Robyn Lee

Well, it’s finally happening. Cupid has really done it this time. After all the false starts and failed relationships, you have met Mr. Right. But there is one question that keeps hounding you: how long to date before marriage?

What’s the point of waiting? Especially if you are in love with someone. Why not just get it over with as soon as you can? 

Well, it’s not this black and white. The truth is, couples that date longer before marriage have lower chances of filing for divorce. For example, couples that date for at least four years before tying the knot lower their divorce rate to 40%!

So what is the reason behind this? It’s simple; just think of marriage as a battle. It’s you and your partner against everything that would break your union. In this context, dating is like a sparring session, getting ready for the real thing. Maintaining a strong relationship while dating drastically increases the longevity of your marriage. 

So how long should you wait to tie the knot? As long as it takes. I know, dating for a long period is not a walk in the park. But remember, the more you sweat in practice, the less you will bleed in battle. 

If you want to find out more on this sensitive issue (of course you do!), then read on. 

Why Date Longer Before Marriage?

Check out these convincing reasons why you should take your time before tying the knot. 

Get To Know Your Partner Inside Out

Be honest. How well do you really know your man? Well enough to spend the rest of your life with him? If the answer isn’t a definitive yes, then you should hold off on marriage for a while longer. 

I know what you are thinking: your love for him is strong. But who is he exactly? One thing you have to accept is that we all have modular personalities. This means that what you see now isn’t necessarily what you’ll get down the road. 

Use yourself as an example. In the first stages of meeting someone, you want to impress. Do you let them know everything about you? Unless you are the world’s most open woman, I doubt you will. 

Instead, you are going to do what most of us do: put your best foot forward while holding your cards to the chest. And there is nothing wrong with this approach. It’s natural to want your special someone to see only your best self. 

So what’s stopping your partner from doing the same exact thing? Nothing at all. This is why you have to play the long game when it comes to dating. The more time you spend with him, the more you can learn about him. 

It’s hard not to see the reasoning behind this. Like yourself, your partner has a complex personality. It will take a while before you can truly know him. Anyone who tells you otherwise is taking you for a ride. 

Marriage isn’t child’s play, it’s a serious partnership. For it to work, you have to fully understand the kind of person you plan on spending the rest of your life together with. 

Now, how long should you wait to get married? I believe “long enough” is the word you may be looking for, based on this factor. 

Marriage Isn’t A Magic Pill

Have you ever been in a long-term relationship? If not, let me burst your bubble. Maintaining it is hard work. Of course, you already know this if you have ever been in one. 

And guess what, it doesn’t get easier. Marriage is a whole other ball game. I know, this isn’t the news you want to hear. It’s like a punch to the gut, especially if you thought marriage is bliss. 

It’s not. 

Here’s the thing. When things get worse while you are dating someone, you can check out at any time. No one is stopping you and you don’t have that much to lose anyway. This isn’t the case when it comes to marriage. 

Yes, you can get a divorce but it’s not as straightforward as it seems on paper. The process is complex and strenuous. What’s more, the psychological turmoil you will go through might leave you jaded and emotionally drained. 

Where am I going with this? Well, here’s my point: you should deeply evaluate your reasons for getting married. If you are doing it in the hopes that it will magically transform your relationship, just don’t go ahead with it. 

We all love keeping scores, after all. It’s how we measure progress. The problem is approaching marriage as the ‘next level’ for your relationship. 

Take me at my word. There is nothing but disappointment and disillusionment down that road. Marriage isn’t a level you need to get to fix an unstable relationship. Marriage is a state of being, it happens long before you even say ‘I do’. 

Think about that. What does a wedding ceremony really change? It’s nothing but a formality. Once the pomp and fanfare die down, you will be back to reality. 

If you had a strong relationship before tying the knot, then it will be business as usual. Nothing will faze either of you. After all, you took the time to learn the ropes while you were dating. Past victories during tough times will light your way when things get dark, and believe me, things will get dark. 

But if you had fundamental problems you never addressed, then I am sorry to say your marriage will be nothing but a sham. It won’t survive the hits and jabs that life will definitely throw your way. 

So, how long should you date before getting married? As long as you can. Don’t rush it; you have all the time in the world to get it right. 

Experience Is The Best Teacher

Can you ride a bike? You probably can. How did you learn? 

I doubt you just jumped on and cycled away like a pro. First, you had to use trainer wheels. When those came off, you had your share of painful falls and ugly bruises before you could balance properly. 

But you didn’t give up; you took it all within your stride. In time, you were able to ride your bike without even thinking about it. What can you take away from this? 

Experience is the best teacher you will ever have. The bottom line is that you can only learn through experience. All the advice in the world is useless if you don’t go through something first hand. How does this apply to marriage? 

Well, a committed, long-term relationship is the closest thing to a marriage. In fact, you can argue that marriage is only a formality after you have been with someone long enough.

Look, committing your life to someone is not a joke. How can you make such a monumental decision without knowing your partner in and out? The answer is you shouldn’t, at least if you want your marriage to stand the test of time. 

Remember when I mentioned having modular personalities? It’s why you should take your time getting to know your man before tying the knot. 

The longer you stay together, the more experiences you will both share. What are his expectations from life? Does he share the same values you do? Can you count on him when a crisis arises? Does he want a family? Is he good with money? You get the idea. 

Like you, your partner has many layers making up his personality. Is he like a sweet cake? Where every layer is nothing but sweetness. Or is he like an onion? Where every layer you pull back just makes you cry. 

The only way you can find out is through shared experiences. As I said earlier, a long-term and committed relationship will get you prepared for the real thing. 

If you are wondering how long you should wait before getting married, the answer is long enough to see your partner at his best and at his lowest. 

Realistic Expectations

Quick question, how happy do you think your marriage will be? I am pretty sure you’re hoping it will be a blast. After all, optimism doesn’t hurt. But the reality is, we can’t predict the future. 

Hoping for the best is fine, but you have to learn how to gauge your expectations. How can you expect a great marriage with your partner if your relationship is going to the dogs? The truth is, you can’t.

Life is what you make of it. Wishing the future will be better is pointless if you aren’t improving your current situation. The same applies to marriage. If you want a great marriage with someone you love, then you have to work on your relationship. 

This is why dating for a short time before marriage isn’t a good idea. 

I won’t lie, the first phases of a relationship where you are heady in love are awesome. But as you know, things won’t stay this way for long. As I said, we put our best foot forward during this period. 

What’s more, you will likely ignore blatant red flags since you are deep in the love sauce. What happens if you get married during this phase? You’ll end up setting unrealistic expectations for your union. 

The problem is that once the honeymoon phase comes to an end, you will end up feeling short-changed. However, this isn’t the case at all if you have dated someone long enough. You know that relationships peak and dip every once in a while. 

Experiencing this with your partner will prepare you for the roller coaster ride that is married life. Instead of throwing a tantrum when things hit rock bottom, you will roll up your sleeves and face the challenge head-on. 

Instead of getting lost in the moment when things are going great, you will make preparations for a rainy day. 

Ask any expert how long do people date before getting married, and they are likely to use this point as an example to illustrate that long enough is better.

Dating your partner for a sufficient period of time will teach you perseverance and ground your expectations. 

You will better understand that for you to have a blissful marriage, you have to constantly nurture and fight for your relationship. 

Individual Growth

Focussing on your man is easy when you are thinking of tying the knot. But take a second to ask yourself, are you ready for marriage? 

We live in a time when divorce rates are going through the roof. This shows two things. One, most people aren’t ready for marriage. Two, our society doesn’t take marriage seriously anymore.

Call me old-fashioned, but I miss the days when the terms ‘through thick and thin’ and ‘for better or for worse’ actually had meaning. 

Divorce isn’t a new concept; it has been around for a long time. I will admit that the law made it difficult to get a divorce, and the idea was frowned on by society at large. But dissolving a marriage was not impossible. 

I know that comparing past marriages and modern ones is a dead end. But one thing remains the same in both scenarios: emotional maturity and individual growth are ever-present in lasting marriages. 

Hear me out. Life won’t play out as you want it to. This is a sad but true reality. People you love and care for deeply will fall short of your expectations at some point. 

