I feel like I’ve been chasing a guy, at first he seemed flattered but now he’s pulling away. How do I get a guy to be interested in me again?
This is a great question! I talk about chasing and pursuing in my 10 lesson mini course. This is because I feel that it is vital in attraction and continued attraction.
It may be hard to do this, but the best thing you can do is take some time and focus on yourself. It may seem by not continuing to pursue him that he won’t know that “you like him”. This is not true. One of the mistakes that women make in dating and relationships is believing if they aren’t continuously showing a man that they “like him” or that they are “into him” than he will lose interest. This is what is effective with women, not men.
As women, we like for a man to continuously chase and show his affection for us. Men are different in that respect, if you continuously do these things for men, HE WILL LOSE INTEREST, no matter how interested he was at first.
Another thing that gets in our way of bringing the attraction back is the idea that “I don’t want to play games”. It’s not playing games, it’s doing what is effective. If you want to lose weight, it’s a known fact that you have to exercise. Because you really DON’T want to exercise or you don’t “feel” like doing it, are you playing games to lose weight? Heck no, you’re doing what’s effective. So here is what’s effective at bringing his attraction back IF he liked you in the beginning.
Focus more on yourself and the things you like to do. Don’t change your schedule for him and don’t interrupt what you are doing to accommodate him. I personally have a TV show that I love to watch and anyone short of the President or the actual people in the show coming into my living room to meet me would get completely ignored.
Allow him to be the one to pursue. Don’t call him or “accidentally” run into him. It may take a couple of weeks, but when he contacts you again his attraction will be stronger and you would have cooled down a bit because you have been too involved in your own life to think about him. This works amazingly.
what can you do if the person who professes to you being the one for him, but disappears and returns, has a low interest in doing things other than his work schedule – though his work is particularly important as a counsellor and therapist to terminally ill people, and who has again disappeared although originally said he was coming back but havent heard for ages even though recently text himthat a friendship thing was possible and to ask him if he had disappeared for good and was no longer going to communicate if he could let me know one way or the other so i could adjust my mental framework.
Hi Sue,
Thanks for your question. I would say that the best thing would be to avoid trying to identify any type of relationship with him now. When he is not calling or contacting you, the best thing you can do is focus on yourself. This might seem that you are “alienating” the relationship but this is what is going to be effective.
When he starts to miss you, which could be a couple of weeks, he will be ready to take you out and do things with you. But you can’t force him to be around during this time. Date other people if you have to. If you guys aren’t in a committed relationship, you don’t owe him that exclusivity.
When the time is right, he will discuss that with you and begin to act differently, since now you are in a relationship.
So this sounds somewhat similar to my issue but when my friend did contact me it was to participate in a amateur pool league. How do I know if he is still interested at all or why he pulled back in the first place? I did do as you suggest and not contact him at all for sometime so the invite surprised me, but then after I agree and join another female as of last week has joined and she seem to go out of her way to I guess you can say, stake claim. I discovered that I like pool and I’m not a quiter. What should I do?
At my local gym I noticed this guy watching me, I didn’t think about it for months until I saw him sitting in front of the mirror trying to convince himself that he either did or did not like me,. It startled me because I didn’t pay much attention to it and I was thinking to myself, “Is he referring to me”. As time progress I began saying “Hi” when we passed each other in the gym, a month or so later he began making strides to talk to me but he kept talking himself out of it. The first time he tried he stood in front of me (which was really awkward, I didn’t know whether to say hi or what, it was creepy), the second time I was in the another area of the gym, he came him as I was leaving and at that moment I didn’t realize it but he was coming to talk with me, the third and last time I say him contemplating something in his mind I looked away and there he was walking toward me but he quickly changed as if he were going to throw something away in the trash can. So a couple of weeks later I introduced myself to him, I told him my name and that I hoped when he saw me he would speak. the following week he approached me, I was so excited, it was a bit awkward but I felt like he was waiting for me to do something or say something, I just couldn’t figure out what it was. We kind of went through the song and dance of walking pass on another and not speaking and speakiing sporadicly, but it seemed like he was waiting for me to do something, he didn’t ask for my number and just recently he began avoiding me, I noticed he doesn”t come around me, he doesn’t watch me, stare, nothing. I don’t know what happened, he has his friend watching me, telling him my every move. I’m confused was I just suppose to give him my number? Why would he avoid me with no apparent reason, at least to my knowledge, I like him, but it appears as if he’s unsure and now he’s avoiding me, he watches me but doesn’t want me watching him or even see him, it’s really weird