Men and women are wired differently. Women like to feel safe and secure. Part of this is knowing that we have a commitment from a man, that we are his one and only, and eventually there is a chance that we will settle down and possibly get married.
Men have a different set of goals and often women have to know how to navigate through these waters before a man will commit.
Part of this has to do with the amount of giving done in a relationship. Usually the women that give the MOST in relationships have the hardest time getting a commitment from a man.
This is because a man’s innate need to earn something. If you are currently giving him everything he wants, there is no need to earn anything more or even change the way things are going?
What’s in it for him if he commits? And if the answer to that question is what you are already giving him, it’s going to be hard to move to the next step.
Your man may even appeal to your logical sense and ask you why you want to mess up a good thing when everything is going fine?
Really, why should he mess up a good thing?
Think about it. If you were in a business partnership and you were receiving 70% of the profit and your partner was receiving 30% for the past 3 years, why on earth would you offer 50/50?
You’d have to be insane or very giving and that’s assuming you thought things were unequal in the first place.
You’ve been enjoying the 70%, buying extra clothes, buying gifts, paying some extra bills. Things are going really good for you and what’s more your partner seems happy with receiving the 30%, so you assume that the partnership is working out well for the both of you.
If your partner approached you one day and wanted to split profits 50/50, you would want to know, how is this going to benefit me?
So let me ask you, how is a commitment going to benefit your man?
If you don’t know this you’re going to have a tough time getting one from him.
There are actually a few reasons why a man will be reluctant to move to the next level of a relationship. I’m going to share 4 of them with you and show you how you can be in a better positon to move towards a commitment. (Read more…)
Reasons why a man won’t commit:
Yup, I discussed this a little earlier. Everything is going fine for him, why should he want a commitment?
If you are making him dinner, washing his clothes, and satisfying him sexually, what else do you have to offer that would make him want to do something more?
He’s got a good situation going. Can you blame him?
2. Losing his independence
He may have the fear that by making a commitment he will have to spend more time with you or exert more energy towards the relationship. Things that he didn’t have to do before like going to your grandmother’s 80th birthday party or having dinner with your parents, he will now have to do.
He may not be able to go when he wants to without first discussing what you have planned.
3. He never intended on making a commitment
This is why it is so vitally important that you listen to a man in the beginning of a relationship. He will tell you his goals and whether he is open to commitment.
Sometimes when a man has all the qualities you want, you can get sucked into thinking that you can change his mind. Don’t fall for it. Rarely if ever will you be able to change him.
The truth is some men never intend on committing to a relationship, the same as some women never intend on having children.
It’s his choice, so that’s why you want to make sure you know what you are getting into before things get too deep.
4. He’s “sewing his royal oats”
This was a term used in the movie “Coming to America” when the prince, played by Eddie Murphy, traveled to America to find his bride.
This means that he’s still dating and deciding who he wants to have a commitment with and it might not necessarily be you.
He’s still shopping around to put in in a nice way.
4 ways you can start to move him towards a commitment:
1. Decide what you want
Before you approach any man with a commitment proposal, you have to know what you want.
Sure you want a commitment, but what type?
Write down exactly what a commitment with you entails. It’s different for everyone.
A commitment to him might mean that you are the only woman he dates, and that’s it, it goes no farther.
A commitment to you means that he is on the marriage track and that is what you are moving towards.
So be clear about what you want.
2. Discuss the positive
When you bring the prospect of commitment to a man, be prepared to discuss the positive aspects of your relationship.
Coming to him angry or sad or irrational only confirms his decision not to want a commitment with you.
Let him know that you love him or really like him and enjoy your relationship but you would like to take it to the next level.
3. Be clear
This goes with deciding what you want. Don’t beat around the bush when talking about it.
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
If your man has no intention of being in a committed relationship, this might be his cue to move on.
If he isn’t interested in marriage or having a committed relationship with you, he may just decide the relationship is not for him.
These things happen, but it’s better for you to know now than to spend a great amount of time in a relationship that will never mature to the level you truly want.