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Why doesn’t my husband show me affection? If I am being honest, this is a complex and sensitive question. And as you’ll soon find out, there are a good number of reasons why he has become less affectionate.

Do you remember what it was like when you first met your husband? Those first years were like something straight out of a romance movie. He would go the extra mile just to make you feel valued and happy. From romantic dates and trips to scenic locations and unexpected gifts, you were living the good life. 

Now, the fact that you are reading this means your marriage has kind of hit a slump. Let me guess. Off late, your hubby seems remote, solitary, and uncaring. So why this sudden change in behavior? Why doesn’t your husband show you affection anymore? 

Such a sudden lack of affection from a hubby is enough to drive anyone crazy. So, should you hit the panic button? Not yet, for you are in good hands. 

In this blog, I cover the main reasons for reduced levels of affection in your marriage. What’s more, I won’t leave you hanging. You will find tips on how to revert your hubby from ice-cold to warm, approachable, and romantic. 

Let’s get started. 

Reasons Why Your Husband Isn’t Affectionate

Before you can solve this puzzle, you must first identify the cause of the problem. Here are the main reasons your husband has dialed down his affection for you:

He Is Way Deep In The Comfort Zone

Let me let you in on a little secret. Men have one-track minds. When they focus on something or someone, they give it everything they have. 

However, once they achieve the desired result, they shift their attention someplace else. Make no mistake, your husband isn’t an exception to this rule. 

When you first started dating, he had to pull out the stops just to get you to notice him. Since competition for your love was fierce, he had to stay on his toes to keep you interested. However, this slowly changed once you tied the knot. 

His thought process went something like this: since he got you, is there any need for overt displays of affection?

Of course, you don’t agree. But put yourself in his shoes for a moment. As you know, marriage life comes with a lot of responsibilities. From career issues to raising a family, his focus probably shifted to pressing matters. This doesn’t mean your man doesn’t love you, far from it. 

As you’ll soon find out, making subtle changes will reignite the spark of romance in your marriage. 

He Is Dealing With Something

There is a high chance that your husband is the strong and silent type. You might not have picked on this at any point in your marriage. But the truth is, even if your man is a chatterbox by nature, a personal crisis will cause him to retreat inwards. 

Yes, this probably makes no sense to you. As women, we tend to talk about our problems with people we love. But men are not the same. 

The truth is, personal obstacles will crop up no matter how great your marriage is. It could be anything, from problems at work to financial difficulties. When this happens, your husband will shift his focus from you to what’s troubling him. The result? He will seem cold and less approachable. 

As I mentioned earlier, this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you anymore. As long as he is dealing with what’s troubling him, then it’s likely that your husband won’t show you the affection you are used to. 

He Has A Lot On His Plate

There is a high chance that pressure from work is the reason behind your husband not being affectionate. If this is the case, don’t be surprised when all he wants to do when he gets home is fall on the sofa and take a nap. 

While it’s easy to be offended at this, put yourself in his shoes. After dealing with colleagues and work-related issues all day, he will have nothing left in the tank. What’s more, like most men, your husband is only social to a point. 

Can you really blame him if he needs some time alone to reset after a hectic workday? 

He Is Seeing Someone Else

Yes, you probably don’t want this to be true. However, your husband having an affair could be the reason he no longer shows you affection. Unless your husband is a natural-born player, he will have trouble feigning commitment to you while he is having an affair. 

If your husband is unfaithful, you will notice a tremendous drop in his level of affection for you. 

The first place to suffer will be the bedroom. Does he show little to no interest no matter how hard you try? Unless he is under a lot of pressure, or he is dealing with something, there is a high chance that he is seeing someone else. 

While this is a heartbreaking development, I will walk you through how you can best approach it and come out stronger than before. 

A Troubled Childhood

Like the rest of us, your husband is a product of his environment. Not all families are close-knit and full of affection. If your husband had a troubled childhood, he won’t know how to show you affection. 

If this is the case, then you should consider therapy since he could have deep issues that require professional attention. 

So what if your husband is not affectionate, even though he comes from a loving home? Well in this case, it’s likely you are both reading from different scripts. For example, if your man grew up with only brothers for siblings, then his way of showing affection might not be what you are used to. 

Think about it, unlike men, women have no problem displaying their emotions. It’s why your husband will have less trouble being affectionate if he had sisters growing up. 

Different Needs For Affection

I know, you are proud that you have a lot in common with your husband. But, you might be surprised to find that affection levels vary in couples. I am serious. In fact, the reason your husband isn’t showing you affection could be because he has low needs himself. There are many reasons for this, including how he was brought up.

Of course, this imbalance will generate a lot of tension in your marriage. Unless you figure out the cause for it, you will end up feeling neglected or, worse, needy. 

My advice? Talk to your husband if you suspect this is the case. He should have no problem adjusting once you explain what you need from him.

Back to the earlier question: why doesn’t my husband show me affection? Well, I believe you are all set to start investigating the cause. No matter the outcome, keep in mind there are still so many ways you can use to turn things around, if that’s what you desire. 

To start you off, we have some tips.

How To Make Your Husband More Affectionate

Now that you are familiar with the reasons why your husband isn’t affectionate, you can effectively tackle the problem. Read on to learn how you can get him to turn his charm back on and make him fall in love with you again.

Get Your Flirt On

Quick question, do you flirt with your husband anymore? If not, then you should start right away. Here’s why.

Flirting often with your husband will throw him off balance. Think about it. Getting too comfortable is natural, especially if you have been married for a long time. And the problem with this is that your husband will come to think of you as his friendly roommate instead of a romantic partner.

Trust me, you don’t want this.

Flirting with your husband will remind him why he was crazy about you in the first place. What’s more, it shows that you are still interested in him. Apart from boosting his self-confidence, such a move will make him start flirting back. Before you know it, he won’t be able to stay away from you. 

Compliment Him

My husband is not affectionate, yet I compliment him daily. Why should I? That’s yet another common question I feel compelled to address in this context.

I know this is hard to hear, but your attitude could be the reason your husband isn’t being affectionate. Maybe he has been trying, but for some reason, you haven’t noticed. If this is the case, you need to reevaluate the situation and be more attentive to what your husband does for you.

If he goes out of his way to make you happy or comfortable, honestly compliment him for his effort. Even if it’s something simple, make a point of thanking him. Instead of coming off as ungrateful, he will be motivated knowing that you appreciate him. 

Think of it as reinforcing positive behavior. One thing is for certain, he will open up and become more affectionate over time.

Give Him Space

Unlike women, men are not naturally affectionate. So, when a husband is not affectionate, maybe you should give him space. 

Think about that. Unless you make an effort to hide your emotions, it’s not that hard for someone to tell how you feel. But this is not the case with your husband. He probably plays his cards close to the chest. With this in mind, there is a high chance you are moving too fast for him.

Yes, it’s true. In your eagerness, you might be beating him to the punch when it comes to expressing his love for you. If this is the case, one of two things will happen. 

He will become overwhelmed, causing him to retreat further inward. Or he won’t put a lot of effort into showing you his affection.

