There is nothing worse than being ignored … wait! There is! When your spouse ignores you, it is one of the most devastating blows you can suffer in a relationship. This is the person you turn to and depend on, but now they are simply ignoring you. What do you do now? You win back their attention, of course!
Why Would A Husband Be Ignoring His Wife?
Marriage is complicated. There is often disagreement and discord between husband and wife, but when this isn’t expressed in words, it can cause confusion. You may believe your husband is angry at you when he ignores you, but there could be other reasons he ignores you too. Until you know why he ignores you, there will be nothing you can do to regain his interest. He may be ignoring you because:
You’re A Nagger
Yip, let’s face it, sister, we women can be naggers. We get upset about things, and we harp on these until the cows come home. Instead of seeing when our husbands are no longer listening, we keep on flogging that horse, trying to get a message across to him that he anyways isn’t listening to and won’t listen to. Your husband may have begun mentally shutting down when you speak as a result; hence, ignoring you.
He’s Too Busy For You
If your husband is the breadwinner, chances are that he is dealing with a lot of stress, and he may be too busy to listen to you. He might be burning the candle on both ends, eat-sleep-and-drinking his work.
This could mean he simply doesn’t have time to pay attention to you. In his books, he is a good provider, and this is sufficient to meet your needs, which is why he doesn’t notice that you want more.
You’ve Grown Apart
When you marry, you have something in common with your husband, yet, as time passes, you may end up growing apart. He may develop new interests that you don’t share, or you may have found hobbies he’s not at all interested in. As a result, you have little in common, which can lead him to neglect you socially and emotionally and, thus, ignore you.
He’s Having An Affair
Chances are that if he’s having an affair, your husband won’t be interested in you. He will save his energy and motivation for the other woman. He may also feel guilty about his infidelity, which can lead to him avoiding you and ignoring you completely. When he has to spend time with you, there may be awkwardness as he doesn’t know how to own up to his transgressions.
He’s Stuck
If you are a dominant partner, who possibly intimidates your husband, then he may be dealing with this by putting up a wall. This is a primitive defense mechanism aimed at helping him deal with situations or people (you) that he’s not ready for. While it may seem that he is flatout ignoring you, he is actually quite terrified of you!
You Bore Him
Ouch! Yes, your partner may be ignoring you since you bore him. We often end up being with someone in a relationship based on their potential, but we don’t all reach our potential. While you were young and exciting when you were dating, he may now be bored as you’ve let yourself go and you no longer interest him.
The world out there is a tasty pastry to him, but you’re just a slice of bread. You never reached your potential and the mystery is gone, so now he’s bored. If you don’t watch this situation, he may soon stray.
He Thinks You’re Using Him
When we don’t like someone, we often deal with it by ignoring them. Chances are that your husband is ignoring you because he has developed a dislike in you. The main reason for this is usually when he feels you are using him. Do you ask him for money or expensive purchases? Perhaps you insist on pricey holidays? These can all contribute to him feeling used, as if he is the cash-cow.
If you are asking “why does my husband ignore me,” then you need to consider what it is about you that he may distrust.
Steps To Take When Your Husband Ignores You
When you realize your husband has been ignoring you, and that this has become a habit, you need to consider why he has been doing it. Is it one of the above reasons, or is there a different reason why he may be ignoring you?
Try these ways to get back his attention and become unforgettable to your husband:
Communicate About It
When life gets busy, we live past each other. Like ships on the sea at night, you may not even realize you are sailing separate courses. By talking with your partner about what you are experiencing, you can air out your feelings (without accusing him), and discover where the problem lies.
You may often find that he might not even know he has been ignoring you. If he’s been busy, he may be in survival mode, which can cause him to not even notice you. This may not be intentional. But talking about it can bring awareness, and you can both work on the problem together.
Increase Kindness
If he is working hard, he may need a soft place to land and not a scowling spouse. Instead of being upset by his ignorance of you, turn up the charm and draw him back to you. Ask yourself what you can do to make him more comfortable and happier. He will quickly notice your efforts and turn back to you.
Take A Break
Should kindness not do the trick, then you can opt for the opposite approach. Take some time out. Consciously distance yourself from him. Remain polite, but don’t wait for him to notice you.
Continue with your life as if he isn’t part of yours, which will make him question if you need him or not. This may open the channels of communication, but be careful of not pushing this too far if you aren’t interested in a divorce. As the saying goes: absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Stop Fighting With Him And Listen
Have you considered that he may have tried talking to you about what is bothering him, only you didn’t listen? Women can be quick off the bat, and we can easily launch into an argument instead of listening. Also, men have a different way of communicating. He may have shown you in other ways that something is bothering him or that he is unhappy about something, only you didn’t see.
Stop fighting and start listening and seeing. Notice him, really notice him. Is he tired, worn out, angry, worried, or lonely? Start considering his needs instead of trying to impress on him that you have needs.
Find The Moment
You may correctly be assuming that he is angry with you. Your instinct can be to become angry right back, but stop and think. Why is he angry? Did something happen? When did he start to ignore you?
If you can find the moment where discord started, you may be able to find a constructive way to remedy the situation, winning back his trust and interest. Remember, forgiveness is a two-way street.
Find Common Ground
Perhaps you have grown apart. Yet, any two branches can be trained to grow together again, and you and your husband can also begin to share common interests again. If you had something you enjoyed sharing in the past, then try to rekindle that. Perhaps go to the movies, plan and go on a date, or go camping together if that was something you were both interested in.
