Robyn Lee

I’m in Love…But He’s Still Dating Others

I have been dating a man for a few years now. I really like him but he still dates other women. His family really likes me. When we spend time together he’s very sweet and loving. Yet, when we are not together, it’s like he can care less.

I’m very confused on what I should do. I would do anything and everything for him and he knows it. Even friends and family have tried to convince him that I’m “the one”. How do I get him to see that I am the woman for him?

Thank you reader for sharing your question. Today, I’ve enlisted the help of Rachelle Miller aka The Relationship Manager. She shares with us why men still date other women when they have a “girlfriend”, what men do when the woman in their life is priority, and what actions you should take when you find that your boyfriend prefers not to be exclusive. Check out my tips and strategies here, advanced attraction techniques.

I can certainly understand why you may feel frustrated or confused in this situation. I can only imagine how difficult this has been for you, which is why you must recognize that you are at a crossroad with him.

If you have been seeing each other for a couple of years, he has had ample time to know whether he wants to be exclusive with you. The fact that he has not decided to be exclusive with you, and prefers to see other people after all of this time, is evidence that he is not sure you are the right fit for him. A person who is not sure if they have found “the right one” tends to keep their options open in hopes of finding someone more ideal for them. In short, he may be searching for greener pastures.

On the other hand, your guy could simply be someone whose focus is not on a serious, monogamous relationship. At this time in his life, he may have other priorities such as a career, and may prefer to date for fun without the responsibility of a serious relationship. Whether he is exploring his options or is not in the mind-frame of a serious relationship, neither scenario is a good position to be in, and you would be well-advised to move on.

Additionally, if he is seeing other people, then you should see other people, too. In dating, it is not beneficial to be exclusive to someone who obviously is not exclusive to you. I would not recommend putting all of your hopes into this one guy who is dating other women and seems to have no immediate plans to be with only you. Remain open to dating other people and to other relational opportunities that may present themselves. Exclusivity in a relationship should be mutual, not one-sided.

I would also advise you not to always be readily available to him when he calls or wants to hang out. In a non-exclusive relationship, you do not want to convey that your life revolves around him or that you are waiting by the phone at his beck and call. You should have a full, productive life without him. A girl busy with her own life communicates that I am not “second choice- last-minute- take her for granted -old-standby” material. If he wants you, he must act.

Paying attention to his actions is key. Do his actions show that you are important to him and are a priority to him? Do his words and actions align? Is he saying “I love you”, “you’re so special to me”, or “you’re the only girl for me” yet his actions show differently? Words without corresponding action are empty. Based on what you have relayed in your question, I do not see the actions of a committed man.

The guy who is really into you will show it through action. He will consistently call you, will diligently try to get to know you, and will want to spend time with you. If you find yourself doing all the work, taking most of the initiative in maintaining your relationship, or doing nearly all of the calling and communicating, you have a guy that is probably not into you. It is mostly you taking action, not him.

So, in your relationship, does he have to expend any effort or energy to keep you in his life? Or do you give him everything regardless of the way he treats you? Though being willing to do anything for is a loving thing to do, he must show himself deserving of this level of affection. A guy who won’t even be exclusive with you is not deserving of this kind of self-sacrifice.

When it comes to his family, fitting in well is definitely a plus. However, his family liking you is not as important as him liking you. As nice as the family is towards you, you cannot officially join his family until he invites you into it through a committed relationship, usually marriage. Additionally, you do not want a guy who has to be convinced by friends or family to be with you. You want him to desire to be with you on his own. You need a guy who consistently offers you love by his own free will.

If a person does not miss you when you are apart for some time, this is a bad, bad sign. Chances are, when you two are apart, he is enjoying phone or face time with his other options. In a good relationship, when you are out of sight, you are not out of mind. A man who loves you will not want to go extended periods of time with no contact. He will miss you. He will not be nonchalant about being away from the lady he cares about. If you feel he could care less, pay very close attention to this feeling. It does not sound like you feel valued or important to him. And if you regularly feel this way, you may have to face the possibility that there is truth in your feelings. There is a strong likelihood that he does not care for you the way you want him to.

