Robyn Lee

In A Marriage, But I Like Someone Else

Dear Robyn,

I am in a marriage, but it is absolutely horrible. I like someone else at my job and we started texting. I even texted him that “I like him” and he said that is cool. Does that mean that he sees me as just a friend? Or is there somethings more?

– Confused

Dear Confused,

It’s really tough being in any type of relationship where you aren’t happy. I understand that your current situation is not where you want to be and the guy at work might feel like the perfect solution, but believe me when I say, you are barking up the wrong tree. First, you made a commitment to your husband and if you choose not to keep it, you need to let him know so you can both move on or set up a different arrangement. You need to determine if the issue in your marriage is something that is SO bad that you can’t salvage it or if you are just going through a tough period in your marriage.

If I were you, I would start by appreciating the things that are already going well in your marriage. Sometimes, we can look at other people’s situations and think they are better than our own, but in reality they just have a better way of looking at their situation. Start treating your husband as the man you love and appreciate and watch things change.

The second issue here is thinking that a new situation/man is going to change things for you. Here’s the thing, if said guy that you work with actually did start a relationship with you WHILE you were still with your husband, I can almost guarantee you that if you left your husband because of him, he would leave you too. A man that is willing to commit to a woman for the long term, sees a woman who already has a husband as off limits. When he said “that’s cool”, he was probably just as confused as you.

Hopefully you are able to renew your relationship with your husband, but if you decide it is impossible, you need to do the right thing and break off your committed relationship before you get into another. Unless there is physical or deep emotional abuse, I am a proponent of saving your marriage. If you don’t know where to start and don’t want to go to a counselor and divulge all the intricacies of your marriage or pay tons of money for advice, I suggest you take a look at some online programs. You don’t even need him to be involved for it to work. Here’s my favorite: Save My Marriage Today

Rule of Thumb: Don’t leave one man for another man. Break off your relationship, spend some time to reflect, and slowly start dating again.

When Is It Right To Get Back With An Ex? (And When It’s Not)

How do you know if it is a good idea to get your ex back?

Let me be honest with you. Sometimes it’s a blessing in disguise that he left or that you dumped him. He just wasn’t good for you but you were too scared to break it off fearing that you would be alone or that you wouldn’t find someone else. Fooling yourself into thinking he was “the one” even though he mistreated you, constantly cheated on you or just wasn’t a good team member (supporter of you).

If you are having trouble determining whether you actually want him back, join my 5 lesson mini course on how to get your ex back at the bottom of this page, the first lesson, “Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?” speaks volumes.

Here’s 3 questions to ask yourself to see if it’s really right to get back with your ex:

Were you and your ex really good together?

Don’t fool yourself now! If you know that your relationship was NEVER easy and it was like work everyday, you might not want to invest in getting him back.

Did your ex support your goals in life?

This means that he was a good team member and wanted you to succeed. Be wary of relationships when your ex “hates” on you and “mean mugs” (giving you an angry look) you when you achieve something. You want him to be just as happy or more happy for you than you are.

Did your ex treat you well?

This kind of goes hand in had with questions 1 and 2 but I want to dwelve a little bit deeper now. How did your ex make you feel? Was he physically abusive? Did he tear you down with his words? Has he called you out of your name? Has he talked about you behind your back? Did he treat you differently in private than in public? (meaning was he really sweet to you when you were alone together, but when you were in public he acted like he barely knew you OR was he really nice to you in front of your family and friends and then treated you bad when the two of you were alone?)

These are all things you have to think about when deciding whether to get back with your ex.

1. Calling, Texting, Emailing (Nope, can’t do it)

This is a huge mistake that many women make. We are sometimes guilty of working from our emotions and not thinking logically. Let me explain. When you break up you may want to call, text, or email him to let him know what a big mistake he made or even to let him have it and let him know you’ve already moved on. HUGE MISTAKE.

Here is something that is not only going to help you with your ex, but for the rest of your life:

Just because your emotions say to do it doesn’t mean that it should be done.

Read that again, because a lot of times even during dating, we can do some crazy things. “I just felt he was “the one” and I had to tell him how I felt even though we’ve only talked twice.” This gets women in more trouble than anything else.

