If you are suffering through relationship problems, it can be particularly tough, especially during the holidays.
There is a lot of pretending for families or facing the truth when your partner decides not to show up for events that he has in the past.
I remember a low point in one of my relationships. Things had worked out so well in the beginning and all of a sudden it seemed to be the complete opposite.
In the beginning we spent lots of time together and laughed together, but as our relationship began to deteriorate I found that he wasn’t sharing as much with me and even discovered that he had other female “friends” I was unaware of.
At that time, I didn’t know what I could possibly do, I had no guidance. None of my friends could relate to my relationship problems since their relationships seemed to be getting along great.
So, I had to watch the demise of our relationship as it slowly got to the point where he didn’t even answer my calls.
He didn’t even LIKE me anymore.
When I think back on that relationship, I know that it was one that could have been saved but I didn’t have the knowledge to do so. Things that I thought were helping the relationship were actually making the problems worse.
The truth is the longer you wait to fix your relationship problems, the harder it becomes to do so. Here are some tips you can use right now to get you on the right track:
1. Stop Blaming
It can be easy for you to blame your partner if things aren’t going right in your relationship. If only he would do this…things would be better. If he hadn’t had done that…you would be able to love him more.
All this blaming only serves to make the relationship worse. Because if you feel this way, he probably knows it and blaming someone does not make them want to do anything better. It pushes them farther away.
2. Focus on Yourself
This may sound counter intuitive, but focusing on yourself actually helps the relationship because you become happier. And when you are happy, you become more attractive and desired.
Once you take the focus off your relationship and onto things that truly make you happy whether it is with him or without him, you set the stage for your relationship to improve.
This means you should really be taking a look at the things that make you happy. Do you like working out? Join a gym. Do you like reading? Join a book club or create your own. What do you like to do? What makes you happy? Get back into those things.
Often times, just being happy changes the dynamics of your relationship.
3. Appreciate the things he does
But what if he doesn’t do anything? You may have to do some researching here, but find some things that he is doing well and thank him for them.
If he has washed dishes, tell him that you appreciate him washing dishes. If he has called you to see how you are doing. Tell him you appreciate him calling.
This is HUGE. Once you start appreciating the things he is doing, he will start to do more of them.