Give him space. All he needs is a little freedom; in time he will get creative in showing you that he loves you. All it takes is patience on your part.

Talk To Your Husband

Clear communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. It’s in your best interests to talk to your husband if you feel that he isn’t showing you affection. 

In my experience, an honest discussion will remedy almost any issue in a marriage. A word of caution though: you should be mindful of how you approach the discussion.

Going in guns blazing is never a good idea. Remember, you don’t know what has triggered the change of behavior from your husband. As I mentioned earlier, he could be going through something personal. 

A confrontational approach might trigger a fight or, worse, cause him to stonewall you completely. Talk to him as a friend. Calmly explain how his indifference is negatively affecting you. 

Unless your hubby is being malicious, there is no way he won’t listen to your concerns. Here’s the funny thing.

You might be surprised to find out that he thought nothing was wrong. But if he is dealing with something, then a discussion allows him to bring his issues to light. 

Be Patient

It pays to be patient with your husband. After all, you can’t hurry affairs of the heart. Don’t be in a rush to press the panic button if you feel your husband is not being affectionate enough. Love is patience and resilience. 

Now, your husband might have his own thought process when it comes to showing affection. So give him time to take in all your signals and consider the best response to them. 

Note that men can be very deliberate when it comes to displays of affection. What’s more, your husband won’t be oblivious to your patience. He will appreciate that you are giving him to figure things out and he will love you more for this.

Figure Out Your Methods Of Affection

Figuring out your methods of affection will save you a lot of grief. You might be mistaken in thinking that your husband isn’t showing you affection. Maybe you both have different ways of displaying affection. 

Think about that. Your husband might not be into hugging and cuddling all the time. Of course, this could become a problem if you expect these things from him.

Taking time to understand your husband’s style of expressing his love is in his best interest. Not only will you be at peace, but you will know when your husband is being affectionate, even if it’s not how you expect.

FAQs

I know you may have so many other questions, besides why does my husband show me no affection? Here are some answers to the most frequently asked questions about this topic.

Why is my husband suddenly cold?

Your husband suddenly becoming cold towards you is no doubt a cause for concern. There are a good number of reasons for this change in behavior. 

More often than not, having a candid talk with your man should be enough. But if he is not receptive despite your best efforts, then you should be worried.

Evaluate your marriage. Could it be something you have done? Are there unresolved issues between the two of you? Maybe something from your past has come to light? 

If so, you should do what’s necessary to resolve the issue. However, if you feel that everything is fine on your end, then there is a chance that he doesn’t feel the same way about you anymore. 

I don’t have to say it. Of course, this is heartbreaking. But the earlier you come to terms with it, the better. 

Here’s my advice. Confront him straight up if you feel that this is the case. If he still loves you, he will quickly dispel your fears, since he won’t want to lose you. If he doesn’t, then you have your answer. Moving on is in your best interests. 

Is his lack of affection proof of an affair?

Not really. 

Look, I get it. Assuming the worst is easy if your husband suddenly becomes indifferent towards you. But you shouldn’t quickly jump to conclusions. As I have mentioned earlier, he could be focusing on personal struggles of his own. Marriages go through ups and downs. 

Just because your husband isn’t being affectionate anymore, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. 

Well, what if he is having an affair? I would advise you to be thorough. Exhaust all your options before entertaining that thought. The truth is, once you open that door, closing it won’t be as easy. 

Assuming that your husband is having an affair means that you no longer trust him. Do you really want to take that leap? First, make sure that his change in behavior isn’t the result of something unrelated. 

When should I seek professional help?

Your husband could have deep issues that hinder him from fully expressing his love for you. In my experience, children from troubled backgrounds find it hard to receive or show affection. 

More often than not, it’s a subconscious defense mechanism. Your husband could be in a similar predicament, closing himself off to avoid being hurt again. 

If this is the case, you shouldn’t blame him or let him suffer in silence, especially since a professional will help him resolve his issues through reflection and honesty. 

It won’t be an easy journey. But at the completion of his treatment, your husband will attain the inner peace he deserves. In time, he will have no problem being affectionate with you. 

Final Thoughts

Armed with all these tips, you will have an easier time making the correct judgment on why your husband doesn’t show you affection anymore. Even though this is a huge cause for concern, it may not be as serious as you thought. Even better, you can still make him love you madly again. 

Take your time analyzing the situation based on everything we have talked about so far. And remember to put the remedies into action as well. I know you’ll do great at whatever you put your mind to. Best wishes!

Remember what it was like in the initial stages of your relationship? You most probably knew how to make your husband miss you. Your man could barely get his mind off you. He did everything with you in mind. After all, you were the center of his universe. 

So what changed? Has he become indifferent to you now that you are married? Or is his love for you fading? Should you be worried? 

Honestly, there is no reason for alarm. Unlike women, men have a one-track mind. It’s true, your husband won’t focus on something unless he feels he has to. I know this sounds cold and inconsiderate. But the truth is now that you are married, your hubby has probably slipped into a comfort zone. 

Why should he miss you when you are his wife? After all, you are going to be together for better and for worse, right? 

I am willing to bet a lot of money that this doesn’t sit right with you. It’s time to flip the script. Making him miss you like crazy again is not rocket science. Stick around. Let me show you how to nudge your husband out of his comfort zone 

1. Be His Best Friend

Men are solitary creatures. It’s why you will be hard-pressed to find a guy who has a large social network. So what’s the reason behind this? 

As men grow older, they tend to look within, becoming more self-centered over time. The result is, they find it hard to maintain old friendships, simply because it seems like too much work. Talk about low effort. 

This is where you come in. 

Your husband is not any different. On paper, it might seem that he is okay with focusing on himself and his interests. However, this is far from the truth. 

The reality is that your husband would love to let you into his world. Think about the first years of your relationship. You couldn’t stop him from letting you know everything he had been up to. It’s probably why you fell for him in the first place. This doesn’t have to change now that you are married. All you have to do is be his best friend. 

Look, men have horrible communication skills. This is why you should take time to figure out what makes your husband tick. Look at it this way: he is not the same person he was when you were dating. 

Just like you, his worldview is constantly evolving. Be his best friend, draw him out of his shell by showing that you are genuinely interested in him. Ask him questions about anything and everything. 

How was his day? Where does he see himself in a decade? Does he hate his job? What would he do if he had a week of Sundays? The results will shock you. Not only will he communicate more, but he will focus on you as well. 

That’s how to make your husband miss you badly when you are not around, and he won’t be afraid to show it. 

2. Rekindle Your Friendships

There is a high chance that your friendships took a back seat once you tied the knot. This is completely natural, especially since focussing on your marriage comes first. 

But the downside is that your social life will suffer as a result. Over time, there is a risk that you will cling to your hubby to compensate. With you being always available, the outcome is your husband won’t miss you as much. 

This is why you have to rekindle your old friendships. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Start out by reaching out to family and old friends. This simple step encourages you to leave the comfort of your marriage and explore other social circles. Before you know it, your husband will want to know what you are up to. 

