He’s Too Busy For Me

Dear Robyn,

There is this guy I had a crush on for the past 7 years.

Initially he asked me out but I declined since I was in a relationship at that time with someone else.

But after a few days I broke up with my boyfriend and I contacted this crush of mine.

He had been ignoring me since the day I said no to him. After a few days we started talking and we sorted out our differences. He told me he really wanted to be with me, but then all of a sudden he seems busy and not keeping in touch with me and is not making any effort to be in touch.

Whenever I call him, he says that he is busy. I’m very much perplexed regarding him. Please guide me on what to do. I really like him a lot.

Hope you help me out. Thank you! – Megan

Dear Megan,

The best thing to do is to allow him his time and when he’s not “busy”, if he is still interested he will contact you.

If you keep contacting him or pursuing him, he doesn’t have to put forth any effort to pursue you.

Men are like rubberbands, they stretch to get some space but then bounce right back…if they are really interested.

You have to realize that it has been 7 years so his feelings for you might not be the same. Take it slow. Don’t expect him to show the interest he did at the beginning, although he might in time.

Let him pursue you and let him take the lead.

More on this topic:

(Warning: me without a filter – I usually put things together so they don’t offend anyone & I probably still will do a little bit of it here because that’s just my nature. But sometimes you can’t get really get detailed in an email without it taking a lot of time)

3 Reasons To Not “Sweat” Him if He’s Not Calling:

1. He’s given you some lame excuse like, “I’m just too busy” or “Now is not the right time but I am really interested” or “I lost my phone & I didn’t have any numbers saved”

If it’s the first couple of months in a relationship, it’s his time to impress you. – So if he has all these excuses in the beginning, it only goes down from here.

What should I do if he’s giving me excuses?

You don’t have to call him out on it, just take his excuse as being valid but file it away in your head. Sometimes there are some valid excuses. But when it becomes too many, it’s fine to just leave him alone.

2. Pursuing in the beginning comes from FEAR.

If you are pursing a guy in the beginning of a relationship, this comes from fear. Fear that there will never be another guy like him, fear that he won’t be interested, fear that you will never have a chance like this again.

Get over it! You are pretty awesome yourself. He should be fearing losing you. The best thing you can do in the beginning is make sure that you are doing the right things to create an environment where he wants to pursue you.

Sometimes a guy won’t call back because he is not interested, which is fine.

But other times a guy won’t call back because you haven’t created an environment where he would want to call back.

I have a friend who gives too much in the beginning when she meets a guy. She tells him her whole life story and is super accommodating. She just screams that she is getting older and wants to get married now – interviewing guys heavily on first dates like they are applying for a position as her husband.

And there are many other things women can do to just turn men off completely. Too many to name in this one post.

It is very important that you take the time to learn and research how to communicate with a man effectively so when he doesn’t call, it’s no big deal. You just know he is not interested.

Which is completely fine! – That’s why I recommend joining my free advanced attraction techniques mini course, because it explains so effectively how to communicate with men, so you never worry about a guy not being interested, you just figure you guys weren’t right for each other and you are happy that he made that easy for you.

He doesn’t have to be interested in you. It’s his choice. Just as you have a choice who you are interested in. It’s called the dating process.

But when you put too much into it, and continue calling and calling you are saying to him that you don’t place a high value on your time or yourself and you become the begging salesperson, “Please date me, please date me”

Noooooooooo! Don’t do it. There are plenty of good men out there, and if you don’t believe it, I feel sorry for you.  Because the good men are available only to those women who believe there are good men out there.

But if you don’t have the tools to attract those good men: mindset, belief, knowing how to treat them & knowing how to get them to pursue you — I can understand how you could be a little fearful.

3. You should busy yourself. – Not that fake type of busy where you are sitting at home alone and you tell him you aren’t available because you are out with friends. – He can see right through that.

I’m talking about actually having a calendar where you are filling it with activities you like. Your life should be more than your work. Get busy.

Sign up for a class, volunteer, plan dates with yourself or your friends.

This doesn’t mean you have to be “too busy” to do anything, but your life should be full enough that it doesn’t even bother you if he doesn’t call for a couple of weeks.

Maybe then you think, “Oh I haven’t heard from ________, we had a really good time the last time we went out, maybe I can give him a QUICK call” – and that is it.

Don’t just focus on one guy. You can date other guys as well to fill up your time. Dating is just getting to know a person. It doesn’t mean that you guys are in a committed relationship. – The only time dating other people becomes a problem is when you are being intimate with several people at once – which is NOT what I mean.

I mean having fun going out with other people and learning about them. Maybe this guy is the one, maybe he isn’t. It won’t matter as much because your life is full and fun regardless.