Make Your Husband Fall In Love With You Again In 3 Steps

Updated May 2021

Separation can be painful and devastating to both you and your husband. While this time apart can also help you work on your marriage, you may feel like you have already lost your husband. 

When you separate, you both get the time you need to work through your issues, gain a fresh perspective, and decide whether there is hope for your relationship. If you decide there is indeed hope for your “us,” then it’s up to you to win your husband back.

Here’s the thing: There is a lot of advice out there about how to win your husband back after a separation, and it’s not all bad. Most of this advice has one thing in common though: It usually skips the hard stuff.

Firstly, you should work on yourself, finding a healthy place in your relationship with yourself before you reach out to your husband for reconciliation. Reconciliation takes time, commitment, and the ability to swallow your pride. Sure, you might throw out a half-hearted apology, make him his favorite dinner, and seduce him – and that might actually work. But will it work for the long haul? Is your marriage really fixed, or have you merely slapped on a sexy band-aid?

If you have realized the band-aid is not a solution and truly desire to get your husband back for good, use these 3 steps to create a happier you, a happier him, and a happier marriage. 

These 3 steps are designed to help you make your husband fall in love with you again. 

Step One: Start To Forgive Him

Forgiveness isn’t easy. It hurts, and it takes guts from you and from him. It requires that you communicate about what the past has done to you, how you seek to fix things, and acknowledge what you both did wrong. Only then can real forgiveness start to happen.

You need to be honest and admit how much (or how little) you have forgiven him. It isn’t possible to simply place things behind you and move on. The past will always linger with you, and it’s up to you both to make the best of the situation, to be clear about your relationship, and to head in the same direction moving forward.

Forgiveness is essential for your marriage to have any chance at working, and here’s why:

Firstly, you are still in love with your husband if you are willing to give your marriage a second (or third or fourth) chance. 

So, you have already begun to forgive him, at least, to some extent. Your negative feelings may have lessened, and you have some hope for your joint future. If you didn’t have these more positive feelings in you, then you wouldn’t have given him another chance, and you wouldn’t be on the road to reconciliation.

You may have moved from feeling like a volcano on the brink of eruption to feeling more like a water heater prepared to let off steam. It isn’t just about learning how to get your husband back; instead, it’s about wanting your husband back. 

So, if you reenter your relationship with feelings that are unresolved and still festering in you, familiar situations can trigger you and lead to an explosion again.

Entering your relationship with unresolved feelings can leave you vulnerable to having these triggered again by simple things like:

• You are talking to him about your relationship, only for him to lay all the blame on you again (or at least, that’s how you interpret the discussion). 
• Since you haven’t forgiven him, you interpret his statements as shifting blame instead of accepting his role in things. 
• You notice he seems to be slipping back into old habits like returning home late, acting unfairly, or being absent from the family. While he may have legitimate reasons for what he is doing, you resent him since you haven’t forgiven him.
• Since there is no communication, you feel insecure when he seems to simply carry on as before.

Any of these situations or events can cause you to feel the same sense of unhappiness and disconnection as before, and before you know it, you have exploded again, dragging up old enmities and rehashing what happened before to threaten your relationship. This can lead to your relationship suffering because of things that happened before, even when there is nothing wrong right now.

This is where forgiveness comes in.

Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling, so it cannot be based on how you feel. If you feel like you’ve forgiven him, but you really haven’t, you’re setting yourself (and him) up for failure.

So, what can you do to make sure you’ve forgiven him?

Try making a list of all the ways he’s hurt you, no matter how small. Be as honest as you can, and don’t leave anything out because it seems petty or insignificant when compared to something else. Did he forget your birthday and cheat on you? If both of these actions hurt you, write them both down.

Next, read the list aloud as though you were reading it to him, and at each grievance, say, “I forgive you for this, and I will never bring it up again. From now on, it will be as though you never did it.”

If you can do this with an honest heart, that’s forgiveness. If not, it’s okay. Now you know where you are emotionally, and you won’t be going into your relationship under false pretenses. 