Don’t stop at reaching out. Make plans with your friends. Start with something simple. 

When was the last time you had a lunch date together? The best part about this approach is that you get to kill two birds with one stone. Yes, you get to make your husband miss you more while breaking the monotony and routine of marriage. 

However, there is also an unintended (but welcome) result. Rekindling old friendships and expanding your social network will do wonders for your personal growth.

Spending time with your friends and finding out what they have been up to forces you to take a closer look at your life. Instead of being content with going through the motions, you will become more conscious of your actions. As a result, you will become less passive and more spontaneous over time. Trust me, your husband will have to be blind not to notice this change.

Not only will you become less predictable, but you won’t be available at his beck and call. And that’s exactly how to make your husband miss you more, pay more attention to you, and value your company. 

3. Break Routine

Let’s be honest. It’s easy to get used to a routine once you are married. While a familiar routine does have its merits, there is a high chance your marriage will become monotonous in no time. 

As I mentioned earlier, your husband won’t miss you as much unless you make an effort to be less predictable. 

Despite what you might think, men are very perceptive. Your husband will notice subtle changes you make, simply because it’s not what he is familiar with. 

A simple but effective example is changing your signature scent, especially if your husband is used to it. You might roll your eyes at this, but don’t underestimate the power that smell has over memory. Your new scent will break routine, reminding him of you even when you are not around. 

Of course, you can go further. Make the process more fun by involving your husband. Think of the things you are used to doing together, then introduce changes. 

Do you enjoy taking walks together? You can try out cycling for a change. Maybe he enjoys your cooking. Flip the script and teach him how to make his favorite meal. You will find that shaking up things you both love creates great memories. The result? 

Your husband will want to spend every single second with you. As you can guess, he will miss you badly when you are not around. 

4. Control The Conversation

I get it, your man is your best friend. Of course, this makes you want to be in constant communication with him. While it’s perfectly natural to feel this way, you have to check yourself if you want to make your husband miss you more. 

Like all men, your husband is a creature of habit. If he is used to you constantly calling and texting him, then he won’t have any reason to reach out. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that you should give your hubby the silent treatment; this isn’t healthy at all. You should instead control the flow of conversation. For starters, you can start by setting phone rules for yourself. A good example is that unless you have something important to tell him, you shouldn’t text or call him.

Don’t stop there, include your social media use as well. Think about it. Will your husband really miss you if his social media feeds are flooded with your posts and photos? Of course not. I know this is especially hard if you are a social butterfly, but the results are well worth it. 

By taking these steps, you are able to control the flow of conversation. Your husband won’t have easy access to you if you aren’t around, making him truly miss you. The outcome? The tables will turn and he will make the effort to contact you and know how you are doing throughout the day.

5. Invoke His Hero Instinct

Invoking your husband’s hero instinct is an effective way of making him miss you more. Exactly what is the hero instinct? 

Have you ever asked yourself why men feel the need to provide, protect, and care for the women they love? You guessed right: the hero instinct. The best part is, you don’t have to do too much to get the ball rolling. 

The truth is, like most men, your husband loves a challenge. With this in mind, you can start by asking him to help you out with simple things. Is your husband good with his hands? If so, don’t call the plumber the next time your kitchen sink acts up. Instead, ask him if he thinks he can fix it. 

If he is good with tech, ask him for his opinion before buying a new phone. Yes, it might all seem simple on paper but it really works. The truth is, men are like peacocks: they love showing off. 

Your husband will jump at the opportunity to show you just how awesome he is. Guess what? Since your opinion matters a lot to him, he will miss you like crazy when you aren’t around. 

6. Give Him Space

Here’s another perfect way to make your husband want you. Give him his space. Being available all the time is not a good look. Like all men, your husband loves to spend time by himself. The irony is that the more time he spends alone, the more he will realize why he loves your company. 

Now, this is a hard thing to do, especially if you are used to spending most of your time with your hubby. 

However, for him to miss you more, you have to keep your distance. And the best part is, you get time for your own activities in turn. Here’s where you can put the 80/20 rule to your advantage. Use the time away from your husband to focus on yourself. You can catch up with friends, pick up a hobby, or just kick back and relax. 

What’s funny is that your husband will get bored with solitude in no time. Before you know it, he will come around wanting to spend even more time with you. The bonus is, you’ll have a lot to share with each other from your experiences apart. And this will eventually result in a strong and wholesome marriage. 

7. Take Care Of Yourself

Admit it, letting yourself go is easy once you tie the knot. Don’t beat yourself up once this happens. Getting comfortable in your marriage is completely natural. However, you shouldn’t settle into this phase if you want to make him want you more. 

Here’s how you can go about it: think of the ideal version of yourself, what is she like? 

Is she physically fit? If so, then join your local gym and start working out. Is she intellectual and knowledgeable? Then look up topics that you like and learn more about them. Is she outgoing and adventurous? Then try out an outdoor activity that is not within your comfort zone. 

The best part about this approach is that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. In fact, that’s precisely how to make your husband miss you without using too much effort.

Not only will your husband notice the changes you are making, but he will be challenged by your progress as well. As a result, he will get out of his comfort zone and improve himself. 

Not only does working on yourself increase your confidence, but it also makes you fun to be around. You can be sure your husband will be thinking about you round the clock. 

8. Show That You Appreciate Him

How do you make your better half miss you, even when you are in the next room? Show him that you care deeply for him. Unlike women, most men are not used to being the center of attention. Showing your husband you appreciate everything he does will balance your marriage, strengthening it in the long run. 

So how do you go about this? It’s the little things that count. A simple note reminding him why you think he is special will make an otherwise strenuous week easier to handle. What’s more, show him that you don’t take him for granted by thanking him every time he goes out of his way to do something for you. 

You can take it further by throwing him a surprise party where you can shine the spotlight on him by making him feel valued. Brag about his strengths to your mutual friends. Make sure he knows that his efforts don’t go unnoticed. 

Not only will your husband deeply appreciate the gesture, but his love for you will also become stronger. 

9. Work On Your Communication

Nothing kills a marriage faster than poor communication. This is especially true in times of conflict. You have to do your best to meet your husband halfway. Think about it. You can’t expect your husband to miss you if your disagreements always go unresolved. 

For starters, don’t let things simmer. Let your husband know if you don’t agree with something. However, don’t stick to your guns when you do raise a complaint. Instead, listen to your husband to fully understand where he is coming from. This way, reaching common ground will be much easier even if you don’t fully agree with his point of view. 

All in all, a marriage is defined by how well you handle your conflicts. A calm and level-headed approach will make your husband respect your opinion and miss you more whenever you aren’t around. 

Make Your Hubby Miss You FAQs

Turns out that how to make a husband miss me is not the only question many couples ask in regards to wanting their partners to want them more. Here are a few other related questions, complete with answers, you might want to check out.

How can I make my husband miss me like crazy?

Like all women, you want your husband missing you round the clock. Luckily, you don’t need to bend over backward to make it happen. It’s the little things that will have him going crazy for you. 

