Knowing what to do when he says he’s done is one of the hardest challenges to any relationship, but especially for a marriage. You may not believe him, you may become angry, or you may feel so sad you want to crawl into a hole and die, but you need to take action. 

You can cope, and you can win him back (if you so choose). Find out the why and how of dealing with it when your husband says he’s done.

How To Know He’s About To Say He’s Done?

When a marriage is going nicely, we tend to just sit back and enjoy the view. Yet, this is when we need to cement our relationship bonds and maintain healthy boundaries to ensure it’s an equal partnership. Knowing your marriage is in trouble is essential to pulling it back from the rocks and possible divorce. 

Signs that he is about to say he’s done with you include: 

Your Communication Becomes Vague

If he starts cutting off the communication lines, you can be sure he is withdrawing from your marriage. This includes not responding to text messages, emails, or conversations. While men tend not to be as communicative as women, we can see when they become distant. 

Your Intimacy Annoys Him 

A surefire sign that he’s about to boot you is when he doesn’t want to cuddle or pillow talk anymore. While the sex may continue, it won’t be as intimate as before. You will feel the distance as he becomes a stranger to you.

He No Longer Cares About You

When my cat died and my husband only asked where I wanted her buried, I realized he was pulling away. He couldn’t be bothered to comfort me. Despite my tears and clear distress, his comfort was lacking or superficial. Emotionally, he had already detached from me. My pain made him uncomfortable. 

You may find your husband also follows this classic path of being vague, no longer cherishing intimacy and sensitive conversations, and no longer caring for your pain. Usually, this is not a sign that he’s an a-hole. Instead, it is a sure sign he is withdrawing. He is subconsciously moving you out of his life, and if you don’t pull him back, you will feel it when your husband says he’s done.

Why Would He Say He’s Done? 

There are a number of reasons why your boyfriend or husband may say he’s done. When he says he’s done with you, it may indicate that he has the following issues that are making him leave. 

He’s Tired Of Your Negativity 

This may be a bitter pill to swallow, but if you are constantly haranguing him, he will grow tired of that negativity. Being surrounded by negativity and criticism will cause him to walk out. 

He may decide he’s done with you simply because he doesn’t know how to tell you that your negativity hurts him. When he says he’s done, it may mean he’s tired of being brought down by you.

You’re Too Demanding

When you are constantly asking for things from your husband, you are placing emotional and psychological strain on him. It may be too overwhelming to meet all your demands. This can be overwhelming, and being unable to cope, he will feel he has no other choice but to leave.

He Has A Bigger Priority

If he is dealing with a bigger problem that is possibly pushing him to the limits and he doesn’t get your support, then he may have to limit other drains on his energy (aka you) by letting you go. 

This often happens when he feels like he is the designated driver in your marriage or relationship. He may be going through a job crisis, but he feels he can’t talk to you (since you keep spending his money like it’s Christmas all year), and so he feels he has no choice but to leave.

He’s An Introvert And Being Around People Is Too Much

Sometimes we all get the feeling like we want to go live on a deserted island, because we are just tired of people. What if he is feeling like that? Perhaps your nearness is too much for him, and you missed his signs that he needs a little space, so now he has to move you out of his life entirely. 

When he says he’s done, it doesn’t always mean it’s about you alone. It can also be because he simply can’t cope and you haven’t been supportive enough. 

3 Steps To Knowing What To Do When He Says He’s Done 

When you hear those dreaded words, “I’m done” from the lips of your husband, it can seem like the world has stopped. You have just heard the verdict no wife wants to hear, yet many do. So what now? What do you do now? You follow these steps and you cope.

Step One: Decide Whether You Want To Save Your Marriage Or Not 

Evaluate your marriage, weighing up the good and the bad to decide whether you want to still remain married to your husband or not. Just because he has said he’s done doesn’t mean he is worth fighting for. You need to decide whether you want to keep your husband or not. You also need to accept that you may not be able to win him back, and you need to be okay with that if it happens. 

Whatever you decide, you need to take care of yourself first, so before you do anything else, do this!

