I spoke before about a 7 year “crush” that I had at one point in my life. It was pretty much ridiculous and in hindsight I should have known at the very least that this guy was not “available” to like me, he had a girlfriend. But I am grateful for the experience, because after this crush, it was difficult for any guy again to “trick” me into allowing them to dominate my thoughts for an extended period of time.
It’s so funny how life works because to this day we are still very good friends and what I wanted in the past as far as him initiating contact, us going out, and him being a part of my life has all happened for me. And by getting to know him more deeply, I found that if we had gotten together in a romantic way, I would be a nervous wreck right now and we probably would have greatly stunted the other’s growth and made each other completely miserable.
If you are reading this post, chances are that your love interest has at least been friendly to you in order for you to question whether he sees you as relationship material. I know how frustrating it can be for a man to give us mixed signals as to whether he is into us or not. I want to share with you the top 5 ways to tell if he attracted to you and whether he sees you as more than a friend. In addition, I want to give you a couple of tools to move things along if you are still unsure, and how to clear your mind of him if you determine, “he’s just not that into you”.
5. Stare Down
He can’t stop looking at you. Although you can’t take this sign and run with it, if you catch a man looking at you in an amorous or loving way, this could be a sign that he sees you as more than a friend. Maybe you have turned around and caught him staring at you more than once. Unfortunately, you can’t count having a face to face conversation as him staring.
But you do want to be careful with this sign. A man can be attracted to you but not necessarily want a relationship with you. He could just want to be intimate, which should not be mistaken as him wanting something long term.
4. Are you listening?
Another way to tell if he sees you as more than a friend is if he repeats your thoughts and desires back to you. One of the things my husband did when we were first going out was to point out houses to me and say, you wouldn’t like that house because it looks too much like the house next to it. Or, that’s a nice apartment building, but I know you would never live there because you don’t like the neighborhood. This not only signaled that he was listening to me, but it also suggested that he saw me in his future, because he made it clear that if I didn’t like it, he didn’t see himself there either.
If he is repeatedly expressing your thoughts back to you, he may be interested, but you will need other clues as well because good friends do the same thing.
3. Are you taken?
When you first meet him, he may find clever ways to see if you are attached to someone or if you are taken. He may come right out and say, “Do you have a boyfriend?”, my husband asked “Are you married?” Or he may be a little bit more clever with his approach by assuming you do and letting you correct him.
If he never asks you about your relationship status or doesn’t care, this is a red flag. It’s not flattering for someone to try to initiate a relationship with you when you are attached to someone else. What is this saying about his morals? Does he believe it is ok to cheat? So what will he do when he is with you?
Even if you are in a horrible relationship, a man who is open to the type of commitment you want, will not try to save you from your relationship. He will expect that you value yourself enough to end the relationship without a promise of a relationship from him.
2. Initiation
The scales will be greatly uneven for a man who sees you as more than a friend. He won’t mind contacting you two or three times before you contact him. He will want to get to know you more. He won’t be able to help talking to you.
Here’s a fatal mistake a lot of women make, and of course I know, because I’ve made it too. Just because you are contacting him and he is happy to hear from you doesn’t mean that he is necessarily into you. Actually contacting him too much can decrease his attraction for you. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that he is really shy or he’s too busy to pick up a phone or log onto the internet to contact you.
The worse way to find out that he really wasn’t that into you, is to expend all your energy trying to make it easy for him to know that you are a worthy candidate, only to see him in action with someone he truly likes. For example, you’ve been contacting him and asking him to go places with you and then you find out that he’s purchased a bouquet of flowers for the woman that he really likes or he asks you for your advice on what another woman might like. Don’t fall for it! Even shy men won’t let the love of their life get past them or even someone that they are really attracted to.
1. The Most Sure Fire Way
If he sees you as more than a friend, he will ask you out. Yes, he will ask you out on a date. I’m not talking about going out with a group of friends. I’m talking about you and him together, that’s it. I’m not talking about discussing a term paper over coffee because you’re the best student in the class, I’m talking about a date.
Well, what if he’s showed me other signals that aren’t mentioned here? There very well may be other reasons why you feel that he is into you and my suggestion is to always find out for sure so you aren’t spending your time allowing him to occupy your mind if he has no interest in you.
A couple of things you can do depending on your comfort level is, you can ask him out. You can say “We should go out sometime”. What is his reaction? Does he try to help you schedule the date or does he say “Sure” and then not mention it again. After you go out, is he the next one that requests a date or does he try to forget it ever happened?
Or, and this is the way that I found out my 7 year “crush” had no interest is, you can point blank ask him. Do you like me? This was one of the most freeing days of my life, because that was the day I could release myself and my mind so I was able to allow someone else to occupy the picture of Mr. Robyn.
My suggestion is to not let the unanswered go on for too long because you want to avoid keeping viable prospects out of your life because you have saved a space for someone is not interested in occupying it.
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