4 Page Letters And Other Attraction Myths

This past weekend I was hanging out with a male friend of mine and there was a song that started to play on the radio. It was one of the late songstress Aaliyah’s popular tunes, 4 Page Letter.

The lyrics never really stood out to me, especially when I was younger and used to sing along when it came on the radio.

But for some reason, this time I really paid attention to the lyrics and although I like this song, I realized that this was the worst relationship advice anyone could give to a woman.

If you are unfamiliar with the song, here are a few of the lyrics “I Always Had My Eyes, On This One Particular Guy – I Was Too Shy, So I Decided To Write – I’m Sending Him A Four Page Letter”

From this song, it sounds as if Aaliyah doesn’t even know the guy, but is going to spend her time and energy writing him a four page letter!

Alright, I understand that when you start writing sometimes it just flows. I’m a writer, I get that. Sometimes I have a hard time keeping my writings to you guys within a reasonable limit – because there is so much information to share. And it’s easier for me too, since I am typing.

But, this song was written in the 90’s and computer use wasn’t near as popular as it is now. So most likely Aaliyah was going to actually write (with pen and paper) this four page letter to this guy she didn’t know.

Hmmm….What’s wrong with four page letters?

Absolutely nothing, if it’s for a college application or a business proposal or even to write to get your child into a competitive private school. But to write a four page letter to a guy, it’s a little obsessive and a bit scary.

I turned to my guy friend and asked him, if he would like to receive a four page letter from a woman and he said it was a little bit too much and as I asked around, a lot of men just said it was a complete turn off.

Why Four Page Letters Unequivocally Don’t Work

If you’ve been following my lessons, you know that I you not to pursue men. This doesn’t mean that you never talk to men or never have male friendships. This means that you shouldn’t be laying all your cards out on the table and trying to convince him that you are the one.

Men love the chase and if you take that away from him, you have done him and yourself a great disservice. One of the worst feelings in the world is actually being successful at getting the guy that you chased, only to see him turn around and pursue another woman – shy guys do this too.

Most men know how to make the first move – if they’re interested. Let him do that. If you start out chasing a man you will have to continue it throughout the duration of the relationship.

Writing him a letter is just another way of pursuing, “Here I am, Pick Me”.

Let’s Look At the Expectations Here

When you write long letters you are most likely pouring out a lot of feelings and expectations, what you believe your relationship will look like.

These are just your thoughts! You don’t know if he will be the one you want or not, you don’t know him!

You are presenting to him a fairytale that it will be hard to live up to. This scares him. You’ve already placed him on a pedestal, worthy of a four page letter without really knowing him.

And if by a small, minute, mustard seed chance that he is interested in you from your letter, he will quickly fall from your graces because you will realize that he’s not perfect soon enough. And most likely you will be expecting him to show you the same level of interest you showed him.

Well What If I Do Know Him?

Still don’t do it, but this is for another blog post, another day.

Here’s What We Want

Intuitively we know we want the four page letter to come from him, because that would be so romantic, along with a dozen roses and chocolates.

Since women want these things, we make the huge mistake of believing that if we give these things to him, he will give us what we need in return. This is false.

Men are different from women!

Men love the chase. If you are effective at getting him to chase you while giving positive signals, his attraction will increase, and eventually he will do these things for you.