So hold back your emotions and put on your “game heels” – never heard that before in my life – just made it up. But you know what I’m talking about, let’s think about this thing.

There is one caveat with contacting your ex. If you understand how to do it the right way, it can actually help to contact your ex. Here are two programs I recommend that help you learn the right ways to do it to be most effective.

Don’t Be THAT Girl

2. Are you OK with the breakup?

Of course you’re not, then otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this. But does he have to know that? Nope.

Think about it, if you aren’t constantly calling him, texting him or emailing him, he has NO CLUE what you are doing.

This is a good thing. Have you already moved on? Are you out with the girls on the prowl? Did you already have a back up boo ready? He has no freakin’ clue and this works to your advantage.

BUT if you are constantly contacting him, he knows exactly what you are doing: Sitting at home on your butt, thinking about him and contacting him. You’ve showed all your cards:(

3. Think Differently

When dealing with a breakup, you may feel that he is “the only one” for you. But you have to get yourself thinking that maybe there are other people out there that you would be compatible with. You aren’t throwing the idea of getting back together with him away you are just opening your mind up to the possibility that you could get along with another person.

Why the heck would I do that Robyn?

This is so you don’t operate from fear, which is the worst thing. If you feel you have other options, you aren’t hounding on the door of the one option. You can relax a bit. Think about if you are only applying for one job vs. applying for several. You know that you might work one place or you may work another. It’s just puts your mind more at ease and helps you get ready to get your ex back.

So what if I’ve already made all these mistakes?

It’s ok if you’ve made these mistakes, you just need to do things differently now. You can learn the right way to get back with your ex in my 5 lesson mini course on getting back with your ex.

How to Prevent Cheating & Save Your Relationship

It seems that it is hard for men to stay faithful to their
wives, how can I overcome this in my relationship?

Being faithful is a big issue in relationships. First, you have to trust the person you are with. If you don’t trust that person, then you will just drive yourself crazy trying to prove that they are cheating. It’s a very stressful situation.

The best thing to do is to make sure you have a strong foundation for a healthy and happy relationship. Do you have common interests? Do you have things other than sexual attraction that keep you together? Focus on those things.

The past is a great predictor of the future, so while dating it’s important to see if the person cheated on their ex and what were the circumstances surrounding that cheating. This is not easy information to get, and is definitely not a first date question, but throughout dating, if you can get him to divulge this information, it will be helpful for you to understand how he is most likely to act in the future.

The best way to prevent cheating is to have a genuine friendship with your mate. True friends find it very difficult to hurt another friend in that way.

Also during initial dating, making sure he has the opportunity to pursue you, helps him be faithful to you since he knows that you weren’t an easy catch and that it would be nearly impossible for you to take him back if cheating occurred.

What Attracts Men To Women

Why Sexy Women End Up Getting Their Heart Broken

Few women actually know what attracts men to women.

You may falsely believe that being sexy or attractive is what gets a man to want to be in a relationship with you, but this is not the case. Being attractive plays a part in enticing a man, but men choose which woman they want to spend more time with based on other factors.

Note: Want to also learn how to be irresistible to him? Check out my post on how to be irresistible to men, 5 techniques.

I’m going to share with you 3 qualities that actually attract men to women. You’ll learn the truth about attraction – things you would never knew about men that give you a competitive edge when attracting him. This is because few women understand what men really look for in women.

A lot goes on in a good man’s head before he approaches you. And I’m not including the men that honk their horn at you or the men in the club or bar that grab your arm to get your attention. These men most likely honk and grab at anything that walks. When attracting a good man you’ll want to keep the following attraction truths in mind.

The Truth About Attraction: 3 Things He Wants

1. Are you comfortable in your own skin?

Before you attempt to attract any man you have to make sure you like yourself.

Duh, of course I like myself, what does that mean?

I mean you truly have to love yourself and what’s going on in your life right now, even if you feel your life is stressful, overwhelming, or pretty much just sucks right now. You have to have the attitude that “things might suck right now, but I’m going to get through and I’m still pretty darn awesome!”

