There is nothing as terrifying and doubt-filling as casually browsing your husband’s phone only to discover your husband gets text messages or emails from dating sites and services. The horror of seeing messages inviting him to trysts and meet-ups is any wife’s worst nightmare.
What does this mean?
Is he being unfaithful to you, and should you confront him about it? What should you believe, and what could he say that would possibly set your mind at ease? How do you know he’s telling the truth about why he gets texts from dating sites?
This is truly a prickly pear to grapple with, and it can potentially mean the end of your relationship and divorce if it isn’t dealt with coolly and calmly. Here’s what to know and what to do.
Why Does My Husband Get Texts From Dating Sites? Three Possible Reasons Why
In the world of digital connectivity, it is so easy to get sucked into different online services. While your husband may become defensive should you confront him about the text messages or emails from dating sites you found on his phone, there are valid reasons why he might have received these.
There is also the possibility that he has been playing you and using these services behind your back.
Spam Text Messages From Dating Sites
The easiest excuse and also a viable reason he may be getting text messages or emails from dating sites is that his information has been legally sold to those sites by a third party.
This often happens when a service provider such as your mobile phone or internet connection has sold your contact information as a mailing list to a central hub. From there, this information can easily be appropriated by sites such as dating sites, e-merchants, blogs, etc. Once the information is out there, it is really hard to tell where it may end up or where the information originated from.
Just think of all the times you have received a promotional text message from a service you haven’t subscribed to or asked for information from. I know I get messages from the strangest sites and services, from funeral policies, life insurance, and gaming sites to local pet sitting services. How do these end up on my phone? These companies have purchased your information from a service you do subscribe to such as text notification for deals at your local supermarket. (Remember that little box at the bottom of the form in the T&Cs that you didn’t read? Yep, they sold your contact details!)
This means your husband has NOT been on dating sites, and he hasn’t requested that they text or email him. He is not cheating on you, and he really is innocent of the accusation of infidelity.
Phew!
What a relief, right? Well, somewhat. While he may not be guilty of cheating, you have to wonder why you suspected him so quickly. Are there other signs that may be warning you about infidelity? Or are you feeling insecure? If that’s the case, you need to work on your own self-esteem so you won’t suspect him of things based on your own lack of self-belief.
His Information Got Leaked
As we all know, hacking is rife. Companies have digital leaks all the time. While you saved your details to an online platform you use such as Netflix or Amazon Prime, a clever hacker leached off the contact lists from there. They don’t do this just for fun. Hackers want to make money, and they illegally sell these lists to “spam” sites such as dating sites, S&M sites, and other questionable sites.
This may be one way in which your husband’s details ended up with the dating service, and this is why they are sending him text messages and emails. They are marketing their services to him, hoping he will respond. It doesn’t mean he has responded or used the services.
Again, if you have begun suspecting him, you need to clean house and look after your relationship. Why did you suspect him in the first place, and why was it so hard to ask him about the messages? If there’s smoke, there may be fire (even if that fire is a tiny little candle). Get to the bottom of things to make your relationship sound and healthy again.
He Is A Registered Site User
Okay, your worst fears are confirmed and your husband is a user of this site. He is receiving text messages and email promotions since he has used their services and is going on dates. He is being unfaithful to you.
The question is when he used their services. Chances are that he may have been a site user before you even met. Sites often dig up their old user lists and send out messages to try and get clients to return. Just because he did it before you were married doesn’t mean he is using that service right now.
The ultimate challenge is finding out if your husband is unfaithful to you and actively using these dating sites. What can you do then?
He Isn’t Unfaithful, What Now?
Okay, congratulations, your husband hasn’t strayed, and he isn’t planning on doing so. But you still suspected him or were sure he had cheated on you. Why? What made you doubt your vows and his?
When you asked the question, “Why does my husband get emails from dating sites?” your first instinct wasn’t to laugh and cheerfully ask him what was up. Instead, your instinct was to look up PI services to follow him and check up on him.
Let’s look at what may have caused you to doubt him and how to fix it:
You Have A Low Self-Esteem
Many of us struggle with self-esteem issues. We aren’t exactly born with a great sense of who we are or what we’re worth. Our relationship is a place where we need to feel secure about who we are and how much we matter to our spouse.
Yet we had a whole life before our relationship, and we may have suffered some self-esteem knocks in that time. This can cause us to nurse wounds to our selfhood, and we are constantly on the defense.
We are waiting for life to prove our negative self-talk, right? Yep, you know what I mean. When you read those text messages from the dating site, your first thought was, “Oh, no, he’s finally decided I’m not good enough and he’s grazing elsewhere.”
How To Fix Your Low Self-Esteem
Your self-esteem is about you. While he may have ended up triggering self-doubt with these messages on his phone, you are the one with the issue, and you can fix it. Here’s how:
- Identify situations where you feel your low self-esteem manifest
- Develop self-awareness and take charge of your self-beliefs and your thoughts
- When you find a negative self-belief, challenge it and find the truth
- Discover where your negative thinking comes from and consciously choose not to believe this
- Adjust your thinking patterns and choose to think healthily and logically, discarding emotion-driven thinking that feeds into your low self-esteem
- Fill yourself with positivity by reading helpful books, surrounding yourself with positive and encouraging people, and using affirmations
- Discover your power by trying new hobbies, sports, or exercising
You Found It Difficult To Talk To Him About It
Whenever a challenge to a relationship arises (such as finding spam text messages from dating sites on his phone), you need to be able to communicate with your partner and talk about it. Whether you are talking on your first date or talking later in your marriage, communication is important for couples.
