Search Results for: win him back

Are You Recognizing His Inability To Commit To A Relationship?

Dear Robyn,

I’ve been seeing a guy for almost 10 months and at first I didn’t really like him. He had a crush on me for 2 years and I finally decided to give him a chance and see if he was “the one”. We aren’t in a relationship and I have been single for 4 years.

He says the way his life is right now he doesn’t want to go down that road until he gets himself in order. Before we were just friends and we still are great friends. I really like him and I just want to know if I should stick around or should I give up? I don’t want to rush anything because we’ve been pretty good despite our arguments which stem from me wanting to be in a relationship with him, but I stopped once I had a talk with him about some things that were on my mind. So do you think I should let him go or continue pursuing? Andrea

Note: If you find that you are confused by the things that your man does, check out my advanced attraction techniques. Andrea, It seems that they always get us when they are super attracted to us and because we might be going through a dry dating period we decide to give them a chance when maybe otherwise we wouldn’t. As women part of what attracts us to men is their attraction to us.

There are actually different stages of dating that you must move through effectively to get into a committed relationship. “Prince Charming” (as they all are during the first stage of attraction) probably showed you lots of attention when he was trying to get you to date him.

But the next part of the dating process is sometimes difficult to handle and this is the part when both parties must decide if they want to spend additional time together or if it was just a little crush and they really aren’t compatible with each other. During this time, it is very common for a man after he has pursued you and has shown interest to pull back a little.

He might not call or contact you for days or weeks and he might not seem as interested as he once was. One mistake women make during this time is to question him about getting into a relationship or even worse try to pursue him. The best thing to do during this period is to occupy your time with other things.

This is how to do it effectively:

YOUR LOVE CURRICULUM:

Patience 201: This means that if he is not calling or contacting you, be patient. But at this time you should not pursue him any further. You should wait until or if he calls to set a date with you. Calls that are acceptable: Those calls that do not involve asking him about a relationship or asking him out on a romantic date. It is actually a good idea to call so he knows that you don’t hold any ill will towards him. Maybe you call him because you want to get his opinion on a subject he has expertise in or maybe you call because he left something at your house. Your call should be warm and friendly; you are just giving him an opportunity to ask you out again.

Friendship & Family 101: Spend more time with your family and friends to help the time fly by faster. If you are waiting for someone to ask you out, it might seem like everyday is a week or every week is a year. If you are consistently filling your schedule your focus won’t be on him calling you or him initiating a date.

Introspection 301: Most importantly, you should use the time to look inside yourself and see if you are truly compatible with this man or if this is a relationship YOU would like to continue. You might decide after reviewing everything that it is better to leave this guy as a friend.

Girlfriend To Girlfriend: If this guy actually told you he needs to get himself together before he enters into a relationship, I feel that you should do just that, give him time. But by giving him time he needs to understand that you won’t necessarily be there when he gets all his ducks in a row. You don’t actually have to tell him this; just continue to date other men. Some women confuse dating with intimate relationships and it is not that. Dating is an opportunity to meet other people to see if there is a chance that you could be compatible with each other. So if your “friend” doesn’t happen to be the one, don’t fret there are always opportunities to date other men.

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Are Men Similar To Real Estate? Does He Have Too Much Curb Appeal?

In dating as in real estate there are varying degrees of value. For instance, you may have a man who is handsome, has money, and has a charming personality that all the ladies love as well as a house with curb appeal and a kitchen and bathroom that will make you get in an emotional bidding war with several other buyers.

And often times, these bidding wars end up with someone paying a lot more for the property than they should have!

On the other end you can have a guy that just does not cut it for a lot of women, his haircut is off, his social skills are a bit lacking, and on top of that he looks like he is stuck in the 90’s! This is the similar to houses where the owner has not taken time to remodel their kitchen and bathroom (the rooms that sell real estate) or even mow the lawn or plant any flowers on the outside. This house stays on the market for a very long time.

So which one should you choose?

Well, that truly depends on you. How much work are you willing to do? And what type of work are you willing to do?

Well as human beings often times we are most likely in the first situation and we want that house with everything perfected! We don’t want to have to do any work. The problem is that everyone else wants that same house.

This is the same with the man that seemingly has it all. Everyone wants to be with that man! And sometimes what happens in situations like this is that the man is actually overvalued. With so many females giving him attention and singing his praises, you run the risk of getting in a bidding war you might never win.

And if you do win, you might find out that you paid way more for it emotionally than you should have.