You have to surround yourself with people who are motivators and will uplift you instead of people who are draining and bring you down. Feeling good about yourself is underrated; it truly is the magnet that attracts good men. I’m not saying that you can’t attract a man if you aren’t completely comfortable in your own skin, but believe me you won’t want to.

Here’s why:

Attracting a man into your life because you feel he will make you happier, rarely if ever works. Dressing up, flirting, and having men ask you out when you aren’t happy with who you are is like a gazelle fattening up…only for the lion to ravish it.

In case you didn’t know, men do take advantage of those women who have low self esteem because these women tend to be very easy.If you are already feeling pretty good about yourself that is great. But you’ll need more to seal the deal.

2. Are you effective at giving the green light?

You have to be an effective flirter. It scares most men to death to approach a woman they may be interested in….unless he does the task very often, then you really don’t want that type of man anyway. You have to give him a little something to go on, whether it’s a smile or a little eye contact.

A good flirting technique is to catch his eye and give an inviting smile, keep the glance for about 2-3 seconds and then look away. Look back at him and smile again. This way he knows that if he approaches you he most likely won’t risk rejection.

3. Can you do this for him?

Lastly, the woman who is able to attract a man for long term has the ability to make a man feel good about himself. The woman who makes a man feel good about himself will always win. You will want to learn how to effectively make a man feel good about himself.

This is not about giving fake compliments are acting overly into him. It’s about allowing him to do certain things for you. Let him pay for the first date and allow him to open your door.

Let him know by accepting his good deeds that you appreciate what he is doing. A man gets his pleasure in the relationship from making you happy. So if he feels that he will be effective in making you happy he will be more attracted to you because that will be what will make him feel good about himself.

Don’t trust my word for it, go out there are use this stuff, the results are amazing. If you want more amazing results, check out the The Guy Magnet website to learn how to be the woman that a man desires and wants to spend the rest of his life with.

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Signs He Likes Me

Top 9 Ways He Will Secretly Let You Know He’s NOT Interested

Are you trying to figure out if he is into you? Is he giving you mixed signals that he likes you? You are not alone. At some point, all women have wondered the extent of a man’s affection and I’m going to share with you the 9 ways you can tell if he is into you.

Please note: This is part 2 of a 2 part post, make sure you read the first part of signs that he likes you.

When trying to get a man to fall for you or in love with you, you need to be strategic about the way you do things once you find out that he is into you.

The most effective thing you can do is avoid giving him too much once you find out he likes you. What you do in the beginning affects the course of your relationship and you don’t want to make mistakes that are hard to undo later on. Check out the Guy Magnet video for some tips on how to start your relationship off right.

9 Clear Signs That He Isn’t All That Into You

The following signals are a pretty good indication that he is probably not as attracted to you (if at all) as you might like them to be:

1. Where does he look?

He averts his eyes when talking to you. This is body language and if he is doing this he probably would rather be somewhere else.

2. Has he done this?

He has asked for your phone number, but then didn’t call. Or, if he gave you his number and expects you to give him a call. Don’t fall into this trap. Often times when men give their number to women, they want the woman to chase them or they want to see just how desperate a woman is. He needs to ask for your number AND call you.

3. Broken Promises?

He says he is going to call and then he doesn’t. Ok, there could be a good excuse for this (and it had better be a good one!), however we all know it only takes two seconds to make a quick call or even send a text message! Or if you call him and he says he will call right back and he never gets around to it.

4. Disrespect?

Does he flirt with other women while he is around you? Not a good sign at all.

5. Is everything one-sided?

You call him 90% of the time. If he rarely, if ever calls you then chances are they aren’t as interested in you as you are in them. The best thing to do in this situation is to take some time off from calling you to see if he starts to pursue. If not, it’s best to move on.

6. Excuses?

He always makes up excuses as to why he can’t meet your friends or family. Why wouldn’t he want to meet your friends and family if he is really attracted to you and wants things to last?

