I just wanted to share with you this quick tip with you that is really effective in resetting your relationship. I’m going to explain later how exactly it works and your mindset while using it.
This is highly effective on men, but I wouldn’t suggest using it in your relationships with women, it usually has the opposite effect.
I named it “The Man Reset Button”.
A lot of times in relationships and dating, you find that a man is really interested in you at first and then he starts to pull back. It seems that this happens at the height of your relationship, so it really sucks! Even if you’ve been dating him for a while, sometimes men pull back, and it seems that it is for no apparent reason.
As a woman, you may naturally want to question him and ask him about the relationship and where he feels the relationship is headed, big no no. Or you may even want to exert more effort to show him that you really care about him. And if you’ve done the latter, you know this just makes him pull farther away.
But the MOST effective thing you can do in these situations is to just STOP.
What the heck do I mean STOP?
I mean that you have to just stop what you are doing, and press the reset button. Where’s the reset button? The reset button is when you REFOCUS your life back on you.
You may never know the exact reason why he pulls back and chances are neither does he. But focusing on what you did wrong or trying to show him you really like him is INEFFECTIVE. Trust me, I’ve tried it for years and it doesn’t work.
What IS effective is not contacting him. I know what you are thinking. But if I don’t contact him, what if he never calls me back or thinks I have lost interest? Alright, I really want you to think about this question. Where in this question does it show YOUR value at all? You’ve just put him on a pedestal.
You’ve actually put yourself in chasing mode. What you should be thinking about is how wonderful a person you are and how awesome you are. Love yourself. If he can’t see that through all your love and care you showed him, does he really deserve to be a part of your life?
Start being more selective and allow him to see that you have value as well.
So here’s all you need to do:
Stop calling him or contacting him and focus on yourself. It may be hard the first couple of days, but once you get past the initial feeling of loss; you will enjoy refocusing your life on yourself.
And if you refocus on yourself properly, you will find you won’t even care if he calls back or not. But chances are, if you are doing this right, you’ll get a call.
Robyn
Good advice self first and everything else will fall in place
Thanks Laneeka!
Good advice self first and everything else will fall in place
Hi! I came across your site as I was looking for a bit of clarity in my own “relationship” with a guy friend of mine. He’s 29(almost 30 in two months,) I’m 28. We met on a dating site over a year ago and we became fast friends, Talking almost every day and staying up until the wee hours of morning just talking and texting each other.
He’s a really amazing person and, over time, I ended up falling for him. However, about three months after we met, (around March of 2014), he started dating a woman who was 20 years older than he; she didn’t like that he and I were so close and I didn’t see or hear from him much during that time, and she didn’t want me to see him. The relationship fell through some months later and we were closer than ever.
This time, I wasn’t going to lose him again: on July 9( my late father’s 55th birthday) I told him how I felt and that I wanted to be with him(it was the most nerve wracking and most worthwhile thing I have ever done!). While he was flattered that I did this, he said that he wasn’t looking for a relationship(due to his ex gf hurting him) and at that time, was concentrating on finding a new job and moving out on his own.
I understood his choice and for the most part, I keep my feelings for him to myself. He eventually got a better(albeit a tad stressful) job in Florida and moved there in October. We’ve managed to keep in touch as much as we can, but lately it feels like I am bugging him a little with wanting to talk to him and with checking up on him. Sometimes he responds to my texts, and sometimes he doesn’t, but I can’t help but feel like he’s holding back a little-he talks to his other friends a lot more than he does with me, and I think that it has a lot to do with how he thinks of me as a person.
Bottom line- I care for him. A lot. I may even be so bold as to say that, in fact, I may even be in love with him. I think of him a lot at times (even when I’m very, very busy) and I dream of the day when I could tell him “I love you” and he can open up his heart to me. So far, we’re still friends, but I feel that there’s so much confusion now. I never know how he thinks or feels(or what he thinks of me); I don’t know if he just can’t tell me or doesn’t want to tell me and I genuinely want to know.
I understand that he has a life of his own and he has responsibilities now, but I don’t want to harm him or cause him pain. I only want to be apart of his life and give him love. I feel as though I’m in a way paying for the way his ex gf treated him, and I can’t seem to get closer to him. And I want to. So badly. I want to be with him and gladly be a gf he deserves but I just can’t get through to him. Sometimes I feel so stupid that I want to be with him so bad, that I take an interest in his life that I admit, I do overdo it with texting him and contacting him. He may think that it’s just easier to blow me off whenever and talk to his friends, but to me, it makes me feel as though I don’t matter to him anymore when he means everything to me.