Accepting such hard facts is what separates a child from an adult. Taking disappointments and hardship in your stride is part of growing up. Only by reflecting on such moments can you mature into a better version of yourself and reach your potential. 

So what does this have to do with long-term relationships before marriage?

Everything!

How can you learn how to compromise if you have never disagreed on serious issues with your partner? What happens when he won’t come to your side of the road? Do you feed your ego by sticking to your guns? Or do you come up with a solution that ensures you both meet halfway? 

How will you react if your partner loses his job or falls sick? Do you have the perseverance and grit to hold everything together through raging storms and during dark times? Can you find it in your heart to forgive him for a grievous mistake? Can you overcome the crushing disappointment of dealing with infidelity or addiction? 

The truth is, you can’t answer these questions if you have only been with someone for a short period of time. Committing to a long-term relationship and sticking through the hard times is what true love is all about. 

Now, here’s a quick question based on this point: How long do you wait to get married? Your guess is as good as mine but a reasonably long time is a good start!

The phase where you are both romantically in love is great. It serves its purposes. But a marriage based on such a relationship won’t survive when misfortune comes knocking. 

As mentioned earlier, marriage is a state of being. Like a plant, you sow the seed when you first meet someone you want to be with. You nurture your love by both working on your relationship and personality. 

Sticking together and finding solutions through hard times ensures that your union grows ever strong. Like a tree with deep roots and a hardy trunk, you won’t be uprooted when the winds of misfortune blow your way.

Back to the earlier question on how long to date before marriage, you can clearly see that the longer you take, the better it is for both of you.

FAQs

How long is too long before marriage? 

Just how long should you date before marriage? Well, it all depends on you. 

Do you feel ready for such a commitment? If you do, then by all means go for it. However, you have to be honest with yourself and consider your partner as well. 

Look, true love more often comes around only once in your life. Jumping into a marriage half-baked will end in disaster. You will lose someone you truly loved just because you couldn’t wait. 

On the other hand, time waits for no man. Waiting around for your partner to propose is not a good idea, especially if you have been together for long enough and marriage is a priority for you. If you feel you have waited long enough, then raise the issue with your partner. 

It might not be romantic, but it will clear the air. You will get his perspective and understand whether marriage is in his/her plans or not. 

Does the length of courtship guarantee a lasting marriage?

Not necessarily. It does increase the chances that your marriage will last, but it’s not a given. It all depends on how well you both work as a team. 

There are couples who get married after six months and guess what? They have the most successful marriages of our times. 

At the end of the day, all that matters is how much your relationship and marriage means to the both of you. 

Final Thoughts

So how long should you date before marriage? Well, as long as it takes for you to understand the burden and responsibility that comes with committing your life to another. Hopefully, all these points have helped things into perspective for you. All the best as you go through this phase of your life. 

Why doesn’t my husband show me affection? If I am being honest, this is a complex and sensitive question. And as you’ll soon find out, there are a good number of reasons why he has become less affectionate.

Do you remember what it was like when you first met your husband? Those first years were like something straight out of a romance movie. He would go the extra mile just to make you feel valued and happy. From romantic dates and trips to scenic locations and unexpected gifts, you were living the good life. 

Now, the fact that you are reading this means your marriage has kind of hit a slump. Let me guess. Off late, your hubby seems remote, solitary, and uncaring. So why this sudden change in behavior? Why doesn’t your husband show you affection anymore? 

Such a sudden lack of affection from a hubby is enough to drive anyone crazy. So, should you hit the panic button? Not yet, for you are in good hands. 

In this blog, I cover the main reasons for reduced levels of affection in your marriage. What’s more, I won’t leave you hanging. You will find tips on how to revert your hubby from ice-cold to warm, approachable, and romantic. 

Let’s get started. 

Reasons Why Your Husband Isn’t Affectionate

Before you can solve this puzzle, you must first identify the cause of the problem. Here are the main reasons your husband has dialed down his affection for you:

He Is Way Deep In The Comfort Zone

Let me let you in on a little secret. Men have one-track minds. When they focus on something or someone, they give it everything they have. 

However, once they achieve the desired result, they shift their attention someplace else. Make no mistake, your husband isn’t an exception to this rule. 

When you first started dating, he had to pull out the stops just to get you to notice him. Since competition for your love was fierce, he had to stay on his toes to keep you interested. However, this slowly changed once you tied the knot. 

His thought process went something like this: since he got you, is there any need for overt displays of affection?

Of course, you don’t agree. But put yourself in his shoes for a moment. As you know, marriage life comes with a lot of responsibilities. From career issues to raising a family, his focus probably shifted to pressing matters. This doesn’t mean your man doesn’t love you, far from it. 

As you’ll soon find out, making subtle changes will reignite the spark of romance in your marriage. 

He Is Dealing With Something

There is a high chance that your husband is the strong and silent type. You might not have picked on this at any point in your marriage. But the truth is, even if your man is a chatterbox by nature, a personal crisis will cause him to retreat inwards. 

Yes, this probably makes no sense to you. As women, we tend to talk about our problems with people we love. But men are not the same. 

The truth is, personal obstacles will crop up no matter how great your marriage is. It could be anything, from problems at work to financial difficulties. When this happens, your husband will shift his focus from you to what’s troubling him. The result? He will seem cold and less approachable. 

As I mentioned earlier, this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you anymore. As long as he is dealing with what’s troubling him, then it’s likely that your husband won’t show you the affection you are used to. 

He Has A Lot On His Plate

There is a high chance that pressure from work is the reason behind your husband not being affectionate. If this is the case, don’t be surprised when all he wants to do when he gets home is fall on the sofa and take a nap. 

While it’s easy to be offended at this, put yourself in his shoes. After dealing with colleagues and work-related issues all day, he will have nothing left in the tank. What’s more, like most men, your husband is only social to a point. 

Can you really blame him if he needs some time alone to reset after a hectic workday? 

He Is Seeing Someone Else

Yes, you probably don’t want this to be true. However, your husband having an affair could be the reason he no longer shows you affection. Unless your husband is a natural-born player, he will have trouble feigning commitment to you while he is having an affair. 

If your husband is unfaithful, you will notice a tremendous drop in his level of affection for you. 

The first place to suffer will be the bedroom. Does he show little to no interest no matter how hard you try? Unless he is under a lot of pressure, or he is dealing with something, there is a high chance that he is seeing someone else. 

While this is a heartbreaking development, I will walk you through how you can best approach it and come out stronger than before. 

A Troubled Childhood

Like the rest of us, your husband is a product of his environment. Not all families are close-knit and full of affection. If your husband had a troubled childhood, he won’t know how to show you affection. 

If this is the case, then you should consider therapy since he could have deep issues that require professional attention. 

So what if your husband is not affectionate, even though he comes from a loving home? Well in this case, it’s likely you are both reading from different scripts. For example, if your man grew up with only brothers for siblings, then his way of showing affection might not be what you are used to. 

Think about it, unlike men, women have no problem displaying their emotions. It’s why your husband will have less trouble being affectionate if he had sisters growing up. 

Different Needs For Affection

I know, you are proud that you have a lot in common with your husband. But, you might be surprised to find that affection levels vary in couples. I am serious. In fact, the reason your husband isn’t showing you affection could be because he has low needs himself. There are many reasons for this, including how he was brought up.

Of course, this imbalance will generate a lot of tension in your marriage. Unless you figure out the cause for it, you will end up feeling neglected or, worse, needy. 

My advice? Talk to your husband if you suspect this is the case. He should have no problem adjusting once you explain what you need from him.

Back to the earlier question: why doesn’t my husband show me affection? Well, I believe you are all set to start investigating the cause. No matter the outcome, keep in mind there are still so many ways you can use to turn things around, if that’s what you desire. 

To start you off, we have some tips.

How To Make Your Husband More Affectionate

Now that you are familiar with the reasons why your husband isn’t affectionate, you can effectively tackle the problem. Read on to learn how you can get him to turn his charm back on and make him fall in love with you again.

Get Your Flirt On

Quick question, do you flirt with your husband anymore? If not, then you should start right away. Here’s why.

