How to Wait for the Right Man Without Settling for Almost Right

I hate waiting.

If I had the choice between getting something I really wanted now or getting it sometime later, I’m always choosing now.

And when what you want is a relationship, waiting can be even harder.

Maybe you’ve been dating for years and you’re tired of meeting people who go nowhere. Your friends are getting married or finding serious relationships while you’re still trying to find someone you genuinely want to build a life with.

At some point, you may start wondering whether you should loosen a few standards, give someone another chance when you already know you’re not that interested, or push something forward because you’re tired of starting over.

I’ve learned that impatience can make you do things you wouldn’t necessarily do if you weren’t so focused on getting to the outcome.

That’s what I think waiting for the right man is really about.

It isn’t sitting around hoping someone eventually finds you.

It’s being willing to keep living, dating, meeting people, and making choices without letting your desire for a relationship convince you that almost-right is close enough.

Waiting Doesn’t Mean Doing Nothing

One of our previous articles made a point I still really like:

Waiting for the right man doesn’t mean waiting around.

You can still date and meet people. Let your friend introduce you to somebody or try a dating app if you want to. Go to the party. Have conversations with people you wouldn’t normally meet.

There’s no reason to sit at home believing that the universe will drop your future husband onto your doorstep when the timing is right.

Dating can actually help you understand yourself better.

You may discover that qualities you thought were incredibly important don’t matter as much once you’re actually in a relationship. Something you barely considered before might become one of the things you value most.

You learn by getting to know people.

The difference is that you’re dating to discover who’s right for you, rather than trying to make every promising person become the right one.

Be Careful What Impatience Talks You Into

Loneliness can make an okay relationship look much better.

So can watching everyone around you pair off.

When you really want something, it’s surprisingly easy to start negotiating with yourself.

Maybe I’m being too picky.

Chemistry might not matter that much.

He could eventually want the same things I want.

I should probably just give this more time.

And sometimes giving someone more time makes sense. Nobody is going to check every box, and real relationships involve getting to know imperfect people.

But there’s a difference between giving a good person a real chance and repeatedly talking yourself into a relationship that doesn’t feel right because you don’t know when another opportunity will come along.

Waiting can be uncomfortable. Settling doesn’t necessarily make the waiting disappear. Sometimes it just replaces it with a different kind of unhappiness.

Let Your Life Keep Getting Bigger

Our previous advice encouraged women to work on themselves, pursue passions, spend time with friends, travel, and build full lives while they were single.

I would keep that advice, but I’d change the reason behind it.

Having an interesting life doesn’t need to be another way to make yourself more attractive to a man.

This is your life.

There may eventually be a wonderful relationship in it. I hope there is, if that’s what you want. But your life doesn’t begin when that relationship arrives.

Maybe there’s a book you want to write, a class you’ve been thinking about taking, or somewhere you’ve wanted to go. Spend time with people you love. Build your career. Rest. Learn something. Make room for whatever makes this particular season of your life feel like yours.

A relationship can become part of a full life without becoming the event you’re waiting for before you allow that life to start.

Learn From Who You’ve Already Chosen

Waiting can also give you room to look backward.

One of the strongest suggestions in our previous article was to reflect on past relationships and ask what they taught you.

That reflection can go beyond What was wrong with him?

Look at the relationship itself.

Did you want the same things? Could you be yourself? What kept causing conflict?

Think about whether there were things you noticed early and talked yourself out of taking seriously. There may also have been parts of the relationship you loved and would want to experience again.

The point isn’t to analyze every relationship until you discover exactly what you did wrong.

You’re gathering information.

Every relationship doesn’t have to work out to teach you something about what works for you.

Your Timeline Isn’t Everybody Else’s Timeline

Waiting gets much harder when you’re watching other people get what you want.

Someone announces an engagement. Another friend meets someone seemingly five minutes after downloading an app.

Meanwhile, you’ve gone on six dates and would rather never hear the phrase Tell me about yourself again.

Comparison can turn wanting a relationship into feeling behind. Once that happens, finding someone can start to feel more urgent than finding someone who’s actually right for you.

But somebody else finding a relationship doesn’t tell you anything about when you should find yours or whom you should choose.

You still have to live with the relationship you choose after everybody stops liking the engagement photos.

The Right Relationship Is Worth Not Forcing the Wrong One

I don’t think waiting for the right man means believing there’s exactly one perfect person somewhere in the world and your job is to patiently wait until he appears.

For me, it’s much more practical than that.

Wanting love badly doesn’t mean every opportunity is the right opportunity.

You can actively date while giving yourself time to make good decisions. Wanting marriage deeply doesn’t require you to stay with someone who clearly doesn’t want the same thing. And loneliness, as uncomfortable as it can be, doesn’t automatically make the relationship in front of you the right one.

While all of that is happening, your life can keep moving too.

Keep building it, learning yourself, and meeting people.

Then, when someone does come along, you don’t have to choose him simply because you’re relieved someone finally showed up.

You get to ask the question that matters more:

Is this actually the kind of relationship I’ve been waiting for?