For example, don’t be coy about your feelings. Let him know how much he means to you. The fact that he knows you value him will make him think more about you. 

To add to this, you should tell him why you think he’s special, triggering the savior complex in him. When you are together, he will go out of his way to make you feel special. When you are apart, he will miss you badly. 

How do I get my husband to think of me when he’s away?

It’s true, absence might make the heart wander. So how do you make your husband miss you even when he is away? It’s simple, get him to look forward to your reunion. 

There are many ways you can go about this. For example, You can call out of the blue just to tell him you love him.

What’s more, you can leave a love note in his wallet or his coat pocket. He will miss you more when he reads it while you are away from home. 

Finally, you can hint that you have a surprise for him when he does come back home. He will have you in his thoughts even if he is far away from home for a long period of time. 

Final Thoughts

These nine points sum up how to make your husband miss you more. As you can clearly see, getting your husband to do that is not that hard. The trick is to make sure you are going about each step right. 

With these few tips, you can rest easy knowing that you have everything needed to rekindle his love for you. All the best! 

There is nothing worse than being ignored … wait! There is! When your spouse ignores you, it is one of the most devastating blows you can suffer in a relationship. This is the person you turn to and depend on, but now they are simply ignoring you. What do you do now? You win back their attention, of course! 

Why Would A Husband Be Ignoring His Wife?

Marriage is complicated. There is often disagreement and discord between husband and wife, but when this isn’t expressed in words, it can cause confusion. You may believe your husband is angry at you when he ignores you, but there could be other reasons he ignores you too. Until you know why he ignores you, there will be nothing you can do to regain his interest. He may be ignoring you because:

You’re A Nagger 

Yip, let’s face it, sister, we women can be naggers. We get upset about things, and we harp on these until the cows come home. Instead of seeing when our husbands are no longer listening, we keep on flogging that horse, trying to get a message across to him that he anyways isn’t listening to and won’t listen to. Your husband may have begun mentally shutting down when you speak as a result; hence, ignoring you.

He’s Too Busy For You

If your husband is the breadwinner, chances are that he is dealing with a lot of stress, and he may be too busy to listen to you. He might be burning the candle on both ends, eat-sleep-and-drinking his work. 

This could mean he simply doesn’t have time to pay attention to you. In his books, he is a good provider, and this is sufficient to meet your needs, which is why he doesn’t notice that you want more.

You’ve Grown Apart 

When you marry, you have something in common with your husband, yet, as time passes, you may end up growing apart. He may develop new interests that you don’t share, or you may have found hobbies he’s not at all interested in. As a result, you have little in common, which can lead him to neglect you socially and emotionally and, thus, ignore you.  

He’s Having An Affair 

Chances are that if he’s having an affair, your husband won’t be interested in you. He will save his energy and motivation for the other woman. He may also feel guilty about his infidelity, which can lead to him avoiding you and ignoring you completely. When he has to spend time with you, there may be awkwardness as he doesn’t know how to own up to his transgressions.  

He’s Stuck

If you are a dominant partner, who possibly intimidates your husband, then he may be dealing with this by putting up a wall. This is a primitive defense mechanism aimed at helping him deal with situations or people (you) that he’s not ready for. While it may seem that he is flatout ignoring you, he is actually quite terrified of you!

You Bore Him 

Ouch! Yes, your partner may be ignoring you since you bore him. We often end up being with someone in a relationship based on their potential, but we don’t all reach our potential. While you were young and exciting when you were dating, he may now be bored as you’ve let yourself go and you no longer interest him. 

The world out there is a tasty pastry to him, but you’re just a slice of bread. You never reached your potential and the mystery is gone, so now he’s bored. If you don’t watch this situation, he may soon stray.   

He Thinks You’re Using Him 

When we don’t like someone, we often deal with it by ignoring them. Chances are that your husband is ignoring you because he has developed a dislike in you. The main reason for this is usually when he feels you are using him. Do you ask him for money or expensive purchases? Perhaps you insist on pricey holidays? These can all contribute to him feeling used, as if he is the cash-cow. 

If you are asking “why does my husband ignore me,” then you need to consider what it is about you that he may distrust. 

Steps To Take When Your Husband Ignores You 

When you realize your husband has been ignoring you, and that this has become a habit, you need to consider why he has been doing it. Is it one of the above reasons, or is there a different reason why he may be ignoring you? 

Try these ways to get back his attention and become unforgettable to your husband:

Communicate About It 

When life gets busy, we live past each other. Like ships on the sea at night, you may not even realize you are sailing separate courses. By talking with your partner about what you are experiencing, you can air out your feelings (without accusing him), and discover where the problem lies. 

You may often find that he might not even know he has been ignoring you. If he’s been busy, he may be in survival mode, which can cause him to not even notice you. This may not be intentional. But talking about it can bring awareness, and you can both work on the problem together.  

Increase Kindness 

If he is working hard, he may need a soft place to land and not a scowling spouse. Instead of being upset by his ignorance of you, turn up the charm and draw him back to you. Ask yourself what you can do to make him more comfortable and happier. He will quickly notice your efforts and turn back to you. 

Take A Break 

Should kindness not do the trick, then you can opt for the opposite approach. Take some time out. Consciously distance yourself from him. Remain polite, but don’t wait for him to notice you. 

Continue with your life as if he isn’t part of yours, which will make him question if you need him or not. This may open the channels of communication, but be careful of not pushing this too far if you aren’t interested in a divorce. As the saying goes: absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Stop Fighting With Him And Listen 

Have you considered that he may have tried talking to you about what is bothering him, only you didn’t listen? Women can be quick off the bat, and we can easily launch into an argument instead of listening. Also, men have a different way of communicating. He may have shown you in other ways that something is bothering him or that he is unhappy about something, only you didn’t see.

Stop fighting and start listening and seeing. Notice him, really notice him. Is he tired, worn out, angry, worried, or lonely? Start considering his needs instead of trying to impress on him that you have needs.  

Find The Moment 

You may correctly be assuming that he is angry with you. Your instinct can be to become angry right back, but stop and think. Why is he angry? Did something happen? When did he start to ignore you? 

If you can find the moment where discord started, you may be able to find a constructive way to remedy the situation, winning back his trust and interest. Remember, forgiveness is a two-way street.

Find Common Ground

Perhaps you have grown apart. Yet, any two branches can be trained to grow together again, and you and your husband can also begin to share common interests again. If you had something you enjoyed sharing in the past, then try to rekindle that. Perhaps go to the movies, plan and go on a date, or go camping together if that was something you were both interested in.

If the past interests you shared have fizzled, then you can create new interests. Start something that is new for you, and invite your husband to join you in it. Don’t ask him to do something you’ve been doing a while as he’ll feel like he’s tagging along. Instead, pick something completely different that neither of you have done before. Sharing new experiences is a great way to reconnect and find interest again.

Find Your Positivity 

Nothing is more appealing than being positive. If you focus on being positive and inviting, your husband won’t be able to help feeling drawn back to you. When he’s been intentionally avoiding you, he may be expecting a negative reaction from you. Surprise him by being positive instead. 