Get Your Spark Back With Self-Care

You will feel like you’ve been through the grinder when you hear your husband say he’s done. It’s the worst insult, even if he doesn’t mean it like that, since you will feel like you aren’t good enough or that he doesn’t love you any more. This is when you need to take care of YOU.

Do at least three things each day that make you shine. Whether it is to take a long bath in the morning or listen to your favorite music while you get dressed, do something that makes you happy. 

This serves a dual purpose: If you decide you want to win back your husband, then your happiness will attract him. However, should you decide you don’t want to win him back and that divorce is the best choice, then this will help you cope by making you feel better about yourself.

Step Two: If You Want To Save Your Marriage 

Should you want to save your marriage, you should start by not doing any of the following: 

Don’t Tell Him It’s A Mistake

This is the best way to drive him further away! When you are telling him what to do or think, you are devaluing his experience, and it will only make him move further from you. Stop harassing him with text messages or calling nonstop. Respect that he feels what he feels and give him space. This is for you and him to figure out what is going on.

Don’t Buy Him Back

In our modern world, women are often the top earners in the family, and you buying him expensive gifts will only rub his nose in the fact that you earn more than him. This could be one of the reasons he no longer wants to be with you in the first place. A generous gesture may be well-meant, but it can also cause him to feel like you are trying to buy him back. 

Your husband may keep the gift, but not you if this is your solution to him being done with you. Rather work on your relationship than bring money into the equation.

Don’t Give Him Sex

Many women mistakenly believe they should instantly try to fix their marriage with sex. They are almost conditioned that if they give their husband as much sex as he could possibly want, he will stay. Newsflash: he won’t. 

While sex is something your husband may enjoy, it won’t change his mind, and it won’t keep him around past a few nights of passion. It will make you feel cheapened and won’t fix what is broken. 

So what do you do to save your marriage?

Do Limit Contact

This may sound counterintuitive, but it is quite simple. Your husband doesn’t want you, so let him see what life is like without you. Stop being present and supportive in his life. Combine this with generous helpings of being polite when you do have to interact. When you drop off the kids or you have to see him, be extra polite and kind, but don’t revolve around him. 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as the saying goes. Don’t sit there pining for him. Instead, continue with your life. Work on who you are, building a powerful character that is independent and strong. Men are attracted to strong women. It’s not about playing hard to get. Instead, it’s about being strong without him.

Do Win Him By Understanding His Love Language

Each of us have our own love language. We choose to express affection in a certain way, whether it is by touching, speaking, or doing things. Find out what he likes. If he enjoys being touched, start by casually and comfortably touching him when you do meet. A flirting touch is going to turn his head more than asking that he comes back. 

If he is a rare man who likes to talk, then invite him for coffee and talk calmly WITH him. Avoid talking TO him. Avoid recrimination and instead practice listening to him. Express your gratitude with real and genuine acts like touching, hugging him, or a soft word. 

Do Listen To Him And Avoid Naysayers

We don’t live in isolation, and chances are that your husband and you have both been listening to the people in your circle: his friends and yours. They may not always understand what you are going through, and they may not offer the best advice for what is good for you or him. 

Start listening to each other. You are the one taking the initiative, so step up and listen to him. Listening takes courage and strength. He will value your commitment to really hear him out. Don’t listen with the intention to reply or change his mind. Instead, be what you were supposed to be from the start: his wife and best friend. Listen to him like you would listen to a dear friend, putting your hurt and emotional baggage aside for now. 

Do Propose To Him

This is not a marriage proposal. Instead, propose to enter into a contract of giving each other another shot. He may not want to commit, but this is okay. Instead of feeling pushed aside, ask him if he will give you a limited time period to see if you guys can still work things out. People are more willing to commit to something and work at it when there’s an end in sight.

He will be more willing to give your marriage another shot if you limit that trial to a period of a month or two. Be honest, promising you will both stick to the time frame. If it still doesn’t work between you two within that time, then do the honorable thing and leave.