The worst thing you could do in this situation is ignore the message and not talk to him but secretly worry about it anyway. This will cause resentment, and worst of all, he won’t have any idea what it is about. When there’s a relationship challenge, you need to talk to your partner.
Work on your communication skills. It’s never easy to talk about something you think may end up causing a bigger problem in your relationship. The biggest problem is not communicating though. Try these tips for better communication and to help save your marriage:
- Stay calm and don’t get emotional as you don’t know what has happened, and you want to give him the chance to explain without him feeling like you are attacking him
- Breathe: You are going to be stressed, so take the time to breathe and listen to his answers
- Let him speak and don’t put words in his mouth; he has the right to explain himself, and you should realize that it may be uncomfortable for him to explain this embarrassing situation too
- Explain how this made you feel and why you were worried; don’t let this become an accusation, but talk about your feelings (you will feel better for it, and your husband will appreciate that he can help you deal with these feelings)
- Spend more time together since you and your husband have just faced a relationship challenge and you need to spend time together to affirm bonds and draw closer
He Is Unfaithful, Now What?
Okay, worst-case scenario: You catch him with his hand in the cookie jar. Now what? Your husband has been visiting dating sites, and he has been receiving text messages and emails from these sites. Do you up and leave, or is there something you can do about this?
If your husband gets emails from dating sites, the chances are that he has been browsing online but hasn’t gone on any dates or contacted any of the ladies on these sites. He may be tempted, but he might also have used the sites more intensively by going on dates or meeting up with ladies from these dating sites.
Perhaps he has not gone on any dates, and you may want to know why he would browse these sites. Is he unsatisfied in your relationship, and is this something he can discuss with you so you can communicate better and work on your relationship?
Whether He Has Gone On Dates Or Not
You need to communicate with each other. Make sure to approach the subject calmly, but be assertive. Let him know that this has broken your trust and you are unhappy with this. You may want to ask him why he did this. You are certainly entitled to know, but also keep in mind that people become defensive when attacked, and he may blame you. This is unproductive.
Having discussed that this was not just spam text messages from dating sites, you will have to decide whether this means your relationship is finished or whether both of you can work on your marriage. If he is disillusioned and bored, you can try to win him back.
It would also be a good idea to get some relationship counseling to see where the gaps in your relationship are so you can both work on it. No relationship is perfect, and it’s best to work at things and not just tuck tail and run.
FAQs For Why Does My Husband Get Texts From Dating Sites
Is there a way to see if my husband has been on a dating site?
You can check the browsing history of his PC, and you can also check his email trash bin to see if there are any activation or promotional emails from dating sites there. If he has been on a dating site, you can check the extent of his activities by entering the site from his browser.
Chances are he has saved his password on the PC and you will be able to access his profile. This will help you determine if this was just a passing interest or if he is actually looking for hookups.
My husband is getting constant spam texts from dating sites. Does this mean he is using these services?
If he is constantly receiving these messages (and especially if these messages are personalized), you can be pretty sure he has indeed become an active user of these sites. While this doesn’t mean he has gone on any dates and he may be playing fantasy dating league in his head, it does show where his mind is at.
Dating sites send non-personalized messages to new or unregistered potential users. So if they have personal information about him, it may mean he has a profile with them.
If my husband has been using a dating site, does this mean he is cheating on me?
Yes, he has. While there may have been no actual in-person contact between him and one of the ladies of the site, it does show you where his head is at. He is contemplating cheating on you or at least being with another woman.
After all, cheating starts in the mind, and you wouldn’t want your husband to watch pornography, so why would you want him e-dating a woman while he is married to you? And no, it isn’t just looking at the menu and eating at home. He is dabbling with temptation, and how do you know where or if it will stop?
If my husband has been receiving strange text messages, how do I know if he is cheating on me?
You may wonder about text messages that seem to not make sense. Your husband’s behavior will give you a better indication of whether he has been cheating on you. Is he:
- No longer seeking intimacy with you
- Taking his phone everywhere with him
- Insisting that you are unfaithful to him
- Suddenly grooming himself better and seeming happier in himself
- Avoiding your questions by deflection or using one-word answers
- Spending more money that you can’t see in terms of purchases
- Suddenly interested in new and different things that don’t include you
- Working out more and seemingly distracted at home
- Frequently late from work or working late
A Final Text
So you have found messages or emails, and you wonder what they mean. You may ask “Why does my husband get texts from dating sites?” There is no valid reason for it beyond a technical glitch.
If your husband is avoidant about questions regarding these texts or emails, then you have legitimate cause for concern. There may be things going on in your relationship you were not previously aware of. You have two options now: leave or fix things.
Be sure to find out which of these options will make you happy. This isn’t about quitting, and it isn’t about “not giving up” either. It is about deciding whether you will be able to trust him again if you do manage to save your relationship. At the end of the day, you need to be confident enough in your marriage to trust him when he receives a strange message and says that he doesn’t know anything about it.
Did you save your marriage after finding messages from dating sites on your husband’s phone? Or what did you do? Please share what you did in our social feed.
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