This will intrigue him, and he will begin to look for answers by turning back to you. A positive spirit is the most sexy outfit you could wear, so stop trying to be alluring, and be positive instead.

Retrain Him With Positive Rewards 

This may sound awkward, but you can retrain your husband. Yes, like a puppy, you can reward him for paying attention. If he greets you in a friendly way, reward him by making him some coffee. Should he ask your opinion, reward him with an unexpected hug and some sensual touching. 

At a subconscious level, he will get the message: if he pays attention to you and stops ignoring you, then he gets good things.  

Consider His Needs And Meet Them 

Your husband is your partner, and you are supposed to meet each other’s needs. What are his needs, and how can you better meet them? Don’t fall into the stereotypical thinking of believing he only wants food and sex. While cooking him a nice meal and wearing some sexy lingerie may turn his head, it might not meet his needs. 

Consider what he may need that you aren’t providing. Are you being a friend to him? Do you make him feel good about himself? Do you provide him with safety and care? How are you helping him actualize his higher purpose in life? 

If he is feeling like his needs aren’t being met, then he may be dissatisfied with you. He may not know how to express this. He could be ignoring you since he feels frustrated with not being able to discuss his needs (which he may not even consciously know) with you. 

Be Patient 

We all go through things, and sometimes all we need is some time to figure things out. Your husband may be ignoring you because he is trying to do exactly that. Nagging at him for more attention and trying to force him to talk to you may backfire on you. Try giving him some time and space instead as forcing him to talk may cause him to become rude to you.

Show patience by waiting for him to come talk to you, but be sure he knows you are there for him. Combine this with acts of kindness to reassure him you are there for him when he is ready.

What To Do When Your Husband Ignores You FAQs

When your husband ignores you, there are going to be a hundred or more questions circling your mind. There are no easy answers, and at the end of the day, you may be looking for solutions in the wrong places. Hopefully, these frequently asked questions can help get you on the right track.

What does it mean if your husband ignores you?

It indicates a serious lack of communication. When your husband ignores you, you may feel utterly dejected and lost. Try not to make this about you. Suspend your victim instinct and try to see things through his eyes. 

If your husband ignores you, it doesn’t mean he no longer loves you or that he disrespects you, even if it feels that way. There may be more going on, which is why you need to think clearly and calmly, considering all possible reasons before deciding what to do when your husband ignores you.   

What is emotional abandonment in marriage? 

A marriage is about emotionally supporting each other. Yet, when you wonder how to cope with a husband who ignores you, the pain is real and can cause you to doubt yourself. This is essentially the main harm caused by emotional abandonment in a marriage. 

When there is no communication and no connection, you will feel unfulfilled and rejected. It’s like dancing with a mannequin who looks and sounds like your husband but has zero connection to you. 

Marital loneliness is a real problem that should be addressed by couple’s counseling or psychotherapy. When you are abandoned, you feel completely isolated and lost. This can negatively impact all other areas of your life, causing depression and other negative psycho-social effects.

Why do I feel lonely in my marriage?

If you are feeling lonely in your marriage, then chances are that it’s a “husband ignoring wife” scenario. Your communication and connection has completely broken down, and you are now living vestigial lives as husband and wife. 

The partnership has already begun to decay, and if action isn’t taken to regain connection and shared purpose, then you could well end up losing your marriage (whether it ends in divorce or you live separate lives within the same home).  

How do you deal with an ignoring husband? 

There are a few ways to deal with a husband who is ignoring you:

• Talk about your need for inclusion and validation with him
• Consciously engage in acts of random kindness to gain his favor again
• Step away and draw him in by retreating
• Change arguments for moments of softness when you see him and listen to him
• Reflect on when things changed to identify the moment or event that brought the schism
• Create some shared interests to rekindle your connection, such as sports, hobbies, or interesting habits
• Remain positive in yourself as being negative will drive him away
• Use positive rewards to train him to come to you by rewarding him when he does pay attention to you or seeks you out
• Become his rock by meeting his needs like being his friend, partner, confidant, and lover
• Just wait patiently for him to turn to you if he is dealing with something as the greatest gift you can give him is patience 

Ignore No More 

Having to deal with a husband who ignores you is painful, and it can challenge your sense of self. Yet, you don’t have to sulk in silence. Instead of taking it personally, try to find out why he is ignoring you and work at returning to your partnership by fostering better communication and openness in your marriage. 

Not knowing how to cope with a husband who ignores you is every woman’s worst nightmare. You may begin to doubt yourself and suspect he is cheating on you. While there is a possibility he is doing just that, he may also have become withdrawn for other reasons that require your help and not your judgment. 

Did your husband become distant and ignore you in your marriage? How did you solve this? Please share your experiences and advice in the comments section.

Do you sit by yourself sometimes and wonder, “Why is my husband so mean to me?” Or perhaps you may ask your friends, “Why is my husband so mean and disrespectful to me?” 

There are no easy answers, and there is no single incident that has triggered this tide of rudeness that seems to flood over your relationship. But what do you do about a rude husband? 

Find out how to deal with a rude husband in this 10-step guide to stop relationship rudeness in its tracks. 

Do You Have A Rude Husband?

Relationships are never smooth sailing all the way. There are arguments, fights, and general nastiness that occasionally rear its ugly head in any marriage. However, what do you do when you realize your husband is down-right rude to you all the time? 

How do you manage an ill-mannered husband or if, like me, you end up always telling your best friends, “My husband is always rude to me!” What then? Finding ways to manage your husband when he is being rude is often a wife’s complaint, but realistically speaking, there has to be something you can do about it. 

This article will help you identify signs your husband is being rude to you, because the chances are that you may not even register half of the times when he is rude to you. 

We will look at the things you’ve tried to do to try and make him change his behavior, and we’ll consider why these have probably failed. Finally, we’ll look at the 10 steps you can take to change your rude husband to your kind-hearted partner again.

Signs Of A Rude Husband 

Firstly, rudeness doesn’t just happen because of no reason at all. It is something that grows like cancer, or it happens as a knee-jerk reaction to some other dramatic change in your partner’s life. 

Chances are he’s had a bad day at work where he was disrespected, and when he gets home, he feels drawn to flip the switch when he encounters any further challenges, thus becoming rude to you.

Perhaps your husband is disrespectful to you because he didn’t grow up in a home where his mother was respected, or he may have experienced relationship disrespect before, and now he is on the defensive as soon as he feels any form of judgment from you. 

The real reasons for his rudeness have many grounds, and you may never fully understand them all in detail. The why is not as important as the how. The how of his rudeness is what really hurts you, and it is this that we should be looking at changing.

The real problem is that we tend to accept bad manners, and before we know it, rudeness has escalated into full-blown abuse. Why? Rudeness is a lack of respect. When your partner loses all respect for you, they will believe they are allowed to be rude and abusive towards you. His “how” can turn into your “ow.”