Step Three: If You Don’t Want To Save Your Marriage 

Having engaged in self-care and rebuilt your self-esteem, you may decide you don’t want to remain in the marriage either. Don’t be surprised if your husband starts wanting you to stay with him when he had wanted you to leave. Your efforts to rebuild yourself will attract him. Don’t let this dissuade you. 

If you have decided that you are ready to move on, then stick to that decision. Don’t be a chew toy for his feelings to gnaw on. Instead, choose to leave. You deserve the best, and if that isn’t your husband, then you should leave.

What To Do When He Says He Is Done FAQs 

Having your husband dump you can make you feel confused and abandoned. Hearing him say he’s done with you can be humiliating, and you may not want to ask questions, yet you should.

How do you tell if he’s really done with you? 

If your husband is really ready to leave, you will notice a few signs that point to his disinterest and emotional disentanglement from your relationship. Look for these signs:

• He becomes disinterested in spending time with you
• When you ask him about his day, he becomes vague
• He avoids intimacy and being close
• When you ask him what’s going on, he will deflect your concerns
• He is often away from home for no reason

Why do men lose interest? 

He may be unhappy or insecure in your marriage. Your husband may be detaching from you since he is not feeling satisfied and doesn’t know how to communicate this to you. He could also be having an affair to meet his needs, which means he is moving toward a new relationship.

How do I know if my breakup is final? 

There are a few signs that your breakup is indeed final:

• When you separate, you both feel better
• There is another person involved via an affair
• You realize that you both have different values or ideals
• There is emotional separation before physical separation
• You remember the past and stressful events with your ex more than you remember good times 

Why do guys push you away when they love you?

In some rare instances, your husband saying he is done with you may indicate that he is actually struggling to deal with his love for you. Communication doesn’t come easily to us all, and he might be scared by his love for you, which is why he may be pushing you away. You will notice that he:

• Fears he is failing you
• The commitment scares him
• He is dealing with stress that he fears will hurt you
• There may be changes in your relationship, and he doesn’t know how to process these
• He wants you to go for counseling, but he doesn’t know how to suggest this

The Final Moment Of Being Done 

Hearing him break your heart by saying he’s done with you can be devastating. Don’t let this knock you down. Instead, rally your energy and make important decisions. 

• Take care of yourself and rebuild your own self
• Decide whether you want him back or not
• Plan how you will win him back
• Or move on toward your future without him if you don’t want to save your marriage

Have you or your friends survived a husband saying he’s done with the marriage? Do you know what to do when he says he’s done? Share your experiences in the comments below.

There is nothing as terrifying and doubt-filling as casually browsing your husband’s phone only to discover your husband gets text messages or emails from dating sites and services. The horror of seeing messages inviting him to trysts and meet-ups is any wife’s worst nightmare. 

What does this mean? 

Is he being unfaithful to you, and should you confront him about it? What should you believe, and what could he say that would possibly set your mind at ease? How do you know he’s telling the truth about why he gets texts from dating sites?

This is truly a prickly pear to grapple with, and it can potentially mean the end of your relationship and divorce if it isn’t dealt with coolly and calmly. Here’s what to know and what to do.

Why Does My Husband Get Texts From Dating Sites? Three Possible Reasons Why

In the world of digital connectivity, it is so easy to get sucked into different online services. While your husband may become defensive should you confront him about the text messages or emails from dating sites you found on his phone, there are valid reasons why he might have received these. 

There is also the possibility that he has been playing you and using these services behind your back.

Spam Text Messages From Dating Sites 

The easiest excuse and also a viable reason he may be getting text messages or emails from dating sites is that his information has been legally sold to those sites by a third party. 

This often happens when a service provider such as your mobile phone or internet connection has sold your contact information as a mailing list to a central hub. From there, this information can easily be appropriated by sites such as dating sites, e-merchants, blogs, etc. Once the information is out there, it is really hard to tell where it may end up or where the information originated from. 

