Do you ever feel like the only person in the world who has to fight for your relationship? Sometimes strained relationships can feel like each day presents a new obstacle. Turmoil and difficulty have taken the place of love and acceptance. Nothing seems to be going smoothly anymore.
Relationships are hard work at the best of times. Sometimes the “fight” in the relationship becomes too much to bear. You might start to feel like you carrying the majority of the weight in your relationship – and that can become downright exhausting.
How can you win your relationship back? Is there any way to get things back to the way they were? Especially when you’re blinded by love, it’s difficult to know when to fight for a relationship and when to let it go. Keep reading for some of our best tips on how to fight for love – and when to move on.
Remember The Golden Rule
Treat others the way you want to be treated! Men can be stubborn and often need to be lead by example.
Show him, by your actions and words, how he should treat you. Do you expect him to be kind and gentle with you? Do the same for him. Do you expect him to carry out thoughtful gestures? Maybe you should show him how it’s done. Leave him a thoughtful note in his work bag for him to find on a stressful morning.
Showing your man exactly how you want to be cared for can help him realize where he needs to pick up the slack. Don’t be afraid to tell him what you need! You can say something like, “I would love to stay in with you and watch a movie; I really love the time we get one-on-one.” Or, “Can I take you to one of my favorite restaurants in the city? It would mean a lot to me.”
Insist on date nights and even simple flirting. Agree on some healthy strategies together for resolving disagreements. Try some of other tips give below on how to build strong relationship habits with your partner.
Relationship Tip
How to build strong relationship habits with your partner
Don’t Talk When You’re Angry
When relationships take a turn for the worse, emotions are high. This often leads to overwhelming sadness and anger – which can get the best of our actions. These strong emotions can make both parties act illogically (think – yelling, insults, unfounded claims). But how do you fight fair for someone you love?
Some of the biggest mistakes in relationships
are made during times of anger when both parties aren’t thinking clearly. If the conversation gets heated and is no longer productive – walk away. Yelling and shouting at each other will not solve the underlying problems in your relationship and will likely lead to resentment and even (unnecessary) cruelty.
One of the most important skills in a relationship is learning how to walk away. Walking away from a conversation doesn’t mean you’re walking away from the relationship (in fact, quite the contrary). Walking away from an unproductive argument shows your partner that you have enough respect for your relationship to want to address it later and with a clear head. Walking away in times of high emotion can show love, maturity, and mutual respect.
Does your partner insult you or disrespect you when he is angry? You might need to step back – maybe it is time to walk away from this one for good.
Do You Fight Fair?
There is nothing worse than breaking up and getting back together. And then breaking up again. And getting back together again.
Beware of the phantom breakup. Unless you are under the age of 16, the breakup-get back together-breakup dance gets very old and exhausting. Do not use – or tolerate – empty threats of breaking up to scare your partner. This isn’t a fair way to handle an adult relationship.
Do you (or does he) bring up old disagreements and mistakes from the past? Cut this fighting behavior immediately.
Dredging up past mistakes is a very dangerous way of fighting that will likely lead to prolonged anger and resentment from both parties. Of course, it’s okay to have preconceived notions or hurt feelings due to past experiences. But, if you decide to move forward with your partner in a healthy relationship, the past needs to become (and stay in) the past.
Forgive – but don’t forget. If you truly don’t feel like you can trust your partner, the relationship is likely over.
Respect Your Differences?
People, in general, communicate in different ways. Discover your, and your partner’s, love languages – and use them to reach each other.
Discover Love LanguagesDoes it mean a lot to your partner that you spend every Sunday evening together? Make it a priority. Does your partner appreciate being told he looks handsome on a random Monday morning? Try it out.
Sometimes, opposites can attract. Acknowledge the fact that your partner might not think and communicate the same way as you. That doesn’t mean you can’t be in a healthy and happy relationship! Learning to accept and respect each other’s differences is an important part of making a lasting relationship work.
Consider The Non-Negotiables
It’s no secret that men can portray mysterious behaviors – especially when they are emotional. It’s important to create boundaries and even determine some non-negotiables. But, how do you know what behaviors should you absolutely not stand for? When is fighting for a relationship no longer worth it, or even damaging to your own mental health?
Abuse
Abuse, whether physical, emotional, or mental, is always a deal-breaker. No one should have to endure being physically assaulted or made to feel small. Emotional and mental abuse is sometimes harder to spot – especially if you grew up in a family where this was the “norm.”
Simply put – your partner should make you feel good about yourself. If he ever makes you feel afraid, ashamed, guilty, embarrassed, or like you cannot speak for yourself – it’s time to end the relationship and/or seek counseling immediately.
