Updated June 2021
Confession time: I’m a romantic. I absolutely love a good love story, so I’ll start this off with one. I swear this won’t take long, 30 seconds tops, and afterward, I’ll let you in on all the signs he wants to marry you and be yours.
The “two best friends fall in love” trope is my favorite. You know how it goes: Two people have been friends since childhood and one realizes he’s completely besotted with his best friend, but she isn’t ready to admit her feelings, not even to herself. Then all of these sweet moments happen, like when she falls asleep on his shoulder and he has to pretend that his heart isn’t simultaneously breaking and trying to beat out of his chest.
Be still my own heart!
Then the moment comes when he bares his soul. She gets angry or some other nonsense to drag out the drama, and then – finally! – the kiss.
Oh, that kiss.
It gets me every time.
Here’s the thing about that kind of love story, though: the female half of that couple is not wondering if he wants to marry her. She’s completely oblivious to his feelings and her own until The Moment arrives, and when it does, all she has to do is step lightly into her happily ever after.
Since it’s rarely that easy for the rest of us, here at the Relationship Blackbook, we want to help you recognize the signs that he wants to wife you. If you’ve been wondering how to tell if he wants to marry you or if he’s just sticking around for the good times, read on, my friends.
Sign #1: The Idea Of Weddings And Babies Doesn’t Make Him Shut Him Down.
We’ve all seen “the look” overcome a man’s face: His eyes slide out of focus, his mouth slackens, maybe he drools a little. Sometimes the look happens when you’re telling him about your best friend’s new puppy’s favorite toy, sometimes it happens when you’re comparing the cut and fit of one strapless floral romper to another.
And sometimes it happens when you talk about marriage, who’s getting married, who’s having babies, or who among your mutual friends just popped the question.
If your man keeps his focus on you in the midst of such conversations, or better yet, manages to look interested, that’s a good sign that he’s open to the idea of marriage himself and wants you to be part of his life. It’s one of the surest signs he sees himself marrying you.
Sign #2: He Includes You In His Family Gatherings And Expects To Be Included In Yours.
Oh, the holidays! They are the perfect time for family members to gather together to celebrate, to love one another, and to let all their crazy loose in one place.
Thanksgiving and Christmas are the big ones, but birthday celebrations, holiday weekends, and family vacations are perfect opportunities too. Does your boyfriend automatically include you in such gatherings? Does he not only invite you but expect that you’ll attend?
If he naturally includes you in the craziness that is in his immediate and extended family and if he isn’t afraid of the crazy in yours, then rest assured that he’s leaning toward long-term commitment and ready to take the next big step.
Sign #3: He Talks About Upgrading And He Wants Your Opinion.
Is he thinking of upgrading his phone, buying a new car, purchasing a house, or moving to a new apartment? One of the most undoubtable signs that he wants to marry you soon is if he includes your ideas and opinions in his decision-making.
On the flip side, if he shows up to get you for a date in a brand-new truck you didn’t know he was buying or casually informs you he’s moving to a new place next weekend, you can safely assume that marriage is not even a blip on his radar.
Sign #4: He Won’t Go Away.
It’s Tuesday night and you’ve brought work home with you. Or maybe you have homework, laundry, or a desperate need to binge-watch your favorite guilty-pleasure show.
When he shows up uninvited with your favorite take-out, plops himself down on your couch, and happily (or at least with a minimum of eye-rolling) sits through three episodes of Jane the Virgin while you paint your toenails, scroll through Instagram, and generally ignore him, all because he enjoys spending time with you…
That’s true love.
It’s also a good indication that he wants you to be part of his life and is looking forward to spending the rest of it with you, which includes lazy evenings at home together.
Sign #5: He Talks About His Future Plans… And You’re In Them.
Where does he see himself a year from now? Five years from now? Where do you fit into those plans and goals?
If his dream is to live as a doctor in some remote African village, good for him! If he has envisioned how you will fit into that dream (and you’re willing to go), good for you!