7. Has he said this?

They told you they weren’t attracted to you (ok, that’s pretty obvious!) It’s hard to believe but for some women this isn’t enough. Believe me, if he’s said he’s not attracted or interested he isn’t. Even the most shy guys find a way to let you know of their interest.

8. Important dates?

He forgot your birthday – again. If he forgets important dates or events in your life, then he doesn’t place much importance on these dates in your life. You deserve better.

9. Avoidance?

He only answers his phone when he doesn’t know it is you calling. This person is too scared to tell you they’re not interested, so will avoid talking to you for as long as possible in hope that you will give up and move on.

DATER BEWARE: Sometimes it is difficult to tell if he is attracted to you or not if he is a genuinely nice person and does not want to hurt you. Or you could be confused by a person who is just simply a good conversationalist. Sometimes people just enjoy talking to other people and you should not mistake this as an attraction sign.

MEGA TIP: If he really likes you he will find a way to approach you. Even if he’s shy, he will find an excuse to see you or call you.

Missed the first part of this post? Find it here.

Why Men Cheat: The Ultimate List of Reasons

When They Otherwise Wouldn’t

This post will explain why most good men cheat, some men will cheat regardless given the opportunity and does not apply to them.

We got it wrong ladies. For years, we’ve been dressing up, wearing makeup, putting on our high heels and making sure we show enough cleavage to get his attention when he strays.

And all too often when celebs break up we always ask “How could she get cheated on? She’s beautiful.” Or “If Halle Berry or Christie Brinkley was cheated on, there’s just no hope.”

Many times women wrongly assume that the reason why men cheat is because of something physical. And I’m here to challenge your views on why men cheat and tell you a simple way you can prevent it in your own relationship.

I’m not saying that you can put your makeup and high heels away, men do appreciate when you look good. But what I’m saying is there is something more important that is CRUCIAL that you add to your daily routine. In fact if you don’t add this into your daily routine, there is a good chance he will stray.

As much as I hate to admit it, I at once was attracted to someone else’s man.I was very surprised that I was able to get in so close with him especially since he had a girlfriend for over 7 years.

But once I understood the #1 reason why men cheat, it all made perfect sense. He was missing something very important in his relationship that if he had there would be no way I would have been able to get in.

Luckily, as far as our “heated” relationship went were a few very long personal emails. She was a very smart woman and was able to catch it before it went too far. And hopefully what she did was give him more of what he obviously needed.

And that thing that he obviously needed was…appreciation. If you have been keeping up with What Men Want or if you are part of my mini course 10 Lessons On Men, you would know that a man’s number one need is to feel successful.

The woman that is able to achieve making a man feel more successful will always win….that is how you attracted him in the first place.

Think about it…when you first get with someone, most of the time the world revolves around him, you pick out his good attributes and you run with it. And even his bad attributes you kind of sweep under the rug.

At the beginning of the relationship is when a man is most happy because he is being successful at making you happy. And that is his chief aim, to feel successful.

Fast forward to a few months or years later, the appreciation starts to diminish and you might start to suggest things that he could do better or ridicule him for not going after a promotion at his job. Or complain about him not doing things around the house. Not saying these issues should not be addressed but there is a correct way to address them.

Your man begins to feel that he can’t make you happy anymore. Thus making him feel unsuccessful.

This doesn’t mean that he is going to hurry and go and cheat on you but it does mean that his defenses are weakened.

So when otherwise, he would be able to ward off the women who say, “You look nice today” or “You did such a great job on that project” – His defenses are weakened and if a woman really wants a piece of your man, this is her prime opportunity. Because all she has to do is compliment him and make him feel good by acknowledging his accomplishments and make him feel that he can be successful at making her happy.

Don’t get me wrong…this is not the ONLY reason why men cheat. But such a large amount of men cheat because of it, a little less than 60% that it bears passing along the information.

So the #1 thing you can do to keep your man’s attention on you has nothing to do with how you look, the first thing that should be done is to fill his appreciation tank (I know, it’s quite dorky – I’m a daughter of two teachers).

But that is what you will need to do, speak life into your man. Let him know that he is successful at making you happy. Be amazed by some of the things he does. In the next lesson in this series we will discuss some warning signals that he is straying.

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