As long as you know you resent him, you can exercise some measure of control over your feelings, not bleeding on him when he didn’t cut you (this time). Your attachment style is dictated by more than just your past with him. Others also feature in this, and you shouldn’t hold him responsible for what wasn’t his fault.

Secondly, forgiveness is vital because you can’t wait for him to apologize before you move on and forgive him. Some people don’t know how to apologize in a meaningful way. It is not up to you to make opportunities for him to do so. 

What if you set him up to apologize and he doesn’t? How will you be able to move forward then? At the end of the day, forgiveness is about you and not the person who hurt you. By giving him your forgiveness, you can release yourself from the past’s pain (not wait for him to do so). 

Your forgiveness is about giving yourself permission to move forward. Reconciliation doesn’t require him to ask for forgiveness. Instead, it is about you forgiving yourself and him for the past so you can heal. Only when you have begun healing can there be hope for your relationship to heal. Forgiveness is the first step in how to get your husband back after separation.

Step Two: Apologize For Your Part In It All

There is a mistaken belief that to apologize means you somehow lessen yourself. It doesn’t. By asking for someone’s forgiveness, you are consolidating your inner self with your actions. You move into a position of strength. 

You should ask your partner for forgiveness by apologizing to them. This doesn’t mean you grovel or beg. Instead, it is about admitting you were wrong. There is real power. You admit you have been wrong, and you thereby give yourself the responsibility and power to fix things from your end. 

Apologies are there to open the communication channels, and when you apologize, you allow communication to happen. You want to talk to your partner, and you should want to take responsibility by admitting you have done wrong. A marriage is a relationship, and it always takes two to tango. You need to own up to your share of the marital problems. Neither you nor your partner are solely to blame for the marital disharmony. 

Be sure to apologize with honesty and avoid any manipulation or falsehood in your apology, and you will be able to participate in your relationship freely, setting you both up for successful reconciliation. 

You know you are manipulating your partner when you say something just to get them to do something for you. And do you know who else will know you’re manipulating him?

Him.

Maybe not at first, but he’ll figure it out pretty quickly, and then he’ll stop trusting your intentions. Everything you say and do will lose credibility with him.

You’ll lose his trust, and no healthy relationship can be built on anything but trust.

Step Three: Invite Him Back Into Your Marriage

This step is less concrete than the other two, because it’s less about a specific action and more about your state of mind – or, rather, your state of heart.

Believe it or not, the state of your heart is the most important factor when it comes to reconciling your relationship with your husband after a separation.

For example, genuine forgiveness comes from a heart that wants to be free from anger and wants to make things right for the good of another human being. Bitterness prevents one from moving forward, and you should not have a need for revenge or wanting to get even. The past is in the past, and you should let go if you want you and your husband to heal.

A genuine apology comes from a heart that has accepted responsibility for its own weaknesses. A genuine invitation to rejoin you in marriage comes from a heart that is ready to do the hard work of making your world – your marriage, home, and relationships – a better place, regardless of how difficult it is.

Here’s the thing: You’re not inviting your old husband (who contributed to the problems in your marriage) back into the same old mess of hurts, disappointments, emotional issues, and anger triggers that the two of you lived in before. You are not the same wife (who played her part in messing things up), and the two of you are different people, who now want to try and fix things and make the marriage work.

Hopefully, you’ve let go of the old mess, and whether you have reconciled with each other or not in your marriage, you need to let your relationship grow in a healthy and fresh ground, not feed it on the ruins of your old marriage. This is the only way to ensure your marriage will flourish anew.

Be aware, there is a huge difference between an open and honest heart that invites your partner back into your marriage and one that is tied up in manipulation and powerplay. If you invite your partner in with an open heart, you have every chance at success. Should you invite him in with ulterior motives, you are setting the relationship up for failure. 

There is the old saying of “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” and while I hate this saying, it is quite true. If you are still feeling hurt or slighted or refused by your husband, you may need to work on yourself some more before you head towards reconciliation. If you don’t, you will simply doom your marriage to further failure. The how of winning your husband back during separation starts with you.

So, how do you get from one state of heart to the other?

