Whether you’re in a new or long-term relationship, there comes a time when one partner needs to take some space to breathe and think about next steps. Although this often seems like a scary request, it could be for the benefit of a healthy relationship. It may have nothing to do with you.
When he says he needs space, consider the possible reasons. Is he stressed at work? Does he have a big decision to make? Or, is there someone else? Maybe you, or the relationship, has become too intense. Maybe he just doesn’t know what it is he wants, and needs time and space to figure it out.
Regardless of the situation, when a man needs space, give him what he needs. This is a signal you should heed, or you risk losing your relationship. Follow these tips to navigate the need for space, and come out on the other side stronger than ever.
Give Him The Space He Needs
First and foremost, if you truly care about your partner, give him the space he asks for. Normally, when a guy asks for space, there is good reason behind it. Even if he is not sure about a future with you, wouldn’t you like to know this information now, and not five years down the road?
Have you ever talked about a future together? Has anything drastically changed in the relationship? Consider your future plans and the past conversations you have had. Maybe your man struggles with commitment and is getting “cold feet.” Or, maybe he is worried about the fact that you haven’t discussed a future together. Either way, space isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It might provide you both with some perspective on your upcoming life plans.
Let him take as much time as he needs, but be realistic. Are you wondering, “Does he need space or is it over?” If this is the case, define the terms of the “space” so there is no confusion or miscommunication. Have an honest and clear conversation. Are you dating other people during this time, or staying in a committed relationship?
It’s hard to give space, especially when it’s not what you want. Maybe you have become too overbearing and need to back off in order to maintain a healthy existence. Take this quick quiz to see if you need to give your partner more space:
Don’t Take It Personally
The reason your man needs space likely has nothing to do with you. He could be stressed at work, or under pressure from his family to get married. Men often take stress out on the people closest to them. Try not to take it personally or create illusions of wrongdoing. Have there been any signs that he needed space? Check out the top three signs that he could have been trying to show you he needs space:
Although self-reflection is healthy and necessary, don’t allow yourself to get too much inside of your own head. It will only make you anxious and worried. It’s human nature to imagine every scenario possible and make assumptions about what your man may be thinking or feeling.
Get outside yourself. Focus on your friendships or spend time with family. Pay attention to the people who remind you of who you are, and how awesome you are.
Let Him Come To You – Don’t Chase Him
When a guy says he needs space, you may find yourself wondering – how long is that? The unfortunate reality is that you never know. The silver lining is, he might realize how much he misses you. The downside is, he might realize that he wants something else. Either way, you’re saving yourself heartache down the road if you allow him to come to you when he is ready.
You may ask yourself, “My boyfriend wants space, but realistically, how long should I wait?” This is a great question. How long are you willing to wait? Do you think he is the one? When you’re waiting for confirmation or assurance in your relationship, one week can seem like one year. If you need to, give him a time limit. Make a plan to meet in two weeks to discuss your future. You can be matter-of-fact about this. Leave the emotions for later and don’t worry until you know there is something to worry about.
You should never have to beg or convince someone to commit to you. If he is struggling to see a future together, you may want to pull the plug before you waste any more of your time on a dead-end relationship.
Set Boundaries
When your man says he needs space, you will likely find yourself thinking, “He wants space – but should I text him?” Or even, “For how long does he need space?” The best way to handle this situation is to set your own personal boundaries. Leave the amount of time, space, or contact up to your partner, but create your own limits.
You could say something like, “Call me if you need me.” Make it clear that, when he says he needs space, you’re not going to reach out or call him. As unfair as it sometimes seems, you will have a much more productive conversation when he is ready. You don’t want to waste your own time and effort trying to force a conversation that your man is not ready for.
Eventually, you may find yourself creating an ultimatum. Ultimatums get a bad wrap and are the step-sister of boundaries. Saying,“I need xx or I will have to xx,” is nothing to be ashamed of. Asking for a commitment in order to stay with your man is okay. Set healthy limits and make sure that you follow through so he takes you seriously (and so you can take yourself seriously!).
Take Care Of Yourself
You have to look out for number one. The reality is, people change, and you can’t always rely on those you once relied on. Men can be inconsistent and indecisive. Make sure you don’t lose yourself waiting for your partner to give you the green light. Check out this video to ensure that you have a healthy perspective on your current (or next!) relationship:
Take this time to reflect and take care of yourself. Maybe you could also use some space. Maybe this “space” will be a precious gift to you! If your partner is discerning what his future looks like, you should do the same. If he keeps you in limbo for long, this doesn’t bode well for his character. Your boyfriend should want you to feel secure and confident in your relationship, not worried and unsure.
Take this time to be your own best friend. Focus on your career or professional development. Sign up for that art class you’ve always wanted to take. Start practicing yoga (bonus: many yoga studios have active social communities). Volunteer at your local homeless shelter. Use this time and space to grow as a person. You may end up outgrowing your partner before they come around.
Although the need for space can seem daunting, try to view it as a positive move toward a successful future, whether it is with your current partner or not. Take the steps you need to take to be happy and confident, and always remember that you are entitled to needing space, too!
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