Regardless of how long you’ve been married, chances are that you’ve wondered how to keep your husband interested in you. If you haven’t yet, good for you! But the day that you do will eventually come because, when the honeymoon ends and life begins, marriage requires us to be intentional about keeping the spark alive.
So if you’re wondering how to keep your husband interested in you, or how to regain his attention if you’re afraid you’ve lost it, read on, my friends! Today’s post is just for you.
STEP ONE: Acknowledge his needs.
Here’s the thing about relationships: in the beginning, the universe seems to revolve around the other person. As we fall in love, our thoughts and feelings orbit the other person like the Earth orbits the sun. The trouble comes when we move past “he is the center of my universe” and settle quietly into “I am the center of my universe and I better be the center of his, too.”
Not that any of us would ever say that out loud.
Or even think it to ourselves.
Our attitudes and actions though…they give us away every time.
So if you’re looking for ways to regain your husband’s attention, give some thought to his needs, wants, and desires.
Here’s a personal example: my husband loves drag racing. He loves talking about it, watching it on TV, spending hours at the track enjoying its glories in real life, and dreaming of the car he’ll someday own and race for himself.
I, the other hand, love not drag racing. I love not talking about it, not watching it on TV, definitely not spending hours at the race track or dreaming with him about the car I secretly (or not so secretly) hope he’ll never own.
In other words, I have spent the majority of our marriage doing my best to minimize a very real desire of my husband’s heart. When he brings up the subject of drag racing, my eyes glaze over (of their own volition, I swear), my attention wanders, and eventually I begin to drool. When he wants to go to the track I send him off with a wave and a “have fun!” because he learned long ago it’s no use inviting me.
I cannot tell you honestly that any of that will change in the near future, but I can say that I recognize the damage my attitude could cause to our relationship if I don’t take steps to validate his needs. Sure, my ideal weekend is to sit on the couch, drink wine, and watch Netflix rather than…well, whatever happens at a drag track. But the world, rudely enough, does not revolve around me.
In order to keep my husband’s interest, I need to acknowledge with my words and actions that his interests, needs, and desires are important to me, too.
This cute video is the perfect example. While you may not have to do what the wife in the video does to get her husband’s attention, remember: she knows what interests him, and she makes herself available to be a part of it.
Which leads me to STEP TWO: Leave NO DOUBT you’re still interested in HIM.
I’ve read or heard somewhere that, sexually speaking, men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots. While your husband may be ready to go anywhere, anytime, you are more likely to need a little more time to warm up. While some of the responsibility for warming you up falls on your husband (“foreplay starts in the morning” is another line I’ve heard but can’t say from where), there are things that YOU can do to keep you cooking throughout the day.
Because here’s the truth: your husband needs to know you want him. He needs to know that you long to be with him on an emotional and physical level. For men, that need is often met through physical intimacy. In fact, sex is almost always the answer to the “How do I get my husband’s attention” question.
So to help keep you interested in him, the ladies over at To Love, Honor & Vacuum have a great post about little ways you can flirt with your husband that will help keep your mind focused on physical intimacy throughout the day so that both of you are ready when the opportunity arises (no pun intended).
Side note: I had a friend once tell me that she and her hubs took an afternoon nap together (*wink wink* *nudge nudge*), and after the actual nap she got up to find that her husband had cleaned the kitchen and done the dishes. She said, “I guess it goes to show that when you meet his needs, he’ll meet yours.”
Indeed, it does.
Step three: DON’T BE A “JUST.”
I know you’ve heard the terms (or seen the bumper stickers) that refer to certain women as “Soccer Moms,” “Cheer Moms,” or “Baseball Moms.” We also now have “mommy bloggers” and “helicopter moms” and, in certain circles, “homeschool moms.”
First, I’d like to say that I get it. I really do. Being a mom is a huge part of many women’s lives. It’s an 18+ year commitment of putting someone else first and making sure their needs are met, ensuring that their every talent is given the opportunity to grow and bloom, and blah blah blah.
I know that sounds suspiciously like sarcasm, but as a homeschooling mom AND a mom of kids who drag race, I really do get it.
Secondly, however, I’d like to say this: yuck.
Just, yuck. So often when I talk to women about their passions, their hobbies, or their desires to “be the change [they] want to see in the world,” their answers revolve around their children. These women – strong, wise, talented women – see themselves as “just moms.”
Before you grab your torches and pitchforks, hear me out. When we as women relegate ourselves to the “just” category in any area (just a mom, just a wife, just an astronaut – though admittedly that would be pretty cool) we deny huge and fundamental parts of who we are.
In doing so we also make ourselves categorically uninteresting.
So, if you’re afraid you’ve lost your husband’s interest, or you’re wondering how to keep your husband interested in you, take a look at who you are.
Have you become “just a mom”?
Have you become “just a wife”?
Or are you pursuing the parts of yourself that make up the fullness of who you are? There is nothing wrong with being a soccer mom, a baseball mom, or a drag racing mom (though I wouldn’t wish that kind of boredom on anyone), as long as that’s not ALL of who you are.
So, if you woke up this morning thinking, “I wonder how I can keep my husband interested in me,” my advice to you is this: YOU take an interest in you, and his interest will most certainly follow.
And now for Step four: BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
Women tend to have a bad reputation for being jealous, clingy, and demanding. Oftentimes, our jealous, clingy, and demanding ways come from insecurity. For reasons that may or may not have anything to do with our husbands, we don’t feel secure in our relationship, so we insist our partner cater to our insecurities. That might look like reading through his text messages when he’s not looking, asking incessantly about the women he works with, or accusing him of eyeing every pretty girl that walks by.
All of those actions (and many like them) drive our husbands away. They show that you don’t trust your husband’s honor and integrity. They tell him that nothing he does will ever prove to you that he’s faithful, committed, or fully-engaged in your relationship. They may even push him to give up trying to prove he’s faithful and committed…and that can only end badly for both of you.
But you might be saying, “My husband has cheated on me. He has been unfaithful. He has given me reason to believe that he’s not faithful and committed.”
In those cases, don’t despair! Communication is key. It might be time to seek out marriage counseling, whether online [j1] or in person, to get your insecurities out in the open so you can work through them.
So there you have it! Four ways to keep your husband interested in you: acknowledge his needs, leave no doubt of your interest in him, take an interest in yourself, and learn to be confident in your relationship.
Let’s keep the conversation going! In the comments, share your story. How long have you been married? What have you done to keep your husband’s interest? What have you found that works and what doesn’t?
[j1]If you’ve posted the “online marriage counseling” article, this would be a good place to link to it.