The bottom line is, you do not want to be in love with a guy who is confused about if he wants to be with you. You need clarity. When a guy is really into a girl, he will make his intentions clear. Until your boyfriend can give you clarity as to what he wants with you, he does not deserve much more of your time. The fact is, you cannot “make” him see you are the one for him. However, you can give him the space he needs to figure this out for himself.

In summary, make yourself less available to him and date other people. If he really wants you in his life he will exert the necessary effort and energy to make that happen. If he remains unclear with his intentions and wants to continue seeing other people, it is probably in your best interest to emotionally release this relationship and move forward with your life. In the future, endeavor to only get emotionally invested in a guy who feels you are worth his undivided attention.

Rachelle Miller, aka The Relationship Manager, is an experienced family attorney, minister, and passionate relationship educator. She has studied marital, pastoral, and women’s counseling and also holds degrees in law and journalism. Rachelle is a zealous advocate for families and enjoys empowering others in relationships.

Learn more about Rachelle Miller and excelling in your relationships here, Relationship Manager Blog.

What are your thoughts? Have you been in a similar situation? Comment Below.

I’m Frustrated With Men!

I’m really down and out about men.

It seems I only meet the ones that want to be physical….like guys who already have a girlfriend and want me on the side.

I’m sick and tired of it and I know you’re not suppose to give up but I’m to that point.

It really upsets me that they think I’m suppose to just “get physical with them” while other women get the benefits of eating out, going to the movies, or just spending time with the guy.

It’s really taking a toll on me. I’m hurt that I can’t even find a good guy friend that doesn’t won’t to be physical.

What can I do to meet men that want more than the physical?

Julia

Thanks Julia for your question. It can be frustrating if you continually meet men who are only after the physical.

It is a very “dangerous” place to be in, not only because it sucks to meet men who are not relationship ready, but also because the more of them you meet the more it will cause you to think that “good men” don’t exist.

Marvin Barrett, dating coach, explains more on why this happens, how to avoid or deal with men who are just out for the physical, and where to meet more men that genuinely want to get to know you.

Marvin helps single women identify and avoid dating non-committal men and find their Mr. Right. He coaches women to identify the best places to meet the right men for them, read the signals men display when uncommitted and how to attract the right guy to approach them. Learn how to meet and find the right man for you.

I certainly hear and understand your frustrations here, it’s a frustration I’m sure many women can relate to and identify with.

My hope here though is that you don’t give up but instead re-evaluate your situation at the moment.

You want to meet men who want more than just sex without the strings but not sure about how you should go about this.

Well there’s two things I think you should consider:

First, your expectations about men…

…and second, is your current approach to meeting and dating men.

Let’s look at one of your expectations for a second as I think it hampens many womens chances of finding a “good eligible man.”

There are subtleties in your question that say “I EXPECT men to NOT want more than the physical when they meet me.”

You want to meet a man who is more interested in you as a person and takes a genuine interest in the happenings of your life as opposed to just your body but feel that this man isn’t anywhere to be found at the moment.

Many men out there lack any real morals or standards when it comes to dating and women and I wish more men would be a lot more honest and mature in their dealings with women, but some aren’t and it’s just one of those things.

But it’s not worth thinking about over and over again because all you’ll be doing is frustrating the heck out of yourself and get into a cycle of “hating men” or as you put it becoming really down and out.

So is this an unrealistic expectation?

No, I don’t think so, however, there is a slight problem with it.

You EXPECT men to be or act differently from what they really are – which is sexual beings who are predominantly led by their visual senses and desires, especially when it comes to women and attraction.

When you EXPECT a male to act DIFFERENTLY from this fact, you’re really setting yourself up for a hard time and some serious frustration.