Just think of all the times you have received a promotional text message from a service you haven’t subscribed to or asked for information from. I know I get messages from the strangest sites and services, from funeral policies, life insurance, and gaming sites to local pet sitting services. How do these end up on my phone? These companies have purchased your information from a service you do subscribe to such as text notification for deals at your local supermarket. (Remember that little box at the bottom of the form in the T&Cs that you didn’t read? Yep, they sold your contact details!)

This means your husband has NOT been on dating sites, and he hasn’t requested that they text or email him. He is not cheating on you, and he really is innocent of the accusation of infidelity.

Phew!

What a relief, right? Well, somewhat. While he may not be guilty of cheating, you have to wonder why you suspected him so quickly. Are there other signs that may be warning you about infidelity? Or are you feeling insecure? If that’s the case, you need to work on your own self-esteem so you won’t suspect him of things based on your own lack of self-belief.  

His Information Got Leaked 

As we all know, hacking is rife. Companies have digital leaks all the time. While you saved your details to an online platform you use such as Netflix or Amazon Prime, a clever hacker leached off the contact lists from there. They don’t do this just for fun. Hackers want to make money, and they illegally sell these lists to “spam” sites such as dating sites, S&M sites, and other questionable sites.  

This may be one way in which your husband’s details ended up with the dating service, and this is why they are sending him text messages and emails. They are marketing their services to him, hoping he will respond. It doesn’t mean he has responded or used the services. 

Again, if you have begun suspecting him, you need to clean house and look after your relationship. Why did you suspect him in the first place, and why was it so hard to ask him about the messages? If there’s smoke, there may be fire (even if that fire is a tiny little candle). Get to the bottom of things to make your relationship sound and healthy again. 

He Is A Registered Site User 

Okay, your worst fears are confirmed and your husband is a user of this site. He is receiving text messages and email promotions since he has used their services and is going on dates. He is being unfaithful to you. 

The question is when he used their services. Chances are that he may have been a site user before you even met. Sites often dig up their old user lists and send out messages to try and get clients to return. Just because he did it before you were married doesn’t mean he is using that service right now. 

The ultimate challenge is finding out if your husband is unfaithful to you and actively using these dating sites. What can you do then?

He Isn’t Unfaithful, What Now? 

Okay, congratulations, your husband hasn’t strayed, and he isn’t planning on doing so. But you still suspected him or were sure he had cheated on you. Why? What made you doubt your vows and his? 

When you asked the question, “Why does my husband get emails from dating sites?” your first instinct wasn’t to laugh and cheerfully ask him what was up. Instead, your instinct was to look up PI services to follow him and check up on him. 

Let’s look at what may have caused you to doubt him and how to fix it:

You Have A Low Self-Esteem 

Many of us struggle with self-esteem issues. We aren’t exactly born with a great sense of who we are or what we’re worth. Our relationship is a place where we need to feel secure about who we are and how much we matter to our spouse. 

Yet we had a whole life before our relationship, and we may have suffered some self-esteem knocks in that time. This can cause us to nurse wounds to our selfhood, and we are constantly on the defense. 

We are waiting for life to prove our negative self-talk, right? Yep, you know what I mean. When you read those text messages from the dating site, your first thought was, “Oh, no, he’s finally decided I’m not good enough and he’s grazing elsewhere.”

How To Fix Your Low Self-Esteem

Your self-esteem is about you. While he may have ended up triggering self-doubt with these messages on his phone, you are the one with the issue, and you can fix it. Here’s how:

• Identify situations where you feel your low self-esteem manifest
• Develop self-awareness and take charge of your self-beliefs and your thoughts
• When you find a negative self-belief, challenge it and find the truth
• Discover where your negative thinking comes from and consciously choose not to believe this
• Adjust your thinking patterns and choose to think healthily and logically, discarding emotion-driven thinking that feeds into your low self-esteem
• Fill yourself with positivity by reading helpful books, surrounding yourself with positive and encouraging people, and using affirmations
• Discover your power by trying new hobbies, sports, or exercising

You Found It Difficult To Talk To Him About It 

Whenever a challenge to a relationship arises (such as finding spam text messages from dating sites on his phone), you need to be able to communicate with your partner and talk about it. Whether you are talking on your first date or talking later in your marriage, communication is important for couples.

