by Robyn Lee
I hate waiting.
Because honestly if you had a choice of whether you could get what you wanted now or later, which one would you choose?
If you could choose whether you could have your ideal man now or later, which one would it be?
I get it, it gets pretty lonely out there and it’s nice to have someone to cuddle with, especially when it gets a little bit colder outside, I’m in the Midwest, brrrrrrr….
But a lot of times by being impatient, you really screw yourself over — I did.
Let me explain.
Even though I know the power of waiting and being patient, time and time again I still find myself making silly mistakes that cost me a lot of money, a lot of time, or a lot of grief.
The latest was with my computer.
There was a particular Windows Service Pack update that you MUST leave your computer on for in order for it to install properly.
Instead of letting the update go all the way through, I impatiently turned off my laptop so I could go out and work.
Here’s the funny thing about it.
My laptop went on working fine, with just a few “minor” issues like not being able to print, or not being able to uninstall programs or my computer blacking out when I wanted to install a program. (Notice how easy it is to ignore the big things that go wrong with computers or even…the wrong relationships).
Finally, my computer went completely out on me.
What hurt the most was knowing, had I waited 15 more minutes for the update to install, I would have saved all my information on my computer and saved a whole lot of money.
Are you like me? Are you wanting things right now?
Maybe it’s not being impatient during a Windows update, but maybe you want to be in a relationship…Right Now!
You probably wouldn’t believe how many emails I get from women telling me that they can’t wait for a guy to ask them out so they are going to take matters into their own hands.
I kind of wince when I read these emails because I know they are making a huge mistake.
Not only because I have read and invested in tons of relationship guides and programs but because, I’ve tried it before!
And drum roll please…It absolutely doesn’t work.
You may be fine for a while, just like my computer, but soon things start breaking down in your relationship or interactions (which you might ignore, as I did).
And eventually, the big crash. Everything falls apart and you start to realize you were better off if you didn’t push things to go your way.
Yes, I admit it waiting sucks sometimes. But there are a couple of reasons I feel that you should absolutely wait on the guy who is right for you.
Have you had this feeling before?
You’ve probably heard me say this before, but being pursued by a man is not like any other feeling you can have (not being stalked but pursued).
If you’ve had it before you know!
Allow him to compete for your attention. Don’t make it so easy for him. You are valuable too.
When you take matters in your own hands and ask him out or throw yourself over him, not only are you saying to him that he doesn’t have to work for you, he loses interest also, because he doesn’t have to work for you.
Note: If you want to learn how to get him to notice you without throwing yourself at him or being too obvious, I give ways to do that here, advanced attraction techniques.
It’s similar to him saving up for a big gaming system for months. And then finally getting it. When you are invested in something, you tend to treat it better.
When he’s invested his money in this gaming system, he makes sure that no one misuses it and plus he spends a lot of time with it.
When you get something for free, sometimes you just don’t value it as much as something you spent your hard earned money on or something that took you a lot of time to get.
By allowing him to pursue you, you are putting insurance on your relationship. He will want to stay even when times get tough because he invested a lot of time and energy getting you in the first place.
If it was easy to get you and you were already there, what incentive does he have to stay…you will just as easily come back to him.
But if he had to work for you, he has placed a high value on you and won’t run when things get tough or you make a few mistakes.
What do you think? Do you feel waiting is worth it or should you just go after what you want?
i cant believe that i ve told this guy couple of m0nths ago, how much feelings i g0t for him..n guess what? Exactly, g0t rejected..ugh, how sad..wish i had this article earlier
Thanks for sharing Dido:)
I believe men are easy to get but hard to keep, because women don’t give men a chance to get to know them better. I think both sexes should wait not just the women, but we know better when it comes to men, easy come easy go. Men view things differently than women especially when it comes to sex. When it comes to a meaningful relationship men already know what they are looking for when they approach a woman that has caught his interest, it’s up to her to take control of the outcome. It’s all in her hands to decide whether to accept or reject when he approaches. Most of the time men are pretty straight forward in they’re approach, a woman will get the message but she has to be careful not to get caught up in the fact that she got his attention, she needs to learn his intentions. Some guys not all, are looking just to sleep with a woman. If she is looking for a meaningful relationship with him by all means she should make him wait. If he really likes her, he will respect her for it.
Very good point Belinda. I agree, women do have to wait to see a man’s intentions also. A relationship doesn’t just begin because a guy starts to pursue you. Thanks for your comment.
Great post Robyn and an excellent analogy to make a very crucial point.
Speaking from a male perspective and adding more weight to what you’ve written, I certainly lose interest in women who become the pursuer. Yes, I don’t mind if a woman makes the first move to “break the ice” so to speak but if it comes on a plate, then like you said regarding men who invest in gaming systems, I’m more likely to undervalue the person on an unconscious level simply because I haven’t invested my time and energy to figure out whether or not I want to pursue.
Belinda, you made some excellent points too, it’s always refreshing to hear a woman speak from various perspectives rather than just one and I agree with most of what you said.
Thank you so very much for this Marvin. This is great. Thank you for sharing this with my readers.
A few weeks ago, I bit the bullet and approached a man who I thought was interested and gave him my phone number. He was very receptive. The whole weekend went by with no call (there is nothing worse than waiting for a phone that doesn’t ring!!) The following Monday he took me aside and informed me that he was very flattered and interested… BUT.
Long story short, the time is not right for us. Circumstances deem that we wait for eight months (no, neither of us is married). He said he is willing to wait. I decided I am too. In the meantime, we get to see each other in a social setting frequently, and feel the butterflies. Eight months is a long time, but some people are worth the wait.
Thanks Jude for sharing:)
Hi. I signed up for Robin Lee’s newsletters after a bad relationship. And i swore i would do whatever i could to make the next one work. So i just made myself available. I met my current boo 7 months ago, we’ve dated for 6 months, and i know everyone that matters to him and vice versa. Now that i think about it, the last relationship was absolutely unnecessary. And Ladies, the tips work, just be sure of his intentions.
Hi Ms Anonymous – Thanks so much for your testimonial. And I’m glad to hear that things are working out with you and your new man. This is great to hear. Thanks so much for sharing.
This is so true. And I think the illustration of the gaming system makes it ten times easier to understand. Thank you. I started receiving the lessons through e-mail when I had already made too many moves on a guy and had not waited entirely for him to pursue me. Then, when I started learning the logic behind waiting and allowing him to pursue me, I applied it. I didn’t have anything to lose because by now I wasn’t so interesting to the guy anymore; I had made it pretty obvious that I was crushing. So I decided to try it, and if it worked, it worked. If it didn’t, things would remain the same.
Well, turns out it worked. It was almost scary how accurate all the tips were. I stopped iniciating contact and looking for him in places I knew I’d find him. I stopped iniciating text conversations. I just kind of flew off the radar to see if he’d realize I existed on his own. A few weeks of this and he actually visited me one day, randomly, at work. He began texting me. All of a sudden, he was trying.
I’m thankful that i learned while I’m still in my prime and I’m excited to have all these years ahead of me to meet men that match my interests and possibly someone ideal to marry when I’m ready for it. 🙂 It pays well to wait!
Brenda, this is great. I’m so happy for you that you realized how great it is to let a man pursue. Feels good doesn’t it? I appreciate you commenting & allowing readers to see that this too can happen for them. Thanks for your comment.