In an ideal world, women should be able to meet men who are and act sincerely and genuinely are interested in getting to know about her, her dreams, her fantasies, her fears etc as well as acknowledging her external beauty.

And to some mens credit, there are men out there who do demonstrate this quality quite well.

However, it’s not an ideal world and most men don’t demonstrate this quality very well and it’s not what typically happens when boy meets girl so to speak.

When a man first lays eyes on you, he is ATTRACTED to your physical beauty. If he approaches you, he is acting out from that initial interest, your physical beauty.

He doesn’t know you yet to know if he would want anything more than what he can physically see, it’s the physical attraction that has “triggered” him.

You might say, “yeah but it’s not right, he should be more interested in getting to know me for who I am, not my body or looks” – and I’d say you’d have a valid point.

But this isn’t about right and wrong here – it’s about how attraction typically works for men, and how you can gain a deeper understanding of the process at work here and then choose your response accordingly.

Just acknowledge and accept it for what it is.

The majority of the male species are wired this way. It’s their default setting so to speak. They’re not in control of it most of the time.

Men will always try to get in your knickers for as long as you live.

It’s better to come to terms with that fact than to expect to meet a man who won’t because if you don’t, you’ll be living in a state of denial that’s based on unrealistic expectations and unrealistic expectations could keep you single and frustrated longer than you need to be.

This doesn’t mean you should accept or settle for unacceptable or immature behaviour from a man or even lower your standards just to accomodate his impulses that he fails to control, no way.

What I am saying though is, save yourself the stress.

Don’t worry about men acting like all they want to do is get you in bed, it’s not something you can control or influence in anyway so you’re doing yourself no favours when you take it to heart when a man seeks to get physical with you before even trying to get know your first name. Just let that go, you’ve got bigger fish to fry.

I suggest that you carry no expectations of a man in the beginning when you first meet him.

Why?

Well, you’ll avoid unnecessary disappointment.

In fact, if you’re going to expect anything, expect that he wants to sleep with you, (which he probably does otherwise he wouldn’t have approached you in the first place – not always though) because if you do, you won’t be disappointed when you notice the signs, you’ll just know that he isn’t likely the right man for you.

Getting upset over men thinking you’re supposed to get “physical” with them while other women get the benefits of eating out, going to the movies or just spending time with the guy is putting unnecessary emotional stress on yourself.

He’s done you a favour. He’s shown the type of man he is and would be if he was to be in a relationship with you, which isn’t what you’d want so view it as a valuable lesson you’re getting early on instead of months or years down the line.

The last point I want to make here is if you feel you keep meeting and attracting men who already have girlfriends, you may want to evaluate the types of places you’re meeting these men, as well as any “signals” that you may be subliminally communicating to a man that says “I’m available.”

By this I mean, it could be the way you dress and present yourself, it could be the types of conversations you entertain when he is speaking to you, or a combination of both.

Presumably, if you meet a guy who you’re attracted to and exchange numbers with, one of the questions you would ask him is whether or not he is seeing someone or has a girlfriend.

Whether he tells you on the first meeting or later on, the moment he tells you or when he becomes suspicious that you might know that he has another woman but you still allow him to talk to you on that level, flirt with you and tease you and you don’t really deal with him appropriately, he’ll think he’s got a chance with you at some point.

It may not be right now, but at some point he will – at least that’s what he’ll think.

That’s the mentality most men who are prepared to cheat on their woman or sleep have.

If you ask most men, they’ll tell you that they have a secret belief inside them that says even if a woman says no today, she’ll say yes tomorrow.

They believe that what a woman says and what a woman does are usually two different things at least from their personal experience and the experience of other men they may know.

So if you’re saying one thing but doing another, you may cause a man to think that although you’re saying no right now, you’ll say yes at some point because you haven’t locked off the communication with him, so he’ll feel he still has a chance of persuading you, even if it’s small.

Also, start meeting men at places that are of interest to you.

