Search Results for: win him back

How To (REALLY) Make Your Husband Love You Madly

Updated June 2021

A Google search of “how to really make your husband love you again” will provide you with a range of answers, from buying sexy underwear to playing hard to get or losing 10 pounds. Do any of these actually work? And how do you know what advice is plausible and what is laughable?

Simple: Listen to someone who’s actually managed to make her husband love her again—me.

Oh, sure, you can swoon over his muscles, laugh at his jokes, or brag about how much money he makes, but that will only make him happy on the outside. Real and lasting love is about what’s on the inside. A husband who’s not only driven by external triggers will require a different approach to making him love you.

If you want nothing more than to slap a pretty band-aid on the deeper wounds in your relationship, then by all means swoon away.

But if you want to truly know how to make your husband love you again, read on and discover six mile markers in the journey to get your relationship back on track and where you want it.

Marker One: Why Is Your Relationship In Trouble?

Before you can find a way to make your husband love you again, you need to find out why he has been loving you less. This may sound incredibly harsh, but it is a truth that you need to claim before you can fix it.

If you want an airy-fairy relationship based on illusion, you can go right ahead and skip this step. But if you want to really make your husband love you, then you first need to find out why he doesn’t (or seems not to).

Sometimes life, stress, and lack of affection can feel exactly the same. Has something happened in your family to put a strain on you and your husband’s relationship? Any of these can make you doubt your husband’s affection for you:

Prolonged illness
Financial troubles
Parenting difficulties
A new job or some other kind of transition

A friend of mine and her husband had been married several years when one of them changed careers. Unfortunately, the career change meant their time together was suddenly limited to only a few minutes each day.

The lack of time, physical and emotional intimacy, and poor communication caused friction between them that they’d never dealt with before. Hidden insecurities they both had about their relationship were suddenly thrust into the spotlight. Their lives were totally different, and they had to choose between adjusting to a new normal or giving up.

Thankfully, this couple made it through their rough patch and were made stronger by it, but it wasn’t easy. At several points along this new road, each of them had to decide if their relationship was worth the pain they were feeling. They had to make a resolute decision about it; they read books about marriage, attended counseling, and learned to love each other more deeply and differently than before.

Maybe you and your hubs haven’t experienced a difficult transition, but you’ve walked through your own trials and tribulations like an illness, financial troubles, or something else entirely that has created stress and fostered a lack of intimacy between you.

Think back now. What caused the troubles in your relationship to date? Once you put your finger on the cause of the issue, you can begin to find unique and creative ways to change things up or bring your relationship back from the brink.

There are many ways in which you can do this reflection. You can write about it, talk with your partner about it, or you can spend some time with a relationship coach to help you make the connections or join the dots on what your relationship roadmap looks like.

Once you have a better idea of what may be hurting your relationship, ruining your chances of getting your husband to love you, or holding back marital bliss for you, then it’s time to begin planning. What does your ideal relationship look like? How do you wish for your husband’s love for you to manifest?

If you’re afraid your husband doesn’t love you anymore, what would your relationship look like if he did? Would he be more affectionate? Would he want to spend more alone time with you? Would he initiate lovemaking more often? Perhaps your sex life would be more spicey if he loved you more?

What are the specific improvements you’d like to see in your marriage? Visualize them, plan what these improvements would look like, how you will achieve them, and what you need before these can happen. If you have ever wondered how to fix a marriage, there is help on how to get your husband to love you again.

Marker Two: Rekindle Romance – His Way

It’s no secret: men are different from women. One thing they have in common, however, is they both enjoy being romanced (whether he admits it or not). All of us appreciate that feeling of love when we come home from work. After all, home (and our partner) is our soft place to crash after a busy day. An unloving partner will deny you this kind of comfort as they often deny it to themselves.

The essence of romance is saying “I love you” and “I want you” with actions instead of words. This becomes your love language, and while we all intend for our words and actions to be interpreted the right way, they seldom are. For women, romance can look like a man doing something special for her: sending flowers, buying a gift, taking her on a romantic date or getaway. We love to see there is some thought on our partner’s part. The fact that they are thinking of us tends to matter more than the gift itself.

However, chances are your husband doesn’t want flowers or chocolate. So what does he want? How could you show him you love and want him without words? What is his love language?

You could try:

Planning an adventure or date based entirely on what he likes to do for a night out (or in!) – his favorite restaurant, his favorite type of movie, etc.
Wearing those sexy (but uncomfortable) panties he likes on a quick trip together to dinner and the grocery store – because sometimes you gotta find date night where you can.
Offering to help him with a chore he usually does alone – fixing the sink, mowing the lawn – simply because you want to spend time with him. There is great bonding involved around your hubby’s workspace in the garage.
Arranging to send the kids out of the house for the weekend or even just a night so that the two of you can enjoy the freedom of being as spontaneous (or as loud) as you like while you work on your sexual intimacy and rediscover physical contact.

There are plenty of ways to romance your husband, but the most important thing to remember is why you’re romancing him and committing to being with him. Everyone likes to feel special and chosen. By making an effort, you will ensure your husband feels valued, and he will then be drawn to you. Essentially, you want him to know that you love him and that you want him. If you’re wondering how to make your husband want you again, this is the way to do it.

Marker Three: Use The Right Words

Words are powerful, there’s no denying that. Remember the old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me?” Well, anyone over the age of five can tell you that this is a flat-out lie because we’ve all been hurt by words. You may recall something your husband said that hurt you, and he probably has a few memories of your words hurting him in the past. Words have power.

We’ve all been wounded, sometimes deeply, sometimes for a lifetime, by what other people have said to us. Unfortunately, we’ve all spoken words that have wounded others as well. We know that words can be dangerous weapons.

But more importantly, words also have the creative power to heal. We can use our words to speak life into someone and into our relationship – to speak courage, love, and truth to someone who desperately needs to hear it. Your words can chase your husband away or bring him back.

How do you speak to people? Do you instantly attack them or speak badly to them? Probably not. Oh, sure, we all have a sarcastic bone in us that tends to poke at people, but for the most part, we don’t use this daily… except when it comes to our husbands, that is. For some inexplicable reason we tend to zing them. Why is this?

It’s not that he doesn’t deserve my spoken love and encouragement. It’s not that I don’t want to sincerely compliment and encourage him with my words. So why don’t I use my words to uplift and encourage him?

Like me, you’ve got plenty of excuses, I’m sure.

Maybe I just get distracted by my wifely and motherly duties, so I don’t think about my husband that much. Perhaps it’s hard to find time to have a deep and meaningful conversation, so I put it off. Or maybe – and I shudder to admit it – I simply take him for granted.

Regardless of why I don’t prioritize speaking words of affirmation to him, the point is that I need to recognize that my neglect of my husband’s emotional needs is bad for my marriage, and I should take steps to change it.

I set a reminder on my phone so I remember to send him an encouraging message when he has a big meeting just to let him know I’m thinking of him and I believe in him. He may not say it, but receiving a message five minutes before that big pitch telling him you have faith in him, you know he will give it his best, and you’re making his favorite for dinner while the kids are at grandma’s for tonight will help him feel appreciated, considered, and loved.

So speaking words of affirmation to him is one way you can use your words to make your husband fall in love with you all over again. Here’s another way I get my husband to love me again: Use my words to create a peaceful atmosphere.

I heard it said once that wives set the temperature in the home. Is your home a warm, loving, peaceful place? Or is it cold, contentious, and irritable? Your words can welcome your husband at the door at the end of the day or send him scurrying off (tail between the legs) to a bar for drinks with his mates you don’t approve of instead. Don’t complain that your husband doesn’t love you or spend time with you when you’ve been a harpy from hell.

While a woman certainly doesn’t have complete control over the atmosphere in her home (other people live there, after all), she can do things to set the stage for peace and contentment.

Here are some dos and don’ts for creating a peaceful home with your words.

DO Practice Positive Communication

Speak kindly to your husband, to your kids, and even to your dog. Practice speaking calmly when you feel angry. Remember to say “please” and “thank you” even when you’re directing your kids to do their chores. Work on replacing negative statements with positive ones. If nothing else, simply try to take a breath before talking, as this will diffuse your temper and help you think before you speak. Once spoken, words take on a life of their own. Be responsible for what leaves your mouth or have an empty heart as a result.

DON’T Nag Your Husband Or Your Kids

Avoid constantly complaining or worrying aloud about things you’re afraid of. Don’t insist on arguing when you believe you’re right (Guilty!). Learn to let things go. I know it’s hard, but I’m sure that I… er… you can do it. Hanging on to resentment will fill up your hands, and soon, you won’t have a hand open to take hold of your husband anymore.

DO Speak Well Of Your Husband

This includes how you speak of him to your kids, your friends, your mom – to everyone. That’s not to say that you can’t have a heartfelt conversation with your bestie when you need to vent, but don’t do your venting everywhere. And NEVER vent to a friend who does not respect your husband or your marriage. You need healthy encouragement, not someone poisoning your ear against your husband.

Avoid complaining or speaking negatively about your husband to your children. Don’t let them speak negatively of him either. It’s not a contest of who’s the better parent. Also, don’t allow your kids to speak disrespectfully to your husband for any reason. Teach and expect them to be respectful of your husband’s authority, just as they should be respectful of yours.

