Dear Robyn,
I am in a marriage, but it is absolutely horrible. I like someone else at my job and we started texting. I even texted him that “I like him” and he said that is cool. Does that mean that he sees me as just a friend? Or is there somethings more?
– Confused
Dear Confused,
It’s really tough being in any type of relationship where you aren’t happy. I understand that your current situation is not where you want to be and the guy at work might feel like the perfect solution, but believe me when I say, you are barking up the wrong tree. First, you made a commitment to your husband and if you choose not to keep it, you need to let him know so you can both move on or set up a different arrangement. You need to determine if the issue in your marriage is something that is SO bad that you can’t salvage it or if you are just going through a tough period in your marriage.
If I were you, I would start by appreciating the things that are already going well in your marriage. Sometimes, we can look at other people’s situations and think they are better than our own, but in reality they just have a better way of looking at their situation. Start treating your husband as the man you love and appreciate and watch things change.
The second issue here is thinking that a new situation/man is going to change things for you. Here’s the thing, if said guy that you work with actually did start a relationship with you WHILE you were still with your husband, I can almost guarantee you that if you left your husband because of him, he would leave you too. A man that is willing to commit to a woman for the long term, sees a woman who already has a husband as off limits. When he said “that’s cool”, he was probably just as confused as you.
Hopefully you are able to renew your relationship with your husband, but if you decide it is impossible, you need to do the right thing and break off your committed relationship before you get into another. Unless there is physical or deep emotional abuse, I am a proponent of saving your marriage. If you don’t know where to start and don’t want to go to a counselor and divulge all the intricacies of your marriage or pay tons of money for advice, I suggest you take a look at some online programs. You don’t even need him to be involved for it to work. Here’s my favorite: Save My Marriage Today
Rule of Thumb: Don’t leave one man for another man. Break off your relationship, spend some time to reflect, and slowly start dating again.
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