Places where conversations are easy to start, places where from the get-go you both share a common interest (e.g at Jazz concert, you both like music, especially Jazz and more specifically a specific artist)

If you like to go shopping and buy clothes, shoes etc, whilst you might not meet a man in the shops you tend to shop in, you could scope out a few male shops or even attend a fashion showcase where men attend too.

You’ll both start off on common ground and will like have passions that stimulate mental attraction as well as physical attraction.

Identify the interests and hobbies you have. Figure out what you like to do or would like to do and make these a starting point for checking out places to meet men where the focus isn’t on checking out the “candy.”

This can also help you with building a social network of platonic male friends which you said is proving a problem for you at the moment.

Doing this will give you opportunities to meet new and different people and if you meet men who you’re not attracted to and they’re not attracted to you either in a physical/sexual way, you can focus on a platonic friendship where you already have things in common and so can do activities together.

I tend to think people who are wanting to find a more serious, committed, stable long-term relationship should stay away from places like bars, clubs, and big parties unless it’s literally just a social thing with friends. Most men go to these types of places literally to “pick up” women and fill up their “blackbooks.”

Avoid falling into that trap.

But in saying that, don’t give up on men.

There is a man out there for you who will want to get to know you, about your dreams, your fantasies, your desires as well as your fears and worries and treat you the way you want to be treated. You just need to adjust your expectations and develop the right approach. Good men out there are looking for good women like you so don’t give up, switch it up.

I’m In Love With My Coworker!

Dear Robyn,

I have been in love with this guy at work for over 2 years. It started more like a crush but then turned into more. I tried to get his attention more by getting my male friend to hook us up.

The guy never made a move.

After some time a female friend of mine tried again for me. The guy sounded interested and my friend tried to give him my number but he refused and actually told my friend that he would get the number himself from me.

I waited and waited for him to make a move but to no avail.

He has consumed my thoughts like crazy. I feel like my life will never be complete without him. No matter how much I try to forget him I can’t because everytime I see him I start longing for him all over again.

I really can’t imagine myself with another guy. Everyday I wonder what it is that he doesn’t like about me. Am i fat? Am I boring? What is it about me? The attraction is there I can see it but he never even makes a move. I’m going crazy with waiting.

Do you think he is getting cold feet or is he just not interested at all?

Dear Roslyn,

If you are feeling this way about him, he most likely senses it. He knows that you like him intensely and that you want him to pursue you. But unfortunately it will be difficult for this to happen since you are giving off the desperate vibe.

Roslyn, the person who should be having the intense thoughts about having the opportunity to spend time with you should be him. And I believe if he had been feeling this way he would have asked you out by now.

If you haven’t had conversations with this man or spent time with him, you don’t know if you love him or not. And you have to be especially careful at work when meeting someone because they are on their “best behavior”.

You don’t get to see them at their worse or when they aren’t dressed up or trying to impress the boss.

Roslyn, I completely understand how you feel, but falling in love with someone you don’t really know is a road to destruction, because you spend so much time dreaming of your relationship together you lose out on time you could be spending with a guy who truly adores and appreciates you.

You are the object that should be pursued and wanted. You should not be thinking “How can I be good enough for him?” – but rather “I wonder if he can provide what I need in a relationship.”

When you switch your thinking to this you start to feel that he could be the one or maybe not. You don’t have a lot of mental energy invested in him.

You have to believe there are other men out there that would enjoy being with you if he doesn’t work out with the guy at work.

One thing I will tell you that is for sure, if he were interested he would ask for your number or ask you out.

You have been working together for two years so if he hasn’t drummed up enough nerve to ask you out by now, it’s probably better to move on.

You deserve more than falling in love with someone who has not even asked you out.

I would suggest flirting and dating other guys and slowly getting over this crush, although it may be difficult.

And who knows, once he sees that you have moved on and you’re not so desperate to be with him, his interest may change.

Roslyn, I wish you all the best. Check out my tips and strategies here, advanced attraction techniques.

