Will He Ask Me Out Again? There’s Another Question That Matters More

If you’re wondering how to get a guy to ask you out again, I want you to consider something that may seem completely backward:

Stop making the second date the goal.

I know how disheartening it can be to go out on a date with someone and have a good time, only to spend the next few days wondering what they really want.

Will he call? Did he have as good a time as I did? Should I text him? Will he ask me out again?

It’s very easy to leave a good first date and immediately turn your attention toward whether he wants another one. But there’s another question that matters just as much:

Do you?

What If You’re Asking the Wrong Question?

I have been very successful at interviewing in the past and my secret was that I went into the interview not caring what the outcome was either way. I even took it to another level; being more concerned about whether I was going to be interested in the job rather than if the job was interested in me.

In my heart, I knew that my credentials were excellent and at some point they would match perfectly with an employer, so interviewing just seemed like a fun time for me to get to know the company to see if our goals matched.

It took a tremendous amount of pressure off the interview.

And I think the same mindset can change dating.

Every man you date is not going to be “the one.” You’re meeting someone to find out whether you enjoy each other, whether you’re treated well, whether there’s attraction, and eventually whether the things you both want are compatible.

That means a first date isn’t an audition where he decides whether you’ve earned a callback. You’re making a decision too.

Instead of leaving the date asking, “How do I make him want to see me again?” try asking yourself, “What did I learn about him, and do I want to know more?”

What Happens When You Don’t Need an Answer Yet?

One of the reasons dating can become so emotionally exhausting is that we sometimes give one date far more meaning than it has earned.

If you have a lot of emotion tied to finding “the one” or having a boyfriend and getting married before a certain age, it makes it so much more difficult when all your hopes and dreams are riding on your next few dates.

You don’t need to pretend you don’t care. If you want a relationship, you want a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But wanting a relationship doesn’t mean this particular man has to become that relationship.

That distinction gives you room to actually get to know him.

It also makes some of the usual dating games less necessary.

You don’t need to manufacture limited availability to make yourself more attractive. Have a life you’re genuinely engaged in and don’t immediately rearrange it around someone you’ve just met.

You don’t need to date several men because having “options” makes you more desirable. But if you’re not exclusive with anyone, you also don’t need to behave as though one promising date has already become a relationship.

And you don’t need to make what you want sound appealing enough that he’ll want to fit into your picture.

Be true to yourself.

You have to be honest and clear about what you want. If you want a monogamous committed relationship, then you won’t want to waste precious time continuing to date someone whose goals don’t match yours.

Dating is supposed to be fun, but with that you shouldn’t compromise the things you want just to be likable.

So if you’re wondering how to get a second date with a guy, there are certainly things that can help; being warm, interested, enjoyable to be around, and open to seeing where something goes.

But none of those things can guarantee he’ll ask you out again. Nor should getting him to ask become the measure of whether the date was successful.

Maybe a better measure is whether you showed up as yourself, paid attention to the man in front of you, and learned enough to know whether you’d like another date.

Then if he does ask, you’ll be answering a much more important question than “Does he like me?”

Do I like him?