Robyn Lee

For couples in need of marriage counseling, the prospect of finding and affording a counselor can be a daunting expense. Experts agree, however, that marital counseling is worth it. No matter how high the price, counseling is cheaper than divorce, both in literal and figurative cost.

But what do you do if you truly can’t find affordable marriage counseling? It varies depending on where you live, but marriage counseling costs range from $50 to $250 an hour. Most counselors suggest a 3 to 6-month weekly commitment, so the expense adds up quickly. Since nearly half of the families in America live paycheck to paycheck, and since financial problems are a leading cause of marital stress, there’s a good chance you simply can’t make room in your budget for the counseling you need.

Thankfully, there are inexpensive marriage counseling alternatives.  

#1: Put your marriage first.

This seems like a no-brainer. If you want your marriage to overcome a rough patch and come out better on the other side, you’ll give it your full attention, right?

But imagine your life is a minivan (or an expensive SUV, if you prefer). Is your marriage in the backseat? The far back seat, behind the kids, their sports equipment, your career, and your social obligations?

For most of us, whether we have marital problems or not, the answer is yes. It didn’t start out that way, of course. Most marriages begin with two people fully committed to the health and satisfaction of their relationship.

Then life happens, and the easy things get pushed farther and farther back to make room for things that require dedicated time and attention.

As is true with everything in life, successful marriages don’t just happen. They require work, effort, commitment. If those have been lacking in your relationship for a while, it’s not too late to change it up. Start by making one-on-one time with your spouse a priority.

What would it take to spend some quality time alone with your significant other?

Figure it out, then do it, even at the expense of other activities or priorities. Your marriage is worth the sacrifice.

# 2: Find a good book.

There are so many good books out there that help couples address their relational troubles. Just a quick Amazon search can provide more suggestions than you could read in a lifetime. To save time, Mastersincounseling.com offers a Top 12 List of Books for Troubled Marriages. Here’s a few, followed by their descriptions on Amazon:

The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary Chapman

“In the #1 New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages, you’ll discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide. Whether your relationship is flourishing or failing, Dr. Gary Chapman’s proven approach to showing and receiving love will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner—starting today.”

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, by Harville Hendricks, PhD

“Originally published in 1988, Getting the Love You Want has helped millions of couples attain more loving, supportive, and deeply satisfying relationships. The 20th anniversary edition contains extensive revisions to this groundbreaking book, with a new chapter, new exercises, and a foreword detailing Dr. Hendrix’s updated philosophy for eliminating all negativity from couples’ daily interactions, allowing readers of the 2008 edition to benefit from his ongoing discoveries during his last two decades of work.”

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, by John M. Gottman, PhD and Nan Silverman.

“John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy.”

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, by Dr. Sue Johnson

“In Hold me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish a safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond. With this in mind, she focuses on key moments in a relationship – from Recognizing the Demon Dialogue to Revisiting a Rocky Moment – and uses them as touchpoints for seven healing conversations. Through case studies from her practice, illuminating advice, and practical exercises, couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love.”

Fight Fair: Winning Conflict Without Losing at Love, by Joy Downs

“When couples fight, tempers flare, tongues loosen, and behavior occurs that can cause major damage to the relationship. Fight Fair! teaches couples how to have healthy disagreements. It is a candid and realistic “rulebook” for married couples to ensure that their conflict is God-honoring and respectful of their partner. There is also plenty of immediate application to ensure that future conflicts don’t create permanent scars.”

#3: Find (or Start!) a Small Group

Every couple benefits by spending time with other couples, especially when those other couples are intentionally building and maintaining a healthy marriage relationship. Hearing what other couples have walked through and how they made it through successfully can be a great source of encouragement to others.

Have you ever wondered if other married people deal with the same issues you do? Have you wondered how other couples manage those issues? Being a part of a small group that fosters healthy marriages can help us see our problems (and solutions) from a new perspective, and give us the boost we need to try something new.

Marriage small groups are popular among church circles, but you don’t have to be a church member to enjoy the benefits of a small group. If you can’t find one in your community, consider starting one of your own. The easiest way to do that is to find a good book to study, invite a few married friends to join you, and be ready to discuss what you read each week.

For practical tips on leading a small group, check out this article from Smallgroups.com.