Robyn Lee

My Guest Poster: Marvin Barrett

What I want to know is how can you be IN LOVE with a guy for over 2 years who has never made a move on you or even demonstrated a level of interest in you?

Where did that love come from? How has it developed to this stage?

The mistake I find that many women make is that they confuse being in love with someone with being in love with the “idea” of being in love with that person. It’s a very subtle difference that most people don’t even realize, but it’s very deceptive.

It sounds like your crush has turned to infatuation simply because you haven’t got what you wanted. As people, we are often pulled towards the things we want but can’t quite have and this seems to be what’s driving what you’re feeling.

You’re placing way too much importance on this guy. Saying things like: “I feel like my life will never be complete without him” and “I really can’t imagine myself with another guy” is basically giving all your power away to a guy who hasn’t asked for it.

It’s also an act of dependence towards a man who hasn’t really proved his worth to you.

Also, there are a few assumptions in your question that you may want to test out.

What doesn’t he like about me? (How do you know he doesn’t like you, especially seeing that you said he sounded interested and the attraction is there?)

Am I fat? Am I boring? What is it about me? (These questions are you trying to justify his lack of response to your interest in him. These are destructive questions to be asking yourself.)

If you believe the attraction is there, then what’s stopping him from making the move?

I’m a believer that if a man wants to make a woman his woman he will.

He doesn’t need a second and third invitation to do so. I’m not convinced that this guy is interested in you in the same way that you are interested in him.

Sounded interested is another way of being polite and courteous.

He never took your number despite telling your friend that he’ll get it himself. He’s worked with you for over 2 years, I don’t know any guy who would wait 2 years to get a woman’s number who he was interested in.

Don’t allow yourself to be blinded by your own emotions.

I hear a lot of hope and desire in your words but it’s very likely that this guy isn’t worth your time or emotional investment.

Speaking from a male point of view, I can tell you, if a man knows and is aware of a woman’s interest in him but still doesn’t make a move, he isn’t interested, period.

And if at some point he does get involved with you, he’s not likely to be viewing it as a long-term relationship but more of a casual one.

Thank you so much Marvin for more great advice!

I’m In Love With My Friend

Dear Robyn,

I am in love with one of my close friends and I want to know how to make him fall in love with me.

Aisha

Dear Aisha,

Being “in love” with a friend is something that should be handled very carefully.

You don’t want to outright say that you like him and then things become very awkward between the two of you.

But you do want to know whether he shares the same feelings for you.

And I believe it’s best to know where you stand early on. This is because if he is your “dream man”, you are probably not considering dating other men because you feel that he is “the one”.

So I would recommend nipping whether he has some interest in you in the bud right away.

Here’s what I would suggest:

1. Stop calling him so much

If you are calling him constantly, even if he is interested he has no room to pursue you because you are always the one initiating things.

2. Do things differently

Depending on how long you have known your friend, he has already “sized you up” and determined whether you are someone he would want to date or not.

As long as you make no changes, he is using the same information to confirm his decision that you are “just a friend”.

Now this can be tricky, but sometimes it can be pulled off.

If you are always dressed in jogging pants and a ponytail when you see him, change it up a little bit. If you wear the same perfume everyday, switch brands (another one that you like).

Note: It is important to understand that I am not saying that you should change yourself. You are just showing your best self.

Wear your hair down, do something different that shows your best self.

I’ll show you how this worked in my life.

I had a friend that I was not sure about, mainly because he always smelled like pepper. He was a good looking guy and we had good conversation but I felt that he must have never washed his coat because he always smelled like pepper to me.

This was a huge turn off. Long story short, as I got to know him I found out it was actually a cologne that he wore “Tommy Bahama” – will never forget it.

He changed his cologne and all of a sudden I became more attracted to him. We dated for a while after that.

Now, this will only work with the physical aspect of attraction. I wouldn’t suggest changing anything beyond that.

3. Don’t take a lot of time to figure this out

Don’t spend a lot of time trying to get him to pursue you. Ultimately everyone gets to decide what they like and what they don’t.

