“Going with the flow” in your relationship is fine for the most part. But integrating healthy rules that only serve to strengthen your love life can’t be a bad thing, right? So, what is the 80-20 rule in marriage, and why should you care?
Well, buckle up, you are in for a ride.
In 1906, Italian philosopher Vilfredo Federico Pareto came up with the Pareto Principle. He discovered that 80% of his country’s wealth was owned by 20% of the population. He also realized that 80% of productive output can be attributed to 20% effort.
But make no mistake, the 80-20 rule is not limited to the economic field. This concept can be adapted to almost any situation with resounding success.
In Japan, the Hara Hachi Bu philosophy states that people should only eat until they are 80% full. Some researchers maintain that that is part of the reason why Japanese people live longer than the average person.
Count on this revolutionary concept to drastically improve your relationship as well. The 80-20 principle is all about minimum effort for maximum results. As you are about to realize, 20% of what you do in your relationship will account for 80% of the outcomes. Here’s how:
Attitude Is Everything
Don’t we all cherish that heady, love-struck period of a relationship when everything runs like clockwork? It is as if nothing can go wrong. Just pure bliss!
I would give anything to remain in this state of effortless cohesion with my partner. I bet you would do too. But as you know by now, reality likes to crash a good party. Since you can’t escape the demands of being an adult, applying the 80-20 rule in your relationship ensures balance.
Begin by working on your attitude. I’m serious! Attitude can turn any ordeal into an adventure. Your relationship or marriage will mostly be shaped by the attitude you have towards obstacles.
Life will constantly throw challenges in the way of your relationship. It’s nothing new. Your attitude will determine whether you will fast overcome the obstacles in your way or sulk and wallow in misery.
Let’s be honest, the “perfect relationship” doesn’t exist. Even couples that make it look easy have to put in work. And that includes having the right attitude in life. Starting developing that new positive attitude today.
Clear The Clutter Within
We all have baggage. There’s no escaping this fact. Your actions today are heavily influenced by past experiences. While good experiences will bring out the best of you, focussing on traumatic events has the opposite effect. This is where the 80-20 rule comes into effect.
It allows you to focus most of what you have on growing your partner. This is what real love is all about: selflessness.
Finding sustainable solutions to your inner struggles will help you better connect with your partner. Instead of focussing on unrealistic expectations, you will learn to embrace your relationship with all its imperfections. By lowering your expectations and raising your standards, you will find that events of the past no longer have power over you.
Overcoming your inner struggles is not as hard as you think. All you have to do is make a commitment. It may be challenging. But the price is well worth it. Over time, you will be able to better support your partner when they go through a rough patch.
Generally, you can use the 80 20 principle for relationships as a tool to better support your partner. By focusing on your partner’s well-being, you get to strengthen your relationship in the process.
Of course, solely focussing on the needs of your partner may not be a good idea. You should set some time apart for yourself and focus on your needs as well. After all, embracing your partner’s flaws is only possible after you have vanquished your inner demons
Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
I know, you love spending time with your partner. But, did you know that unless you set some time apart for yourself, your relationship will deteriorate as a result? It’s true.
You might both grow tired of each other’s company, or worse, your partner will find your presence suffocating. The fact is, we are individuals, and it is a good idea to remind yourself of this every once in a while.
Guess what? The relationship 80-20 rule can be adapted in this case as well. Let me explain.
One way to maintain a long-lasting marriage or relationship is by making sure your partner is growing together with you. Solely focusing on yourself is not a good idea, and here’s why.
For starters, it’s outright selfish. Leaving your partner’s needs by the roadside is setting yourself up for a break-up or, worse, divorce. It’s simple, you can either grow together as a team or grow apart as individuals.
On the flip side, focussing all of your time on nurturing your partner is not a good idea. Remember, you will never be able to fulfill all of your partner’s needs. Using the relationship 80-20 rule, you should set aside a respectable chunk of your time for your own pursuits.
Think of it as your get-out-of-jail card. You get to focus on yourself and do whatever you want, within reason of course.
Spending too much time with your significant other will desensitize you. The result? You will forget the worth of your union over time. More often, this is a major reason why people end up cheating or in an unhappy marriage. You will have no one to blame when your relationship or marriage fails as a result of your actions or inactions.
Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
Setting apart some time for yourself is not selfish. Think of it as hitting the refresh button on your relationship. Every once in a while, you get to go on a self-discovery journey, nurturing your individual needs. The big question is, how can you get the most out of your time during this period?
The truth is, it’s completely up to you. It actually all depends on what you want for yourself. For example, you can focus on a hobby if personal growth is your objective. Focussing your time on growing your skillset makes more sense if you want to grow professionally.
Also, spending your time relaxing is perfectly fine. In fact, I advise you to do this more often. As mentioned earlier, the 80-20 principle in relationships is all about minimum effort for maximum results. Letting your hair down every once in a while will work wonders for your love life. Feasting on your favorite junk food while binge-watching your show is a good example. Of course, remember not to take it overboard.
Trust me, you will cherish your partner more if you apply this concept to your relationship. Not only will you have more experiences to share, but you will be reminded of the value of your relationship as well.
Meet Your Partner Halfway
At the risk of sounding dramatic, it’s you and your partner against the world. Now, I don’t mean that in a combative way. But if you can’t move as a cohesive unit, then your relationship is doomed to fail.
At the end of the day, no one is perfect. People who make this realization early on are able to develop a high level of emotional maturity.
Despite one’s background or upbringing, one factor is constant in our lives: We are all struggling with something. Your struggles could be related to your career or personal life.