#4: Online Marriage Counseling

Online marriage counseling is a less-expensive option that is growing in popularity. Couples are finding that doing counseling in the safety and comfort of their own home provides great results. Online marriage counseling offers flexibility, privacy, and affordability, as well as great results.

Services like those offered through Savethemarriage.com offer resources for struggling married couples, including real tools and exercises to help you resolve your marital problems.

Other websites offer trained counselors to meet with you via Skype to help you identify and work through the issues that are causing disruption in your marriage.

Still not convinced? The following video discusses some of the issues you should consider when making the decision about whether or not online marriage counseling is the right choice for you and your spouse:

Affordable marriage counseling is available; it just might not look like you expect. All of these traditional marriage counseling alternatives can help you get your relationship back on track. Do you have other suggestions for how to obtain inexpensive marriage counseling? Let us know in the comments!

Quick fixes: The internet is full of them. Are you wondering how to save your marriage from divorce? If yes, there’s plenty of advice out there, and a lot of it is worthwhile, but even the good stuff focuses mostly on easy steps you can take to bring about quick results.

However, the issues that brought you and your spouse close to divorce – issues that probably took years to develop – can’t be fixed in a week or two. While quick fixes might provide a good starting point, it’s going to take more than that to restore love, trust, and intimacy in your relationship.

Are you looking for a healthy marriage that lasts? Read on.  

1. Talk less. Listen more.

Good communication is vital to the survival of any relationship. The problem is that we often equate communication with expressing ourselves, when in reality half of good communication is listening. That’s why step one has to be talk less, and listen more.

Listen to what your spouse has to say about what he or she is thinking or feeling. Also, think back to things your spouse has said in the past. What were they communicating that you didn’t receive at the time?

You and your spouse are always communicating something to one another, either through words or nonverbal actions. Has your spouse been communicating discontent, frustration, or perceived rejection? Has he or she given you reason to believe that they are unhappy because of some behavior of yours?

We often fail to pick up on subtle communication signals from our partners. Sometimes it’s because we simply, sincerely don’t recognize them. Other times we have decided to ignore them intentionally. Either way, our disregard of our spouse’s unhappiness can quickly create issues that can lead to divorce.

Now is the time to re-examine the needs and desires your partner has been communicating to you and begin taking them seriously.

It’s also time to make sure that you have been clearly communicating your needs and desires. Sometimes we expect our spouses to just know how we’re feeling because it’s obvious to us, but it’s not always so obvious to them.

It’s important that you’re both clearly communicating what you want and need in your relationship, because the next step is intended to end all guesswork.

2. Stop judging your partner’s motives.

The phrase “don’t judge me” has become a popular one over the last few years. As a society we have agreed that to judge someone means to form a negative opinion about their words or actions. And to some degree, that’s true, but only in the simplest form.

In order to form an opinion about your actions, I have to assume I know your intentions. When I assume I know why you did or said what you did, it’s easier for me to feel strongly about it one way or another.

For example, if some guy cuts me off in traffic, I assume he did it because he’s a world-class jerk. Now I’m mad, not because I was momentarily inconvenienced, but because some inconsiderate asshat thinks the rules don’t apply to him.

Suddenly an incident that was over in two seconds has the power to bother me for the rest of my drive – and possibly longer, depending on how strong my anger is against inconsiderate asshats.

Now imagine the same scenario in your marriage. Your husband works late for several nights in a row, or your wife has rebuffed your sexual advances a few times this week. What’s your response?

You, me, all of us are going to respond the same way: We’ll judge their motives. We decide why they’ve done it, and inevitably that why will revolve around us in some way.

He doesn’t come home on time because he doesn’t want to spend time with his family.

She refuses sex because I’m not enough for her.

Such judgements are not a conscious choice. Our brains are wired to try to understand the things that happen to us (Side note: They’re also unfortunately wired to assume that everything is happening to us, when it’s far more likely that it’s just happening around us). We make judgements about what our spouses and other people do because it’s easier and far more satisfying than admitting “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know why he’s coming home late.”

“I don’t know why she seems to have lost interest in sex.”

But do you see how much better “I don’t know” is for a marriage? “I don’t know” is uncomfortable, but it will inevitably lead you to find out the truth because you really do need to understand. “I don’t know” leads to communication.

“Babe, I’ve noticed that you’ve been working late a lot this week. Is something going on at work?”

“Sweetheart, I noticed that you haven’t wanted to make love lately. Is there something going on that you want to talk about?”