Flirting often with your husband will throw him off balance. Think about it. Getting too comfortable is natural, especially if you have been married for a long time. And the problem with this is that your husband will come to think of you as his friendly roommate instead of a romantic partner.

Trust me, you don’t want this.

Flirting with your husband will remind him why he was crazy about you in the first place. What’s more, it shows that you are still interested in him. Apart from boosting his self-confidence, such a move will make him start flirting back. Before you know it, he won’t be able to stay away from you. 

Compliment Him

My husband is not affectionate, yet I compliment him daily. Why should I? That’s yet another common question I feel compelled to address in this context.

I know this is hard to hear, but your attitude could be the reason your husband isn’t being affectionate. Maybe he has been trying, but for some reason, you haven’t noticed. If this is the case, you need to reevaluate the situation and be more attentive to what your husband does for you.

If he goes out of his way to make you happy or comfortable, honestly compliment him for his effort. Even if it’s something simple, make a point of thanking him. Instead of coming off as ungrateful, he will be motivated knowing that you appreciate him. 

Think of it as reinforcing positive behavior. One thing is for certain, he will open up and become more affectionate over time.

Give Him Space

Unlike women, men are not naturally affectionate. So, when a husband is not affectionate, maybe you should give him space. 

Think about that. Unless you make an effort to hide your emotions, it’s not that hard for someone to tell how you feel. But this is not the case with your husband. He probably plays his cards close to the chest. With this in mind, there is a high chance you are moving too fast for him.

Yes, it’s true. In your eagerness, you might be beating him to the punch when it comes to expressing his love for you. If this is the case, one of two things will happen. 

He will become overwhelmed, causing him to retreat further inward. Or he won’t put a lot of effort into showing you his affection.

Give him space. All he needs is a little freedom; in time he will get creative in showing you that he loves you. All it takes is patience on your part.

Talk To Your Husband

Clear communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. It’s in your best interests to talk to your husband if you feel that he isn’t showing you affection. 

In my experience, an honest discussion will remedy almost any issue in a marriage. A word of caution though: you should be mindful of how you approach the discussion.

Going in guns blazing is never a good idea. Remember, you don’t know what has triggered the change of behavior from your husband. As I mentioned earlier, he could be going through something personal. 

A confrontational approach might trigger a fight or, worse, cause him to stonewall you completely. Talk to him as a friend. Calmly explain how his indifference is negatively affecting you. 

Unless your hubby is being malicious, there is no way he won’t listen to your concerns. Here’s the funny thing.

You might be surprised to find out that he thought nothing was wrong. But if he is dealing with something, then a discussion allows him to bring his issues to light. 

Be Patient

It pays to be patient with your husband. After all, you can’t hurry affairs of the heart. Don’t be in a rush to press the panic button if you feel your husband is not being affectionate enough. Love is patience and resilience. 

Now, your husband might have his own thought process when it comes to showing affection. So give him time to take in all your signals and consider the best response to them. 

Note that men can be very deliberate when it comes to displays of affection. What’s more, your husband won’t be oblivious to your patience. He will appreciate that you are giving him to figure things out and he will love you more for this.

Figure Out Your Methods Of Affection

Figuring out your methods of affection will save you a lot of grief. You might be mistaken in thinking that your husband isn’t showing you affection. Maybe you both have different ways of displaying affection. 

Think about that. Your husband might not be into hugging and cuddling all the time. Of course, this could become a problem if you expect these things from him.

Taking time to understand your husband’s style of expressing his love is in his best interest. Not only will you be at peace, but you will know when your husband is being affectionate, even if it’s not how you expect.

FAQs

I know you may have so many other questions, besides why does my husband show me no affection? Here are some answers to the most frequently asked questions about this topic.

Why is my husband suddenly cold?

Your husband suddenly becoming cold towards you is no doubt a cause for concern. There are a good number of reasons for this change in behavior. 

More often than not, having a candid talk with your man should be enough. But if he is not receptive despite your best efforts, then you should be worried.

Evaluate your marriage. Could it be something you have done? Are there unresolved issues between the two of you? Maybe something from your past has come to light? 

If so, you should do what’s necessary to resolve the issue. However, if you feel that everything is fine on your end, then there is a chance that he doesn’t feel the same way about you anymore. 

I don’t have to say it. Of course, this is heartbreaking. But the earlier you come to terms with it, the better. 

Here’s my advice. Confront him straight up if you feel that this is the case. If he still loves you, he will quickly dispel your fears, since he won’t want to lose you. If he doesn’t, then you have your answer. Moving on is in your best interests. 

Is his lack of affection proof of an affair?

Not really. 

Look, I get it. Assuming the worst is easy if your husband suddenly becomes indifferent towards you. But you shouldn’t quickly jump to conclusions. As I have mentioned earlier, he could be focusing on personal struggles of his own. Marriages go through ups and downs. 

Just because your husband isn’t being affectionate anymore, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. 

Well, what if he is having an affair? I would advise you to be thorough. Exhaust all your options before entertaining that thought. The truth is, once you open that door, closing it won’t be as easy. 

Assuming that your husband is having an affair means that you no longer trust him. Do you really want to take that leap? First, make sure that his change in behavior isn’t the result of something unrelated. 

When should I seek professional help?

Your husband could have deep issues that hinder him from fully expressing his love for you. In my experience, children from troubled backgrounds find it hard to receive or show affection. 

More often than not, it’s a subconscious defense mechanism. Your husband could be in a similar predicament, closing himself off to avoid being hurt again. 

If this is the case, you shouldn’t blame him or let him suffer in silence, especially since a professional will help him resolve his issues through reflection and honesty. 

It won’t be an easy journey. But at the completion of his treatment, your husband will attain the inner peace he deserves. In time, he will have no problem being affectionate with you. 

Final Thoughts

Armed with all these tips, you will have an easier time making the correct judgment on why your husband doesn’t show you affection anymore. Even though this is a huge cause for concern, it may not be as serious as you thought. Even better, you can still make him love you madly again. 

Take your time analyzing the situation based on everything we have talked about so far. And remember to put the remedies into action as well. I know you’ll do great at whatever you put your mind to. Best wishes!

Remember what it was like in the initial stages of your relationship? You most probably knew how to make your husband miss you. Your man could barely get his mind off you. He did everything with you in mind. After all, you were the center of his universe. 

So what changed? Has he become indifferent to you now that you are married? Or is his love for you fading? Should you be worried? 

Honestly, there is no reason for alarm. Unlike women, men have a one-track mind. It’s true, your husband won’t focus on something unless he feels he has to. I know this sounds cold and inconsiderate. But the truth is now that you are married, your hubby has probably slipped into a comfort zone. 

Why should he miss you when you are his wife? After all, you are going to be together for better and for worse, right? 

I am willing to bet a lot of money that this doesn’t sit right with you. It’s time to flip the script. Making him miss you like crazy again is not rocket science. Stick around. Let me show you how to nudge your husband out of his comfort zone 

1. Be His Best Friend

Men are solitary creatures. It’s why you will be hard-pressed to find a guy who has a large social network. So what’s the reason behind this? 

As men grow older, they tend to look within, becoming more self-centered over time. The result is, they find it hard to maintain old friendships, simply because it seems like too much work. Talk about low effort. 

This is where you come in. 

Your husband is not any different. On paper, it might seem that he is okay with focusing on himself and his interests. However, this is far from the truth. 

The reality is that your husband would love to let you into his world. Think about the first years of your relationship. You couldn’t stop him from letting you know everything he had been up to. It’s probably why you fell for him in the first place. This doesn’t have to change now that you are married. All you have to do is be his best friend. 

Look, men have horrible communication skills. This is why you should take time to figure out what makes your husband tick. Look at it this way: he is not the same person he was when you were dating. 

Just like you, his worldview is constantly evolving. Be his best friend, draw him out of his shell by showing that you are genuinely interested in him. Ask him questions about anything and everything. 

How was his day? Where does he see himself in a decade? Does he hate his job? What would he do if he had a week of Sundays? The results will shock you. Not only will he communicate more, but he will focus on you as well. 