Just because he doesn’t like you doesn’t make him a bad person. He makes his decisions the same as you make your decisions.

If he doesn’t ask you out or show more interest when you are not calling and changing a few physical attributes…MOVE ON. There will be other men who will love what you have to offer.

My Guest Poster: Marvin Barrett

From A Man’s Perspective:

Something about this seems a little ‘fishy’.

“Trying” to get a man to fall in love with you seems a little “shady” and “needy” and isn’t a game worth your time.

If “being you” hasn’t been enough for your close friend to notice your qualities and potential as a long-term partner up until now, then it’s very likely that he never will.

Since he’s close friend of yours, I’m sure that he has considered the idea of “you” in his mind at some point or another and has decided which ‘zone’ you best fit: –

“She’s cool but wouldn’t enter a long-term relationship with her” (friends) or “I want her and would enter a long-term relationship her.” (relationship material)

If he placed you in the “I would enter a long-term relationship with you” zone, then you wouldn’t need to get him to fall in love with you because he would be trying to win your heart and attention without you needing to because he has already identified you as a woman he wants to be with.

But I doubt that he sees you in this way, hence why you now feel compelled to “make” him feel something that he doesn’t but want him to.

I don’t think you can consciously make someone fall in love with you by “figuring” out what to do.

Seduction “gurus” might tell you otherwise, and whilst certain “tricks and techniques” may work in the short term, they’re worthless when you want to create a long-term fulfilling relationship because it’s not sustainable.

They’re not based on authenticity or “the real you” and for a guy to fall in love with you, you need to be ALL you and not a woman who is trying to win his love or approval by trying to “figure” out what to do.

That is likely to come across as “needy” or “trying to hard.”

However, I would say continue being good friends and just relax and show your best qualities whereever possible, on the phone or in person because you do have them and if you confidently show them, you may start to get the attention you want without really trying.

If you want a starting point, I recommend that you ask him what qualities he seeks in a woman he would want to settle down with as well as the attributes that wouldn’t make him want to.

When you figure out what he looks for then it will become much easier for you to ascertain whether or not you’re the woman for him or if he’s the right man for you because you may not favour some of the things he looks for and so if that’s the case, you can move forward knowing that you know it’s not a match.

But if you discover what he looks for and believe you possess the qualities and attributes he desires and can fulfil those needs and desires without compromising who you are then go for it.

He may eventually begin to see you in a new light since you’ll be showing him subtly that you have what he’s looking for but it’s not certain since he’s known you for a while now.

Thank you so much Marvin for this straight forward male perspective. I know a lot of women appreciate the insight you provided in this post.

I’ve been reading the comments on the post and I’ve also received a lot of emails in my inbox and I just want to address the hurt that a woman can sometimes feel when “in love” with a friend.

It’s the feeling of missing out on the one who is right for you. You may feel that he is the perfect fit and that there is a lot of chemistry and you just fit well together.

And when this happens, you may start to do things you wouldn’t normally do, like disregard the fact that he has a girlfriend or be willing to go above and beyond for him even though you aren’t in a relationship.

It’s tough…I’ve been there.

Just trust and believe that you will eventually be in a relationship with the right man for you.

Thanks for reading this post.

Do you like this post? Then comment & I’ll do more of them:)

He’s Too Busy For Me

Dear Robyn,

There is this guy I had a crush on for the past 7 years.

Initially he asked me out but I declined since I was in a relationship at that time with someone else.

But after a few days I broke up with my boyfriend and I contacted this crush of mine.

He had been ignoring me since the day I said no to him. After a few days we started talking and we sorted out our differences. He told me he really wanted to be with me, but then all of a sudden he seems busy and not keeping in touch with me and is not making any effort to be in touch.

Whenever I call him, he says that he is busy. I’m very much perplexed regarding him. Please guide me on what to do. I really like him a lot.

Hope you help me out. Thank you! – Megan

Dear Megan,

The best thing to do is to allow him his time and when he’s not “busy”, if he is still interested he will contact you.