Judgement, on the other hand, leads to anger and perceived rejection. And since we tend to make judgements about other people based on our own insecurities, our anger and feelings of rejection are often way out of proportion to the actual event.

What happens then? We begin responding to our spouses as though they really do feel the way we’ve decided they feel, and chances are they don’t. Now, they don’t understand the true reason for our anger, and they form judgements of their own – and then respond out of those judgements, and the cycle continues.

So, what can you do to end the cycle of judgement in your marriage?

First, get honest with yourself about what you know and can’t know. When you immediately imagine all sorts of nefarious motives for your spouse’s actions, stop and ask yourself, “Is it really possible for me to know what’s going on their head?” Training yourself to recognize when you’ve made a judgement is a vital step.

It’s also a difficult one, so don’t be surprised if it takes a while. You’re literally changing your brain to think in a whole new way, and that’s not a quick process.

Second, acknowledge your own whys. Ask yourself, “Why did I make that particular judgement? What insecurity did his/her actions tap into?” You’ll be surprised to find how much you grow emotionally just by acknowledging your insecurities rather than avoiding and denying them.

Finally, open lines of communication with your spouse. Seek answers to your questions about why they did or said what they did.

Don’t badger or nag, though. Remember that your spouse is even newer to healthy communication and honest introspection than you are. It might take them a while to catch on, and that’s okay. It’s possible that your spouse isn’t even fully aware of their “why,” so be patient with them while they figure it out.  

Now for the final step in saving your marriage from divorce.

3. Confront your own emotional health.

When trying to figure out how to save your marriage from divorce, it would be natural to look for things to change in your actions because that seems most likely to lead to immediate results. Stop doing this, start doing that – boom. Measurable success.

And you know what? That’s not wrong.

But saving your marriage from divorce is a long-term project. You can change your actions for a week or a month, but what about a year from now? What about when the immediate danger is passed, and you begin to grow complacent again?

How easy it is to slip back into the same old patterns of behavior. How easy it is to ruin months or even years of progress toward a healthy marriage by taking up those patterns again?

For example, do you use anger or sex to manipulate your spouse? Do you belittle their needs or blame them for your actions?

If you want to save your marriage, you’ll stop doing those things, period. But if you don’t address the subconscious needs that drive your behavior, your change will only be short term. You will eventually begin doing them again, because “quitting” is like mowing the weeds down.

They always grow back, unless you pull them up at the root.

I’ll be honest, this is not an easy step. Confronting our emotional issues requires determination, commitment, and vulnerability. That last one is something most of us spend our lives actively avoiding.

However, at some point we have to ask ourselves, Is my marriage worth it?

Are my children worth it?

Am I worth it?

Is your emotional comfort worth losing your marriage? Or is your marriage worth your vulnerability?

So, when you decide to do the hard work of growing emotionally in order to save your marriage, how do you go about it?

First, remember step one: listen to your spouse. Listen to their needs and desires.

Second, be honest with yourself about why you aren’t meeting those needs. What are you doing or not doing that is causing unrest for your spouse? Why are you doing/not doing it?

The answer to this might be as easy as laziness or selfishness (←guilty!). You could simply recognize your tendency toward either of these flaws, offer a heartfelt apology, and acknowledge that your spouse’s happiness is worth your effort.

Or this question might take you all the way back to some childhood trauma that you’re still trying to protect yourself from. If that’s the case, the third step is to seek help. Find a counselor, talk to a pastor, or even find a trusted friend or mentor who has had a similar experience.

Finally, communicate with your spouse. Tell them what you’re walking through. Don’t make the mistake of hiding your personal growth from them. Depending on the nature of your marital issues, this can be the most difficult step of all. If you’ve spent years doing (or not doing) the things your spouse needs, they might respond with anger that it’s taken you so long to change.

Don’t let that deter you, however. Being open and vulnerable with your spouse is an important step toward restoring intimacy in your relationship.

If you give yourself the time to really master these steps, you’ll be well on your way to lifetime of happy marriage. Good luck! Have questions or thoughts to share? Let us know in the comments!

We’re all familiar with the statistics: Nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce. So, whether you’re newly married or you’ve been with your spouse for half your life, whether you’re happily married or you’re beginning to struggle, even if you’ve been struggling for years – if you want your marriage to survive and thrive, the question of how to prevent divorce is one that needs to be answered to avoid joining the wrong 50%.

