Do you ever feel like your marriage just isn’t as fun anymore? Are you missing the connection with your husband that you had when you first met? Do you ever find yourself wondering, “Is my husband unhappy with his life?”
First of all, you are not alone in experiencing these feelings. Many women find themselves taking on the happiness of their husband, children, and others around them as if it were their own responsibility. Women are often natural caretakers and wish to enrich the lives of those around them – even if it means sacrificing their own happiness.
The honeymoon phase is unlikely to last forever, but it’s important for both husband and wife to feel happy and fulfilled in marriage. Sometimes an unhappy partner can really drag down the energy in an otherwise positive relationship.
If you feel like you’re headed down a negative path in your marriage, keep reading for tips on how to deal with an unhappy husband.
Relationship Tips!
How to deal with an unhappy husband
Remember – It’s Not Always About You
The most important piece of advice I’ve ever been given is: “It’s not always about you.” Although this seems obvious, humans automatically tend to put themselves at the center of both the good and bad. We look at the world through our own lens and experiences. We often assume blame and responsibility for things that aren’t ours to take on.
Before you go down an endless rabbit hole of blame and insecurity about your husband’s unhappiness, you may want to ask yourself – has anything major changed in the relationship? Marriages undoubtedly change as job promotions, new homes, children, and even sick parents come into play. Your husband might be experiencing anxiety from life changes that have nothing to do with your marriage itself.
Don’t jump to conclusions or take unnecessary blame. Do you feel confident that you provide reliable support and equal responsibility in your partnership? Are you able to enjoy each other’s company, regardless or what else might be happening in your lives? If you feel like you have a solid friendship sprinkled with romance, your marriage might not actually be to blame for your unhappy husband.
The real trick is to find out what is at the root of his unhappiness – whether it has to do with your marriage or not. Men can be tricky territory to navigate when it comes to feelings and vulnerability. Body language, complaining and overworking can be nonverbal signals that your man is not happy.
Relationship Guide
To see more signs that your husband is unhappy in your marriage.
Have An Honest Conversation
The best first step to take (when you have any concerns in your marriage) is to try talking to your husband. A mature and productive conversation complete with action steps can do wonders for an unhappy husband – or wife. Instead of guessing at what might be the root of his unhappiness, ask him. You might be surprised at what you find out and he will likely appreciate your concern for him.
If your conversation leads you to the conclusion – “My husband is unhappy with his life” – come up with a plan. Ultimately, when you are married, his life is also your life. What can you do or change in your lives to try to make the situation better? Are you able to work together to pinpoint where the problems lie? Part of a healthy marriage is being able to problem solve together. This just might be the ultimate test of your vows – for better or for worse.
Allow Him To Explore Options
Along the same lines of having an honest conversation with your husband, give him some feedback and support. Allow him some time and space to try out different things. For example, if getting up to exercise each morning would boost his mood – it may take a few weeks to get in a new rhythm and see results. If he needs some alone time each day after work, give it a chance and a fair shot. His efforts in trying to make your lives better won’t go unnoticed.
Maintain clear and consistent communication – and mean what you say. Try not to nag or become too obsessive about his happiness or progress in working toward happiness. Give him space to breathe and he will likely thank you for that.
The Marriage Guy
Check out one of our favorite YouTubers, The Marriage Guy, and his expert advice on other way to handly distant or cold spouse
Don’t get bogged down by thoughts like, “My husband is unhappy.” Keep living your life and supporting him in trying to reach a life that he feels comfortable with. He might need a reminder sometimes that happiness is a journey, not a destination.
While your husband is exploring his own feelings, take this time to think about your own! Is there anything would change about the relationship, or is there any way he could support you better? Don’t search for problems that aren’t there – but if there is something you’ve been meaning to talk about, it’s only fair that the conversation goes both ways.
Prioritize Your Own Happiness
Ultimately, you can’t force anyone to be happy. If your husband is truly unhappy with his life, there is not much you can personally do to change that. The only happiness you truly have control over is your own. Don’t neglect your own friends, hobbies, or things that give you life and energy. You will be a better and more giving wife for it.
Keep in mind that your own happiness is equally as important as your husband’s in your marriage. Every time you fly on an airplane, the flight attendants mention – in case of an emergency landing, you have to put your own oxygen on before you can help someone else with theirs. If you are not feeling healthy and positive, it’s unlikely that you will be able to help your husband feel this way.
Don’t become unrealistic – of course, life has its fair share of ups and down. It’s healthy to express needs and desires with your partner. But try to remain generally positive (and grateful for your partner) on a day-to-day basis. This makes larger scale problems seem much more legitimate.
Remember To Play
Studies show that certain tasks such as anticipation (think about this – for example, having a vacation to look forward to), smiling, and even playing have a profound effect on the human brain and feelings of happiness.
Let’s be honest – we spend much our life at work or doing tasks that don’t necessarily fill our love tanks. It’s easy for everyday life to seem heavy and monotonous at times. Sometimes it can be cyclical (for example, the long, dark winters in certain regions can cause depression) or even circumstantial. Prioritize the lighthearted fun in your marriage. When was the last time you just played?
Have a picnic and bring a board game. Insist on a weekly date night; see a movie, go to a concert, the theater, or even a tango class. Life becomes so serious sometimes that it’s easy to forget how much fun it can be. It may also help in reigniting the passion between you and your husband, and could definitely bring him out his slump.
Let the fun take priority in your marriage, no matter how busy you get. Talk to your friends about fun experiences they’ve had with their partners to get ideas. Try something completely new. It will help you grow both separately and together. Practicing gratitude, letting go of past experiences and resentment, and getting physical can help reignite the fire in your relationship. The Today Show gives some other useful tips on how to make your marriage fun again.
Set Firm Boundaries
Is it really up to you to learn how to live with an unhappy spouse? Remember – it’s your life, too. You want your marriage to be based in love, trust, happiness, and freedom for both parties involved. There should be a limit on the amount of effort you put into an unhappy marriage without any reciprocation.
If your husband seems unwilling to search for ways to find happiness, it might not be something you can help fix. Have the courage to realize when the relationship is not for you anymore. Make sure that your own mental health is stable and that your partner’s unhappiness is not affecting your self worth. Don’t make excuses for your partner’s bad behavior and, most importantly, hold onto the notion that you deserve to be treated with respect and care, too.
When you’re questioning your husband’s happiness (or living with a husband who is acting distant and cold) it’s important to strike a balance between support and self-care. Honest, open communication, along with an action plan, is key to creating happiness for both husband and wife.
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