Before you look at the signs of rudeness in your relationship, you need to keep in mind what rudeness is. It is a lack of respect. When your partner no longer values or respects you, it opens the door for rudeness to enter your matrimony. Look for these:

Doesn’t Ask Or Value Your Opinion

When your partner no longer even asks what you think, they don’t see you and they don’t value your take on things. This is disrespectful, and it indicates they don’t value you as an equal. A husband who doesn’t listen to you when you talk is indirectly telling you that your opinions and insights don’t matter.

Insults Become The Way Of Your Relationship

A partner who insults you without any concern for your feelings is also being disrespectful of you as a person and as their partner. Sadly, this can become the language of your abuse (never mind your love language). A tongue-lashing can quickly turn physical, so be wary of this form of rudeness as it can have really devastating effects.

You’re Part Of The Furniture

When your partner simply assumes you will do things because you have always done them, and they no longer even notice your efforts in the relationship, you are facing the fact that you are part of the furniture. 

They no longer consider you at all. This is the worst form of disrespect as you are dehumanized by your disrespectful husband. Simply put, he doesn’t see you.

It’s All About Him

If the whole relationship is about him, then he doesn’t support you in your own ideals and goals. This is a one-sided relationship, and it clearly indicates you are dealing with an inconsiderate and rude husband. 

Infidelity 

You promise to be faithful to your partner when you enter marriage, and they do the same. When your partner cheats on you, it indicates they don’t respect you as their marital partner any longer. It’s a shameful type of disrespect. 

What You’ve Tried With Your Rude Husband And Why It Isn’t Working

While you’ve probably tried any number of ways to try and convince your husband you are feeling slighted by his rudeness, the chances that these have worked are pretty slim. After all, you are still here, reading about rude husbands, which probably hints that you identify with this issue yourself. 

You may have tried to solve the problem of your rude husband yourself, and you may have also attended pastoral counseling and couples therapy, and even gone to a fully licensed marriage counselor. Perhaps you even moved out or threatened to leave him if he didn’t change. 

He may have temporarily changed, but eventually, things go back to “nasty normal” as your husband (and you) slide back into the old habits. And that’s the kicker: his rudeness has become a habit in your relationship. Is this relationship then worth saving?

How do you break the rudeness habit? It is, after all, extremely difficult as it is also contagious. Yes, that’s right! You have probably tried the tit-for-tat game and been rude right back at him. Sadly, this benefits nobody, least of all you. 

So, what do you do to find out how to deal with your disrespectful husband? You can start with these 10 steps.

10 Steps To Deal With A Rude Husband 

Rudeness will not be fixed with one single change. There is no panacea to fix his rudeness in an instant. Instead, you need to combine as many of the following steps as is necessary to help your husband realize the error of his ways and change for the better. 

As you will see, some of these steps require you to change, and these will also mean you have to step up your game and accept responsibility for yourself. It takes two to tango, and you need to also step out of the rudeness rumba if you want to save your relationship from your disrespectful husband. 

Step One: Put In What You Want Out 

Be sure to model the kind of behavior you want to receive back. If he is rude to you, be sure you are not rude back at him. 

You need to set the high ground, remaining above reproach for also being rude. After all, you can’t tell him he’s being rude, and it’s a problem when you are doing exactly the same thing back. Since you want respect, you should give him respect. 

Step Two: Take Care Of Your Own Needs 

Let go. No, don’t move out, but you should let go of your neediness. Your husband is probably stressed, which adds to his rudeness, and he is struggling to deal with your emotional requirements. 

You may fear his rudeness is a sign the relationship is over, which will make you hold on even tighter, but like quicksilver, you are squeezing him from your hands. Let go, stop making him responsible for your feelings, and live your own life, meeting your own needs.

Step Three: Use Written Communication 

I remember my friend, Amanda, and her husband. They were eventually arguing so badly that the only way they could have meaningful communication was via text message. 

Since they were both emotionally volatile, they finally resorted to only communicating via text message. This way, they could remove some of the emotiveness that their spoken conversations had. It was a way to diffuse their interactions and stop from exploding. 

Write letters, post-it notes, or go for sending messages online to ask tough questions and reconnect with caring and compassion when there is no emotional baggage that in-person communications may have.

Step Four: He May Have A Point 

Ok, so your rude husband may be a less-than-perfect husband, but he may also have a point. His rudeness at pointing out your flaws may be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. 

When your husband seems to be rude and hypercritical of you, it’s time to reflect inward. Has he got a point? Do you have something you need to change? Take the initiative to change, modeling the kind of behavior you want from him in yourself.

Step Five: Connect Again 

You may find that when you are facing rudeness in your relationship, your communication tends to circle the incidents of rudeness, fighting, and recriminations. Break the cycle by showing genuine interest in your partner again. 

Don’t let your marriage disintegrate into constant bickering over his behavior. If you can’t reconnect with him on other grounds, how can you convince him your relationship is worth changing for?

Step Six: Tell Him Straight 

The first time my husband snapped at me, devaluing my opinion, I used this trick to make him aware of his pain-inflicting behavior. As he put me down for being silly or stupid in his opinion, I responded by calmly saying “Oucha” and walking away. This also meant I didn’t have to be further hurt since I could empower myself by walking away.

Since you aren’t arguing back, and you’ve stripped him of his audience by walking away, your husband will be forced to engage in self-reflection. This is the start of self-insight and awareness of your needs and pains. Don’t hide it, and don’t try to redirect your pain at him. Instead, simply express it, move away, and wait as he realizes that something has happened and he’s responsible. 

You can also choose to tell him up front that his behavior is unacceptable to you as it crosses your boundaries within the relationship. Be sure to do so in a quiet authoritative way and not get emotional.

Step Seven: Decide What Is Acceptable And What Isn’t

Disrespect has a way of reducing you to a rag-lady: someone who isn’t respected and who will simply accept disrespect without causing too much of a fuss. You need to decide what is acceptable in a relationship and remind your husband of this. 

Couples aren’t supposed to run each other down, and they aren’t really meant to scream at each other over trivial things. Tell him, “I don’t think that’s how a husband should speak to his wife” or “Dear, you are not behaving like a gentleman today” or “What about that response makes you think it’s acceptable?”

Step Eight: What Do You And He Sound Like? 

Sometimes, it’s not what you say but how you say it. When you speak to him, do you speak in a normal tone of voice or do you whine and grate on his nerves? Use your tone of voice to speak with the powerful authority that is yours as his wife. 

Use a level tone of voice, encouraging conversation by not raising your voice or pitching it with sudden changes in tone when you speak. Women are not the only ones sensitive to tone of voice. 

Step Nine: Take A Look In The Mirror 

Do you or he know what rudeness looks like in your relationship? Chances are that neither of you really do. Recording yourselves while you hang out is a great way to get a real reality check. 

Are you perhaps saying things that wind him up? Is he constantly putting you down or belittling you? See what your relationship’s interactions really look like, notice things, point these out, and share a discussion about them.

If recording yourselves is too awkward, then you may consider getting outside help and insights. This is where a couples therapist can be really helpful. Their observations could prove useful in seeing yourselves as you appear on the outside. They may point out areas of your interaction with each other you haven’t considered.