Marker Four: RESPECT, RESPECT, RESPECT

You might have heard the saying, “Women want love, men want sex.” While that’s certainly true to some extent, this is even more true:

Women want love, men want respect.

Your husband needs to know that you respect him and that you value and admire him as a person, as a father (if you have kids), and as a husband. A sure-fire way to make your husband love you less is to constantly make him feel disrespected. Conversely, if you want to draw your husband’s affections back to you, look for ways you can show him respect.

Some easy ways to begin showing your husband greater respect include:

Listen When He Talks

Put down your phone, put down the remote, stop whatever you’re doing, and listen. Give him your full attention when he talks to you. If you can’t listen right then because you’re cooking, helping with homework, or some other reason, say, “Honey, I really want to hear this, but I can’t listen right now. Can we save this conversation for later?” And then make sure you bring it up again or he will think you just blew him off.

Never Put Your Husband Down

Never make fun of him or speak badly of him to others, especially in front of him.

Always Show Your Appreciation

The following is a true and mortifying story that happened just last week.

To set the stage: It’s our 19th wedding anniversary. We’re on our way home from dinner and a play at a local community theater – a play he took me to because I asked, not because he was interested, after taking me to a restaurant that I chose.

Him, sounding casual: “Did you notice that I vacuumed and dusted the inside of the car today?”

Me, oblivious: “No, I didn’t. Did you clean the change holder? It’s so gross.”

Him: “Well, I really don’t know how to get that clean. I vacuumed it…”

Me: “Hmmm…”

*Awkward silence.*

Did you notice the glaring absences of this conversation, such as the fact that I never said “Thank you?” I never told him that I appreciated him cleaning out my car without being asked or going the extra mile of wiping down the interior and even vacuuming the floor.

Eventually, I did remember to thank him, but it was a hollow gesture that fell flat. My response at the time was disrespectful of the effort he’d put forth and of the sentiment behind it. He didn’t say anything else about it, but I know it must have made him feel slighted. I wouldn’t blame him if he decided right then and there to never do something nice for me again.

If he’d treated me that way, that’s what I would’ve done. And worse.

Learn from me, friends. Respect his efforts and intentions. Save your questions and constructive criticism for later, and just say “Thank you” when you get the chance.

Marker Five: Find An Activity You Both Like

Last fall, I got tired of feeling lazy and tired, so I decided on a determined whim to take up running. Through research, I found a local running group and told my husband I wanted to join. To my surprise, he showed interest in joining too, and we started running together four to five times a week.

It turned out to be as good for our marriage as it was for our health! Now we were spending 30 to 45 minutes together, just the two of us, almost every day. Sure, we spent a good chunk of that time unable to breathe, much less talk, but it was also time spent encouraging and spurring each other on. We became each other’s biggest supporters and started to look to each other for encouragement, which is how a marriage should be. We bonded on the road, and this helped me and my husband walk the road of life together too.

While you might not want to start running (This lazy girl doesn’t blame you!), find something to do with your husband that you both enjoy. Then make it a priority so it doesn’t fall under the “We don’t have time” excuse. You’ll watch your relationship strengthen as you spend that time together.

Bonus: And… Touch Him More

Meet him at the door with a kiss. Put your hand on his arm when you’re in the car. Touch his back or his shoulder when you walk past him. Sit next to him on the couch when you watch Netflix. Hold hands like teenagers because you want him to feel the same flame that burned when you first started dating. If that’s gone out, then find a way to reignite it by using the above markers.

Non-sexual physical touch has plenty of well-researched benefits. Touch builds trust. It creates feelings of reward, compassion, and love. When we touch, it makes us feel safe. It soothes and even calms cardiovascular stress, and it strengthens your immune system. Touch helps us feel like we’re a part of something bigger than ourselves, such as a team or family. By touching your husband, you let him know you are inviting him into the marriage. It doesn’t always need to be an invitation to sex. It can simply be that loving feeling when he gets home from work. You have the power to make him feel at home.

Non-sexual touch between a husband and a wife can also lead to greater sexual intimacy. Touch leads to more touch and a greater desire to be touched. If you’re dealing with a dwindling libido, begin touching your husband more often and see if it doesn’t help you want him more.

A marriage devoid of physical affection can begin to feel too much like a friendship, which is the exact opposite of what you want. We tend to take our friends for granted. Don’t let this happen with your husband.

Finally, Be Happy With Yourself

Sometimes men become frustrated in a marriage when the wife’s whole life is wrapped up in him. He might feel overwhelmed if your need for attention, fulfillment, and affirmation is a constant pressure. The expectation that he will be your “everything” is a daunting one, and he might begin to back off if it feels like too much.

The best thing you can do if that’s the case is find something you love to do and then do it. Are you an animal person? Volunteer at your local animal shelter. Love people? Find out how you can help your local homeless shelter. If you love to write, start a blog. If you love to read, start a book club. If you love photography, take a class.

Pursuing a passion of your own will bring you satisfaction and fulfillment outside of your marriage and children. It will help you feel validated and valuable to the world beyond your four walls. When you don’t need your husband to meet all of your emotional needs, it allows him to love you the way that comes naturally to him. You can open the door for your husband to really love you again.

If you’re worried about how to make your husband love you again, rekindling his affection might seem like an intimidating prospect. But don’t despair! It might be difficult, but it’s not impossible. You know your husband better than anyone else. You know what he needs, what he likes, and what he enjoys. Put that knowledge to work for you, and pursue the man you fell in love with. When you do, you’ll be gratified to see that he begins to pursue you back. This is how to make your husband fall back in love with you.

Have your own great advice? Leave it in the comments!

He Doesn’t Call Or Text Me Anymore! Why & What To Do

Updated May 2021

Texting is fast, fun, and often more convenient than making a phone call. Not to mention, you can do it discreetly all day, making this form of communication even more exciting.

Sending them out, waiting for the response, the emojis, and instant communication can feel like an adventure. But, sometimes texting can get messy, especially when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. Even more difficult is when you don’t know why he doesn’t call or text you anymore.

I’ve heard it time and time again: “My boyfriend doesn’t text me much anymore.” It’s happened to all of us – we are even guilty of doing it to our own men and family members – so let’s just remember it may be natural behavior and there may be a few different reasons we all do it. Yes, feeling left out can be stressful, and it causes your mind to start wandering down that never-ending road of less-than-positive thoughts and paranoias.

I discovered there are logical reasons as to why my boyfriend barely texts me anymore, so I’d encourage you to try to relax and stay positive. Hopefully, once you read this article, you will discover an answer to your question and have a little peace of mind to hold onto the next time you are asking yourself, “I don’t understand why my boyfriend barely texts me anymore.” Along with that, you will know what to do when your boyfriend barely texts or calls you.

Join me as we explore the possible motivations behind the lack of digital responsiveness in your boyfriend and learn what you could and should do about it.

Why My Boyfriend Doesn’t Text Me Much Anymore

I recently saw a meme on Facebook of a couple of birds on a branch, all chirping away merrily, except for one that sat hunched down, silent. The caption read: “Guess which one is male.”

After my initial giggles subsided, I got to thinking: Are men really more silent than women? Certainly, men tend to be a lot less responsive to texting than women are. When you are trying to build a relationship with your boyfriend and he responds to your page-long messages with a few emojis or not at all, this will definitely upset the apple cart of relationship bliss.

When it comes to texting, men and women are indeed different. This applies to our use of love languages too. While women are more inclined to say “I love you” or text their boyfriend with hearts to show how much she loves him (yes, all 301 little red throbbing hearts matter to her), men may respond with a meaningless “okay” or a thumbs up (while they may indeed mean they agree or appreciate it).

Yet, it isn’t as simple as saying men have less to say or that they can’t wiggle their thumbs over the keys fast enough to write a meaningful and lengthy text message. Instead, it comes down to three simple reasons why most women can say, “My boyfriend doesn’t text me much anymore!”

3 Reasons Why My Boyfriend Doesn’t Call Or Text Me Anymore

1. Actions Speak Louder Than Words; Men Like To Show, Not Tell

There are some countries around the world where, believe it or not, a man will spit on a girl to show her he loves her. Yes, as outrageous as that sounds, this is how men communicate in some parts of the world.

In countries of North Africa, boys will throw stones at girls they intend to marry! So, don’t be surprised when your boyfriend doesn’t react the way you want him to by not returning your texts (even if you sent him a dozen this hour) or not calling you back.

Men tend to show their love or intentions. This is why, in the animal kingdom, the male of a species tends to be the most decorated and flashy when compared to the female. The actions, dances, displays, and strange rituals are how these male specimens show their interest. Talking seems to be kept to the bare minimum when compared to their lavish displays.

Most men will tell you they don’t like texting as they fear they will be misunderstood. They’d rather go show their woman how much they love her. Again, this may not end up being the kind of display you would like. He may not bring you a big shiny diamond ring, but he may change out the tires and battery on your car instead.

Needless to say, men prefer not to type messages or proferings of love. Instead, they keep silent. They trust their actions will speak loud enough. Sometimes, when they respond, they will choose the emoji that is convenient (and top of their phone’s favorites list), not thinking what that emoji really means to their partner (or if it’s appropriate in that situation).

And when their lady responds with vexation because her well-thought-through essay didn’t get any larger response than a thumbs up and a smiley face, men start to reply to texts even less often. Pretty soon, since they are distracted or otherwise engaged, men even avoid talking to their girlfriend on the phone since they get zinged there too. They would rather interact on a personal level, where there are less chances of making a relationship boo-boo.

