Want to Be Irresistible to Men? Look at These 2 Things First

It can’t be faked.

Irresistible is an attitude.

There are a number of things you can do to be irresistible to men. How you flirt, how you carry yourself, the way you dress, your confidence, your warmth; all of these things can play a part in attraction.

But there are two pieces I think women often overlook, and they matter more than another attraction technique.

Because if you haven’t explored these two things, you may be able to attract a man initially, but that attraction can quickly fade. Or you may find yourself having to keep up the show, continuing to act like the woman you thought you needed to be to get his attention in the first place.

That’s exhausting. And more importantly, it doesn’t give him much of a chance to become attracted to the real you.

When I revisit what makes a woman irresistible to a man, I keep coming back to two things that happen underneath all the flirting, chemistry, and attraction advice.

One has to do with how you feel about men.

The other has to do with how you feel about yourself.

And they’re worth exploring before you worry too much about everything else.

Could How You Feel About Men Affect Attraction?

Well of course you like men, right?

Although this might seem really simplistic, a lot of women truly don’t like men. Maybe they have been hurt by a man they trusted, have had bad experiences with men, or just been passed over by so many men that they have negative feelings towards them.

Here’s the interesting part: you can want a man without actually liking men.

Wanting a boyfriend, marriage, companionship, attention, affection, or someone to build a life with doesn’t necessarily mean you have positive feelings about men themselves. It’s possible to want all of those things while carrying around resentment or distrust.

That doesn’t mean those feelings came from nowhere. Sometimes you’ve had experiences that gave you very good reasons to be cautious. Liking men certainly doesn’t mean blindly trusting every man you meet or overlooking behavior you shouldn’t accept.

But if your underlying belief is that men are selfish, dishonest, emotionally unavailable, only interested in sex, or eventually going to hurt you, those beliefs are going to come into the room with you.

They can affect how you interpret his intentions, how quickly you become defensive, and whether you can receive genuine interest without questioning it. Instead of getting to know the man in front of you, you may find yourself waiting for him to prove your worst assumptions right.

So if you want a relationship with a man, it’s worth asking yourself a surprisingly simple question: How do I really feel about men?

Can you enjoy them, be curious about them, and appreciate some of the ways we’re different without immediately making those differences wrong? Can you meet an individual man without making him answer for every man who came before him?

This isn’t about lowering your standards or ignoring your instincts. It’s about leaving enough room for the person in front of you to show you who he actually is.

That may have more to do with how to become irresistible to men than another attraction technique ever will.

What Does Your Relationship With Yourself Have to Do With Attraction?

She who is irresistible to herself is irresistible to him.

I still love the idea behind that line, although I would explain it a little differently today.

If you don’t feel you are irresistible, trying to convince someone else that you are becomes an exhausting way to date.

This doesn’t mean you have to believe you’re the most beautiful, fascinating woman in every room. You don’t have to feel confident every minute of every day either.

It’s something much simpler: Do you like being you?

Think about the person you are when there isn’t a man around to impress. Your personality, interests, friendships, humor, opinions, standards, and the life you’ve built all belong to you. They shouldn’t have to be rearranged according to what you think a man will find attractive.

Because there’s a trap hidden inside a lot of advice about how to make a man find you irresistible.

If you’re constantly changing yourself to create attraction, you may succeed in attracting him—but now you have to keep being the woman you created to get him.

That’s not irresistibility. That’s a performance.

There is something incredibly attractive about a woman who is comfortable enough with herself that she isn’t auditioning. She can show interest without begging for approval and enjoy being wanted without making that attention the source of her value. If a particular man isn’t interested, she doesn’t automatically decide something must be wrong with her.

That’s why I still believe being irresistible starts with you.

Not because your attitude about yourself can control his perception of you. It can’t. You can think you’re wonderful and still meet a man who isn’t interested. Attraction belongs to both people.

But when you genuinely like the woman you are, you don’t have to work quite so hard to become whatever you imagine he wants.

And maybe that’s the piece we’ve been missing when we ask how to be irresistible to a man.

There are things you can do to increase attraction. But you shouldn’t have to keep performing them to remain attractive to someone.

If you’re trying to figure out what makes a woman irresistible to a man, don’t overlook what’s happening underneath the attraction. How you feel about men affects how you experience them, and how you feel about yourself affects how much of the real you you’re willing to let them see.

That’s a much better place to start than trying to put on a show you’ll eventually get tired of performing.