That’s how to make your husband miss you badly when you are not around, and he won’t be afraid to show it. 

2. Rekindle Your Friendships

There is a high chance that your friendships took a back seat once you tied the knot. This is completely natural, especially since focussing on your marriage comes first. 

But the downside is that your social life will suffer as a result. Over time, there is a risk that you will cling to your hubby to compensate. With you being always available, the outcome is your husband won’t miss you as much. 

This is why you have to rekindle your old friendships. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Start out by reaching out to family and old friends. This simple step encourages you to leave the comfort of your marriage and explore other social circles. Before you know it, your husband will want to know what you are up to. 

Don’t stop at reaching out. Make plans with your friends. Start with something simple. 

When was the last time you had a lunch date together? The best part about this approach is that you get to kill two birds with one stone. Yes, you get to make your husband miss you more while breaking the monotony and routine of marriage. 

However, there is also an unintended (but welcome) result. Rekindling old friendships and expanding your social network will do wonders for your personal growth.

Spending time with your friends and finding out what they have been up to forces you to take a closer look at your life. Instead of being content with going through the motions, you will become more conscious of your actions. As a result, you will become less passive and more spontaneous over time. Trust me, your husband will have to be blind not to notice this change.

Not only will you become less predictable, but you won’t be available at his beck and call. And that’s exactly how to make your husband miss you more, pay more attention to you, and value your company. 

3. Break Routine

Let’s be honest. It’s easy to get used to a routine once you are married. While a familiar routine does have its merits, there is a high chance your marriage will become monotonous in no time. 

As I mentioned earlier, your husband won’t miss you as much unless you make an effort to be less predictable. 

Despite what you might think, men are very perceptive. Your husband will notice subtle changes you make, simply because it’s not what he is familiar with. 

A simple but effective example is changing your signature scent, especially if your husband is used to it. You might roll your eyes at this, but don’t underestimate the power that smell has over memory. Your new scent will break routine, reminding him of you even when you are not around. 

Of course, you can go further. Make the process more fun by involving your husband. Think of the things you are used to doing together, then introduce changes. 

Do you enjoy taking walks together? You can try out cycling for a change. Maybe he enjoys your cooking. Flip the script and teach him how to make his favorite meal. You will find that shaking up things you both love creates great memories. The result? 

Your husband will want to spend every single second with you. As you can guess, he will miss you badly when you are not around. 

4. Control The Conversation

I get it, your man is your best friend. Of course, this makes you want to be in constant communication with him. While it’s perfectly natural to feel this way, you have to check yourself if you want to make your husband miss you more. 

Like all men, your husband is a creature of habit. If he is used to you constantly calling and texting him, then he won’t have any reason to reach out. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that you should give your hubby the silent treatment; this isn’t healthy at all. You should instead control the flow of conversation. For starters, you can start by setting phone rules for yourself. A good example is that unless you have something important to tell him, you shouldn’t text or call him.

Don’t stop there, include your social media use as well. Think about it. Will your husband really miss you if his social media feeds are flooded with your posts and photos? Of course not. I know this is especially hard if you are a social butterfly, but the results are well worth it. 

By taking these steps, you are able to control the flow of conversation. Your husband won’t have easy access to you if you aren’t around, making him truly miss you. The outcome? The tables will turn and he will make the effort to contact you and know how you are doing throughout the day.

5. Invoke His Hero Instinct

Invoking your husband’s hero instinct is an effective way of making him miss you more. Exactly what is the hero instinct? 

Have you ever asked yourself why men feel the need to provide, protect, and care for the women they love? You guessed right: the hero instinct. The best part is, you don’t have to do too much to get the ball rolling. 

The truth is, like most men, your husband loves a challenge. With this in mind, you can start by asking him to help you out with simple things. Is your husband good with his hands? If so, don’t call the plumber the next time your kitchen sink acts up. Instead, ask him if he thinks he can fix it. 

If he is good with tech, ask him for his opinion before buying a new phone. Yes, it might all seem simple on paper but it really works. The truth is, men are like peacocks: they love showing off. 

Your husband will jump at the opportunity to show you just how awesome he is. Guess what? Since your opinion matters a lot to him, he will miss you like crazy when you aren’t around. 

6. Give Him Space

Here’s another perfect way to make your husband want you. Give him his space. Being available all the time is not a good look. Like all men, your husband loves to spend time by himself. The irony is that the more time he spends alone, the more he will realize why he loves your company. 

Now, this is a hard thing to do, especially if you are used to spending most of your time with your hubby. 

However, for him to miss you more, you have to keep your distance. And the best part is, you get time for your own activities in turn. Here’s where you can put the 80/20 rule to your advantage. Use the time away from your husband to focus on yourself. You can catch up with friends, pick up a hobby, or just kick back and relax. 

What’s funny is that your husband will get bored with solitude in no time. Before you know it, he will come around wanting to spend even more time with you. The bonus is, you’ll have a lot to share with each other from your experiences apart. And this will eventually result in a strong and wholesome marriage. 

7. Take Care Of Yourself

Admit it, letting yourself go is easy once you tie the knot. Don’t beat yourself up once this happens. Getting comfortable in your marriage is completely natural. However, you shouldn’t settle into this phase if you want to make him want you more. 

Here’s how you can go about it: think of the ideal version of yourself, what is she like? 

Is she physically fit? If so, then join your local gym and start working out. Is she intellectual and knowledgeable? Then look up topics that you like and learn more about them. Is she outgoing and adventurous? Then try out an outdoor activity that is not within your comfort zone. 

The best part about this approach is that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. In fact, that’s precisely how to make your husband miss you without using too much effort.

Not only will your husband notice the changes you are making, but he will be challenged by your progress as well. As a result, he will get out of his comfort zone and improve himself. 

Not only does working on yourself increase your confidence, but it also makes you fun to be around. You can be sure your husband will be thinking about you round the clock. 

8. Show That You Appreciate Him

How do you make your better half miss you, even when you are in the next room? Show him that you care deeply for him. Unlike women, most men are not used to being the center of attention. Showing your husband you appreciate everything he does will balance your marriage, strengthening it in the long run. 

So how do you go about this? It’s the little things that count. A simple note reminding him why you think he is special will make an otherwise strenuous week easier to handle. What’s more, show him that you don’t take him for granted by thanking him every time he goes out of his way to do something for you. 

You can take it further by throwing him a surprise party where you can shine the spotlight on him by making him feel valued. Brag about his strengths to your mutual friends. Make sure he knows that his efforts don’t go unnoticed. 

Not only will your husband deeply appreciate the gesture, but his love for you will also become stronger. 

9. Work On Your Communication

Nothing kills a marriage faster than poor communication. This is especially true in times of conflict. You have to do your best to meet your husband halfway. Think about it. You can’t expect your husband to miss you if your disagreements always go unresolved. 

For starters, don’t let things simmer. Let your husband know if you don’t agree with something. However, don’t stick to your guns when you do raise a complaint. Instead, listen to your husband to fully understand where he is coming from. This way, reaching common ground will be much easier even if you don’t fully agree with his point of view. 

All in all, a marriage is defined by how well you handle your conflicts. A calm and level-headed approach will make your husband respect your opinion and miss you more whenever you aren’t around. 

Make Your Hubby Miss You FAQs

Turns out that how to make a husband miss me is not the only question many couples ask in regards to wanting their partners to want them more. Here are a few other related questions, complete with answers, you might want to check out.

How can I make my husband miss me like crazy?

Like all women, you want your husband missing you round the clock. Luckily, you don’t need to bend over backward to make it happen. It’s the little things that will have him going crazy for you. 

For example, don’t be coy about your feelings. Let him know how much he means to you. The fact that he knows you value him will make him think more about you. 

To add to this, you should tell him why you think he’s special, triggering the savior complex in him. When you are together, he will go out of his way to make you feel special. When you are apart, he will miss you badly. 

How do I get my husband to think of me when he’s away?

It’s true, absence might make the heart wander. So how do you make your husband miss you even when he is away? It’s simple, get him to look forward to your reunion. 

There are many ways you can go about this. For example, You can call out of the blue just to tell him you love him.