In their minds, it’s just easier to say it in person or better yet, show it in person. For example, you may be worrying “why doesn’t he call or text me anymore,” but you did go out on a date, or he sent you flowers, and that was his way of showing you he likes you.

Speaking of dates, remember that body language falls into the “showing, not telling” category as well. Another way to know if a man is all about the in-person experience instead of texting or calling is his body language. Does he make good eye contact when you are with him? Does he smile a lot, sit close, and touch you in flirty ways?

If the answer is yes, then trust me, he is just not the texting kind of man. He would much rather hang out with you and communicate in person. He wants to show you what’s on his mind, not type it in on a phone keyboard, accidentally using the wrong emoji (we have all been there right!). So, don’t fret too much, and remember men are all about showing and not telling.

2. He Is Busy: Men Often Consider Texting An Interruption

Simply put, he is busy. We all get busy, right? Remember, women are generally great multi-taskers. We are known for that.

So, while we are working, walking the dog, working out, or hanging with the girls, we still text like it’s just a natural task we do throughout our day. We like to share the deets with our gal pals about our texts, and we pass our phones to each other showing the latest texts with cute emojis or gifs.

Men and their communication ways are a totally different story. They are just not wired the same way as the ladies. Maybe a big project at work has his attention, the gym is his sacred time, or a guys night out is just that, a night with the guys without interruptions.

It’s sometimes hard to fathom, but some guys are not attached to their phones. I dated a guy who left his phone on the counter when he got home from work. It just wasn’t that important to him to stay connected. When he was at the gym or with his friends, I didn’t hear back from him until a few hours after he was done. Their phones aren’t appendices to them, like ladies and their phones are to each other.

It doesn’t necessarily mean you are not on his mind, it just means he has other things going on, and well, texting is not on his mind. Remember, communication is different for men and, when they have a lot going on, oftentimes they hyper-focus on that one task at hand. They do not want to deal with too much on their plate all at one time.

3. Girl, He’s Just Not That Into You, Sorry!

When you’re wondering “why is it that my boyfriend barely texts me anymore,” it may be a tell-tale sign that he is just no longer interested in what you two have together. You may no longer meet his needs or tick his boxes. It may be a blessing if he doesn’t constantly text you then. He’s giving you signs, so read them!

Why waste time on someone who is not going to return the love you give? You deserve the truth, even though this particular truth can hurt. Relationships are hard work, and sometimes no matter what you do, they just fail. Not because you aren’t awesome, but because you were meant for another awesome counterpart! He’s just not this particular texting partner.

Now you know a few reasons why a guy may not call or text back like he used to. One big question remains: what to do if he doesn’t text you back? It’s hard to keep your wits about you when these things happen because you may start to lose touch with your inner-strength and confidence. You have to remember, you rock, and if you remain calm and rational about the situation, you will come out feeling so much better!

What To Do If He Doesn’t Text You Back

Are you ready to find out what your options are when he doesn’t communicate by texting or calling you? Stop saying, “My boyfriend doesn’t text me much anymore” and try one of these steps.

1. Reach Out, But Keep It Laid Back

I know, I know. It sounds complicated, but it’s really not. Just be yourself. You are compassionate and caring, so let that shine through your communication. There are subtle ways to let him know you care, without hitting him on the head with a verbal vomit stream of texts.

Shoot a quick text saying, “Hey, how are you?” or “Hey, I was just thinking about that time when we both fell while ice skating on our first date.” This will let him know you are thinking about him. By sending cute text reminders, you are reminding him of your presence in his life. You are giving him space by not asking anything other than that he think of you too.

Your boyfriend doesn’t text you because he may have a lot on his plate right now and needs a little “me” time just like women sometimes do. Was there a recent conversation about work where he sounded stressed? Maybe a big project has him preoccupied? Is he up for a promotion or on the verge of losing his job? Look for the right time to ask him about work and if there is something you can do to help. Show support; don’t demand attention.

The most important thing is to make sure you do not crowd him. Remember that time when you needed space because you had a lot going on and the man in your life wouldn’t get the hint? If you can put yourself in his shoes, it may help you understand that he is simply needing some space to work on some personal issues.

Men are different from women. Sometimes, they don’t communicate when they have a lot on their minds. They want to know you are there for them, but they also need time to work out solutions to their situations. This may seem a little selfish. But, we all need and are entitled to space sometimes.

Remember, space is healthy. He needs space to think, not space “away” from you. Space and time can be difficult to give when you really care about someone, but you may just find when you do, the lines of communication open right back up again, and you hear those exciting dings from your phone!

2. Take The Bull By The Horns And Ask Him!

If giving him time and distance isn’t working, and he still doesn’t communicate by texting or calling, then you may need to step up and ask him up front what is up. Be brave and don’t be afraid of the response. Whatever the answer is, you want to know what lies ahead so you can move forward or move on. Nobody likes to be in a relationship limbo.

Don’t overthink how you want to ask him. That will show right through on a text, phone call, or even in person, for that matter. If you feel more comfortable asking him by text, try to keep it short and to the point.

For example, “Hi you! I miss talking to you. Is everything okay?” That is a broad question, really, but it could reveal things going on behind the scenes that are not related to you at all. You might be surprised that he has been going through a situation you didn’t even know about, and now you can be there for him when he is ready to let it all out.

Give him a call, listen to his voice, and allow real and authentic communication to happen. Texting can get messy and the real message can get lost easily, only causing you to get worked up and worried. If he sounds normal over the phone with you, it is probably that he has been busy or he didn’t want to text.

When you speak to your boyfriend, he may be more responsive now that he hears your voice, and you can start a discussion about how you might feel about each other. Better yet, set a future date so you can see him in person and together work on building your connection. Again, remember, guys like to show more than they like to tell. They are creatures of action as mentioned before. Give him a chance and let him show you how he feels.

3. Is It Time To Move On When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Text Or Call You?

It’s okay, I promise. There is no shame in moving on if it is time. Breakups are hard no matter how long you were dating or in the relationship. But, if you have asked him straight, and you opened up the lines of communication, making it easy for him to explain why he doesn’t text or call anymore, but you still get the same lack of response, I think you may know the answer deep down. It’s just time to move on.

The polite thing to do is to let him know the right way to let go of the relationship. If you have been in the relationship for a while, then it is a difficult conversation that must be had. Do it in person, trying to meet face to face, so you can go your separate ways amicably.

On the contrary, if you have only been chatting for a little while, and went on just a few dates, you do not owe much of an explanation. Just fade out and move on.

That old proverbial phrase “There are other fish in the sea” is actually true! While you are wasting your time trying to find out why this guy is no longer into you, there is another guy who totally is, and he is ready to show it.

It is easier to continue to analyze your current guy situation and try to fix it, or blow life into something that no longer has life, but if you remember you matter, the possibilities are endless. Take that leap of faith, if and when you are ready, and I promise you will not be disappointed.

It can be overwhelming if the man you love doesn’t respond with text messages or doesn’t call. Take it in your stride. You are worth chatting with. He may simply be busy, not a great communicator, or otherwise involved. It’s not always that he’s not into you when he doesn’t respond to texts and calls.

Why Doesn’t He Call Or Text Me Anymore FAQS

What Do You Do When A Guy Doesn’t Text Or Call?

While you may be disappointed and worried when your boyfriend doesn’t respond to your text messages or calls, you should avoid overthinking or wearing the proverbial shoe (if it doesn’t fit you). Chances are that he is simply busy, preoccupied with more pressing issues, or he may be bad at these forms of communication.

It isn’t always about you.

Instead, try these tips:

Call him in person, listening to his tone of voice. If he is distant, it could also mean that he is awkward on the phone.
Meet him in person, and see if he makes eye contact and whether he is more open to communication then.
Ask him what is going on as he may have issues where he would appreciate your offer of help.

Why Would A Man Suddenly Stop Talking To You?

While you may jump to the conclusion that he doesn’t like you, the chances are bigger that he may simply be going through something that requires his urgent attention. He may not be able to reach out and communicate because he is also overwhelmed by his current situation. Perhaps he is suffering depression or feels awkward and insecure too.

If your boyfriend doesn’t text you anymore, the chances are greater that he is simply going through stuff and can’t commit to you right now. Be supportive and find out what is behind his silence.

How Do You Know A Guy Is Losing Interest In You?

When he doesn’t want to spend time with you, or if he meets you in public, he seems more interested in other people than in talking with you, then he is likely not into you. Read the signs: body language, focus, and intention. He doesn’t have to respond via text message or say anything for you to read him.

Be sure not to make a snap judgement based on what you see though. If you believe your boyfriend is losing interest in you, confirm that he isn’t going through some other life crisis, offer support, and make sure the communication channels are open (not just via text or call).

How Do You Know A Guy Is Losing Interest In You?

The Final Call

Ultimately, you want to be able to communicate with someone you care about. If your boyfriend starts giving you radio silence, it’s time to be logical and not make an emotional deduction. Instead, make sure he knows:

You are there for him
You care about him
If he wants to talk, you won’t judge him
And if it’s in both your best interests to end the relationship, you will be mature about it

Have you experienced your boyfriend suddenly not texting or calling you anymore? What did you do to resolve the issue? Please share your story on our social feed.