Did I make a mistake to always be there for him, to try and love him and never abandon him? Am I wrong for wanting to be apart of his life and to be more closer to him, even though he is clearly treating me differently than he treats his friends. I wish I knew what was going on in his head, I wish I was let into his world and I had a chance to give him love. If I had just one chance to show him love, I would tell him that I love him every day and night, to be there to believe in him and support his dreams and to stand by him. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for him. Please tell me what do you think of this? I love him so much but I’m so confused.
I feel like I’m not his friend, but I’m not his girlfriend, either(even though it would be a dream come true for me) so I’m stuck in the vast nothingness of the friend zone/relationship limbo. What’s your take on this? (Sorry for the long diatribe, by the way)
Thank you, Brittany
P.S., Also, Can you give me any tips on:
*How we can be closer and work towards a beautiful relationship? He’s really sweet and quiet(and a bit shy) and I think that we have the potential to be something amazing together. This is my biggest dream of all.
*Can you please give me advice how I can get out of the friend zone with him without playing games or lying to him? And advice on how we can be closer? Thanks so much!
Dear Brittany,
Thank you for posting your question on the blog. It sounds like you really like this guy and I know he knows it.
I’ve been there and many other women have been your exact spot, but what you will realize is that this admiration and loving only causes him to pull further away. You’ve effectively put him on a pedestal.
This is the reason that he doesn’t have to work at all to gain your affection.
He knows if and when he ever decides to make a move, you will be waiting there with a loving glare in your eyes.
The truth is that men are happiest and want to move forward in relationships when they have to earn you. This doesn’t mean you have to play games. You just have to focus on yourself more and see the value in you. You are the one to be desired.
Give him some space and fill your time with things you like to do. It’s going to be tough the first couple of weeks but after a while it’s not going to hurt as bad.
He may decide to call and if and only if you aren’t busy, you should have a conversation with him. If you are busy, then call him back when you aren’t.
It may take up to 2 months for him to decide to call you. I know this seems like a long time, but don’t write him off until then. If he does not call you back, you really need to consider if your attention is focused in the right place.
Interest for men comes with being attracted to a woman and earning her love and affection, if those two things aren’t present it’s almost impossible for a healthy relationship to occur.
Also read, https://relationshipblackbook.com/how-to-make-a-guy-fall-in-love-with-you/
Thanks for writing 🙂
Thanks so much for your advice, Robyn. I’ve implemented “no contact” on last Sunday(22 Feb) and I plan on doing this from then until(31 May). it’s a long while away to not talk to someone, but I feel as though that this is my last shot at getting him back and keeping him this time. I’m so afraid to lose him, because I feel like I’ve done nothing wrong but try to love him and care for him. It’s not easy to be in love with someone who’s so far away(seven hours away in FL), but its a heck of a lot harder to keep it to myself, at least for now. Even now that I’m separated from him, I now have all this space to figure things out. I know that I still love him. I know that I can’t stop thinking about him, even in my dreams. I know that I don’t want him to walk out of my life forever when there’s a chance that he can love me too. This is why I have no other choice but to do NC now, and it’s complete TORTURE. And it’s so hard at times, but I’m trying to keep my mind off of it by taking care of myself and fixing my life. And it’s very difficult. Yes, he is totally worth it; he’s not perfect, but he’s someone that I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life with. He is “awesome sauce” and I can’t imagine life without him in it. I only hope that after NC, he and I can talk and move on to something amazing together. Thanks again for your help, Robin. God Bless.
I guess that the hardest thing of all is having to watch him talk to his other friends on Facebook while ignoring me. I understand that I have to give him space and leave him alone for a while. But what I don’t understand is how, after we were so close before, after all that, I don’t mean anything to him now? I’m not mad or anything, but I’m confused and hurt. I want to be able to call and text him again, and I desire to have a relationship with my guy friend, but it seems like he maybe dealing with his feelings and thoughts about me too and he’s confused about me too. I don’t understand his need to do this, when all I ever did was be kind to him, to show him love and support when he needed it. All I want is a chance to show him that I’m different from the girls he dated. I want the chance to be able to give him the love he wants too. I don’t want to lose him, but this is cruel. Being ignored like this. It sucks, but this is better than the alternative: pushing him out of my life forever. I just hope that I will make it to the end of my “no contact” period.