Here’s where it gets tricky. It’s easy to focus on yourself and leave your partner to their own devices. After all, you have to take care of yourself first, right?
The problem with approaching your relationship with this mentality is that you will forever be unsatisfied with your partner. Unrealistic expectations are often a sign of a lack of emotional maturity in a relationship.
You can avoid this using the 80-20 rule in relationships. By uplifting your partner, you get to learn a lot about yourself in the process.
For starters, you will learn to better handle heavy issues that would otherwise tax you emotionally. In addition to this, you will better empathize with your partner as you help them through their own personal struggles. Meeting your partner halfway will obviously allow you to strengthen your relationship and grow as an individual.
Ignoring the need for this could have grave consequences. By focusing solely on your needs, you push your worst attributes to the forefront: greed and selfishness. In no time, you will want everything to revolve around you. Your partner and your relationship will take a back seat as you prioritize your needs.
Now, there’s one problem with such an approach. Your need for adoration will become insatiable. You will never feel satisfied with your life if your main point of focus is your ego. The result?
You will end up pushing everyone who loves you away. The sad part is that you won’t realize the damage you are causing until it’s too late.
But by applying the 80-20 principle in your relationship, you can give more and take less. Offer your support without expecting anything in return. It’s the only way to love unconditionally.
Benefits Of The 80-20 Rule
Back to our earlier question: What is the 80-20 rule in marriage? Well, my hope is that you have at least grasped the basics. Let’s now find out how applying this rule in your marriage will benefit your love life and strengthen your union.
Appreciating Your Partner More
Set aside time to evaluate your perspective on relationships. Are you putting your focus where it should be? Do you truly appreciate your spouse?
Use the 80-20 rule to gauge your perspective on relationships. Find out where you have been placing more and less of your focus. It’s easy for you to say you have a wife whom you love very much. But do you truly appreciate her as a human being? Are you able to see her without shining the marriage spotlight?
Your ideal partner should be your best friend before anything else. Only then can you be able to share a mutual sense of appreciation for one another.
A Refreshing Perspective On Relationships
Nowadays, many of us insist on “equality” in everything. We want a 50-50 relationship, where each person only gives 50% of themselves. However, this can completely destroy your relationship or marriage. In reality, you cannot play it safe in such a union.
In fact, it would be very unreasonable to believe you will always be able to do your half and expect the same from your partner. Relationships do not work like that. It is a two-way street!
Both of you have to be willing to work together for the good of the relationship. Apply the 80-20 principle in your relationship, where you not only do your part but go the extra mile to take care of your partner’s well-being. This will, in turn, strengthen the relationship.
It Will Be Easier To Accommodate Your Spouse’s Strengths And Weaknesses
Another bigger problem with 50-50 relationships is expecting too much from each other. It becomes more of a contract arrangement than an actual relationship. You should be careful as this can really harm your connection with your spouse in the long term.
You’ll soon find out that applying the 80-20 rule can be beneficial to your marriage. When you expect your spouse to meet her 50% portion, you’re not giving your relationship sufficient room to grow.
I find it a whole lot easier to deal with the 20% now and reap the full rewards of the 80% forever. In this case, I’m more interested in finding out what my partner’s strengths and weaknesses are. I can then make room for all that she is. This makes your relationship more fulfilling, especially from your spouse’s point of view.
Focusing On The Bigger Picture
A word to the wise. When you’re married or in a relationship, you cannot afford to take every small issue into account. Having petty tendencies can really damage your connection with your spouse. It’s one of the main reasons you should always rely on the 80-20 rulep.
Over time, I’ve seen and actually experienced the benefits of focusing on the bigger picture. Don’t get me wrong. It’s good to work out the small issues before they become big ones! However, don’t hang around too long. Let your spouse know this as well.
Your partner will love you even more if you shrug off small issues and always look ahead. Don’t just focus on finances or building a house in the next few years. Focus on your spouse as the bigger picture. Everything else will fall into place.
Building A Strong Foundation For Your Relationship
The most important fact behind the 80-20 rule in marriage is the solid base it gives your relationship. If you hope to survive the turbulent nature of relationships, you need a rock-solid foundation.
What better way to cement your connection with your spouse than establishing strong building blocks! Interestingly, all you need to do that is within the 20%. Starting small and working your way up is a guaranteed way of spotting any cracks and fixing them.
It Makes It Easier To Find Someone That Completes You
If you’re active in the dating scene, you’ll agree with me that heartaches and heartbreaks are commonplace. But this is not good news. You don’t want to carry bad relationship practices all the way to your marriage.
While surviving broken relationships is a sure way of making you stronger and wiser, there’s only so much your heart can take. One valuable lesson I got out of all that misery is to always apply the 80-20 principle.
When you don’t enter a relationship with unrealistic expectations, it’s easier to find your better half. If you do not do that, you will always fail in relationships.
No More Senseless Fights And Arguments
Relationships are not immune to drama. But you can easily avoid the worst of it by applying the 80-20 rule.
For example, meeting your partner halfway, as mentioned earlier, will help you to empathize with their situations. You will have a better understanding of where they are coming from. With you and your partner on the same page, it’s hard to start unnecessary fights and arguments.
Final Thoughts
In summary, the 80-20 rule is the key to a successful marriage or relationship. It is the one concept you can always count on to produce the best results, regardless of how and where you use it. Make it your goal to identify the 20% that you should always prioritize. Hopefully, you have gathered enough tips from this guide to get you started on the right foot.
All the best!
Leave a Reply