To that end, we’ve compiled a list of 10 tips to help you prevent your marriage ending in divorce. Some of them will seem pretty obvious (and for that reason, they’re too often overlooked), while others will not. Together they will set you and your spouse up for a strong and happy marriage.

1. Make time for each other every day.

It seems like this should be a given in every marriage, but the truth is, time spent with your spouse probably diminished pretty quickly after the honeymoon. Between work, kids, and everything else, it’s hard for even two people who live in the same house to spend quality time together every day.

However, quality time spent together is vital to the health of any relationship. Spending time together fosters a sense of unity and teamwork – keys to a happy marriage. And it doesn’t take much. Even 15-20 minutes a day of quality time is enough to keep a marriage strong.

Not sure how to make that happen? You could try:

• Turning off the TV (and putting your phones away!) 20 minutes before bed to spend that time talking about your day.
• Setting your alarms to go off a few minutes early so you can have coffee with each other every morning.
• Instituting “couch time”: Teach your kids that the first 15-20 minutes after you both get home from work or after dinner is set aside for you and your spouse to sit on the couch and connect. Your kids can learn to respect that time without interrupting, and they’ll even come to love seeing it happen. Don’t be surprised if they remind you to do it if/when you forget.

The main thing is this: If dedicating 20 minutes a day to connecting with your spouse can prevent divorce, then it’s worth it. Resolve together to make whatever sacrifices are necessary to see it happen.

2. Love your spouse the way he/she needs to be loved.

By this point, most of us are familiar with the concept of love languages as outlined in the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. (If you’re not, I highly recommend you look into it!) We know that we all feel loved in different ways. Maybe you feel the most loved when your spouse speaks words of affirmation and appreciation to you. Maybe you feel the most loved when you receive a thoughtful gift, or when your spouse takes the time and effort to do something for you.

How you receive love is your language. It is also most likely how you naturally show love. If you thrive on acts of service, you probably serve your spouse easily. If you need words of affirmation, you probably speak them often. The problem comes when we show love in a different manner than our spouse receives it.

Perhaps you’re a gifts girl and your husband is an acts of service guy. Maybe you’re a physical-touch husband with a quality-time wife. It’s important to know and understand your spouse’s love language, and then show them love in that language. Don’t assume that your spouse feels loved from the same things that make you feel loved.

Figure out what makes them feel loved and then do those things.

Even if it feels awkward and uncomfortable.

Even if it doesn’t come naturally.

Even if it makes you feel silly.

You’ll find that loving your spouse in his or her language will become more and more natural over time.

3. Stay faithful to each other.

This probably seems like a no-brainer, huh? But infidelity is sneakier than you might think. It’s important to intentionally honor your vows of faithfulness, rather than simply assuming as affair is not something you would do.

An affair begins long before two people are physically (or even emotionally) intimate, so the work of avoiding it begins long before an obvious issue arises. In order to prevent an affair, you must:

• Be honest with yourself about how you feel.

Is there someone you’re attracted to outside of your marriage? Someone you look forward to seeing at work or elsewhere? Someone who’s attention you seek out?

Denial of those feelings is the first step toward an affair.

• Communicate your needs and feelings to your spouse.

Are you feeling overlooked? Underappreciated? Those kinds of feelings make you vulnerable to the attention of someone outside of your marriage. Communicate your needs and feelings to your spouse so that the issue can be addressed.

• Intentionally seek ways to fill your spouse’s needs.

When our relational attention is focused on our spouse, we aren’t looking to spend it elsewhere.

4. Do something together.

Find a hobby or activity that you and your spouse enjoy doing together. Do you both want to get in better shape? Try jogging or hiking together. For the less active, even Netflix can be a “together” activity when you find a show you both love that you only watch when you’re together.

Having a hobby or activity that you do together will naturally create time together bonding over something you enjoy.

5. Do something for yourself.

Wait, what? Didn’t I just suggest you find something to do together? Why am I now suggesting you do something for yourself?

The truth is, our whole lives cannot and should not revolve solely around another person, even when that person is our spouse. It’s important for your emotional well-being that you pursue things that interest you.

Even if it’s inconvenient.

Even when your spouse can’t relate.

Find an activity or hobby that you love, and pursue it.

6. Give them space to do things on their own.

It’s a mark of maturity to encourage those we love to find fulfillment outside of ourselves. If your spouse does not already have a hobby they enjoy, encourage them to find one – even when their hobby is inconvenient or you can’t relate to it.