The worst thing you could do in this situation is ignore the message and not talk to him but secretly worry about it anyway. This will cause resentment, and worst of all, he won’t have any idea what it is about. When there’s a relationship challenge, you need to talk to your partner. 

Work on your communication skills. It’s never easy to talk about something you think may end up causing a bigger problem in your relationship. The biggest problem is not communicating though. Try these tips for better communication and to help save your marriage:

• Stay calm and don’t get emotional as you don’t know what has happened, and you want to give him the chance to explain without him feeling like you are attacking him
• Breathe: You are going to be stressed, so take the time to breathe and listen to his answers
• Let him speak and don’t put words in his mouth; he has the right to explain himself, and you should realize that it may be uncomfortable for him to explain this embarrassing situation too
• Explain how this made you feel and why you were worried; don’t let this become an accusation, but talk about your feelings (you will feel better for it, and your husband will appreciate that he can help you deal with these feelings)
• Spend more time together since you and your husband have just faced a relationship challenge and you need to spend time together to affirm bonds and draw closer

He Is Unfaithful, Now What? 

Okay, worst-case scenario: You catch him with his hand in the cookie jar. Now what? Your husband has been visiting dating sites, and he has been receiving text messages and emails from these sites. Do you up and leave, or is there something you can do about this?

If your husband gets emails from dating sites, the chances are that he has been browsing online but hasn’t gone on any dates or contacted any of the ladies on these sites. He may be tempted, but he might also have used the sites more intensively by going on dates or meeting up with ladies from these dating sites. 

Perhaps he has not gone on any dates, and you may want to know why he would browse these sites. Is he unsatisfied in your relationship, and is this something he can discuss with you so you can communicate better and work on your relationship?

Whether He Has Gone On Dates Or Not

You need to communicate with each other. Make sure to approach the subject calmly, but be assertive. Let him know that this has broken your trust and you are unhappy with this. You may want to ask him why he did this. You are certainly entitled to know, but also keep in mind that people become defensive when attacked, and he may blame you. This is unproductive.

Having discussed that this was not just spam text messages from dating sites, you will have to decide whether this means your relationship is finished or whether both of you can work on your marriage. If he is disillusioned and bored, you can try to win him back. 

It would also be a good idea to get some relationship counseling to see where the gaps in your relationship are so you can both work on it. No relationship is perfect, and it’s best to work at things and not just tuck tail and run. 

FAQs For Why Does My Husband Get Texts From Dating Sites 

Is there a way to see if my husband has been on a dating site?

You can check the browsing history of his PC, and you can also check his email trash bin to see if there are any activation or promotional emails from dating sites there. If he has been on a dating site, you can check the extent of his activities by entering the site from his browser. 

Chances are he has saved his password on the PC and you will be able to access his profile. This will help you determine if this was just a passing interest or if he is actually looking for hookups. 

My husband is getting constant spam texts from dating sites. Does this mean he is using these services? 

If he is constantly receiving these messages (and especially if these messages are personalized), you can be pretty sure he has indeed become an active user of these sites. While this doesn’t mean he has gone on any dates and he may be playing fantasy dating league in his head, it does show where his mind is at. 

Dating sites send non-personalized messages to new or unregistered potential users. So if they have personal information about him, it may mean he has a profile with them. 

If my husband has been using a dating site, does this mean he is cheating on me?

Yes, he has. While there may have been no actual in-person contact between him and one of the ladies of the site, it does show you where his head is at. He is contemplating cheating on you or at least being with another woman. 

After all, cheating starts in the mind, and you wouldn’t want your husband to watch pornography, so why would you want him e-dating a woman while he is married to you? And no, it isn’t just looking at the menu and eating at home. He is dabbling with temptation, and how do you know where or if it will stop? 

If my husband has been receiving strange text messages, how do I know if he is cheating on me?