A Complete Guide On What To Do When Your Boyfriend Stops Making An Effort

Updated May 2021

When your boyfriend stops making an effort, what do you do next?

We’ve all been there. That dreaded day when the honeymoon phase of a relationship is officially over. You feel like your partner has become too comfortable in your relationship or he has changed, and not in a good way.

Many of us have witnessed that dark day in either our own or a friend’s relationship – when your boyfriend makes zero effort.

You may be asking yourself, how do I know if the relationship is worth working on when he makes absolutely no effort to see me? Is there a chance to save the relationship or has it reached its demise? How much of this is normal male behavior?

Relationships are a lot of work, and can be exhausting at the best of times. If you are thinking – I put more effort into the relationship than my boyfriend – there are a few things you should consider before calling it quits! And you will be learning about in the rest of the article.

Make Things Right In Your Relationship

Sometimes when we’re in love, we want and expect our boyfriend to want to spend lots of time with us.

And maybe it’s not even the time, right? Maybe, you just want him to pick you up a cup of coffee, a flower (I say a flower instead of a bouquet because at this point we’re just trying to get anything!), or even acknowledge you when you’ve changed your hair!

Men can be oblivious to the fact that things aren’t going well in the relationship.

If your man is anything like mine, if he’s being fed and is fulfilled romantically, then the relationship is perfect to him.

But how do you make the relationship with your boyfriend right for both of you?

Let’s take a look at some things that may help when your boyfriend makes no effort.

Give Him Space & Make Him Miss You

So, you know he’s prioritizing something, because he’s not giving you the same attention as he did at the beginning of the relationship.

Sometimes the things we need to do to get his attention back are things that may seem like torture in the short term. But REALLY pays off in the long run!

Is your expectation of your relationship, and of your man, reasonable?

Remember that it’s healthy for you and your man to have your own lives outside of each other.

Spending time with friends and family – without your partner – is not always a bad thing. Paying attention to the other people in life you care about can strengthen your relationship with your boyfriend.

It’s not really the distance that makes the heart grow fonder, but it’s YOU actually enjoying yourself with other people.

So here’s why this strategy works.

If you’re giving your undivided attention to other people in your life besides your boyfriend – you aren’t thinking about him 24/7.

You’ll begin to enjoy other relationships in your life and when you see and talk to your boyfriend…he’ll feel that energy.

Think about it…

When you first started to date, you probably had tons of stuff to do, that’s part of what made you attractive.

In his mind he’s thinking…How can I get more of her time?

But now you changed it up and you’re more available…the challenge isn’t there anymore.

This one simple strategy can turn around a dry relationship where your boyfriend seems like he’s stopped trying to make you feel special.

And it’ll have the residual effects of making YOU happier. Happiness is freakin’ attractive.

But…

What If My Boyfriend Doesn’t Put In Effort Yet You’re Already Giving Him Space?

Well, the first thing to consider is that it may not be you who is causing him to lessen his efforts. Consider other things in his life that may have caused him to shift his focus.

Some men don’t typically like to share these things with their girlfriend, so it may be harder to get this information out of him.

Other Reasons Your Boyfriend May Seem Like He’s Not Putting In Effort

Identify your own sources of insecurity and weakness. Both partners are bringing their own personal histories and biases to the table of a new relationship.

For example, if you had experience with abandonment in your past, you may project these emotions onto your partner and fear that he is distancing himself from you.

Make sure you are honest with yourself and properly dealing with assumptions or expectations you may be harboring.

All of this being said, you should always be able to find common ground with your partner. Make sure your expectations are realistic and that you clearly communicate what you need and want from your partner.

Who do you want him to be? What is it that you really need from him or a partner? Identify these things and write them down – they are your non-negotiables.

Get Him To Treat You Like A Priority

Maybe the relationship has just gone stagnant. Life is busy. Whenever he makes no effort to see me, this is what I dig into the most.

Certain times of the year are stressful in certain jobs.

Think outside the box for new date ideas to keep things interesting!

The reason most people are in relationships is because they feel that being with the other person will enhance their life even further.

We want to be happy and feel joy in relationships, right?

So, let’s create some opportunities where we can have fun with each other. Doing something fun with your boyfriend makes him want to spend more time with you.

If he’s feeling happy doing things with you, he’ll want more of that emotion!

Try suggesting activities that require minimal yet equal effort on the part of both partners. You could:

Go on a hike and pack a picnic. Get out into nature together – take a day trip, if you need to. Consider date nights too. And throughout this time, avoid distractions such as social media.
Get a cookbook and try new recipes out with each other. Pick one night per week that you alternate making dinner. If you’re not into cooking, make a weekly date to try new restaurants in the neighborhood.
Go to a concert – and it doesn’t have to be Jay-Z and Beyonce. One of the best dates I ever went on was to a cheap jazz concert in my neighborhood; we danced the night away and ended up as great friends.
Hit the gym. Maybe you can get into the routine of attending a kickboxing or yoga class twice a week together. There is something intimate about sweating next to your partner!

Ask Him Why He Stopped Trying

When your boyfriend stops making an effort, there may be a good reason behind it. Maybe it has nothing to do with you. It’s no secret that men aren’t eager to discuss feelings. So before you jump ship, make sure to use your words. It could be as simple as saying to him, I noticed you’ve been distant recently, is there something bothering you?

You might find out something you didn’t expect. Maybe he is bummed about a recent failure at work and embarrassed to talk about it, or maybe he got bad news at his last doctor’s appointment.

Assuming can be dangerous, so don’t jump to conclusions or create hypothetical situations.

Try to find out for yourself by asking. I have never met a person who doesn’t appreciate genuine concern. If he doesn’t make an effort anymore on this front too, you can rest assured knowing that you tried to get to the bottom of it.

If none of all these moves work, maybe it’s time to let go and move on. In fact, let’s briefly talk about that

When To Let Go

Ok, let’s get real honest right here. Some guys are just jerks! And it may be time to stop wondering why my boyfriend makes no effort, and move on.

Maybe this relationship worked for you in the past, but as you’ve grown, it doesn’t fit anymore.

Maybe you are the one who has grown and changed – and likely for the better!

Maybe the partner behaviors that were reasonable at age 23 aren’t acceptable to you anymore at age 31, and you’re just reaching the age that these behaviors become glaringly obvious.

Sometimes both parties outgrow a relationship (the sooner you realize this, the better).

The worst thing to do is stay in a relationship because you fear being lonely.

Your future is yours alone. Use the time apart to do some soul-searching of your own and determine what your current needs are, and if your man is able to meet them.

Something as simple as having different work or sleep schedules can prove challenging should you consider a real future together.

There is nothing wrong with growing up, and it can happen so subtly that we barely even notice.

Expectations and needs change with each decade and each major life event we experience. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that as we grow, our partner will grow with us.

Next, I’ll answer some of the most frequently asked questions about this topic.

FAQs – When Your Boyfriend Makes No Effort

Why Do Guys Stop Putting In Effort?

A wise woman (my mother) once told me – men don’t just tell you, but show you who they really are. Sometimes it takes months, or even years, to see someone’s true colors.

If there is anything I have learned the hard way, it is that people are generally on their “best behavior” when they first meet a potential new partner.

Once the initial courtship is over, the masks fall off and what you’re left with is often not what you expected. But when is enough, enough? There are some real telltale signs that hint he is not doing his part in the relationship.

Give it some time so you can get to know the person he is. Maybe your man is just starting to feel comfortable with you, and you’re stuck in a learning curve as you transition to the next, more comfortable, phase of your relationship.

The honeymoon phase can’t last forever, and eventually, the realities of everyday life start to set in, which can be a natural adjustment period.

How Do You Know When The Relationship Is Over?

If your boyfriend doesn’t put effort into the relationship, it might be worth asking yourself the simple question – is this relationship worth fighting for? Can you truly see a future with this person?

If there are additional red flags in the relationship, it might be time to break it off. Does he instigate fights? Does he shy away from ever talking about feelings?

It’s going to be hard to make a future with someone who isn’t willing to step outside of his comfort zone to make it work.

It all boils down to what you want in a partner and what you can tolerate in the name of love. Using communication, openness, and self-reflection will allow you to see the situation clearly and fairly to make the best decision for both you and your partner.

As someone who based many past relationships primarily on “the spark,” this has been a hard question for me to answer.

A wise woman (again, my mother) once told me – chemistry doesn’t hold your hand when you have a sick partner.

A genuine and reliable partner does those things, and it isn’t always pretty or romantic. Your partner should walk through life next to you, even at times when you might not feel that exciting spark.

Don’t stay in a dead relationship based on comfort or fear of being alone. Your partner should lift you up.

He should bring adventure and joy to your life, not confusion and pain. If you’re questioning your man’s commitment to you and your needs, he may not be the right person. Some things are just deal breakers!

How Do I Make My Boyfriend Realize My Value?

Being taken for granted sucks, especially when you are putting effort into a relationship. So, how do you make him see your worth again? Check out these tips:

Give Him Space

It’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. There’s a reason he couldn’t get enough of you at the initial stages of your relationship. You were an enigma. He didn’t know what you were up to. This is why he made an effort to know you more.

I know, it’s hard, but giving him space is how you will reignite the sparks of romance. So, where to start?

How about applying the 80/20 rule to your texting habits? Let me explain. Don’t text him every single moment of the day, even if you want to. I know you mean well, but calling or texting your boyfriend all the time only makes you seem too available.