If you keep contacting him or pursuing him, he doesn’t have to put forth any effort to pursue you.

Men are like rubberbands, they stretch to get some space but then bounce right back…if they are really interested.

You have to realize that it has been 7 years so his feelings for you might not be the same. Take it slow. Don’t expect him to show the interest he did at the beginning, although he might in time.

Let him pursue you and let him take the lead.

Waiting For The Right Man

by Robyn Lee

I hate waiting.

Because honestly if you had a choice of whether you could get what you wanted now or later, which one would you choose?

If you could choose whether you could have your ideal man now or later, which one would it be?

I get it, it gets pretty lonely out there and it’s nice to have someone to cuddle with, especially when it gets a little bit colder outside, I’m in the Midwest, brrrrrrr….

But a lot of times by being impatient, you really screw yourself over — I did.

Let me explain.

Even though I know the power of waiting and being patient, time and time again I still find myself making silly mistakes that cost me a lot of money, a lot of time, or a lot of grief.

The latest was with my computer.

There was a particular Windows Service Pack update that you MUST leave your computer on for in order for it to install properly.

Instead of letting the update go all the way through, I impatiently turned off my laptop so I could go out and work.

Here’s the funny thing about it.

My laptop went on working fine, with just a few “minor” issues like not being able to print, or not being able to uninstall programs or my computer blacking out when I wanted to install a program. (Notice how easy it is to ignore the big things that go wrong with computers or even…the wrong relationships).

Finally, my computer went completely out on me.

What hurt the most was knowing, had I waited 15 more minutes for the update to install, I would have saved all my information on my computer and saved a whole lot of money.

Are you like me? Are you wanting things right now?

Maybe it’s not being impatient during a Windows update, but maybe you want to be in a relationship…Right Now!

You probably wouldn’t believe how many emails I get from women telling me that they can’t wait for a guy to ask them out so they are going to take matters into their own hands.
I kind of wince when I read these emails because I know they are making a huge mistake.

Not only because I have read and invested in tons of relationship guides and programs but because, I’ve tried it before!

And drum roll please…It absolutely doesn’t work.

You may be fine for a while, just like my computer, but soon things start breaking down in your relationship or interactions (which you might ignore, as I did).

And eventually, the big crash. Everything falls apart and you start to realize you were better off if you didn’t push things to go your way.

Yes, I admit it waiting sucks sometimes. But there are a couple of reasons I feel that you should absolutely wait on the guy who is right for you.

Have you had this feeling before?

You’ve probably heard me say this before, but being pursued by a man is not like any other feeling you can have (not being stalked but pursued).
If you’ve had it before you know!

Allow him to compete for your attention. Don’t make it so easy for him. You are valuable too.

When you take matters in your own hands and ask him out or throw yourself over him, not only are you saying to him that he doesn’t have to work for you, he loses interest also, because he doesn’t have to work for you.

Note: If you want to learn how to get him to notice you without throwing yourself at him or being too obvious, I give ways to do that here, advanced attraction techniques.

It’s similar to him saving up for a big gaming system for months. And then finally getting it. When you are invested in something, you tend to treat it better.

When he’s invested his money in this gaming system, he makes sure that no one misuses it and plus he spends a lot of time with it.

When you get something for free, sometimes you just don’t value it as much as something you spent your hard earned money on or something that took you a lot of time to get.

By allowing him to pursue you, you are putting insurance on your relationship. He will want to stay even when times get tough because he invested a lot of time and energy getting you in the first place.

If it was easy to get you and you were already there, what incentive does he have to stay…you will just as easily come back to him.

But if he had to work for you, he has placed a high value on you and won’t run when things get tough or you make a few mistakes.

What do you think? Do you feel waiting is worth it or should you just go after what you want?

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Robyn Lee

What are your thoughts? Have you been in a similar situation? Comment Below.

Do you like this post? Then comment & I’ll do more of them:)