If the past interests you shared have fizzled, then you can create new interests. Start something that is new for you, and invite your husband to join you in it. Don’t ask him to do something you’ve been doing a while as he’ll feel like he’s tagging along. Instead, pick something completely different that neither of you have done before. Sharing new experiences is a great way to reconnect and find interest again.
Find Your Positivity
Nothing is more appealing than being positive. If you focus on being positive and inviting, your husband won’t be able to help feeling drawn back to you. When he’s been intentionally avoiding you, he may be expecting a negative reaction from you. Surprise him by being positive instead.
This will intrigue him, and he will begin to look for answers by turning back to you. A positive spirit is the most sexy outfit you could wear, so stop trying to be alluring, and be positive instead.
Retrain Him With Positive Rewards
This may sound awkward, but you can retrain your husband. Yes, like a puppy, you can reward him for paying attention. If he greets you in a friendly way, reward him by making him some coffee. Should he ask your opinion, reward him with an unexpected hug and some sensual touching.
At a subconscious level, he will get the message: if he pays attention to you and stops ignoring you, then he gets good things.
Consider His Needs And Meet Them
Your husband is your partner, and you are supposed to meet each other’s needs. What are his needs, and how can you better meet them? Don’t fall into the stereotypical thinking of believing he only wants food and sex. While cooking him a nice meal and wearing some sexy lingerie may turn his head, it might not meet his needs.
Consider what he may need that you aren’t providing. Are you being a friend to him? Do you make him feel good about himself? Do you provide him with safety and care? How are you helping him actualize his higher purpose in life?
If he is feeling like his needs aren’t being met, then he may be dissatisfied with you. He may not know how to express this. He could be ignoring you since he feels frustrated with not being able to discuss his needs (which he may not even consciously know) with you.
Be Patient
We all go through things, and sometimes all we need is some time to figure things out. Your husband may be ignoring you because he is trying to do exactly that. Nagging at him for more attention and trying to force him to talk to you may backfire on you. Try giving him some time and space instead as forcing him to talk may cause him to become rude to you.
Show patience by waiting for him to come talk to you, but be sure he knows you are there for him. Combine this with acts of kindness to reassure him you are there for him when he is ready.
What To Do When Your Husband Ignores You FAQs
When your husband ignores you, there are going to be a hundred or more questions circling your mind. There are no easy answers, and at the end of the day, you may be looking for solutions in the wrong places. Hopefully, these frequently asked questions can help get you on the right track.
What does it mean if your husband ignores you?
It indicates a serious lack of communication. When your husband ignores you, you may feel utterly dejected and lost. Try not to make this about you. Suspend your victim instinct and try to see things through his eyes.
If your husband ignores you, it doesn’t mean he no longer loves you or that he disrespects you, even if it feels that way. There may be more going on, which is why you need to think clearly and calmly, considering all possible reasons before deciding what to do when your husband ignores you.
What is emotional abandonment in marriage?
A marriage is about emotionally supporting each other. Yet, when you wonder how to cope with a husband who ignores you, the pain is real and can cause you to doubt yourself. This is essentially the main harm caused by emotional abandonment in a marriage.
When there is no communication and no connection, you will feel unfulfilled and rejected. It’s like dancing with a mannequin who looks and sounds like your husband but has zero connection to you.
Marital loneliness is a real problem that should be addressed by couple’s counseling or psychotherapy. When you are abandoned, you feel completely isolated and lost. This can negatively impact all other areas of your life, causing depression and other negative psycho-social effects.
Why do I feel lonely in my marriage?
If you are feeling lonely in your marriage, then chances are that it’s a “husband ignoring wife” scenario. Your communication and connection has completely broken down, and you are now living vestigial lives as husband and wife.
The partnership has already begun to decay, and if action isn’t taken to regain connection and shared purpose, then you could well end up losing your marriage (whether it ends in divorce or you live separate lives within the same home).
How do you deal with an ignoring husband?
There are a few ways to deal with a husband who is ignoring you:
- Talk about your need for inclusion and validation with him
- Consciously engage in acts of random kindness to gain his favor again
- Step away and draw him in by retreating
- Change arguments for moments of softness when you see him and listen to him
- Reflect on when things changed to identify the moment or event that brought the schism
- Create some shared interests to rekindle your connection, such as sports, hobbies, or interesting habits
- Remain positive in yourself as being negative will drive him away
- Use positive rewards to train him to come to you by rewarding him when he does pay attention to you or seeks you out
- Become his rock by meeting his needs like being his friend, partner, confidant, and lover
- Just wait patiently for him to turn to you if he is dealing with something as the greatest gift you can give him is patience
Ignore No More
Having to deal with a husband who ignores you is painful, and it can challenge your sense of self. Yet, you don’t have to sulk in silence. Instead of taking it personally, try to find out why he is ignoring you and work at returning to your partnership by fostering better communication and openness in your marriage.
Not knowing how to cope with a husband who ignores you is every woman’s worst nightmare. You may begin to doubt yourself and suspect he is cheating on you. While there is a possibility he is doing just that, he may also have become withdrawn for other reasons that require your help and not your judgment.
Did your husband become distant and ignore you in your marriage? How did you solve this? Please share your experiences and advice in the comments section.
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