So, put your phone down and take control of your relationship. Seriously, once he realizes that the stream of attention has dried up, he will do everything to win you back. From calling randomly to sending you voice notes, he will do everything just to know what you are up to.

Be Lazy

If you are like me, then you do a lot for your man. Now, I know that this comes from a good place. After all, you want him to be happy and comfortable. However, if he is taking you for granted, then going on a mini strike is just what the doctor ordered.

Don’t do anything drastic, it’s the little things that count. Take a day for yourself. Don’t do his laundry or pick his favorite meal on the way home.

Your boyfriend probably doesn’t realize how much better you make his life. Pull back, and he will instantly realise your worth when his life becomes chaotic. I know, this sounds selfish. But, unless he is reminded of your value, then he will keep taking you for granted. He has to realize that your relationship is symbiotic. You have expectations and needs he should fulfill.

You don’t have to prioritize his needs; there’s a lot of other activities you can do. Meet up with your friends, hit the gym, or even take a trip. The point is, he will quickly realize that his well-being is dependent on you.

Stand Your Ground

Love is a battlefield, no kidding. Of course, for the most part, you will be on the same page with your boyfriend. But, it’s impossible to agree on everything. You are bound to have differing views and opinions.

Don’t make the mistake of going along with things you are not comfortable with just to please him. Agreeing with everything isn’t love; it’s being a pushover. You need to take a stand for yourself. Otherwise, you will end up being miserable in your relationship.

Look, guys are naturally dominant by nature. By taking a stand for yourself, you show him you have a mind of your own. Be rational in your arguments, clearly explain why you are not okay with his reasoning. You’ll be surprised to know that this will rekindle the sparks of romance in your relationship.

Think about it. Men are competitive by nature. He will want to earn your approval once he realizes you are your own person.

How Do I Make My Boyfriend Realize I’m Letting Go And Moving On?

Earlier on, I talked about letting go. Maybe you have tried everything to make him see your value, but he still won’t make an effort. When this happens, you should take the next step, which is:

Go Silent

I know this sounds dramatic but giving your boyfriend the silent treatment will make him realize something is wrong. Like all men, your boyfriend is a creature of routine. He won’t change as long as everything is going as usual.

Going silent on him will rock his foundations. He will be hit with the reality that he might lose you at any point.

Don’t immediately reply to his texts or pick his calls. Start reducing the amount of effort and time you spend with him. Prioritise on other plans. This will send alarm bells his way.

If he is interested in saving the relationship, then he will definitely put in more time and effort into it. He will want to make you feel special again.

Do Your Thing

One of the best ways to make your man realize he is on the clock is by dropping him from your plans. Every happy couple I have met spends a lot of time together. Changing this trend in your relationship is the kick your boyfriend needs.

Instead of your usual Friday date nights, go out with your friends. Are you tired of him not paying attention to you? Then go where your energy will be appreciated.

Let’s say you have been dropping hints about a band you like but your guy doesn’t seem to care. Get two tickets for a concert and go with a friend. Your boyfriend will realize you don’t need him to have fun, making him put more effort into your relationship.

Work On Yourself

Have you ever heard of the valuation principle? People put more value in things they have to work hard to get. By improving yourself, your boyfriend will realize you are determined to keep moving. It’s either he gets on board with you, or he will get left behind.

Start taking care of yourself, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly. Pay attention to your clothes, make a statement with your fashion sense. Trust me, it’s the little changes that have the most impact.

Your forward momentum will pull your man out of his comfort zone. He will want to rise to the challenge, to be the man you need him to be. He will go to lengths to make you feel special and improve himself as well.

To conclude, when he doesn’t make an effort anymore, always remember that there is room for improvement. It may be about you or him. Just make sure ] you work on becoming the best version of yourself. Take time to learn the person he really is as well. If it all fails, don’t be afraid to let go. You deserve better!

Make Your Husband Fall In Love With You Again In 3 Steps

Updated May 2021

Separation can be painful and devastating to both you and your husband. While this time apart can also help you work on your marriage, you may feel like you have already lost your husband.

When you separate, you both get the time you need to work through your issues, gain a fresh perspective, and decide whether there is hope for your relationship. If you decide there is indeed hope for your “us,” then it’s up to you to win your husband back.

Here’s the thing: There is a lot of advice out there about how to win your husband back after a separation, and it’s not all bad. Most of this advice has one thing in common though: It usually skips the hard stuff.

Firstly, you should work on yourself, finding a healthy place in your relationship with yourself before you reach out to your husband for reconciliation. Reconciliation takes time, commitment, and the ability to swallow your pride. Sure, you might throw out a half-hearted apology, make him his favorite dinner, and seduce him – and that might actually work. But will it work for the long haul? Is your marriage really fixed, or have you merely slapped on a sexy band-aid?

If you have realized the band-aid is not a solution and truly desire to get your husband back for good, use these 3 steps to create a happier you, a happier him, and a happier marriage.

These 3 steps are designed to help you make your husband fall in love with you again.

Step One: Start To Forgive Him

Forgiveness isn’t easy. It hurts, and it takes guts from you and from him. It requires that you communicate about what the past has done to you, how you seek to fix things, and acknowledge what you both did wrong. Only then can real forgiveness start to happen.

You need to be honest and admit how much (or how little) you have forgiven him. It isn’t possible to simply place things behind you and move on. The past will always linger with you, and it’s up to you both to make the best of the situation, to be clear about your relationship, and to head in the same direction moving forward.

Forgiveness is essential for your marriage to have any chance at working, and here’s why:

Firstly, you are still in love with your husband if you are willing to give your marriage a second (or third or fourth) chance.

So, you have already begun to forgive him, at least, to some extent. Your negative feelings may have lessened, and you have some hope for your joint future. If you didn’t have these more positive feelings in you, then you wouldn’t have given him another chance, and you wouldn’t be on the road to reconciliation.

You may have moved from feeling like a volcano on the brink of eruption to feeling more like a water heater prepared to let off steam. It isn’t just about learning how to get your husband back; instead, it’s about wanting your husband back.

So, if you reenter your relationship with feelings that are unresolved and still festering in you, familiar situations can trigger you and lead to an explosion again.

Entering your relationship with unresolved feelings can leave you vulnerable to having these triggered again by simple things like:

You are talking to him about your relationship, only for him to lay all the blame on you again (or at least, that’s how you interpret the discussion).
Since you haven’t forgiven him, you interpret his statements as shifting blame instead of accepting his role in things.
You notice he seems to be slipping back into old habits like returning home late, acting unfairly, or being absent from the family. While he may have legitimate reasons for what he is doing, you resent him since you haven’t forgiven him.
Since there is no communication, you feel insecure when he seems to simply carry on as before.

Any of these situations or events can cause you to feel the same sense of unhappiness and disconnection as before, and before you know it, you have exploded again, dragging up old enmities and rehashing what happened before to threaten your relationship. This can lead to your relationship suffering because of things that happened before, even when there is nothing wrong right now.

This is where forgiveness comes in.

Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling, so it cannot be based on how you feel. If you feel like you’ve forgiven him, but you really haven’t, you’re setting yourself (and him) up for failure.

So, what can you do to make sure you’ve forgiven him?

Try making a list of all the ways he’s hurt you, no matter how small. Be as honest as you can, and don’t leave anything out because it seems petty or insignificant when compared to something else. Did he forget your birthday and cheat on you? If both of these actions hurt you, write them both down.

Next, read the list aloud as though you were reading it to him, and at each grievance, say, “I forgive you for this, and I will never bring it up again. From now on, it will be as though you never did it.”

If you can do this with an honest heart, that’s forgiveness. If not, it’s okay. Now you know where you are emotionally, and you won’t be going into your relationship under false pretenses.

As long as you know you resent him, you can exercise some measure of control over your feelings, not bleeding on him when he didn’t cut you (this time). Your attachment style is dictated by more than just your past with him. Others also feature in this, and you shouldn’t hold him responsible for what wasn’t his fault.

Secondly, forgiveness is vital because you can’t wait for him to apologize before you move on and forgive him. Some people don’t know how to apologize in a meaningful way. It is not up to you to make opportunities for him to do so.

What if you set him up to apologize and he doesn’t? How will you be able to move forward then? At the end of the day, forgiveness is about you and not the person who hurt you. By giving him your forgiveness, you can release yourself from the past’s pain (not wait for him to do so).

Your forgiveness is about giving yourself permission to move forward. Reconciliation doesn’t require him to ask for forgiveness. Instead, it is about you forgiving yourself and him for the past so you can heal. Only when you have begun healing can there be hope for your relationship to heal. Forgiveness is the first step in how to get your husband back after separation.

Step Two: Apologize For Your Part In It All

There is a mistaken belief that to apologize means you somehow lessen yourself. It doesn’t. By asking for someone’s forgiveness, you are consolidating your inner self with your actions. You move into a position of strength.

You should ask your partner for forgiveness by apologizing to them. This doesn’t mean you grovel or beg. Instead, it is about admitting you were wrong. There is real power. You admit you have been wrong, and you thereby give yourself the responsibility and power to fix things from your end.

Apologies are there to open the communication channels, and when you apologize, you allow communication to happen. You want to talk to your partner, and you should want to take responsibility by admitting you have done wrong. A marriage is a relationship, and it always takes two to tango. You need to own up to your share of the marital problems. Neither you nor your partner are solely to blame for the marital disharmony.