You may wonder about text messages that seem to not make sense. Your husband’s behavior will give you a better indication of whether he has been cheating on you. Is he:

• No longer seeking intimacy with you
• Taking his phone everywhere with him
• Insisting that you are unfaithful to him
• Suddenly grooming himself better and seeming happier in himself
• Avoiding your questions by deflection or using one-word answers
• Spending more money that you can’t see in terms of purchases
• Suddenly interested in new and different things that don’t include you
• Working out more and seemingly distracted at home 
• Frequently late from work or working late

A Final Text

So you have found messages or emails, and you wonder what they mean. You may ask “Why does my husband get texts from dating sites?” There is no valid reason for it beyond a technical glitch. 

If your husband is avoidant about questions regarding these texts or emails, then you have legitimate cause for concern. There may be things going on in your relationship you were not previously aware of. You have two options now: leave or fix things. 

Be sure to find out which of these options will make you happy. This isn’t about quitting, and it isn’t about “not giving up” either. It is about deciding whether you will be able to trust him again if you do manage to save your relationship. At the end of the day, you need to be confident enough in your marriage to trust him when he receives a strange message and says that he doesn’t know anything about it. 

Did you save your marriage after finding messages from dating sites on your husband’s phone? Or what did you do? Please share what you did in our social feed.

Well, it’s finally happening. Cupid has really done it this time. After all the false starts and failed relationships, you have met Mr. Right. But there is one question that keeps hounding you: how long to date before marriage?

What’s the point of waiting? Especially if you are in love with someone. Why not just get it over with as soon as you can? 

Well, it’s not this black and white. The truth is, couples that date longer before marriage have lower chances of filing for divorce. For example, couples that date for at least four years before tying the knot lower their divorce rate to 40%!

So what is the reason behind this? It’s simple; just think of marriage as a battle. It’s you and your partner against everything that would break your union. In this context, dating is like a sparring session, getting ready for the real thing. Maintaining a strong relationship while dating drastically increases the longevity of your marriage. 

So how long should you wait to tie the knot? As long as it takes. I know, dating for a long period is not a walk in the park. But remember, the more you sweat in practice, the less you will bleed in battle. 

If you want to find out more on this sensitive issue (of course you do!), then read on. 

Why Date Longer Before Marriage?

Check out these convincing reasons why you should take your time before tying the knot. 

Get To Know Your Partner Inside Out

Be honest. How well do you really know your man? Well enough to spend the rest of your life with him? If the answer isn’t a definitive yes, then you should hold off on marriage for a while longer. 

I know what you are thinking: your love for him is strong. But who is he exactly? One thing you have to accept is that we all have modular personalities. This means that what you see now isn’t necessarily what you’ll get down the road. 

Use yourself as an example. In the first stages of meeting someone, you want to impress. Do you let them know everything about you? Unless you are the world’s most open woman, I doubt you will. 

Instead, you are going to do what most of us do: put your best foot forward while holding your cards to the chest. And there is nothing wrong with this approach. It’s natural to want your special someone to see only your best self. 

So what’s stopping your partner from doing the same exact thing? Nothing at all. This is why you have to play the long game when it comes to dating. The more time you spend with him, the more you can learn about him. 

It’s hard not to see the reasoning behind this. Like yourself, your partner has a complex personality. It will take a while before you can truly know him. Anyone who tells you otherwise is taking you for a ride. 

Marriage isn’t child’s play, it’s a serious partnership. For it to work, you have to fully understand the kind of person you plan on spending the rest of your life together with. 

Now, how long should you wait to get married? I believe “long enough” is the word you may be looking for, based on this factor. 

Marriage Isn’t A Magic Pill

Have you ever been in a long-term relationship? If not, let me burst your bubble. Maintaining it is hard work. Of course, you already know this if you have ever been in one. 

And guess what, it doesn’t get easier. Marriage is a whole other ball game. I know, this isn’t the news you want to hear. It’s like a punch to the gut, especially if you thought marriage is bliss. 

It’s not. 

Here’s the thing. When things get worse while you are dating someone, you can check out at any time. No one is stopping you and you don’t have that much to lose anyway. This isn’t the case when it comes to marriage. 