Alternatively, you can have a house that has no curb appeal and needs a little work on the inside and some sprucing up on the outside. Seasoned real estate investors know that this type of property is GOLD. They can buy the house for a really low price, put in a little work and spruce it up, and the houses is appraised for double and sometimes triple what they paid for it.

This is the guy that not a lot of females pay attention to. He is mostly ignored during social gatherings and no one really tries to get to know him beyond his outward appearance. This type of guy could be a golden opportunity. One of the best men you have ever dated. He has not been SPOILED with all the attention and he knows that you are a gem to be chased. In addition he has not dated around a lot so he won’t be constantly comparing you to other women. He is going to do a lot more things for you and be grateful that you are in his life.

And just because his curb appeal is not appealing now, doesn’t mean it can’t change in the future. With a little work and patience, you will become the envy of all your friends. They will wonder how you found such a seemingly perfect mate. They will be jealous that you get to answer his phone when it rings and that his eyes don’t wonder when he is around you.

I’m a big fan of these types of men, the ones that have not been spoiled yet; the type of man that will open doors for you and not be afraid or too worried about getting his outfit dirty to change a tire. The man that you can feel comfortable enough to go to the bathroom at a restaurant without worrying that he will allow a woman at another table to give him her number. The man that seems clueless to all the attention he is getting from women. The type of man who appreciates you and calls you after he gets off work to check in with you and see if you have any plans before he makes his.

There are men out there like that, but sometimes you have to put in a little work. Apply some polish to them, dust them off. You will find so much more value in them if you just give them a chance.

Note: I am not talking about men with huge character flaws like being abusive, insecure, thugs/bad boys, lazy men who will not work, men with several baby mamas. (That is not a curb appeal issue; those are plumbing and electrical problems.) And in real estate, that costs you a butt load of money! Run very fast and don’t look back.

With that being said, maybe you feel you are up to the challenge, and you want what you want NOW. You want the French doors, remodeled bathroom and kitchen, mowed lawn, bay windows, recessed lighting, solar windows, the whole package. You want a house that is move in ready and you are willing to pay a bit more for the package.

I’m not mad at you girl! Sometimes you just want what you want. You want the guy who has it all, good looks, charming & handsome. In this case you have to set yourself up as someone that he wants. He has to feel that he would give up all the women that are chasing him, just to spend time with you. You have to be confident in yourself and know that you are the bomb and that he is lucky to have you.

He has to know that if he doesn’t act right that you are ready to take your show on the road and he will loose you. You don’t have to say it, just knowing and feeling it is enough. He will feel that energy when he is around you, that this one is not like the rest, she respects herself and she has a waiting list herself of men who would cut off a right leg to be with her. Otherwise, you set yourself up for tearful nights.

He has to value you more than he values the attention from the other women. And when this happens other women won’t be able to get into your relationship because they know that they don’t have a chance in hell of him keeping his eyes off of you. They will give up and move on to someone else that leaves them those little crumbs that keep them going.

6 Simple Ways To Determine If He Is “The One”

If you have been dating someone for a while, you may wonder if he is “the one”, and in your haste to find Mr. Right, you are sometimes blinded by your feelings, and can sometimes end up with somebody who is really not good for you.

It is important for any woman such as yourself to understand that if you are not completely honest with yourself and do not see the relationship for what it really is, you could very well find yourself 10 years down the track in a marriage you wish you’d never got into. So most likely, before you enter into a long term relationship you want to find out how to determine if he is right for you.

I am going to share with you 6 questions that you should ask yourself to determine if the guy you are with is right for you. Be honest when you answer the following questions because it will only hurt you in the long run if lie to yourself about whether you both are compatible.

1. One of These Things Is Not Like The Other…

Do you have the same values as him? I know we live in a world where everything is accepted and if you aren’t open to other people’s beliefs you are called closed minded or too conservative. But really, this is your life.

When it comes to important values like religion, how you should handle your money and if you want to have a big family or a small family, these usually should be discussed up front. If they are deal breakers for you, don’t settle.

I once dated a guy for 4 1/2 years trying to convince myself that religion didn’t matter to me or that I could change him (big mistake). But in my heart religion was the core of how I lived my life. We believed in 2 completely different things and that caused a log of anxiety for me which led to weight gain. You really don’t want to take as long as I did to come to terms with how important your values are.

On the other hand, if you don’t value religion that highly or you don’t care which political party another person supports, then by all means it’s not that big of a deal to you, this person could be the right person to you.