Be sure to apologize with honesty and avoid any manipulation or falsehood in your apology, and you will be able to participate in your relationship freely, setting you both up for successful reconciliation.

You know you are manipulating your partner when you say something just to get them to do something for you. And do you know who else will know you’re manipulating him?

Him.

Maybe not at first, but he’ll figure it out pretty quickly, and then he’ll stop trusting your intentions. Everything you say and do will lose credibility with him.

You’ll lose his trust, and no healthy relationship can be built on anything but trust.

Step Three: Invite Him Back Into Your Marriage

This step is less concrete than the other two, because it’s less about a specific action and more about your state of mind – or, rather, your state of heart.

Believe it or not, the state of your heart is the most important factor when it comes to reconciling your relationship with your husband after a separation.

For example, genuine forgiveness comes from a heart that wants to be free from anger and wants to make things right for the good of another human being. Bitterness prevents one from moving forward, and you should not have a need for revenge or wanting to get even. The past is in the past, and you should let go if you want you and your husband to heal.

A genuine apology comes from a heart that has accepted responsibility for its own weaknesses. A genuine invitation to rejoin you in marriage comes from a heart that is ready to do the hard work of making your world – your marriage, home, and relationships – a better place, regardless of how difficult it is.

Here’s the thing: You’re not inviting your old husband (who contributed to the problems in your marriage) back into the same old mess of hurts, disappointments, emotional issues, and anger triggers that the two of you lived in before. You are not the same wife (who played her part in messing things up), and the two of you are different people, who now want to try and fix things and make the marriage work.

Hopefully, you’ve let go of the old mess, and whether you have reconciled with each other or not in your marriage, you need to let your relationship grow in a healthy and fresh ground, not feed it on the ruins of your old marriage. This is the only way to ensure your marriage will flourish anew.

Be aware, there is a huge difference between an open and honest heart that invites your partner back into your marriage and one that is tied up in manipulation and powerplay. If you invite your partner in with an open heart, you have every chance at success. Should you invite him in with ulterior motives, you are setting the relationship up for failure.

There is the old saying of “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” and while I hate this saying, it is quite true. If you are still feeling hurt or slighted or refused by your husband, you may need to work on yourself some more before you head towards reconciliation. If you don’t, you will simply doom your marriage to further failure. The how of winning your husband back during separation starts with you.

So, how do you get from one state of heart to the other?

Find a counselor, mentor, or even a wise friend who will listen to your heart and give you objective, constructive feedback. Find someone to play devil’s advocate, who can help you see your words and actions from your husband’s point of view. It’s always tempting to only talk to the friends who take our side, but that’s the last thing your marriage needs.
Seek help when you need it. A lot of women (and men) go into marriage with issues that stem from childhood trauma and abuse. They don’t realize how thoroughly their traumatic experiences affected them, or they think, “This is just who I am,” and they accept their painful patterns of behavior and attachment as inevitable. If you were abused sexually, physically, or verbally as a child, know this: You CAN overcome it. It does NOT have to continue informing your reactions and responses forever. Your partner can help you grow through it, and your pain (if you are honest about it, instead of falsely assigning blame) can help you and your husband form a closer bond.
You have the right to change your mind. Allow yourself the opportunity to be wrong. Don’t let stubborn pride prevent you from growing as a person. Remember, you’re not growing and changing for the sake of your marriage or to make your husband happy.

You’re doing it for yourself. You’re doing it for you, because you are worth the effort required to be happy.

How To Get Your Husband Back After Separation Steps FAQS

You may find yourself overwhelmed by questions and doubts when you are going through a separation and when you are deciding whether to invite your husband back after your separation. Here are some of the most common ones that may be plaguing your mind.

How Do I Reconcile With My Husband?

Admit you have been hurt, open channels of communication, and begin working on yourself before you try to work at “fixing” him. Reconciliation isn’t about telling him what he did wrong.

It’s not about waiting for him to ask for forgiveness. Instead, it is about being proactive and taking initiative to move forward. Discuss the past, then let it go COMPLETELY. If you don’t, your past can ruin your future together.

Is It Too Late To Reconcile With My Husband?

As long as one or both of you are willing to work on the marriage, then it is never too late to seek reconciliation. You can learn how to make your husband fall in love with you again after separation. It is a simple three-step process:

Forgive him (and yourself)
Apologize and work on yourself
Invite him back in, finding new ways to move forward without dwelling in the past

How Can I Make My Husband Fall Deeply In Love With Me?

While dating is easy, falling back in love after separation or divorce can be a challenge. It will require constant work, dedication, and commitment.

If you want to know how to make your husband fall in love with you again after separation, you need to see it as a challenge to win his heart back, knowing you may have broken it, while at the same time, dealing with your own broken heart.

Forgiveness is the healing balm you will both need to begin healing and opening up the channels to communicate and reconcile. With forgiveness, you need to grow into a big enough person to ask sincerely for forgiveness for yourself and your part in what went wrong. It’s never one person’s fault.

Can My Husband Fall Back In Love With Me?

Yes, your husband can fall in love with you again. It requires you to work on yourself, forgive, apologize, and let go of the past to make a fresh start. You need to ensure you are at peace with your own past and the attachment style you have developed. If you don’t have awareness of how you attach to people, you will not be able to see when the problem lies with you.

You can learn how to get your husband back after separation with steps like the three in this article. Start with working on yourself, and your husband will fall back in love with you.

Does Time Apart Strengthen A Relationship?

While spending some time apart can help you work on yourself, you do need to consider how to get your husband back after separation. After all, you may want to reconcile and have a go at saving your marriage. This takes self-knowledge, forgiveness, inner strength, communication, and the ability to move on without holding onto vengeance.

What Should You Not Do During Separation?

While you may be focused on getting your husband back after separation, there are a few things you shouldn’t do when separating from your husband. These ruin the chances of you getting your husband to love you again after the separation.

Don’t:

Tell everyone
Move out when you are trying to work on the relationship
Keep one foot out the door of the marriage
Dwell on the past

How To Get Your Husband Back After Separation

The Final Note On How To Make Your Husband Fall In Love With You Again After Separation

While it isn’t easy to save your marriage after separation, you may want to do so by considering how to win your husband back during separation. Don’t wait until the relationship is truly over before fighting to save it. Start the process immediately by working on yourself.

Once you have gained a better understanding of what you want, you can start to forgive your husband, apologize, and forgive yourself. At this point, you can invite your husband back into the relationship, letting him be your partner who can help you work on saving your “us.”

Have you found ways to make your husband fall in love with you again after separation? Please share in the comments below.

Help! My Husband Stares At Other Women—Why And What To Do

There is nothing worse for a woman to be walking with her husband, only to have him turn and stare at another woman. I also wondered why my husband seemingly stares at other women until I found out the truth and learned what to do about it.

Learn the reasons your man stares at other women and the difference of when he looks (versus stares) at them, and find solutions to this challenging problem right here.

Why Your Husband Looks At Other Women

The roving eye. Does it mean your husband is unfaithful or that he doesn’t love you anymore when your man looks at another woman? At first, I also believed that if my man had a head-turning reaction to another woman walking past, it meant he didn’t love me or that he was cheating on me.

However, I would discover that things are not that simple. Life is more than 50 shades of gray. I discovered there was a difference between looking and staring when it came to my man and other women.

At First Sight

Have you ever walked in a mall and noticed an adorable leather jacket with a matching purse and shoes on display in a shop? Chances are you stop and look before you even know it. Right? As a woman, you are geared to look at something pretty when you see it.

Men are exactly the same, except their focus is on women. Now, before you get ready to fling your high-heeled shoe at me, I do know that there shouldn’t be any difference.

Since women won’t easily stop and stare at a good looking man when they are already attached, why should men stop and stare at a beautiful woman when they are standing right next to their partner?

Science has proven that men are indeed wired a little differently to women. They can’t resist the urge to look when they see a beautiful woman. Anything novel will instantly arouse their interests, causing their head-turning reaction. The real question is not that they look, but what they are thinking when they do look.

Your Interpretations—Looking vs. Staring

A single look, followed by your man looking back at you as if nothing happened is usually quite innocent. Chances are your husband merely noticed the other woman, appreciating her beauty on an almost subconscious level. Instinctively, he is turned on by the image of the woman, but this doesn’t mean he will act on it. A look is instinct, but what about a stare?

When your husband’s initial look is expanded into blatant staring, you have a more serious problem. While a look is innocent, a stare may hint at more serious intentions and fantasies.

When A Stare Becomes An Affair

Not all looks mean your husband is being unfaithful, and while it may hurt, you will usually be able to move past it. You are allowed to feel hurt when your husband looks at other women, but this doesn’t always signal infidelity.

So, how do you know when a stare becomes an affair? Here are some signs you may want to take notice of:

Not looking back at you when he’s been staring at other women could indicate a guilty conscience. Chances are he is already fantasizing being with the other woman.
A general disinterest in you. A man who stares with the intention to pursue other greener pastures will not be able to spend quality time with you. What begins with a stare may end with him losing all interest in you over time. The novelty has worn off, and not only does he notice other women, he is actively seeking that contact.
Realizing his roving eye has been noticed, an unfaithful man may try not to spend time in public with you. This could be because he feels guilty or that he doesn’t want to explain himself and has no interest in controlling his instincts.
You may notice a change in his behavior and appearance. If he suddenly starts grooming himself more than usual and starts to make comments about your appearance, his roving eye has moved into comparison mode, and he is intentionally comparing you to other women.