Step 10: Initiate Change By Apologizing 

Be sure to look not only for the problems with your husband’s rudeness. Have you not also been pitching in your two-cents worth? 

If you have been wrong, apologize. Listen to him when he says he’s not happy with something you’ve done. If you have been in the wrong, own up and show him how it’s done. Tell him, “I’m sorry that I said XYZ; it was disrespectful.” However, remember there should be no “and” or “but” to it. 

You are aiming for an unconditional apology. Would you like it if he apologized to you for being rude, only to add in his “but,” explaining why it’s really your fault? Show him the respect that comes from a genuine apology, and you may be surprised when he starts to treat you much better before you know it.

How To Deal With My Rude Husband FAQS 

What is a disrespectful husband?

This is a husband who treats his wife as being less than she is. He values her less than he values himself.

Why are husbands disrespectful to their wives?

Often, men will disrespect their wives because they are suffering from low self-esteem and gain a sense of superiority by being rude to their wives. By making them alert to their behavior and encouraging them in other and healthy ways, a wife can help her husband feel good about himself and about treating her with respect too.

What do you do when your husband doesn’t respect you?

• Show him how you want to be treated.
• Take the pressure off him by tending to your own needs.
• Avoid giving him an opportunity to ridicule you when he’s clearly stressed. 
• Honor him to have him honor you.
• Maintain a standard of what is respectful behavior and remind him of that by leading through your own example.

Conclusion 

Living with a partner who disrespects you is not easy, and it can be a real challenge to try and convince him of the error of his ways. Like me, you may also have wondered, “Why is my husband always rude to me?” And while there are no easy answers, the power to initiate and ask for change is in your hands.

Lead by example, honor him, make him aware of times when his comments have hurt you, and avoid getting sucked into the tit-for-tat game. Once you and your partner have set a standard of what is acceptable communication and respectful behavior, hold each other accountable to that. 

You are most probably here to find out how to live with a narcissist husband. But is it even possible or healthy for you? That’s a valid question and one this article takes care of as well. 

Honestly, we are all a little selfish by nature. After all, we are human. But overcoming this tendency is a must if you are to live a fulfilling life. A hallmark of true love is putting the needs of another before yours, at least for the most part. Narcissism negates that.

Ever heard of Narcissus? He is a character in Greek mythology who was famous for his beauty. The story goes that he fell in love with his own reflection rather than pursue romantic relationships. Guess what? His character is the origin of the term “narcissist,” which means “an unhealthy obsession with oneself.” 

So, should you call it quits and leave if your husband is a narcissist? After all, you deserve better, right? However, you shouldn’t jump the gun just yet, especially if you love your spouse. Here’s why: 

Your husband isn’t being intentionally cruel; he is sick. Yes, that’s right! A narcissistic personality disorder is a medical condition. This means with the right information, you can find a sustainable solution. All hope isn’t lost. 

So, hang in there. Help has arrived on how you should deal with a narcissist spouse. To start you off, here are the signs that you are dealing with a narcissist husband.

Is Your Husband Really A Narcissist? 

Before going any further, you have to be absolutely sure your husband is a narcissist. After all, he wasn’t like that when you met, right? 

This is a confusing issue to deal with. However, with the right information, you can approach it head-on without second-guessing yourself. Here are the major giveaways that you are dealing with a husband who is a narcissist.

Gaslighting

Being gaslighted is a traumatizing experience. It’s a situation where your spouse makes you doubt your sanity. 

For example, you confront him on an issue, and before you know it, he has turned the tables on you. Suddenly, it’s your fault. Why can’t you be understanding? Are you sure you aren’t becoming your mother? This is why your past relationships didn’t amount to much. 

Narcissists love this approach; why? It shifts the blame from them. Not only that, but by also breaking you down mentally, they become ‘better’ than you. 

It’s a sickening practice, honestly. 

Negative Criticism

It is impossible to be okay with everything your spouse does. It’s completely natural to disagree on issues in a marriage. But if your husband is prone to negative criticism, then you have a major problem. 

Couples in healthy relationships talk things out; it’s the adult way of solving problems. But you can’t come to an agreement if your husband is selfish and constantly ridicules your efforts, talks you down, or just straight-up insults you. 

A narcissist husband does this to inflate his ego or escape responsibility. This is heartbreaking because you might end up believing you are inadequate. 

A ‘Grey’ Marriage

Do you remember what courting was like? The intense attention he gave you? His elaborate gestures of dedication? His endless declarations of undying love? Those were the good times. 

This is probably why you fell for him. It sucks but narcissists know that as women, we are suckers for romance and charm. 

When it suits him, such a person will make you believe you are the only thing he cares about. However, once you are married, the facade drops. The colorful courting is replaced by a grey, dull, and depressing marriage where romance and laughter are in short supply. 

There is a reason for this. Like players, a narcissist views every woman as a conquest. He will go to great lengths to get you with the sole intention of inflating their ego. Once the ‘conquest’ ends, he makes you his emotional punching bag. 

Serenades become insults, and instead of making you laugh, he ridicules you. A complete 180 turn of events that makes you doubt your sanity.

He Intentionally Makes You Jealous

No self-respecting man goes out of his way to make a woman feel bad about herself. It’s just plain wrong. 

But try telling this to a narcissist spouse. It’s a way of making you seek his approval on every issue. It’s messed up, but it works. Think about it. If someone you love compares you to other women or repeatedly flirts around, wouldn’t it make you feel inadequate? 

As a result, you might go out of your way to try and meet his ridiculous standards. In a sick way, he gets to boost his fragile self-esteem and control you in one fell swoop. 

I know, it’s cold and absolutely Machiavellian. 

He Is Incredibly Jealous

Oh! The sweet irony. 

A self-obsessed spouse is okay with making you jealous but he blows a fuse when your attention goes to someone else. Apparently, don’t dish it out if you can’t take it is a foreign concept to narcissists. 

It always has to be about him ;your career, friends, and family can take a hike. God forbid that another man shows you attention, even if it’s harmless.

Yes, men are territorial by nature. But would a stable spouse be jealous of your child? Of course not! But studies show that narcissistic husbands react irrationally after you give birth. 

Now, it can swing both ways. He will either resent the fact that you have to focus on the newborn, or he will ignore you completely and focus solely on the child. Either way, it’s not a healthy situation. 

Lack Of Empathy

A narcissist will always put himself first in every situation.

As you know, this turns marriage into a hellish experience. A relationship is a two-way street with give and take. If your husband disregards your feelings and doesn’t view you as an equal, then what’s the point? You can’t depend on him, he won’t support you in any meaningful way, and he will only chip in when it benefits him. 

Without empathy, your marriage is as good as dead. The problem is, a self-obsessed husband will shift the blame on you when you bring up the issue. He will insist you are hard-to-please, ungrateful, and prone to complaining. 

That said, how do you deal with a narcissist husband? That’s what you will be learning next. 

How To Live With A Narcissist Husband

Living with a narcissist is by no means a picnic. While calling it quits and jumping ship might seem like a good idea, there are tried and tested ways of dealing with a narcissist. Read on to find out more. 