But if his future plans and goals are all about what he will do rather than what you will do together, it’s best to keep your expectations of a long-term commitment low for the time being. When he realizes he wants to marry you, that will change. He will even be ready to sign that piece of paper to officiate it.
Sign #6: He Intentionally Builds Strong Relationships With Your Kids…
Or your dog, your cat, or your pet turtle, Penelope.
Perhaps he has shown interest in bonding with your kids from previous relationships. Perhaps he is interested in you bonding with his kids from previous relationships. If you don’t have kids of your own, what about your brothers or sisters, your nieces or nephews, or even your parents? Does he:
- show up on a Saturday morning with donuts before accompanying you and the kids to the park?
- show interest in honoring your dad on Father’s Day?
- send your mom flowers on her birthday?
- warm up to your family members?
- invite your obnoxious older brother over for beer and football?
All of these are signs of two things:
- He’s a great guy and a total keeper.
- He sees your family members and life outside of him as valuable and worth his time and attention. In other words, he thinks you’re a keeper too.
Sign #7: He Told You He Wants To Marry You The Same Night He Met You.
Okay, okay, this doesn’t happen very often in real life, but it does happen.
Sometimes guys just know. I personally know three men who knew within moments or days of meeting “the one” that she was the girl they would spend their lives with. All of them have been married to their lovely brides for over forty years.
I know another man who asked his far more logical, far less impetuous girlfriend to marry him only a few weeks after they had started dating. And then he kept asking until she said yes. Ten years later, neither of them have ever regretted it.
You do not need a relationship expert to explain the sign for you any further. That’s simply how to know he wants to marry you. To him, you are marriage material. He will not shy away from talks about marriage or be hesitant to sign that piece of paper.
Sign #8: He’s Given You A Key To His House… And His Heart.
Moving in together doesn’t necessarily mean that a man is considering marriage. He may very well still be a cover-hogging commitment-phobe (CHCP for short). He might just be a CHCP with a thrifty side.
Consolidating households, and therefore expenses, is a strong temptation for even the most stringent CHCP. So if he talks about the two of you moving in together, what are his apparent motivations?
Does he propose that living together “makes more sense” financially?
Does he nonchalantly say, “We’re practically living together anyway, so we might as well make it official?” Or does he express, through either words or actions, that being with you is the best part of his life?
I’m not saying you should wait for a big romantic gesture to be sure (some guys aren’t built with big romantic minds, after all). But if you’re wondering how to know if he wants to marry you, the way he invites you to share cohabitational bliss is a good indicator of his long-term intentions.
Check out this link for more helpful signs.
And now, for the surest signs he wants to marry you…
Sign #9: He’s Down On One Knee, Ring Box In Hand, Asking, “Will You Marry Me?”
Because here’s the truth: Men are unpredictable. It’s impossible to know what’s going on in their minds at any specific moment – okay, maybe not always – beyond what Jeff Foxworthy told us years ago: “I’d like a beer and I’d like to see something naked.”
Until he is down on that knee opening the box, even he might not know what his intentions are. So do what you do in the meantime instead of constantly wondering, “Does he want to marry me?”
Sign #10: Your Relationship “Clicks.”
Let’s be honest, the world is a cold place. I mean, things could be worse, but life is not the fairy tale you thought it was when you were a child.
Finding someone who makes you feel safe is not easy. Trust me, most of the relationships I have been in felt like a jumble of mismatched pieces. However, once in a while you find someone with whom everything just clicks.
I admit, no man can satisfy your needs fully; this is normal. But according to the 80/20 rule, if he can meet a huge chunk of your needs, then he is a keeper. You will know when this happens. From stimulating conversations to unexpected gestures of love, it’s the little things that give it away.
Look, marriage is a long road. It’s more than a piece of paper. You want to be with someone you can grow with. This way, you will end up forming your own “nation of two.”