Yes, you can get a divorce but it’s not as straightforward as it seems on paper. The process is complex and strenuous. What’s more, the psychological turmoil you will go through might leave you jaded and emotionally drained. 

Where am I going with this? Well, here’s my point: you should deeply evaluate your reasons for getting married. If you are doing it in the hopes that it will magically transform your relationship, just don’t go ahead with it. 

We all love keeping scores, after all. It’s how we measure progress. The problem is approaching marriage as the ‘next level’ for your relationship. 

Take me at my word. There is nothing but disappointment and disillusionment down that road. Marriage isn’t a level you need to get to fix an unstable relationship. Marriage is a state of being, it happens long before you even say ‘I do’. 

Think about that. What does a wedding ceremony really change? It’s nothing but a formality. Once the pomp and fanfare die down, you will be back to reality. 

If you had a strong relationship before tying the knot, then it will be business as usual. Nothing will faze either of you. After all, you took the time to learn the ropes while you were dating. Past victories during tough times will light your way when things get dark, and believe me, things will get dark. 

But if you had fundamental problems you never addressed, then I am sorry to say your marriage will be nothing but a sham. It won’t survive the hits and jabs that life will definitely throw your way. 

So, how long should you date before getting married? As long as you can. Don’t rush it; you have all the time in the world to get it right. 

Experience Is The Best Teacher

Can you ride a bike? You probably can. How did you learn? 

I doubt you just jumped on and cycled away like a pro. First, you had to use trainer wheels. When those came off, you had your share of painful falls and ugly bruises before you could balance properly. 

But you didn’t give up; you took it all within your stride. In time, you were able to ride your bike without even thinking about it. What can you take away from this? 

Experience is the best teacher you will ever have. The bottom line is that you can only learn through experience. All the advice in the world is useless if you don’t go through something first hand. How does this apply to marriage? 

Well, a committed, long-term relationship is the closest thing to a marriage. In fact, you can argue that marriage is only a formality after you have been with someone long enough.

Look, committing your life to someone is not a joke. How can you make such a monumental decision without knowing your partner in and out? The answer is you shouldn’t, at least if you want your marriage to stand the test of time. 

Remember when I mentioned having modular personalities? It’s why you should take your time getting to know your man before tying the knot. 

The longer you stay together, the more experiences you will both share. What are his expectations from life? Does he share the same values you do? Can you count on him when a crisis arises? Does he want a family? Is he good with money? You get the idea. 

Like you, your partner has many layers making up his personality. Is he like a sweet cake? Where every layer is nothing but sweetness. Or is he like an onion? Where every layer you pull back just makes you cry. 

The only way you can find out is through shared experiences. As I said earlier, a long-term and committed relationship will get you prepared for the real thing. 

If you are wondering how long you should wait before getting married, the answer is long enough to see your partner at his best and at his lowest. 

Realistic Expectations

Quick question, how happy do you think your marriage will be? I am pretty sure you’re hoping it will be a blast. After all, optimism doesn’t hurt. But the reality is, we can’t predict the future. 

Hoping for the best is fine, but you have to learn how to gauge your expectations. How can you expect a great marriage with your partner if your relationship is going to the dogs? The truth is, you can’t.

Life is what you make of it. Wishing the future will be better is pointless if you aren’t improving your current situation. The same applies to marriage. If you want a great marriage with someone you love, then you have to work on your relationship. 

This is why dating for a short time before marriage isn’t a good idea. 

I won’t lie, the first phases of a relationship where you are heady in love are awesome. But as you know, things won’t stay this way for long. As I said, we put our best foot forward during this period. 

What’s more, you will likely ignore blatant red flags since you are deep in the love sauce. What happens if you get married during this phase? You’ll end up setting unrealistic expectations for your union. 

The problem is that once the honeymoon phase comes to an end, you will end up feeling short-changed. However, this isn’t the case at all if you have dated someone long enough. You know that relationships peak and dip every once in a while. 

Experiencing this with your partner will prepare you for the roller coaster ride that is married life. Instead of throwing a tantrum when things hit rock bottom, you will roll up your sleeves and face the challenge head-on. 