What To Do When Your Man Looks At Another Woman

There are many opinions on whether a woman should just ignore or blatantly accuse her husband’s roving eye. What is clear is that a woman will have an emotional reaction when she catches her husband looking or staring at other women.

The real question is whether or not you should say something or suspect the worst of your husband.

Action Plan For Your Husband’s Looking Around

If your husband is looking at other women, but he quickly looks back, seems not to notice he has done it, and has not engaged in any of the possible signs of an affair listed earlier, you can follow this action plan:

Talk To Him

Tell your husband how you feel when he looks at other women and you are right there. Make him aware that it is emotionally hurtful to you, but don’t accuse him of being unfaithful. Men tend to see accusations as a form of attack, and in this case, their logical mind is overridden by instinct, and you’ll end up having a fight that will not see you win.

Start Looking Too

Far from a jealousy thing, start looking at the same woman he looks at too. If he has turned to look at a woman with some visual attributes, you may spice things up by telling him you also think she’s hot. This may surprise him, but more importantly, it will include you in the moment.

If you are really open in your communication, you may find this can become a fun way to connect to each other. Likewise, he may start pointing out things you look at. While women aren’t as inclined to look at other men, he may start trying to think like you, which will go miles towards developing empathy. What could have been a potentially threatening situation can become a way to bond more and build similar interests and understanding.

Appeal To His Emotiveness

While you may feel your husband has the emotional depth of a soapdish, you may be unnecessarily harsh to him.

If you take the time to explain to him that you feel like he is comparing you, that his looking makes you feel like you aren’t enough, and that his inattentiveness when other women are around makes you feel insecure, you may be able to get your point across to him.

Remind Him

Chances are your husband doesn’t even know he is looking at other women when he does it. Remember, it is instinctive to him. Like a primitive caveman who has looked at a potential mate, he may not know he has offended you. The cavewoman didn’t have issues with sharing her mate, so genetically, your man may have been conditioned to do this for the sake of breeding for the clan.

Gently remind your man he has been looking a little too much at the other woman. This will allow logic to assert itself in his mind. You will also feel better for having mentioned that he is acting rudely toward you. Holding the resentment in will only lead to further anger and feelings of being unvalued.

Keep An Eye On Him

Don’t become paranoid, but keep an eye on him. If your husband’s looking becomes roving, and you notice his staring has a little too much intensity to it, you should be aware of the instinctual part of his mind becoming more assertive. This is your warning sign to have a more serious conversation with him.

You will need to seek conscious action on his part to refrain from his instinctual behavior. If you say nothing and do nothing, you run the risk of him acting out on those instincts. This is especially true when the woman your husband looks at is a colleague or someone he has regular contact with.

Know The Difference Between Lust And Sexual Attraction

Men tend to be more sexually activated than women. This means they will receive some sexual pleasure from seeing a beautiful or sexually attractive woman.

However, this does not mean he will definitely act on it. Instead, become aware of the difference between sexual attraction (getting excited by a sexy woman) and lust (doing something about it).

What To Do When Looking Becomes Staring

The ship may already have sailed for your relationship. Intent staring may be a prelude to something other than instinct.

You have been weighed by his mind, and possibly found wanting. At this point, you need to talk intently with your husband. Make him aware that while you know he doesn’t always look with any ill intent, his looking has become staring, and you are aware of his potential to stray.

Discuss if there are reasons for him to be unhappy in your marriage, making sure to open lines of communication with him. Be sure to do the following:

State Your Observations Logically

Getting emotionally worked up will solve nothing here. Chances are that your husband is not really aware of how close to the edge of infidelity he has strayed. Be sure to point out factual moments and events where you caught him staring.

Create Boundaries And Set Conditions

You want your husband to respect you, and while you may want to prove you are better than the other woman, this is not a contest between you and her. Rather, this is about your husband not respecting you enough for some reason.

Make it clear to your husband that you won’t accept certain behavior from him, like him being unfaithful. This is essential to refresh his logical and mental control mechanisms and ensure he doesn’t have any gray areas in your relationship that may encourage him towards being unfaithful.

Set boundaries like not allowing him to work late if he has been staring at his female colleagues. Clearly, you don’t want him to be in a position where he can potentially be tempted.

Open the lines of communication in your relationship. You need to become a presence in his mind, not a harping or nagging presence, but still be on his mind so he remembers he is already in a relationship and not up for fooling around.

Be Real

Don’t go all military and become the eyeball police. Your man is human, and he will have moments when he will trip himself up.

Real love says, “I know I am on your mind most of the time, and while you may be tempted, we can work on you not straying.” Immature and unrealistic love says, “I see you staring! You are already undressing her in your mind, and this is the end of the relationship. I can’t be with you since you will obviously be unfaithful.”

If you are looking for “perfect,” try the mirror and see if you find it there. We are all human, and when we offer an accepting and supportive home environment to each other, we increase the chance that our partner will trust us and not actually stray.

Why Does My Husband Stare At Other Women And Other Questions?

What Does It Mean When Your Husband Looks At Another Woman?

While it may be instinct for your husband to look at other women, you are entitled not to approve of this kind of behavior.

Looking may not mean he is being unfaithful, he could simply be having a moment ruled by the primitive side of his brain. However, if it goes unchecked, and if your husband is already unsatisfied in your relationship, looking can become staring and lead to infidelity.

How Do You Tell If Your Husband Is Attracted To Another Woman?

Physical or instinctual attraction is not really what leads to infidelity in most relationships. Rather, men become attracted and act on this when they are unhappy or feel unsatisfied in their marriages.

Signs your husband is about to become unfaithful or is overly attracted to another woman may include:

Stalking behavior where he trolls that particular woman’s social media pages.
He may engage in fantasies and start watching porno.
He can’t talk to you, but he seeks out conversation topics with the other woman.

What Is Micro-Cheating?

Whenever your partner stares at, talks more about, or engages more frequently with someone than is socially and emotionally acceptable, they are micro-cheating. Essentially, they are being unfaithful to you, but without the sexual component, though their cheating may graduate to include sexual cheating too.

What Do You Do When Your Husband Looks At Another Woman?

Start by openly talking to your husband about his roving eyes. When he knows that you know and have seen him looking, the chances of you heading off any follow through of infidelity increases. Communication will help you discover if your husband has reason to cheat beyond merely noticing a pretty woman.

Why Do Men Look At Other Women?

The act of looking at a beautiful woman triggers a sense of satisfaction due to the emotional and chemical reaction that happens in the brain. This makes men feel good, which is due to the release of endorphins and serotonin levels increasing. As a result, the behavior is captured in the brain as being positive, which reinforces and forms the habit.

When Your Husband Looks At Another Woman, What Is He Thinking?

Chances are that when your husband looks at a random woman in public, he has noticed she is beautiful. She may also present a novel appearance that caught his eye. If he can’t stop looking and starts staring, there may be warning signs for your relationship.

How Do I Stop Him From Looking At Other Girls?

Try these tips:

Confront him for looking around. Ask him if he is looking for a new wife or if he is considering cheating on you.
Don’t become jealous. It’s not about you.
Don’t compare yourself to the other woman.
Appeal to his reason. Would he like it if you stared at other men? Get him to see things from your point of view.

How Do I Stop Him From Looking At Other Girls?

A Final Look

Your husband may look at other women and really not mean to offend or hurt you at all. Be mindful of this kind of behavior escalating to staring, which may hint at him entering that gray area of micro-cheating. You are worth being faithful to, so be sure to remind him of that.

Staring at other women should set off some warning bells in your mind. Your husband’s attention may have become captivated, and his staring may be due to his needs not being met, which can lead to unfaithfulness.

When your man looks at another woman, you need to remind him how this makes you feel, but when he stares at another woman, especially one he works with, you should take action to ensure your marriage doesn’t pay the price.

Has your husband been staring at other women? How do you notice when his looking turns to staring, and what did you do about it? Please share your experience in the comments below.

How To Save A Marriage When The Only One Trying Is You?

A marriage is a partnership between two people, but when there is less marital bliss than you would like, it can feel like one partner is the designated driver.

I’ve often wondered about how to save a marriage when only one is trying. Does “I do” mean you do it alone? Can a marriage survive with only one partner trying, or is it even worth saving when both partners are no longer committed to creating an “us?” Let’s find out …

Your Relationship And Why You Are Still Trying To Save It

If you believe in fairytales, you would expect a perfect white picket fence life with 2.3 kids and a dream job too, but you aren’t a kid, and Santa has long since stopped bringing you presents.

With both feet in reality, you may find yourself facing an ugly truth: you and your partner’s “us” have turned into a solo voyage as you end up being like ships passing in the night.

So, why would you still bother trying? Well, obviously, you have a history together. Any time there is a history, there is bound to be good times too. You remember those times, and you have built something together. Like the captain going down with the ship, you want to try till the last.

There may be children, a life together, and social pressures to make your relationship work. Certainly, nobody likes to be a quitter, but what about when your union becomes a “state of one?”

Your Problems And Saving Your Marriage

All couples have problems, but whether these problems contribute to your marriage being on the rocks or not is up to your own ability to take action. Inaction or inertia is what eventually kills a marriage.