7. Own your mistakes.

The biggest mistake any of us can make in a relationship is to shift blame. Doing so undermines the other person’s trust in us. Since healthy relationships are built on trust and mutual respect, blame shifting will lead to slow cracks in your foundation that you might not notice in time to fix.

To own your mistakes means that when your spouse says, “You did this, and it hurt me,” you admit that yes, you did it. Now is not the time to argue your intentions, or explain that you did B because he/she did C, so the whole thing is their fault anyway.

Simply admit that you did it, and sincerely apologize. Doing so will diffuse any argument that might have been brewing, and will give you the opportunity – at an appropriate time – to talk more about what happened and why. Trying to do that while your spouse is still in the midst of hurt or anger will only lead to more hurt and anger.

8. Honor and respect your spouse.

This one is simple: Don’t make jokes at your spouse’s expense, whether they’re around or not. Don’t laugh at them, make fun of them, or use sarcasm to make them feel small or stupid.

Just don’t.

A lot of people argue that this is just how they are, that they’re just joking, and that their spouse shouldn’t be so sensitive.

If this is you, stop it.

Your spouse’s emotional well-being should be your first priority. Getting a laugh from others or, worse, showing yourself superior, should not even be on your priority list.

9. Manage your money together.

One of the leading causes of divorce is financial stress. One sure way to prevent divorce is to learn together how to manage your money, follow a budget, and make financial decisions. You both came into your marriage with experiences and preferences, but once you’re married it is time to work out a new plan that works for both of you.

10. Communicate.

This is perhaps the most important factor in a healthy marriage. You have to communicate. Talk to each other about your feelings, about your issues, about everything. Don’t be afraid to have the hard conversations about money, sex, or anything else. Failure to communicate – or waiting too long to communicate – is a major reason for divorce.

So, don’t wait until you’re so angry you’re ready to blow before you bring up an issue that needs to be addressed. Don’t wait until you’re ready to look outside your marriage for sexual satisfaction (or worse, after you already have) to talk to your spouse about your sex life. Communicate about the hard things immediately, before it’s too late.

Regardless of how long you’ve been married, chances are that you’ve wondered how to keep your husband interested in you. If you haven’t yet, good for you! But the day that you do will eventually come because, when the honeymoon ends and life begins, marriage requires us to be intentional about keeping the spark alive.

So if you’re wondering how to keep your husband interested in you, or how to regain his attention if you’re afraid you’ve lost it, read on, my friends! Today’s post is just for you.

STEP ONE: Acknowledge his needs.

Here’s the thing about relationships: in the beginning, the universe seems to revolve around the other person. As we fall in love, our thoughts and feelings orbit the other person like the Earth orbits the sun. The trouble comes when we move past “he is the center of my universe” and settle quietly into “I am the center of my universe and I better be the center of his, too.”

Not that any of us would ever say that out loud.

Or even think it to ourselves.

Our attitudes and actions though…they give us away every time.

So if you’re looking for ways to regain your husband’s attention, give some thought to his needs, wants, and desires.

Here’s a personal example: my husband loves drag racing. He loves talking about it, watching it on TV, spending hours at the track enjoying its glories in real life, and dreaming of the car he’ll someday own and race for himself.

I, the other hand, love not drag racing. I love not talking about it, not watching it on TV, definitely not spending hours at the race track or dreaming with him about the car I secretly (or not so secretly) hope he’ll never own.

In other words, I have spent the majority of our marriage doing my best to minimize a very real desire of my husband’s heart. When he brings up the subject of drag racing, my eyes glaze over (of their own volition, I swear), my attention wanders, and eventually I begin to drool. When he wants to go to the track I send him off with a wave and a “have fun!” because he learned long ago it’s no use inviting me.

I cannot tell you honestly that any of that will change in the near future, but I can say that I recognize the damage my attitude could cause to our relationship if I don’t take steps to validate his needs. Sure, my ideal weekend is to sit on the couch, drink wine, and watch Netflix rather than…well, whatever happens at a drag track. But the world, rudely enough, does not revolve around me.

In order to keep my husband’s interest, I need to acknowledge with my words and actions that his interests, needs, and desires are important to me, too.

This cute video is the perfect example. While you may not have to do what the wife in the video does to get her husband’s attention, remember: she knows what interests him, and she makes herself available to be a part of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Umv3q9HUP8c

Which leads me to STEP TWO: Leave NO DOUBT you’re still interested in HIM.