• Find a counselor, mentor, or even a wise friend who will listen to your heart and give you objective, constructive feedback. Find someone to play devil’s advocate, who can help you see your words and actions from your husband’s point of view. It’s always tempting to only talk to the friends who take our side, but that’s the last thing your marriage needs.
• Seek help when you need it. A lot of women (and men) go into marriage with issues that stem from childhood trauma and abuse. They don’t realize how thoroughly their traumatic experiences affected them, or they think, “This is just who I am,” and they accept their painful patterns of behavior and attachment as inevitable. If you were abused sexually, physically, or verbally as a child, know this: You CAN overcome it. It does NOT have to continue informing your reactions and responses forever. Your partner can help you grow through it, and your pain (if you are honest about it, instead of falsely assigning blame) can help you and your husband form a closer bond.
• You have the right to change your mind. Allow yourself the opportunity to be wrong. Don’t let stubborn pride prevent you from growing as a person. Remember, you’re not growing and changing for the sake of your marriage or to make your husband happy. 

You’re doing it for yourself. You’re doing it for you, because you are worth the effort required to be happy.

How To Get Your Husband Back After Separation Steps FAQS

You may find yourself overwhelmed by questions and doubts when you are going through a separation and when you are deciding whether to invite your husband back after your separation. Here are some of the most common ones that may be plaguing your mind.

How Do I Reconcile With My Husband?

Admit you have been hurt, open channels of communication, and begin working on yourself before you try to work at “fixing” him. Reconciliation isn’t about telling him what he did wrong. 

It’s not about waiting for him to ask for forgiveness. Instead, it is about being proactive and taking initiative to move forward. Discuss the past, then let it go COMPLETELY. If you don’t, your past can ruin your future together.

Is It Too Late To Reconcile With My Husband?

As long as one or both of you are willing to work on the marriage, then it is never too late to seek reconciliation. You can learn how to make your husband fall in love with you again after separation. It is a simple three-step process:

• Forgive him (and yourself)
• Apologize and work on yourself 
• Invite him back in, finding new ways to move forward without dwelling in the past

How Can I Make My Husband Fall Deeply In Love With Me?

While dating is easy, falling back in love after separation or divorce can be a challenge. It will require constant work, dedication, and commitment. 

If you want to know how to make your husband fall in love with you again after separation, you need to see it as a challenge to win his heart back, knowing you may have broken it, while at the same time, dealing with your own broken heart. 

Forgiveness is the healing balm you will both need to begin healing and opening up the channels to communicate and reconcile. With forgiveness, you need to grow into a big enough person to ask sincerely for forgiveness for yourself and your part in what went wrong. It’s never one person’s fault.

Can My Husband Fall Back In Love With Me?

Yes, your husband can fall in love with you again. It requires you to work on yourself, forgive, apologize, and let go of the past to make a fresh start. You need to ensure you are at peace with your own past and the attachment style you have developed. If you don’t have awareness of how you attach to people, you will not be able to see when the problem lies with you. 

You can learn how to get your husband back after separation with steps like the three in this article. Start with working on yourself, and your husband will fall back in love with you.

Does Time Apart Strengthen A Relationship?

While spending some time apart can help you work on yourself, you do need to consider how to get your husband back after separation. After all, you may want to reconcile and have a go at saving your marriage. This takes self-knowledge, forgiveness, inner strength, communication, and the ability to move on without holding onto vengeance. 

What Should You Not Do During Separation?

While you may be focused on getting your husband back after separation, there are a few things you shouldn’t do when separating from your husband. These ruin the chances of you getting your husband to love you again after the separation. 

Don’t:

• Tell everyone
• Move out when you are trying to work on the relationship
• Keep one foot out the door of the marriage
• Dwell on the past

The Final Note On How To Make Your Husband Fall In Love With You Again After Separation

While it isn’t easy to save your marriage after separation, you may want to do so by considering how to win your husband back during separation. Don’t wait until the relationship is truly over before fighting to save it. Start the process immediately by working on yourself. 

Once you have gained a better understanding of what you want, you can start to forgive your husband, apologize, and forgive yourself. At this point, you can invite your husband back into the relationship, letting him be your partner who can help you work on saving your “us.”

Have you found ways to make your husband fall in love with you again after separation? Please share in the comments below.