You should be able to look at the problems you and your partner experience in your marriage and decide whether they are actionable or not. If they are chronic problems that have always been there, you can decide whether you can live with them or not.

Should you experience acute problems that happen over night, such as sudden drinking or spending habits, you need to decide what action YOU can take to deal with these challenges. Saving your marriage is about knowing what is happening, what is hurting, and what is worth fixing.

What Is Happening?

There are always things in any marriage that go awry. This is normal. It’s when things suddenly change, and your marriage is no longer chugging along nicely that you need to pay attention. The sudden late night phone calls, aggressive spending, and avoidant behavior that happens when you’re not looking is what kills a marriage.

When you are trying to save your marriage alone, you need to know what you are up against. Are you noticing sudden changes, or have you finally just had enough of behavior that has always existed?

What Is Hurting?

The things you’ve always shut your eyes at that have always been there can become a festering wound. By knowing what is hurting you, the power to make a change becomes yours.

Has your partner always been avoidant and unable to express their feelings, but you now become hurt by their inability to support you in an emotionally challenging situation? What can you do about it?

Learning how to fix your marriage alone may be about acceptance more than change. So, the shift is that you accept what you can’t change, and you learn the wisdom to know what you can. Like the Serenity Prayer, you can feel like you are working towards sustaining your relationship by accepting some things won’t change.

What Is Worth Fixing?

When you see that something can change, you should go for it with all the skill you can muster. There are some things that are worth fixing in a relationship, like communication, affection, care, honesty, and reciprocity.

Why You’d Want Your Marriage To Work

While you’re probably feeling like you’re the only one steering your marriage towards shallow water, while the ship is sinking, you may be surprised to learn your partner may be suffering too. What if while you are feeling like you are trying to save the marriage alone, your partner is feeling the same way?

Without communication and sharing, you may not have any real indication of your partner’s feelings or fully understand their actions at all. However, you have already built a foundation in your time together, and there is something there to save and fight for.

At one stage, you and your partner did have a sense of love for each other, and you both invested in making each other’s lives better and richer with a shared knowing.

The “whys” are the reasons for wanting to save your marriage:

Why you loved each other in the first place
Why you chose to stay together so long
Why your partner has expanded your life
Why you have sacrificed for them to succeed
Why you still see them in your future

Techniques To Fix Your Marriage Alone

In wanting to know how to save your marriage alone, you may consider these techniques to bring you and your partner closer together and remind both of you just why you said “I do.”

Stop Saying Yes, Start Saying No

Chances are you have been agreeing to everything, trying to people-please your partner, but maybe it’s time to say no. By starting to stand up for yourself, putting your foot down on what matters to you, it may encourage your partner to see you for who you are, respect you more, and rebuild your failing relationship.

Hold On To Yourself, Stop Clinging To Them

Put yourself first. Stop relegating your needs to the backburner and focus on what you need in the relationship.

Your partner was attracted to who you were when you met, so focus on yourself, and you will be able to win them over again. If nothing else, you will be able to build a strong relationship with yourself. Nobody likes or is attracted to someone who is needy. Don’t look to them to make you happy, and your relationship will improve when you stop clinging to them.

Your neediness may have been stifling them, so give them the freedom to be who they are and value that person. You can only do this once you have created a satisfied spirit inside yourself by meeting your own needs. This is how you take the pressure off them, and they will notice, returning to you.

Be Truthful And Stop Manipulating

In an attempt to get what you want, you may be engaging in manipulative behavior, even if it’s geared towards saving your marriage. Don’t make the mistake of believing this will save it.

Manipulation always causes more problems than bringing solutions to a relationship. Stop manipulating and start being honest and truthful with your partner. There is a certain charm to truthfulness that will win you affection and respect; manipulation will lead to resentment.

Set A Time Limit

While you really want to save your marriage, your first step should be to get the other person to offer some commitment, with the easiest way to get this being to offer a time limit.

When your partner wants to leave, ask them to try again for a few weeks or work at it as a New Year’s Resolution. People are more inclined to give their effort and cooperation when they know there’s a limit.

Quit Emotional Blackmailing

Are you negotiating in your marriage for the other person’s affection? Perhaps you are giving sex or money or gifts in exchange for their supposed loyalty?

Stop emotionally blackmailing them and yourself. This kind of behavior ultimately leads to resentment and the end of a relationship. Become truthful to yourself and meet your own needs so you don’t have to convince the other person to be your savior.

All In Or All Out

You can’t fight for success if you don’t have both feet in the race. If you have one foot out the door, the other person will notice, and they will not fight for the relationship either.

You are either all in or all out. Give yourself that respect to decide whether you will fight for your relationship or have the courage to end it instead.

Stop Talking, Start Listening

Have you been the one doing all the talking and begging? Perhaps it’s time to stop and start listening. Maybe your partner has been trying to communicate, but you are so busy talking to them, you haven’t heard them. Many of a couple’s difficulties can be resolved when they start listening to each other.

Listening also means you start seeing the other person and understanding what they are going through instead of only seeing your side of things. Shift your perspective, and perhaps you will find your marital difficulties aren’t about you at all (which may be why you haven’t been able to fix it).

Friends, Not Lovers

Do you even like your partner? A marriage starts with a relationship where you like someone and become friends with them, and finally that friendship becomes more. Maybe you need to take a step back and become friends, not lovers. This might improve your communication and help you find connection again.

Do Your Opposite

If your marriage is in trouble and you feel like you are the only one working at it, chances are there is something you have been doing that is not working.

So, instead of trying to fight harder, stop and do the opposite. If you have been happily seeing to your husband’s needs, stop and let him sort himself out for a change. Perhaps your attempts to save the marriage have been ruining it instead.

Take a step back and reevaluate your union. Perhaps you have been creating a problem with your behavior and actions. The only way to spot that is to do the opposite of your usual habits for a change.

Start Dating

Marriages often fail because of the spark having dimmed a long time ago. Start dating your partner, and more importantly, take yourself on a date too. Invest in you. Take care of your needs so you can begin to shine again, and the chances are pretty good your partner will see you with new eyes.

Put the spark back with romantic evenings out, lazy morning cuddling, and rainy afternoons with only each other for company. Dating is how you get over hating each other.

Change What You Look At

Refocus your attention to see the good things in your marriage. If you are focused on the errors and all the failures, you will only see those. Your partner is perhaps absent a lot due to work, so you end up only seeing their absence, and in the end, you only focus on their absence from any part of your relationship.

Yet, if you focus on what they do well, such as always providing financially, you may realize how fortunate you are, how hard they work, and how much they love you.

Get Help

With your face up to a painting, all you see is a blur. The same holds true for a relationship and its problems. If you feel like you are the only one working at saving your marriage, you may need to get an outside perspective to help you.

By using a counselor or therapist, you may realize you are not the only one working at the relationship. Their perspective on things may help you reach new realizations, and this process may draw you closer to your partner.

Stop Being Unrealistic

Lastly, consider you may not be real in your marriage and expectations of a relationship either. We are often misguided in how we think romance and love works due to the cinematic versions we are exposed to.

Life is rarely like the movies, so you need to stop being unrealistic and really see your partner for who they are. After all, you are not the “perfect” partner either. You are human, your partner is human, and this means you are both flawed. Question is: can you and your flaws accept them and their flaws?

Oddly, once you let go of an idealized version of what your marriage should be, you may find something even better right before your eyes.

How To Save A Marriage When Only You Are Trying FAQS

Can A Marriage Be Saved If Only One Person Wants To?

Ultimately, you are in a partnership, which means two people. You can work to the point where your partner is also motivated to save your marriage, but on your own, there is little chance of the marriage working. It takes two to make it work.

When Trying To Save Your Marriage, How Long Before You Should Quit?

If you see there is no improvement and no chance at a successful partnership, you should consider ending it when you lose all hope. If you are considering a separation, the length of time encouraged is four to six weeks, so you and the other person can learn what life is like without each other.

What Do You Need For A Successful Marriage?

There are a number of elements that will ensure a successful and mutually inclusive marriage:

Communication
Value
Commitment
Respect
Intimacy

How Can I Save My Marriage Alone?

In addition the tips discussed above, you can also try the following:

Stop talking exclusively about your marriage problems. (There are things that do work.)
Give up on blaming your partner. You are equally involved, so you probably contribute to the problem too.
You should be working on your marriage, not working on your partner. Their flaws are not why your marriage is failing. Being hypercritical will only damage your relationship.

What Are The Signs My Marriage Is In Trouble And That I Should Start Saving It?

Look for the warning signs like:

Constant criticism
Lack of intimacy
Too much or not enough arguing
Secrets
A lack of respect

What Are The Signs My Marriage Is In Trouble And That I Should Start Saving It?

Final Thoughts

A marriage is a complicated structure between two people who start off being attracted to each other, but over time, that attraction can turn to dissatisfaction. Before long, there is only one person trying to keep the deck of cards in the air.

If you find yourself in this situation, you need to decide whether you are all in or all out and stick to the decision to save your marriage or give up. There can be no half-measures, so dive in, throw your best effort at this, and be smart enough to try different techniques to influence and motivate your partner to help you work at saving your “us.”

Have you been in a situation where you felt like you were the only one working to save your marriage? What did you do to get things on track?

Share your story in our social feed, and help give someone else the hope and fortitude to fight on for the person they love.

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