How to Stop Being Clingy in a Relationship

Whether you’re in a new relationship or approaching your 10-year anniversary, when you’re really into your guy, it’s only natural to want to spend a lot of time together. But what happens when we cross the line and become too clingy? Where is this imaginary line, anyway?

You think about him while you’re at work. You talk to him on the phone multiple times per day. You spend hours waiting for him to get home from his night out with the guys. Many of us show love by being attentive and caring. Without even realizing it, our efforts to be a hands-on, loving girlfriend can be perceived as clingy.

If you feel like you’re becoming overly dependent on your relationship or losing sight of your own needs, you should take time to investigate how to not be a clingy girlfriend. This type of soul-searching may require some confronting questions about past relationships and personal goals, but could save you some serious heartache.

But how do we know when to show care for our man and when to back off? How much time is too much time to spend with (or thinking about, or talking to) your partner? How can I show him that I care while still giving him space to breathe?

Keep reading to find out these answers and more in our tips on how to stop being clingy in a relationship.

Find a Healthy Balance

As with anything in life, balance is key. Take it slow when you meet someone new and create healthy and appropriate boundaries. This will benefit you both in the long run. Love doesn’t have to be “all or nothing.” It’s a balancing act.

If you live together, allow your partner to establish their own space and time within the home. It doesn’t have to be a full-on mancave, but a comfy chair where he likes to watch sports could make him feel like he has room to breathe.

If you truly want to discover how to stop being clingy, you may have to take a confronting look at how you spend your free time. How much of your time is spent with your partner? How much time do you spend texting, talking on the phone, or even waiting for them to be free to hang out? Do you have hobbies that don’t revolve around your partner?

Value Your Independence

Even when you’re in love, you should maintain your own independent identity, separate from your partner. When you date someone seriously, your lives become closely connected. But you should still be you. Your person should add to your life, not become your entire life.

We all have the friend who disappears from the face of the Earth the moment she gets a boyfriend. Don’t be that girl! Make sure you are fostering relationships with the people who care about you other than your partner. They miss you, too!

If you’re constantly making choices based on someone else, it’s easy to forget what you like and want.

It’s okay to have separate hobbies and friend groups from your partner. You don’t have to do everything together to still be deeply in love. Alone time is important. So are friends and family—the people who would love to spend one-on-one time with you every once in a while. Make sure you care for the network of people who love you for you.

Build Confidence in Yourself

If you’re wondering how to stop being clingy, the first solution might be to look inside yourself. Supporting and loving someone sincerely requires confidence and trust. If you lack these things, it’s wise to try to uncover why.

It’s important to find your confidence and manage your own emotions and mental health. Being too clingy and putting someone else over yourself can eventually affect your own self-esteem and self-worth.

You need your space, too! Set aside time weekly (or even daily) to work on yourself. Foster your own passions and self-care. Something as simple as taking a bath, practicing yoga, or reading a book can help you press reset and find your own inner voice.

Respect Each Other’s Space

Physical and emotional space are basic human needs. You can be emotionally clingy without even being physically present. Incessant texting and calling may feel overwhelming for him, even if your intentions are good (and even if he loves talking to you!).

If he had a busy week, he may need time to compose himself after work so he is able to be a good partner to you. Alone time for both parties is crucial for maintaining a healthy balance.

Your partner may tell or show you when he needs more space, but you don’t have to rely on subtle hints. You can also talk openly about how much time and space works for each of you. If he is going out with the guys and girlfriends aren’t coming, you can let him enjoy that time without feeling that you need to be included in everything.

Don’t project past relationship failure or disappointment onto your current relationship. Even if you have been hurt in the past, learning how to stop being clingy may involve giving your current relationship room to develop on its own terms rather than assuming the past will repeat itself.

Speak Up About What You Need

Why are you acting clingy in the first place? Do you question his commitment or your faith in the relationship? These questions can be hard to face, but are critical conversation starters in discovering how to be less clingy.

Talk to your partner and neutral parties (friends and family) about your concerns and feelings. Sometimes, talking things through can help you separate your own fears from what is actually happening in the relationship.

Don’t make assumptions about how someone else is feeling before asking questions. Open and honest communication can help you both understand what you want from the relationship.

It’s important to assess what you really want and need from your partner. It’s hard to manage two (possibly different) ideas about how the relationship should be, and you should certainly never be taken for granted. Don’t be too hard on yourself—your feelings are valid. Your partner should support you, and having expectations and needs is not clingy.