What’s more, you can leave a love note in his wallet or his coat pocket. He will miss you more when he reads it while you are away from home. 

Finally, you can hint that you have a surprise for him when he does come back home. He will have you in his thoughts even if he is far away from home for a long period of time. 

Final Thoughts

These nine points sum up how to make your husband miss you more. As you can clearly see, getting your husband to do that is not that hard. The trick is to make sure you are going about each step right. 

With these few tips, you can rest easy knowing that you have everything needed to rekindle his love for you. All the best! 

Knowing what to do when he says he’s done is one of the hardest challenges to any relationship, but especially for a marriage. You may not believe him, you may become angry, or you may feel so sad you want to crawl into a hole and die, but you need to take action. 

You can cope, and you can win him back (if you so choose). Find out the why and how of dealing with it when your husband says he’s done.

How To Know He’s About To Say He’s Done?

When a marriage is going nicely, we tend to just sit back and enjoy the view. Yet, this is when we need to cement our relationship bonds and maintain healthy boundaries to ensure it’s an equal partnership. Knowing your marriage is in trouble is essential to pulling it back from the rocks and possible divorce. 

Signs that he is about to say he’s done with you include: 

Your Communication Becomes Vague

If he starts cutting off the communication lines, you can be sure he is withdrawing from your marriage. This includes not responding to text messages, emails, or conversations. While men tend not to be as communicative as women, we can see when they become distant. 

Your Intimacy Annoys Him 

A surefire sign that he’s about to boot you is when he doesn’t want to cuddle or pillow talk anymore. While the sex may continue, it won’t be as intimate as before. You will feel the distance as he becomes a stranger to you.

He No Longer Cares About You

When my cat died and my husband only asked where I wanted her buried, I realized he was pulling away. He couldn’t be bothered to comfort me. Despite my tears and clear distress, his comfort was lacking or superficial. Emotionally, he had already detached from me. My pain made him uncomfortable. 

You may find your husband also follows this classic path of being vague, no longer cherishing intimacy and sensitive conversations, and no longer caring for your pain. Usually, this is not a sign that he’s an a-hole. Instead, it is a sure sign he is withdrawing. He is subconsciously moving you out of his life, and if you don’t pull him back, you will feel it when your husband says he’s done.

Why Would He Say He’s Done? 

There are a number of reasons why your boyfriend or husband may say he’s done. When he says he’s done with you, it may indicate that he has the following issues that are making him leave. 

He’s Tired Of Your Negativity 

This may be a bitter pill to swallow, but if you are constantly haranguing him, he will grow tired of that negativity. Being surrounded by negativity and criticism will cause him to walk out. 

He may decide he’s done with you simply because he doesn’t know how to tell you that your negativity hurts him. When he says he’s done, it may mean he’s tired of being brought down by you.

You’re Too Demanding

When you are constantly asking for things from your husband, you are placing emotional and psychological strain on him. It may be too overwhelming to meet all your demands. This can be overwhelming, and being unable to cope, he will feel he has no other choice but to leave.

He Has A Bigger Priority

If he is dealing with a bigger problem that is possibly pushing him to the limits and he doesn’t get your support, then he may have to limit other drains on his energy (aka you) by letting you go. 

This often happens when he feels like he is the designated driver in your marriage or relationship. He may be going through a job crisis, but he feels he can’t talk to you (since you keep spending his money like it’s Christmas all year), and so he feels he has no choice but to leave.

He’s An Introvert And Being Around People Is Too Much

Sometimes we all get the feeling like we want to go live on a deserted island, because we are just tired of people. What if he is feeling like that? Perhaps your nearness is too much for him, and you missed his signs that he needs a little space, so now he has to move you out of his life entirely. 

When he says he’s done, it doesn’t always mean it’s about you alone. It can also be because he simply can’t cope and you haven’t been supportive enough. 

3 Steps To Knowing What To Do When He Says He’s Done 

When you hear those dreaded words, “I’m done” from the lips of your husband, it can seem like the world has stopped. You have just heard the verdict no wife wants to hear, yet many do. So what now? What do you do now? You follow these steps and you cope.

Step One: Decide Whether You Want To Save Your Marriage Or Not 

Evaluate your marriage, weighing up the good and the bad to decide whether you want to still remain married to your husband or not. Just because he has said he’s done doesn’t mean he is worth fighting for. You need to decide whether you want to keep your husband or not. You also need to accept that you may not be able to win him back, and you need to be okay with that if it happens. 

Whatever you decide, you need to take care of yourself first, so before you do anything else, do this!

Get Your Spark Back With Self-Care

You will feel like you’ve been through the grinder when you hear your husband say he’s done. It’s the worst insult, even if he doesn’t mean it like that, since you will feel like you aren’t good enough or that he doesn’t love you any more. This is when you need to take care of YOU.

Do at least three things each day that make you shine. Whether it is to take a long bath in the morning or listen to your favorite music while you get dressed, do something that makes you happy. 

This serves a dual purpose: If you decide you want to win back your husband, then your happiness will attract him. However, should you decide you don’t want to win him back and that divorce is the best choice, then this will help you cope by making you feel better about yourself.

Step Two: If You Want To Save Your Marriage 

Should you want to save your marriage, you should start by not doing any of the following: 

Don’t Tell Him It’s A Mistake

This is the best way to drive him further away! When you are telling him what to do or think, you are devaluing his experience, and it will only make him move further from you. Stop harassing him with text messages or calling nonstop. Respect that he feels what he feels and give him space. This is for you and him to figure out what is going on.

Don’t Buy Him Back

In our modern world, women are often the top earners in the family, and you buying him expensive gifts will only rub his nose in the fact that you earn more than him. This could be one of the reasons he no longer wants to be with you in the first place. A generous gesture may be well-meant, but it can also cause him to feel like you are trying to buy him back. 

Your husband may keep the gift, but not you if this is your solution to him being done with you. Rather work on your relationship than bring money into the equation.

Don’t Give Him Sex

Many women mistakenly believe they should instantly try to fix their marriage with sex. They are almost conditioned that if they give their husband as much sex as he could possibly want, he will stay. Newsflash: he won’t. 

While sex is something your husband may enjoy, it won’t change his mind, and it won’t keep him around past a few nights of passion. It will make you feel cheapened and won’t fix what is broken. 

So what do you do to save your marriage?

Do Limit Contact

This may sound counterintuitive, but it is quite simple. Your husband doesn’t want you, so let him see what life is like without you. Stop being present and supportive in his life. Combine this with generous helpings of being polite when you do have to interact. When you drop off the kids or you have to see him, be extra polite and kind, but don’t revolve around him. 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as the saying goes. Don’t sit there pining for him. Instead, continue with your life. Work on who you are, building a powerful character that is independent and strong. Men are attracted to strong women. It’s not about playing hard to get. Instead, it’s about being strong without him.

Do Win Him By Understanding His Love Language

Each of us have our own love language. We choose to express affection in a certain way, whether it is by touching, speaking, or doing things. Find out what he likes. If he enjoys being touched, start by casually and comfortably touching him when you do meet. A flirting touch is going to turn his head more than asking that he comes back. 

If he is a rare man who likes to talk, then invite him for coffee and talk calmly WITH him. Avoid talking TO him. Avoid recrimination and instead practice listening to him. Express your gratitude with real and genuine acts like touching, hugging him, or a soft word. 

Do Listen To Him And Avoid Naysayers

We don’t live in isolation, and chances are that your husband and you have both been listening to the people in your circle: his friends and yours. They may not always understand what you are going through, and they may not offer the best advice for what is good for you or him. 

Start listening to each other. You are the one taking the initiative, so step up and listen to him. Listening takes courage and strength. He will value your commitment to really hear him out. Don’t listen with the intention to reply or change his mind. Instead, be what you were supposed to be from the start: his wife and best friend. Listen to him like you would listen to a dear friend, putting your hurt and emotional baggage aside for now. 

Do Propose To Him

This is not a marriage proposal. Instead, propose to enter into a contract of giving each other another shot. He may not want to commit, but this is okay. Instead of feeling pushed aside, ask him if he will give you a limited time period to see if you guys can still work things out. People are more willing to commit to something and work at it when there’s an end in sight.