I’ll let you in on a little secret: men are not oblivious to love. If your relationship clicks on this level, your guy will notice, and you can be sure of one thing: he will want to make you a part of his life.
Sign #11: You Are His Confidant.
News flash: Men are hard to read. You probably already know this. For those who don’t, here’s one of the reasons why that’s the case: Constant disappointments.
You are not the first woman your man has met in the span of his life. A series of breakups will leave him jaded. Putting his guard up is his way of keeping his heart from being broken again.
If he loves you, he will slowly let you into his world as time goes by. Do not take this for granted. It shows that he is willing to trust you with his fragile side. This is a big step. In fact, it’s one of the clearest signs he sees himself marrying you.
Unlike women, men are solitary creatures. He will only make you his confidant if he can picture building a future with you. Be patient. Before you know it, you will be the Bonnie to his Clyde, his partner through thick and thin.
Sign #12: He Knows Everything About You.
If you have been around men long enough, then you know they have a one-track mind.
Unless a guy wants to marry you, he won’t remember most of what you tell him. However, it’s like an internal switch flips the moment he pictures you as his wife. Suddenly, he remembers every little thing you tell him. You will notice him paying attention to every little thing you do and say.
Now, this can be overwhelming at first. Having all his attention focused on you is like a drug you can never get enough of. From your birthday to that one time you went on a field trip as a child, he will remember every single detail. Do you know why?
It’s because you are the center of his universe. When this happens, you don’t have to be a relationship expert to know he wants to wife you up.
Sure Sign #13: You Crack Him Up.
Men learn how to make women laugh from an early age. However, drawing water from a rock is easier than making a guy laugh. I know what you are thinking: maybe you aren’t that funny.
But this is far from the truth. Your sense of humor has nothing to do with it.
Now, this revelation will definitely blow your mind; a guy that wants to marry you will crack up at your bland jokes any day. Why? I honestly have no idea. But it’s probably because of what I call “love goggles.”
When a man is genuinely in love with you, he changes his worldview. Instead of looking at the surface of things, he will gaze deeper. The result? He won’t focus on your actions but the intention behind them.
What seems like a lame joke to you is the best punch line he has heard in a long time.
You can be sure of one thing: if you make him double up with laughter, then he will want nothing but to spend the rest of his time with you.
Sign #14: He Is Protective Of You.
I don’t mean to beat a dead horse, but men are naturally possessive of anything they value. Your man is not any different. It’s in his nature to be protective of the woman he is in love with.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a fine line between being protective and having a sick obsession.
Of course, your man understands that you are your own person. But just because he knows that you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself doesn’t necessarily mean he will leave you to your own devices.
There is a simple explanation for that. He doesn’t want anything bad happening to his future wife. So how can you tell if he is protective of you?
He will do everything possible to keep you out of harm’s way, such as physically guarding you in threatening situations and gently guiding you away from destructive habits. Trust me, you won’t miss this when it happens.
But you don’t have to take my word for it. Relationship experts have been studying the “hero instinct” for decades. This instinct is triggered when a man cares deeply for a woman. He will want to step up to the plate when the situation demands it.
So if your guy is always there for you, there is a high chance he wants to put a ring on it. In fact, it’s one of the strongest signs he wants to marry you soon.
Sign #15: He Introduces You To His Loved Ones.
Now this is a big one. Unless a man pictures a future with you, he will never introduce you to his loved ones. It’s true!
Men prefer keeping their circle small. Like I said before, men are very protective of their loved ones. He will only introduce you to his family and friends if he thinks of you as wife material.
Make no mistake, this takes a lot of effort on his part. Think of it as an investment. Unless he is sure that you are willing to stand by his side through thick and thin, he won’t commit. On the other hand, if a man truly loves you, then he will want everyone who matters to him to know this as well.
Instead of spending holidays alone, he will suggest that you do it with his family and friends. This is a sure sign that wedding bells are ringing in his mind. By introducing you to his family and friends, he is making his intention to make you his wife clear.
