking turns to staring, and what did you do about it? Please share your experience in the comments below.