He will be more willing to give your marriage another shot if you limit that trial to a period of a month or two. Be honest, promising you will both stick to the time frame. If it still doesn’t work between you two within that time, then do the honorable thing and leave.

Step Three: If You Don’t Want To Save Your Marriage 

Having engaged in self-care and rebuilt your self-esteem, you may decide you don’t want to remain in the marriage either. Don’t be surprised if your husband starts wanting you to stay with him when he had wanted you to leave. Your efforts to rebuild yourself will attract him. Don’t let this dissuade you. 

If you have decided that you are ready to move on, then stick to that decision. Don’t be a chew toy for his feelings to gnaw on. Instead, choose to leave. You deserve the best, and if that isn’t your husband, then you should leave.

What To Do When He Says He Is Done FAQs 

Having your husband dump you can make you feel confused and abandoned. Hearing him say he’s done with you can be humiliating, and you may not want to ask questions, yet you should.

How do you tell if he’s really done with you? 

If your husband is really ready to leave, you will notice a few signs that point to his disinterest and emotional disentanglement from your relationship. Look for these signs:

• He becomes disinterested in spending time with you
• When you ask him about his day, he becomes vague
• He avoids intimacy and being close
• When you ask him what’s going on, he will deflect your concerns
• He is often away from home for no reason

Why do men lose interest? 

He may be unhappy or insecure in your marriage. Your husband may be detaching from you since he is not feeling satisfied and doesn’t know how to communicate this to you. He could also be having an affair to meet his needs, which means he is moving toward a new relationship.

How do I know if my breakup is final? 

There are a few signs that your breakup is indeed final:

• When you separate, you both feel better
• There is another person involved via an affair
• You realize that you both have different values or ideals
• There is emotional separation before physical separation
• You remember the past and stressful events with your ex more than you remember good times 

Why do guys push you away when they love you?

In some rare instances, your husband saying he is done with you may indicate that he is actually struggling to deal with his love for you. Communication doesn’t come easily to us all, and he might be scared by his love for you, which is why he may be pushing you away. You will notice that he:

• Fears he is failing you
• The commitment scares him
• He is dealing with stress that he fears will hurt you
• There may be changes in your relationship, and he doesn’t know how to process these
• He wants you to go for counseling, but he doesn’t know how to suggest this

The Final Moment Of Being Done 

Hearing him break your heart by saying he’s done with you can be devastating. Don’t let this knock you down. Instead, rally your energy and make important decisions. 

• Take care of yourself and rebuild your own self
• Decide whether you want him back or not
• Plan how you will win him back
• Or move on toward your future without him if you don’t want to save your marriage

Have you or your friends survived a husband saying he’s done with the marriage? Do you know what to do when he says he’s done? Share your experiences in the comments below.

There is nothing worse than being ignored … wait! There is! When your spouse ignores you, it is one of the most devastating blows you can suffer in a relationship. This is the person you turn to and depend on, but now they are simply ignoring you. What do you do now? You win back their attention, of course! 

Why Would A Husband Be Ignoring His Wife?

Marriage is complicated. There is often disagreement and discord between husband and wife, but when this isn’t expressed in words, it can cause confusion. You may believe your husband is angry at you when he ignores you, but there could be other reasons he ignores you too. Until you know why he ignores you, there will be nothing you can do to regain his interest. He may be ignoring you because:

You’re A Nagger 

Yip, let’s face it, sister, we women can be naggers. We get upset about things, and we harp on these until the cows come home. Instead of seeing when our husbands are no longer listening, we keep on flogging that horse, trying to get a message across to him that he anyways isn’t listening to and won’t listen to. Your husband may have begun mentally shutting down when you speak as a result; hence, ignoring you.

He’s Too Busy For You

If your husband is the breadwinner, chances are that he is dealing with a lot of stress, and he may be too busy to listen to you. He might be burning the candle on both ends, eat-sleep-and-drinking his work. 

This could mean he simply doesn’t have time to pay attention to you. In his books, he is a good provider, and this is sufficient to meet your needs, which is why he doesn’t notice that you want more.

You’ve Grown Apart 

When you marry, you have something in common with your husband, yet, as time passes, you may end up growing apart. He may develop new interests that you don’t share, or you may have found hobbies he’s not at all interested in. As a result, you have little in common, which can lead him to neglect you socially and emotionally and, thus, ignore you.  

He’s Having An Affair 

Chances are that if he’s having an affair, your husband won’t be interested in you. He will save his energy and motivation for the other woman. He may also feel guilty about his infidelity, which can lead to him avoiding you and ignoring you completely. When he has to spend time with you, there may be awkwardness as he doesn’t know how to own up to his transgressions.  

He’s Stuck

If you are a dominant partner, who possibly intimidates your husband, then he may be dealing with this by putting up a wall. This is a primitive defense mechanism aimed at helping him deal with situations or people (you) that he’s not ready for. While it may seem that he is flatout ignoring you, he is actually quite terrified of you!

You Bore Him 

Ouch! Yes, your partner may be ignoring you since you bore him. We often end up being with someone in a relationship based on their potential, but we don’t all reach our potential. While you were young and exciting when you were dating, he may now be bored as you’ve let yourself go and you no longer interest him. 

The world out there is a tasty pastry to him, but you’re just a slice of bread. You never reached your potential and the mystery is gone, so now he’s bored. If you don’t watch this situation, he may soon stray.   

He Thinks You’re Using Him 

When we don’t like someone, we often deal with it by ignoring them. Chances are that your husband is ignoring you because he has developed a dislike in you. The main reason for this is usually when he feels you are using him. Do you ask him for money or expensive purchases? Perhaps you insist on pricey holidays? These can all contribute to him feeling used, as if he is the cash-cow. 

If you are asking “why does my husband ignore me,” then you need to consider what it is about you that he may distrust. 

Steps To Take When Your Husband Ignores You 

When you realize your husband has been ignoring you, and that this has become a habit, you need to consider why he has been doing it. Is it one of the above reasons, or is there a different reason why he may be ignoring you? 

Try these ways to get back his attention and become unforgettable to your husband:

Communicate About It 

When life gets busy, we live past each other. Like ships on the sea at night, you may not even realize you are sailing separate courses. By talking with your partner about what you are experiencing, you can air out your feelings (without accusing him), and discover where the problem lies. 

You may often find that he might not even know he has been ignoring you. If he’s been busy, he may be in survival mode, which can cause him to not even notice you. This may not be intentional. But talking about it can bring awareness, and you can both work on the problem together.  

Increase Kindness 

If he is working hard, he may need a soft place to land and not a scowling spouse. Instead of being upset by his ignorance of you, turn up the charm and draw him back to you. Ask yourself what you can do to make him more comfortable and happier. He will quickly notice your efforts and turn back to you. 

Take A Break 

Should kindness not do the trick, then you can opt for the opposite approach. Take some time out. Consciously distance yourself from him. Remain polite, but don’t wait for him to notice you. 

Continue with your life as if he isn’t part of yours, which will make him question if you need him or not. This may open the channels of communication, but be careful of not pushing this too far if you aren’t interested in a divorce. As the saying goes: absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Stop Fighting With Him And Listen 

Have you considered that he may have tried talking to you about what is bothering him, only you didn’t listen? Women can be quick off the bat, and we can easily launch into an argument instead of listening. Also, men have a different way of communicating. He may have shown you in other ways that something is bothering him or that he is unhappy about something, only you didn’t see.

Stop fighting and start listening and seeing. Notice him, really notice him. Is he tired, worn out, angry, worried, or lonely? Start considering his needs instead of trying to impress on him that you have needs.  

Find The Moment 

You may correctly be assuming that he is angry with you. Your instinct can be to become angry right back, but stop and think. Why is he angry? Did something happen? When did he start to ignore you? 

If you can find the moment where discord started, you may be able to find a constructive way to remedy the situation, winning back his trust and interest. Remember, forgiveness is a two-way street.

Find Common Ground

Perhaps you have grown apart. Yet, any two branches can be trained to grow together again, and you and your husband can also begin to share common interests again. If you had something you enjoyed sharing in the past, then try to rekindle that. Perhaps go to the movies, plan and go on a date, or go camping together if that was something you were both interested in.