FAQs
The writing is on the wall: He definitely wants to marry you. But there is only one problem: he can’t seem to come around to the idea of proposing. What next? This section will answer this and many other questions you may have.
Why Doesn’t He Think I Am Marriage Material?
Look, men are stubborn by nature. Even if your guy knows you are marriage material, there is a chance he will drag his feet when it comes to proposing. So how do you get him to get past this hurdle?
Simple: Transform yourself from the woman he wants to the woman he needs.
Don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t throw yourself at him. In my experience, it’s the little things that make the most difference.
It’s all about making memories. The more your guy enjoys spending time with you, the more likely he will consider asking you to marry him.
Take time to learn about his interests. He will be delighted when he realizes this. It will make him eager to open up to you and suddenly the idea of proposing won’t seem so bad.
Does Effort Matter When There Are No Signs He Wants To Marry You Soon?
Maybe you dream of your guy proposing to you someday. But unless you work on your relationship, this will never come to pass. And here’s why.
Men are not oblivious. He will take note if he sees you putting effort into your relationship.
Marriage is a serious thing. Before a guy can think of marrying you, he has to be sure that you are all the way in. And he is fully aware that finding a woman worth marrying is not easy.
Putting effort into your relationship will get him to commit and think of tying the knot with you.
Should I Be The One To Ask?
If you feel your man is ready for marriage, then posing the question straight up will save you a lot of grief.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not asking you to propose.
Here’s the thing: Neither of you are getting any younger. If you started dating a long time ago and have been in a happy relationship for a long time, then what’s the harm in finding out what the next big step is? My simple advice is don’t be pushy.
Candid talks about marriage and where he sees you both in the coming years is all you need. Watch how he reacts and how he answers your questions.
Even if he is not ready to tie the knot at the present moment, his answers should point to the possibility of marriage in the future.
He Is Scared Of Marriage. How Can I Change This?
Does the thought of marriage scare your guy? Then showing him how fun marriage can be might get him past his fear.
Since men are visual by nature, spending time with married couples will help your guy visualize what such a life with you would be like.
Ask him to double dates with your married friends. Watching people who are fully committed to each other will slowly bring him around to the idea of tying the knot with you.
Make sure to pick couples in different stages of their marriage. This will help him develop a well-rounded perspective on what marriage is really like.
Should I Give Him Space?
Like all men, your guy is jealous of his freedom. The thought of losing his autonomy could be the reason why he isn’t ready to settle down yet.
Now this might sound ridiculous to you, but it is a real concern for most men. It’s why taking a step back and letting your relationship breathe might just do the trick.
Giving your guy his space shows him that you don’t intend to chain him through marriage. It proves that you are confident with your relationship and that you are your own person.
It’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Giving your guy a breather once in a while will make him think of how boring a life without you would be. Don’t be surprised if he ends up proposing to you.
Should I Call It Quits?
Despite your best intentions, your man might still not show any sign of proposing. If this is the case, then shaking things up is your last resort.
You need to remind him that despite being with him, you are still your own person. Drop subtle hints that maybe it’s time that you went your own way. Since you can only play this card once, you have to make sure he knows you are serious.
Here’s how you do it. Talk about taking a job in a different state or packing it up and taking that trip you’ve always talked about… alone. I know this sounds harsh, but it’s the only way to get him thinking about what a life without you would be like.
Now this should be your last resort. If he doesn’t propose after this, then he likely never will.
Congratulations! You have made it to the end of our guide. I’m sure you can now tell if your guy is thinking of marrying you. That’s precisely how to know if he wants to marry you.
Don’t lose hope if you haven’t noticed the signs. That doesn’t necessarily mean he won’t do it.
Also don’t succumb to pressure. Your man will propose when he realizes he wants to marry you. Pressuring him might have the effect of pushing him away altogether.
Now let’s keep the conversation going! How did you know your man wanted to marry you? Let us know in the comments!
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