But if you know in your heart it’s a value you can’t compromise on, don’t compromise on it because it just leads to heartbreak and a whole lot of arguments.

2. How Do You Feel?

How does your man make you feel? Does he make you feel good? Are you relaxed around him? Can you just be yourself?

This is equally as important, because if you feel you can’t be your complete self around him, imperfections and all, you will continuously have to live up to this high standards and when you fall from his graces, you risk the chance of losing him.

And plus it’s so much darn fun when you can have fun with the person you with. You should be excited when you see the person you’re dating. They should make you feel good.

This world is filled with so many stresses and depressing moments that when you come home or when you see your mate, you should feel refreshed by them. If you don’t have this feeling he may not be right for you.

3. Does He Treat You Right?

I always like to determine this by testing it against my two favorite men, my dad and my brother. My dad and brother both treat me very well.  So if I don’t feel that a man is treating me the way my dad or brother would, that’s not a situation I want to be in.  When in a relationship you should feel that the other person wouldn’t intentionally hurt or harm you.

Maybe it isn’t your dad or brother maybe it’s another man that respects you or cherishes you, but if you aren’t being treated right, that’s a red flag. If he is cheating on you, hitting you, talking negatively to you, not supporting you – these are all forms of being mistreated.

And it’s a sign that you have low self esteem if you are still in the abusive relationship. No one deserves to be mistreated. Period.

4. Are You Settling?

Are there things you always wanted in a relationship, and your man just doesn’t have them? You might be settling. If the only reason you are with him because you feel that this is the best you can do or you’re lucky to find him, more than likely you are settling.

There are two sides to this story, there could be things that you wanted in a relationship and your man doesn’t have them but you found out that what your man DOES have is actually better for you.

On the other hand, it’s the situation where you always feel something is missing or that your heart can’t rest easy in the relationship because you know you want more.

5. Do You Treat Him Well?

Ah ha, you didn’t think I was going to get to this one but this is also an important part of the relationship. How you treat your man is going to speak volumes to whether he is right for you. If you feel you can’t respect him or don’t trust him, this probably is not the man for you.

How you treat him speaks volumes to how much you respect him and if you are entering into a partnership/committed relationship with him you want to make sure you trust him to have your back and to work towards your goals together.

On the other hand, it may be an issue with you and maybe you never learned how to treat a man so that he will want to do things for you. Kara Oh has an awesome book on Amazon called From Dating To ‘I Do’: The Ultimate Dating Guide: How To Win His Heart Forever. It teaches how to date a man to bring out the best in him. At under $2 on Amazon, it’s a steal.

6. Do You Know Him?

I know I’m going to get a lot of women angry here, but it has to be said. I receive so many emails from women telling me that they have just met a guy and he is “the one”.

You just really set yourself up for disappointment with this one. If you haven’t even met the guy or you have not known him for a long time, it will be impossible to know if he is the one. What you are most likely experiencing is infatuation and not love at all.

If you don’t know a person, it is impossible to tell if that person is the “the one”. You are going by a perfect version of him.

Here are some consequences of being with the wrong person:

Consequence 1. You will always feel that something is missing

Consequence 2. You will know deep down that you deserve better

Consequence 3. You may spend many years feeling trapped with somebody who is just not right for you

Consequence 4. You may find yourself as a single mother, after having children to this person you never should have even been in a relationship with

Consequence 5. You will live your life feeling unhappy and unfulfilled

Some additional tips I put together for you:

Tip 1. Find out what do your friends and family think about your relationship. Do they like him, do they hate him, what are their thoughts? Remember, your friends and family love you and want the best for you, so what they have to say should not be taken lightly.

Tip 2 Think about the way he makes you feel most of the time. If you are constantly walking on eggshells, or you are often annoyed or angry at him for whatever reason, then the answer here is obvious. If however he treats you like a queen, worships the ground you walk on, and you know he would do absolutely anything for you, and you feel the same way about him (and this is important!), then chances are your relationship is off to a great start.

Tip 3. And one of the most important ways to determine if he is right for you is to ask yourself this question, If my mom or sister or aunt was the same age as I would I feel comfortable with knowing that he was her companion? If your answer to this question is no, you should seriously rethink the relationship because if he isn’t good enough for your family or people you love he surely isn’t good enough for you.

Finding out if he is right for you is as simple as looking at your relationship with complete honesty. Look at your relationship from both yours and his perspective, and consider how your friends and family view your relationship as well, because it is those closest to you that will see your relationship for what it truly is.