I’ve read or heard somewhere that, sexually speaking, men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots. While your husband may be ready to go anywhere, anytime, you are more likely to need a little more time to warm up. While some of the responsibility for warming you up falls on your husband (“foreplay starts in the morning” is another line I’ve heard but can’t say from where), there are things that YOU can do to keep you cooking throughout the day.

Because here’s the truth: your husband needs to know you want him. He needs to know that you long to be with him on an emotional and physical level. For men, that need is often met through physical intimacy. In fact, sex is almost always the answer to the “How do I get my husband’s attention” question.

So to help keep you interested in him, the ladies over at To Love, Honor & Vacuum have a great post about little ways you can flirt with your husband that will help keep your mind focused on physical intimacy throughout the day so that both of you are ready when the opportunity arises (no pun intended).

Side note: I had a friend once tell me that she and her hubs took an afternoon nap together (*wink wink* *nudge nudge*), and after the actual nap she got up to find that her husband had cleaned the kitchen and done the dishes. She said, “I guess it goes to show that when you meet his needs, he’ll meet yours.”

Indeed, it does.

Step three: DON’T BE A “JUST.”

I know you’ve heard the terms (or seen the bumper stickers) that refer to certain women as “Soccer Moms,” “Cheer Moms,” or “Baseball Moms.” We also now have “mommy bloggers” and “helicopter moms” and, in certain circles, “homeschool moms.”

First, I’d like to say that I get it. I really do. Being a mom is a huge part of many women’s lives. It’s an 18+ year commitment of putting someone else first and making sure their needs are met, ensuring that their every talent is given the opportunity to grow and bloom, and blah blah blah.

I know that sounds suspiciously like sarcasm, but as a homeschooling mom AND a mom of kids who drag race, I really do get it.

Secondly, however, I’d like to say this: yuck.

Just, yuck. So often when I talk to women about their passions, their hobbies, or their desires to “be the change [they] want to see in the world,” their answers revolve around their children. These women – strong, wise, talented women – see themselves as “just moms.”

Before you grab your torches and pitchforks, hear me out. When we as women relegate ourselves to the “just” category in any area (just a mom, just a wife, just an astronaut – though admittedly that would be pretty cool) we deny huge and fundamental parts of who we are.

In doing so we also make ourselves categorically uninteresting.

So, if you’re afraid you’ve lost your husband’s interest, or you’re wondering how to keep your husband interested in you, take a look at who you are.

Have you become “just a mom”?

Have you become “just a wife”?

Or are you pursuing the parts of yourself that make up the fullness of who you are? There is nothing wrong with being a soccer mom, a baseball mom, or a drag racing mom (though I wouldn’t wish that kind of boredom on anyone), as long as that’s not ALL of who you are.

So, if you woke up this morning thinking, “I wonder how I can keep my husband interested in me,” my advice to you is this: YOU take an interest in you, and his interest will most certainly follow.

And now for Step four: BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Women tend to have a bad reputation for being jealous, clingy, and demanding. Oftentimes, our jealous, clingy, and demanding ways come from insecurity. For reasons that may or may not have anything to do with our husbands, we don’t feel secure in our relationship, so we insist our partner cater to our insecurities. That might look like reading through his text messages when he’s not looking, asking incessantly about the women he works with, or accusing him of eyeing every pretty girl that walks by.

All of those actions (and many like them) drive our husbands away. They show that you don’t trust your husband’s honor and integrity. They tell him that nothing he does will ever prove to you that he’s faithful, committed, or fully-engaged in your relationship. They may even push him to give up trying to prove he’s faithful and committed…and that can only end badly for both of you.

But you might be saying, “My husband has cheated on me. He has been unfaithful. He has given me reason to believe that he’s not faithful and committed.”

In those cases, don’t despair! Communication is key. It might be time to seek out marriage counseling, whether online [j1] or in person, to get your insecurities out in the open so you can work through them.

So there you have it! Four ways to keep your husband interested in you: acknowledge his needs, leave no doubt of your interest in him, take an interest in yourself, and learn to be confident in your relationship.

Let’s keep the conversation going! In the comments, share your story. How long have you been married? What have you done to keep your husband’s interest? What have you found that works and what doesn’t?

[j1]If you’ve posted the “online marriage counseling” article, this would be a good place to link to it.