Don’t Be Baited

A common trait with all narcissists is that they love attention; they will do anything and everything to get you to focus on them. Understanding this is important. It allows you to see the attention-seeking antics for what they are. 

Make no mistake, this won’t be a cakewalk. Remember, narcissists are master manipulators. Since your husband knows you well, he will know which buttons to push. 

You have to keep your head on a swivel when you are dealing with him. Watch what he says and reflect before reacting. It’s exhausting, but this way, you won’t easily fall for his tactics. This applies to both positive and negative behaviors. Don’t assume anything. 

By meeting unreasonable behavior with calm and composure, he is denied the satisfaction of drawing a reaction from you. That’s precisely how to handle a narcissistic husband without confrontation.

Set Up Boundaries

Setting up boundaries in a marriage might seem like overkill. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Don’t let a narcissistic husband have his way every time. Set a line in the sand and let him know when he crosses it. 

The problem with a self-absorbed husband is when you give him an inch, he will take a mile. You have to foot down on issues that make you uncomfortable. 

Now, there is a high chance that he will start an argument if you take this approach. But remember, don’t take his bait. It’s what he expects. 

Call him out on his actions with resolve. Don’t waiver when he throws a tantrum. That’s how to deal with a narcissist spouse hell-bent on denying you freedom.

After all, what else can he do? Sulk? Insult you? Ignore you? Unless you allow it, these tactics have no power over you. Setting up boundaries shows him you mean business, and you will not be pushed around. 

Of course, this won’t happen overnight. It takes time, determination, and grit. 

Stand Up For Yourself

Despite what your experience living with a narcissist has made you believe, you have an iron will. 

It might be suppressed as a result of an unhealthy marriage, but make no mistake, it is deep within you. Nurturing it back to life is the only way you can survive a narcissistic spouse. So, how can you do this? 

By standing up for yourself. 

Like I said earlier, call out your spouse when he does something you don’t agree with. Of course, he will use every trick in his book to turn the tables on you but don’t back down. 

A word of advice: Though it takes time, you have to suppress your anger in such situations. Yes, you have every right to be pissed off. But, giving in to your rage is playing right into his hands.

While anger is a powerful emotion, it’s useless against a self-absorbed spouse. Instead, meet him head-on with a clear and rational mind. 

Think about it. How would you handle an unreasonable child? By shouting at them, therefore lowering yourself to their level, or by taking the high road? 

Dealing with a narcissist husband shouldn’t be any different. 

This won’t be easy by any means. But, before you can walk, you must first crawl. It’s all about consistency. Chip away at the problem bit by bit. Re-learning how to love someone, especially a spouse with narcissist tendencies, is a grueling process. 

In time, you will be able to stare him down without flinching. You will break down his irrational and selfish demands with cool and rational counterarguments. 

He will come to realize that you are not his emotional plaything but a self-aware woman who won’t take his nonsense lying down. Now, how to handle a narcissist husband like a pro.

Do Not Make Excuses For Him

Even though you love your husband, making excuses for his hurtful behavior isn’t healthy. Yes, narcissism is a disorder, but this doesn’t excuse the negative ways in which he treats you. 

He knows better. 

Otherwise, he wouldn’t have bothered with wooing you before tying the knot. Despite what he tells you, your self-obsessed spouse is terrified at the prospect of losing you.

His selfish behavior is meant to make you think that you need him more. In truth, it is the other way around. 

Let me let you in on a secret: Narcissists have fragile egos. It’s why they need constant validation and adoration. This proves one thing: You are still in control. 

But, making excuses for your husband means you will end up blaming yourself for his behavior. Of course, this is what a narcissist wants: someone else taking the responsibility for their mess. If you decide to make your marriage work, then you will have to see your husband for what he is. 

This is the foundation of handling a narcissist spouse. Otherwise, your self-esteem will be destroyed in the course of your marriage. 

Go Back To ‘Doing Your Thing’ 

Narcissists want what they cannot have. 

Remember what you were like before falling for your husband? You had a life of your own. 

From dreams and aspirations to goals that kept you motivated. You probably kept in touch with your family and your circle of friends. You had hobbies of your own and ideas that kept you up at night.

So, what changed? 

You became isolated, and all you could think about was making your husband be madly in love with you. But there is only one problem: No matter how much effort you give, it’s never enough. 

It is possible that over time, you distanced yourself from your friends and family. You gave up your hobbies and your goals and took a back seat. But don’t beat yourself up. 

Despite how you might feel, it isn’t your fault and the damage isn’t permanent. Rebuilding your life and patching up old relationships will get your mind off your unhealthy marriage. Of course, your husband won’t welcome this change. 

After all, he needs you to be isolated and dependent on him. Reigniting your sense of independence will work wonders for your mental well-being. Don’t be afraid to seek help. You don’t have to hope to do this by yourself, and you don’t have to. 

Friends and family will serve as a support system in your darkest times. Spending time with them will remind you what it’s like being the center of attention for a change. Be resolute, don’t waver in your course. 

You had a life before your marriage, and you can still rebuild it regardless of your current predicament. While this process will take time, the end result will be worth it. 

The best part? It’s a win-win situation for you. 

Your husband can either come along on your terms or be relegated to the sidewalk. His choice. 

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Is Narcissism A Personality Disorder? 

Yes, it is. Otherwise referred to as NPD, it is listed with other mental disorders. Examples include schizoid personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and others. The best way to approach narcissism personality disorder is by seeking medical advice. 

Now, your husband might not be open to the idea. However, you might get through to him by explaining how his behavior is damaging your marriage. 

A mental health professional will provide a diagnosis and provide sustainable solutions to the problem. But there is a catch. 

Narcissists are master manipulators and liars. Unless he wants help, your husband will try to fool the doctor. And the sad part is, there is a high chance he will succeed. 

Can A Narcissist Person Become Physically Abusive?

It’s a coin toss. 

It depends on your husband’s predisposition to violence and his personality. However, it could happen to you, especially if you don’t take a stand early on in your marriage. 

Remember, a narcissist will slowly push your boundaries trying to figure out how much you can take. This is why it is important to stand up for yourself. 

Do not make the mistake of excusing abusive behavior. Being self-obsessed is one thing; abuse is a whole other ball game. Call him out for it and notify your loved one the moment it happens. It will keep him in check. 

A word of advice. There is no point in staying in an abusive marriage. You are better off walking away instead. Trust me, nothing is worth that level of disrespect.

Can A Narcissist Husband Change? 

In all honesty, it depends on his personality and the value he places on your relationship. Remember, most narcissists do not realize they have a problem. 

If your husband doesn’t want to lose you, then he will take the necessary steps to be a better man. It will be hard but he will change for the better over time. 

However, if your spouse is drunk on his inflated ego, then nothing can be done. You will have to decide whether to leave or stay. It all depends on you. Choose wisely. 

All that said, now the ball is in your court. Armed with all this information, you will be in a perfect position to make the right decision on how to deal with a narcissist spouse.