Instead of getting lost in the moment when things are going great, you will make preparations for a rainy day. 

Ask any expert how long do people date before getting married, and they are likely to use this point as an example to illustrate that long enough is better.

Dating your partner for a sufficient period of time will teach you perseverance and ground your expectations. 

You will better understand that for you to have a blissful marriage, you have to constantly nurture and fight for your relationship. 

Individual Growth

Focussing on your man is easy when you are thinking of tying the knot. But take a second to ask yourself, are you ready for marriage? 

We live in a time when divorce rates are going through the roof. This shows two things. One, most people aren’t ready for marriage. Two, our society doesn’t take marriage seriously anymore.

Call me old-fashioned, but I miss the days when the terms ‘through thick and thin’ and ‘for better or for worse’ actually had meaning. 

Divorce isn’t a new concept; it has been around for a long time. I will admit that the law made it difficult to get a divorce, and the idea was frowned on by society at large. But dissolving a marriage was not impossible. 

I know that comparing past marriages and modern ones is a dead end. But one thing remains the same in both scenarios: emotional maturity and individual growth are ever-present in lasting marriages. 

Hear me out. Life won’t play out as you want it to. This is a sad but true reality. People you love and care for deeply will fall short of your expectations at some point. 

Accepting such hard facts is what separates a child from an adult. Taking disappointments and hardship in your stride is part of growing up. Only by reflecting on such moments can you mature into a better version of yourself and reach your potential. 

So what does this have to do with long-term relationships before marriage?

Everything!

How can you learn how to compromise if you have never disagreed on serious issues with your partner? What happens when he won’t come to your side of the road? Do you feed your ego by sticking to your guns? Or do you come up with a solution that ensures you both meet halfway? 

How will you react if your partner loses his job or falls sick? Do you have the perseverance and grit to hold everything together through raging storms and during dark times? Can you find it in your heart to forgive him for a grievous mistake? Can you overcome the crushing disappointment of dealing with infidelity or addiction? 

The truth is, you can’t answer these questions if you have only been with someone for a short period of time. Committing to a long-term relationship and sticking through the hard times is what true love is all about. 

Now, here’s a quick question based on this point: How long do you wait to get married? Your guess is as good as mine but a reasonably long time is a good start!

The phase where you are both romantically in love is great. It serves its purposes. But a marriage based on such a relationship won’t survive when misfortune comes knocking. 

As mentioned earlier, marriage is a state of being. Like a plant, you sow the seed when you first meet someone you want to be with. You nurture your love by both working on your relationship and personality. 

Sticking together and finding solutions through hard times ensures that your union grows ever strong. Like a tree with deep roots and a hardy trunk, you won’t be uprooted when the winds of misfortune blow your way.

Back to the earlier question on how long to date before marriage, you can clearly see that the longer you take, the better it is for both of you.

FAQs

How long is too long before marriage? 

Just how long should you date before marriage? Well, it all depends on you. 

Do you feel ready for such a commitment? If you do, then by all means go for it. However, you have to be honest with yourself and consider your partner as well. 

Look, true love more often comes around only once in your life. Jumping into a marriage half-baked will end in disaster. You will lose someone you truly loved just because you couldn’t wait. 

On the other hand, time waits for no man. Waiting around for your partner to propose is not a good idea, especially if you have been together for long enough and marriage is a priority for you. If you feel you have waited long enough, then raise the issue with your partner. 

It might not be romantic, but it will clear the air. You will get his perspective and understand whether marriage is in his/her plans or not. 

Does the length of courtship guarantee a lasting marriage?

Not necessarily. It does increase the chances that your marriage will last, but it’s not a given. It all depends on how well you both work as a team. 

There are couples who get married after six months and guess what? They have the most successful marriages of our times. 

At the end of the day, all that matters is how much your relationship and marriage means to the both of you. 

Final Thoughts

So how long should you date before marriage? Well, as long as it takes for you to understand the burden and responsibility that comes with committing your life to another. Hopefully, all these points have helped things into perspective for you. All the best as you go through this phase of your life.