I am in love with one of my close friends and I want to know how to make him fall in love with me.
Being “in love” with a friend is something that should be handled very carefully.
You don’t want to outright say that you like him and then things become very awkward between the two of you.
But you do want to know whether he shares the same feelings for you.
And I believe it’s best to know where you stand early on. This is because if he is your “dream man”, you are probably not considering dating other men because you feel that he is “the one”.
So I would recommend nipping whether he has some interest in you in the bud right away.
Here’s what I would suggest:
1. Stop calling him so much
If you are calling him constantly, even if he is interested he has no room to pursue you because you are always the one initiating things.
2. Do things differently
Depending on how long you have known your friend, he has already “sized you up” and determined whether you are someone he would want to date or not.
As long as you make no changes, he is using the same information to confirm his decision that you are “just a friend”.
Now this can be tricky, but sometimes it can be pulled off.
If you are always dressed in jogging pants and a ponytail when you see him, change it up a little bit. If you wear the same perfume everyday, switch brands (another one that you like).
Note: It is important to understand that I am not saying that you should change yourself. You are just showing your best self.
Wear your hair down, do something different that shows your best self.
I’ll show you how this worked in my life.
I had a friend that I was not sure about, mainly because he always smelled like pepper. He was a good looking guy and we had good conversation but I felt that he must have never washed his coat because he always smelled like pepper to me.
This was a huge turn off. Long story short, as I got to know him I found out it was actually a cologne that he wore “Tommy Bahama” – will never forget it.
He changed his cologne and all of a sudden I became more attracted to him. We dated for a while after that.
Now, this will only work with the physical aspect of attraction. I wouldn’t suggest changing anything beyond that.
3. Don’t take a lot of time to figure this out
Don’t spend a lot of time trying to get him to pursue you. Ultimately everyone gets to decide what they like and what they don’t.
Just because he doesn’t like you doesn’t make him a bad person. He makes his decisions the same as you make your decisions.
If he doesn’t ask you out or show more interest when you are not calling and changing a few physical attributes…MOVE ON. There will be other men who will love what you have to offer.
My Guest Poster: Marvin Barrett
Marvin helps single women identify and avoid dating non-committal men and find their Mr. Right. He coaches women to identify the best places to meet the right men for them, read the signals men display when uncommitted and how to attract the right guy to approach them. Learn how to meet and find the right man for you.
Something about this seems a little ‘fishy’.
“Trying” to get a man to fall in love with you seems a little “shady” and “needy” and isn’t a game worth your time.
If “being you” hasn’t been enough for your close friend to notice your qualities and potential as a long-term partner up until now, then it’s very likely that he never will.
Since he’s close friend of yours, I’m sure that he has considered the idea of “you” in his mind at some point or another and has decided which ‘zone’ you best fit: –
“She’s cool but wouldn’t enter a long-term relationship with her” (friends) or “I want her and would enter a long-term relationship her.” (relationship material)
If he placed you in the “I would enter a long-term relationship with you” zone, then you wouldn’t need to get him to fall in love with you because he would be trying to win your heart and attention without you needing to because he has already identified you as a woman he wants to be with.
But I doubt that he sees you in this way, hence why you now feel compelled to “make” him feel something that he doesn’t but want him to.
I don’t think you can consciously make someone fall in love with you by “figuring” out what to do.
Seduction “gurus” might tell you otherwise, and whilst certain “tricks and techniques” may work in the short term, they’re worthless when you want to create a long-term fulfilling relationship because it’s not sustainable.
They’re not based on authenticity or “the real you” and for a guy to fall in love with you, you need to be ALL you and not a woman who is trying to win his love or approval by trying to “figure” out what to do.
That is likely to come across as “needy” or “trying to hard.”
However, I would say continue being good friends and just relax and show your best qualities whereever possible, on the phone or in person because you do have them and if you confidently show them, you may start to get the attention you want without really trying.
If you want a starting point, I recommend that you ask him what qualities he seeks in a woman he would want to settle down with as well as the attributes that wouldn’t make him want to.
When you figure out what he looks for then it will become much easier for you to ascertain whether or not you’re the woman for him or if he’s the right man for you because you may not favour some of the things he looks for and so if that’s the case, you can move forward knowing that you know it’s not a match.
But if you discover what he looks for and believe you possess the qualities and attributes he desires and can fulfil those needs and desires without compromising who you are then go for it.
He may eventually begin to see you in a new light since you’ll be showing him subtly that you have what he’s looking for but it’s not certain since he’s known you for a while now.
I’ve been reading the comments on the post and I’ve also received a lot of emails in my inbox and I just want to address the hurt that a woman can sometimes feel when “in love” with a friend.
It’s the feeling of missing out on the one who is right for you. You may feel that he is the perfect fit and that there is a lot of chemistry and you just fit well together.
And when this happens, you may start to do things you wouldn’t normally do, like disregard the fact that he has a girlfriend or be willing to go above and beyond for him even though you aren’t in a relationship.
It’s tough…I’ve been there.
Just trust and believe that you will eventually be in a relationship with the right man for you.
Thanks for reading this post.