If the past interests you shared have fizzled, then you can create new interests. Start something that is new for you, and invite your husband to join you in it. Don’t ask him to do something you’ve been doing a while as he’ll feel like he’s tagging along. Instead, pick something completely different that neither of you have done before. Sharing new experiences is a great way to reconnect and find interest again.

Find Your Positivity 

Nothing is more appealing than being positive. If you focus on being positive and inviting, your husband won’t be able to help feeling drawn back to you. When he’s been intentionally avoiding you, he may be expecting a negative reaction from you. Surprise him by being positive instead. 

This will intrigue him, and he will begin to look for answers by turning back to you. A positive spirit is the most sexy outfit you could wear, so stop trying to be alluring, and be positive instead.

Retrain Him With Positive Rewards 

This may sound awkward, but you can retrain your husband. Yes, like a puppy, you can reward him for paying attention. If he greets you in a friendly way, reward him by making him some coffee. Should he ask your opinion, reward him with an unexpected hug and some sensual touching. 

At a subconscious level, he will get the message: if he pays attention to you and stops ignoring you, then he gets good things.  

Consider His Needs And Meet Them 

Your husband is your partner, and you are supposed to meet each other’s needs. What are his needs, and how can you better meet them? Don’t fall into the stereotypical thinking of believing he only wants food and sex. While cooking him a nice meal and wearing some sexy lingerie may turn his head, it might not meet his needs. 

Consider what he may need that you aren’t providing. Are you being a friend to him? Do you make him feel good about himself? Do you provide him with safety and care? How are you helping him actualize his higher purpose in life? 

If he is feeling like his needs aren’t being met, then he may be dissatisfied with you. He may not know how to express this. He could be ignoring you since he feels frustrated with not being able to discuss his needs (which he may not even consciously know) with you. 

Be Patient 

We all go through things, and sometimes all we need is some time to figure things out. Your husband may be ignoring you because he is trying to do exactly that. Nagging at him for more attention and trying to force him to talk to you may backfire on you. Try giving him some time and space instead as forcing him to talk may cause him to become rude to you.

Show patience by waiting for him to come talk to you, but be sure he knows you are there for him. Combine this with acts of kindness to reassure him you are there for him when he is ready.

What To Do When Your Husband Ignores You FAQs

When your husband ignores you, there are going to be a hundred or more questions circling your mind. There are no easy answers, and at the end of the day, you may be looking for solutions in the wrong places. Hopefully, these frequently asked questions can help get you on the right track.

What does it mean if your husband ignores you?

It indicates a serious lack of communication. When your husband ignores you, you may feel utterly dejected and lost. Try not to make this about you. Suspend your victim instinct and try to see things through his eyes. 

If your husband ignores you, it doesn’t mean he no longer loves you or that he disrespects you, even if it feels that way. There may be more going on, which is why you need to think clearly and calmly, considering all possible reasons before deciding what to do when your husband ignores you.   

What is emotional abandonment in marriage? 

A marriage is about emotionally supporting each other. Yet, when you wonder how to cope with a husband who ignores you, the pain is real and can cause you to doubt yourself. This is essentially the main harm caused by emotional abandonment in a marriage. 

When there is no communication and no connection, you will feel unfulfilled and rejected. It’s like dancing with a mannequin who looks and sounds like your husband but has zero connection to you. 

Marital loneliness is a real problem that should be addressed by couple’s counseling or psychotherapy. When you are abandoned, you feel completely isolated and lost. This can negatively impact all other areas of your life, causing depression and other negative psycho-social effects.

Why do I feel lonely in my marriage?

If you are feeling lonely in your marriage, then chances are that it’s a “husband ignoring wife” scenario. Your communication and connection has completely broken down, and you are now living vestigial lives as husband and wife. 

The partnership has already begun to decay, and if action isn’t taken to regain connection and shared purpose, then you could well end up losing your marriage (whether it ends in divorce or you live separate lives within the same home).  

How do you deal with an ignoring husband? 

There are a few ways to deal with a husband who is ignoring you:

• Talk about your need for inclusion and validation with him
• Consciously engage in acts of random kindness to gain his favor again
• Step away and draw him in by retreating
• Change arguments for moments of softness when you see him and listen to him
• Reflect on when things changed to identify the moment or event that brought the schism
• Create some shared interests to rekindle your connection, such as sports, hobbies, or interesting habits
• Remain positive in yourself as being negative will drive him away
• Use positive rewards to train him to come to you by rewarding him when he does pay attention to you or seeks you out
• Become his rock by meeting his needs like being his friend, partner, confidant, and lover
• Just wait patiently for him to turn to you if he is dealing with something as the greatest gift you can give him is patience 

Ignore No More 

Having to deal with a husband who ignores you is painful, and it can challenge your sense of self. Yet, you don’t have to sulk in silence. Instead of taking it personally, try to find out why he is ignoring you and work at returning to your partnership by fostering better communication and openness in your marriage. 

Not knowing how to cope with a husband who ignores you is every woman’s worst nightmare. You may begin to doubt yourself and suspect he is cheating on you. While there is a possibility he is doing just that, he may also have become withdrawn for other reasons that require your help and not your judgment. 

Did your husband become distant and ignore you in your marriage? How did you solve this? Please share your experiences and advice in the comments section.

“No, I have to go home. My husband is waiting for me.”

When my friend said this at a friendly get-together, I was amazed. She had a slightly fearful look in her eyes, and I wondered why she was concerned with what her husband might think if she got home a little later. After all, it wasn’t even late yet. Why was she letting her husband control her, and why wasn’t she standing up to her controlling husband?

Perhaps you are in the same boat. Your husband tells you how to cook, what to wear, when to watch TV (and what to watch), and still tells you that you have bad taste when you don’t instantly acquiesce to his controlling commands. 

It is so easy to become run-down by a partner who constantly treats you like a child or takes command of your life.

You are not a puppy, and “sit,” “stand,” and “stay” (or their human equivalents) are not words that one partner should ever use with their spouse. This is a severe form of mental and emotional abuse.

This got me thinking about ways of how to deal with a controlling husband. Is there a sure-fire way to ensure your spouse respects you enough to trust you? My own partner trusts me enough to be responsible and he never demands control over my actions and activities, so why do some men become controlling?

I looked for ways to discover a path through controlling behavior to personal freedom. This is what I found: You need to know why your husband is controlling, how he is controlling you, and find ways to break the pattern of controlling behavior. Only then will you be in a relationship that is based on mutual respect.

Why Is Your Husband Controlling?

If you are picturing a grumpy gnome of a man who is the controlling husband, you are quite mistaken. All people can become controlling partners. Whether the husband or wife, controlling your partner is about dominance. And anyone can do it.

Some forms of control are obvious, others are insidious, and still more are as blunt as a fist to the face. Whenever you are being denied the full and unapologetic right to self-agency, you are being controlled. It is about making the controller feel empowered. But why do they control other people? Surely there are better things to do with their time and energy?

In worst-case scenarios, the controlling partner may be a narcissist who uses gaslighting to dominate their partner. A husband who makes his wife doubt her own abilities and rational thinking mind is a gaslighter. In some cases, the wife may end up feeling like she’s the bad guy and that she is the one to blame even though she is the victim.

Mostly, controlling husbands have suffered a form of abuse or trauma themselves in their early life, and controlling their wives is the only way in which they feel they are overcoming or succeeding in life. Control equates to power for them.

Being controlling can also be a form of reprisal by your husband who may be suffering under the dominance of someone else in their life, such as a dominating boss. In a knee-jerk reaction, your husband may be controlling over you as this is the only place he can feel like he’s the boss. It is in your power to help him change and save your marriage. 

Husbands who suffer low self-esteem will often turn their frustrations against their spouses, and they will use the traditional set-up of the marriage (with the man as the head of the household) as an environment where they can bully their wife so they will feel empowered. 

