My Boyfriend Has No Time for Me Because of Work: What Can I Do?

His work schedule may be the reason you feel neglected, but it doesn’t automatically tell you what that neglect means.

It’s common for women to find themselves thinking, “My boyfriend has no time for me because of work.” Today’s professional world can be demanding, and finding a realistic balance between work and personal life isn’t always easy.

There is pressure on men (and women) to provide for themselves and their families. In some workplaces, long hours can become the norm. The lack of work/life balance can leave us feeling unfulfilled in our relationships and yearning for more attention from our partners.

How can we keep this imbalance from affecting our romantic relationships? Start by looking at what’s behind the long hours, talking honestly about what you both need, and deciding what kind of balance works for your relationship.

Could His Busy Work Schedule Be a Phase?

Don’t panic. The first question I ask myself when my boyfriend doesn’t make time for me is could this be a phase in our relationship? Some periods of time are just busier than others. Whether it’s work, school, or family obligations, these things seem to come in phases.

Maybe your man is up for a promotion or working on a demanding project at work. Despite long hours and weekends at work, it is healthy to have professional aspirations that may take dedication. If this is the case, there could be an end in sight.

Try taking an interest in your partner’s work. Ask questions about what he is working on and what his professional goals are. This can help you understand whether his current schedule is temporary and what you can realistically expect.

Does your partner have a lot on his plate outside of work? Maybe he’s using work as an escape from other things that are stressing him out. Some people throw themselves into their work when they are handling stress.

Be Your Own Best Friend

A good friend of mine once told me that the best advice he ever got was to be your own best friend. I think this is one of the most underrated (and best) pieces of advice I ever got, and it really stuck with me throughout some hard relationship moments.

But what does it mean, to be your own best friend? Let’s be real. In order to have a healthy and happy relationship, your relationship with yourself matters, too. Instead of focusing on the thought, “My boyfriend has no time for me because of work,” figure out what you like and what is important to you.

Spend the “alone time” cultivating your most important relationship – the one you have with yourself. Pick up an online class in something that interests you. Develop your own passions and professional network. Explore self-care and experiment with doing things by yourself – dining or seeing a movie alone can be intimidating at first, but also rewarding. Create a life you love and feel totally comfortable with.

Talk About How His Work Schedule Affects Your Relationship

Before you jump to conclusions, like “My boyfriend never wants to spend time with me,” consider your partner’s career choice. Make your concerns and wishes known, but be reasonable. Maybe the lack of time spent together is bothering him, too, but the only way to know is to ask.

If your boyfriend truly has a demanding or high-pressure job, it might (unfortunately) be part of the deal for right now. What does a typical career path in his field look like? Will he “pay his dues” and then be able to back off on the hours, or is it a permanent situation?

Talk about his stress levels and what each of you needs at the end of a long day. If he’s unhappy with his career or schedule, he can consider whether other options would give him the balance he wants. If work-life balance is important to you and not to your partner, it might be a lifestyle difference that will cause lasting problems.

Manage Your Expectations Without Ignoring Your Needs

Communication is key to managing expectations. Unfortunately, much of adulthood is spent at work, making it critical to find a career that satisfies you, too! If your boyfriend works in a career where late hours are routine, expecting him to be home by 5:00 p.m. every day may not be realistic. Be realistic and communicate with your partner about realistic limits and what you each need from the relationship.

If your boyfriend works all the time, it’s also worth talking about whether he is comfortable with that pattern. He doesn’t have to be the first one in and last one out of the office every day simply because he feels that’s what success requires.

If you’re still thinking, “My boyfriend has no time for me because of work,” consider whether his relationship with work is creating ongoing problems for him or for your relationship. If the two of you are struggling to address the issue on your own, talking with a qualified therapist may help.

Set Routines and Prioritize Your Time Together

What tasks are your partner and you spending too much time on? How can you make the mundane more efficient? Look for ways to minimize or alleviate the time-consuming tasks that distract from the precious time you do have together. The time you win back with your partner could be worth the effort or expense.

Before I acquiesce to thinking my boyfriend doesn’t spend time with me anymore, I like to set some routines that allow for daily, or even weekly, interaction. For example, wake up 30 minutes earlier so you can go to the gym or have coffee together. Meet at your favorite bar for happy hour on Fridays. Get in a habit of going for a 10-minute walk around the block every night after dinner (and consider even leaving your phones at home!). Take a romantic bath together at the end of the day to get clean and unwind!

Set aside time together that you both agree to protect. Block off time for uninterrupted togetherness. Is it really important to you that you relax together on Sundays and catch up on your favorite show? Let him know that! Carve out time, especially on the weekends, to prioritize time spent together.

You can use technology to feel “together” even when you aren’t really together. If your partner is on a business trip, try FaceTiming with him before bed so you feel like you’re together. Texting during the day is another great option to stay in touch and in sync without physically being in the same room.

Make Room for Life Outside of Work

Introduce him to things he might like to do outside of work. Be thoughtful and intentional! But remember that it’s ultimately up to him to decide how he wants to spend his time outside the office.

Maybe he would like to go together to see his favorite college basketball team play. Plan a vacation together somewhere that interests him. Finding a vacation spot with physical activities you can do together — such as hiking, biking, sailing, etc. — can give you both a chance to disconnect from your usual routines. Sometimes it takes a few days of really “unplugging” to notice what you’ve been missing in everyday life.

A lack of work/life balance can also affect how people feel day to day. It’s important to be able to find joy in things that are not financially compensated. Making room for rest, exercise, hobbies, and time together can be valuable in its own right.

Accept Who He Is — and Be Honest About What You Want

Some people simply thrive on busy schedules. Maybe your partner stays organized by keeping busy. There are worse things in life than having a partner who is interested in and motivated by their career. You can respect his ambitions without pretending that your own needs don’t matter.

On the same token, accept yourself for who you are and what you want in a partner. If the busy lifestyle isn’t for you, it might be time to find someone who has similar life goals.

Try to be patient as you travel through the cycles of life and talk to your partner about how your relationship fits into his busy lifestyle. You both deserve to be who you are and find happiness in the right partner.