Infidelity
Infidelity can be a tricky topic for many couples and is very often a good reason to break up. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with only you. The betrayal experienced through cheating is often too great a load to bear in a healthy relationship.
There are cases in which couples are able to work through infidelity issues and stay together. But this begs the question – can the trust really be rebuilt? Lack of trust is poison in a relationship.
It can lead to controlling or obsessive behavior that brings out the worst in you and/or your partner. It’s important that issues of infidelity are dealt with great caution – and sometimes even a medical professional, like a therapist or psychologist, can help.
Addiction
Addiction is another (very complicated) relationship obstacle that requires massive amounts of trust and work to overcome. Depending on the willingness of your partner to get help, this can be a very long, windy, and painful road of recovery for both of you.
It’s important to remember that addiction doesn’t ever go away. This is something your partner (and you) will deal with for the rest of your lives, and often comes hand-in-hand with lies and deceit. Partners of addicts are often codependent and have a tendency to put themselves, and their needs, last. Consider seeking help for yourself first if you find out that your partner is an addict.
Unless you are committed to your partner through a potentially messy recovery trail, it’s best to let this relationship come to an end.
Unreliability & Refusal
Unreliability or refusal to grow are also signs that your relationship is not worth saving. Check out some additional signs from the Huffington Post that it’s time to give your man the boot.
Think About Commitment
It’s a simple, yet complicated question – is your partner committed to you? Commitment is very important to consider and often requires some deep thought and soul-searching. Do you truly see a future with this person?
Think about commitment to your partner – and also commitment to yourself. Don’t ever waver from who you are or what you want in life for someone else. I can promise that you will end up disappointed. Life takes twists and turns. Relationships come and go. But you have to live with yourself forever – and that’s the person you should be committed to.
It would be very disappointing to fight for your relationship only to find it wasn’t worth fighting for, and that he wasn’t committed to a future with you to begin with. Think about the kind of life you want to live, what you want to accomplish, and who you strive to be. Does your partner fit in with this image of yourself? You deserve someone who is all in (and vice versa).
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Know Your Worth
It sounds cliché – but never settle. If you aren’t totally happy, make a change. Take some time apart. Try dating other people.
Change can be good! It might be a painful and difficult change, but it’s the only way you’ll find true happiness.
It’s important to remember your self-worth. If your man if not putting forth effort, you can have – and deserve better – in your relationship. You can stop fighting for a relationship, but never stop fighting for yourself.
Ask For Trusted Advice
When you’re fighting for love, it’s easy to get lost and caught up in emotions. Sometimes we can’t see clearly when we are working so hard to save our relationships. Seek our advice from your most trusted sources. Read as much as you can about relationships and “what’s normal.”
Talk to your close friends and family about what you are experiencing. Or, if you find this difficult, talk to a therapist. There are many apps and call-in services these days that allow you to talk to a therapist incognito. It’s underrated but can provide a lot of clarity from an unbiased source.
While you will need to rely on those you trust, beware of unsolicited advice. Sometimes when friends find out you are struggling in your relationship, they want to give their two cents even when you don’t want it (or it isn’t even related to your specific experience and relationship). Unless your relationship is toxic (see the non-negotiables above) and your friends are concerned, it’s a delicate choice and a part of your personal development. How to fight for a guy might depend on your history, past relationship experiences, and personalities.
Try to block out negativity from people who don’t fully know or understand your situation. Keep the private, private.
Pick Your Battles
When you’re fighting for a relationship, every situation might feel like a disagreement. Be careful to choose your battles wisely. No one likes to be nagged for leaving the TV on. Or the toilet seat up (yuck). When you are going through serious relationship strife, learn to let the “little things” slide – for now.
Save up your emotions and energy for the big situations that deserve your attention. Does your partner come home late from work every night and go straight to bed? Does he play video games instead of spending time with you? These might be issues that are worth bringing up on a larger scale.
Don’t Give Up Hope
If you decide that you’re in it for the long haul (and that you’re being treated right) – don’t give up. Good and bad days come and go. Life is cyclical and moods can change with the seasons. Give your man time to redeem himself. Be honest and communicative (and be loving).
Try to have faith in what you have built and the time you have spent with your partner. Even if you do ultimately part ways, there is something to be said for the experience you have learned here. Never take that for granted!
When you’re fighting to save a relationship, every day can feel like an exhausting battle. Ask yourself – is this the way you want to live your life?
Hold steady to your non-negotiables, pick your battles, and seek advice from trusted sources. Life is short and precious, and you deserve to feel happy and valued. Ultimately, work to prioritize yourself and decide if the relationship is worth fighting for or if it’s time to just move on.
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