Other reasons why a man may try to control his wife include:

• The man is trying to deal with his anxieties
• He has learned to be this controlling from his own father
• To get what he wants
• He is emotionally immature and doesn’t know how to be real

Why Having A Controlling Spouse Is Not Acceptable

Being controlled by your partner is not acceptable since this reduces you to someone who can’t trust their own thinking, actions, and feelings. You become a plaything that isn’t respected. The result of this manipulative behavior is fear, insecurity, and a low self-esteem. 

When you are in a relationship with a controlling husband, you will begin to resent him. 

This leads to the relationship no longer being between equals. It takes on a parent-child dynamic, which is an unhealthy way to be in a marriage or any other relationship. At some point, the “child” will rebel, and it can ultimately lead to divorce. If the manipulation escalates, it can also become physical coercion, which can lead to physical abuse.

Putting it shortly: Being in a manipulative relationship isn’t healthy.

Controlling Husband 101

So how do you know your husband is controlling? Often the behavior is so subtle or covert you really may not realize you are being controlled. It begins in a mild form before escalating into manipulation and control. 

This is a bit like heating up a pot of water with a frog in it. Since the temperature increases gradually, the frog won’t jump out. Eventually the frog boils. 

Are you boiling in your marriage and don’t even know it? Look out for these signs.

Sign One: He Constantly Criticizes You

You feel each day as if there is nothing you can do right, and you end up wondering how he wants things done instead of thinking how you would want them done.

Sign Two: Your Interactions Are Either Threats, Silent Treatment, Or Jealousy

Your husband may manipulate and control you by alternating between the silent treatment and open threats. This keeps you off-balance and emotionally vulnerable. A jealous husband is almost always a controlling one.

Sign Three: He Twists The Truth To Make You Feel Negative

A husband who makes his wife feel like she’s the reason for shame is controlling her emotions and actions. 

Sign Four: He Confuses You By Placing Words In Your Mouth

A way in which your husband may manipulate and control you is to insist you said something you didn’t. When you feel the fool, he uses this power over you to make him seem like the responsible partner.

Sign Five: He Withholds Things

A controlling husband maintains power over his wife by denying her things that she needs to be happy or successful. He will use his support as a bargaining chip. If she wants to attend night school, he will tell her she needs to help the kids with homework as he can’t. When she needs something, he refuses to give it.

Sign Six: He Isolates You

This is a big sign of control. When a man keeps his wife cut off from her friends, family, and coworkers, he is controlling her ability to interact socially and receive outside support. Often, this is a sign of a narcissist hard at work.

Six Steps: How To Deal With A Controlling Husband

Finding ways of how to stop a controlling husband can be a challenge. These are some essential steps to help free you. You can learn how to stand up to your controlling husband.

Step One: Get Support

Being controlled means you will doubt every thought in your head and each action you plan on taking. To counter the controlling husband’s influence, you need the help of genuine friends. Reach out and get support. 

If you have no friends, family members, or colleagues you can turn to, you can reach out to support organizations that are there to help you through the difficult process of finding yourself and ditching the bonds of control. 

Step Two: Talk To Him

When you have the support you need, you will slowly scratch together the confidence to talk to your controlling husband. Be sure to do so in a safe space. You can have your support group nearby or even use them to mediate the situation. 

Remember that nobody likes being confronted with an ugly truth, and your husband probably doesn’t even know he is doing something wrong. In his mind, you are simply in need of his guidance. So rephrase statements like “You make me feel…” with “I feel that…”

Speak clearly and try to remain calm as you tell your husband that what he does is not appropriate for your relationship. Expect resistance. Stick to your guns, and tell him how you feel. Don’t try to get through to him by saying that you are upset with him or that he did XYZ. The blame game doesn’t work.

Step Three: Carve Out Space

Your next step is to create some space for yourself where you can heal and where you can learn how to work on your marriage. The setting of boundaries will help your husband learn what is acceptable and what isn’t. It is also how you take back the power he has taken from you. 

You may think of these boundaries like relationship rules, and you might consider these:

• He needs to listen to you
• You get to make up your own mind and make decisions
• There will be “please” and “thank you” in the relationship
• You decide to support each other and respect what matters to each other
• You get to decide when you need to step out of a situation that is oppressing you

Step Four: Reclaim Your Power

Once you have set some boundaries and spoken to him about the way you feel, it is up to you to reclaim your power. Chances are that your controlling husband has been isolating and weakening you. 

Start by taking back your power in small ways. If he wants to have takeout burgers on Saturday evenings, then surprise him by cooking a delicious meal instead of getting takeaways. Whatever you want to do, go for it.

Step Five: Rise Above His Mind Tricks

When you start to stand up to your husband, you will begin to see real change. Learning how to stand up to a controlling husband is not easy, and you may take a few steps backwards for each step forwards. 

Take back your power. If he demands you do something, oppose him. Should he be inclined to withhold money from you, then you can work on achieving your own independence financially.  

Step Six: Decide Whether You Will Stay Or Leave

Ultimately, you need to ask yourself whether there is a chance that your controlling husband can change or if he will always try to dominate you. If he wants to change, then you can work on the relationship together, and it may end up bringing you both closer together. 

However, if he can’t let you be free and equal to him, then you need to consider whether the cost of this marriage will be more than you can pay. Is your marriage worth your freedom and independence? 

FAQs For How To Deal With A Controlling Husband

How do you know you are married to a controlling husband?

A controlling husband will try to dominate you by removing your decision-making opportunities. He will isolate you from your friends and family to ensure you have no support against his dominating ways. Your ability to make financial, emotional, mental, and physical decisions will be affected as he takes over your life.

He will make snide and cutting remarks to tear down your self-esteem, but you will be too weakened and alone to stand up for yourself. This further places you under his control.

What are some of the signs that you are married to a controlling husband?

• There will be constant criticism from him
• Despite him being the aggressor, you will feel guilty
• Even when he does something nice for you, he will do it in such a way that you will feel guilty or bad
• He engages in narcissistic behavior that includes gaslighting you
• He is involved in every aspect of your life and tells you what to do the whole time
• There is constant jealousy from him, and you fear his temper
• You feel as if he only loves you on certain conditions such as being skinny, rich, or obedient to him
• You feel as if he is constantly watching you
• When you talk to him, it feels as if he doesn’t listen

How to deal with a controlling spouse?

There are many ways to deal with a controlling husband, but it starts with you finding support. The main weapon a controller will use is to isolate you so there is no support system for you, which leaves you vulnerable to their manipulations. 

When you have reached out to people who can support you, the next steps are:

• Talk to your husband about his controlling habits
• Keep your cool as he will try to convince you that the problem lies with you
• Decide where he controls you the most and set boundaries to manage those areas
• Take charge of your life and become more independent
• Encourage him to find help for his controlling ways
• Set weekly check-ins to help you remain on track with your journey out of his control
• Take back power over your life with activities that make you feel good
• Decide whether there is improvement or if you need to consider leaving

Why is my husband being so controlling?

Husbands can become controlling over their wives for many reasons. They may have a weak self-esteem and rely on dominating their wife to make them feel good. There may have been abuse in their own childhood, which has led them to believe in dominating their spouse as a way to make them feel secure. He may be afraid of being alone, so he takes away his partner’s power to prevent her from leaving him.

He might be a narcissist who gets off on the power he has over her. This might be learned behavior he saw with one of his parents who was dominating over the other. Even mothers can be dominating over their children, who will then turn into either dominating or subservient partners later in life.

Why is it so bad to be with a dominating partner?

When you are in a relationship with a dominating partner, you are giving your power to them. The result is that your relationship dynamic changes from equal partners to something that’s more like a parent-child relationship. This is unhealthy as you will resent them, and they will love you conditionally. 

At the end of the day, you will have a low self-esteem and feel disempowered to live your life. Make no mistake, being in a dominating or controlling relationship is a form of abuse.

The Final Word

You may be used to your controlling husband having the last word on everything. He probably expects to be obeyed in everything and that his word will be your instruction for living. It’s time to break free.

Let go of any belief that you somehow deserve to be dominated or that he’s doing it for your own good. He isn’t, and you deserve freedom. If he really loves you, he will give you the freedom and unconditional support to be yourself. 

Have you been in a dominating relationship with a controlling husband? Please share your experiences in our social feed.