How to Get the Guy You Want Without Losing Sight of What You Want

There’s something interesting about the question “How do I get the guy I want?”

I know how it feels when you know in your heart of hearts that a guy would be perfect for you and you want to convince him that you are the woman for him. Or maybe you are at a point where you just want to attract the right guy for you that has all the qualities you want.

But there’s a problem with trying to convince someone you’re the woman for him: you can become so focused on getting him that you stop paying attention to whether the two of you are actually right for each other.

Getting the guy isn’t really the goal. Finding out whether there’s mutual interest, and whether you actually want what you’re pursuing, is much more useful.

Before You Try to Get the Guy, Do You Actually Want Him?

Have you defined this clearly?

There are many women who have been successful in getting the guy that they want physically, but when they actually got to know the real person, it wasn’t what they wanted at all. So before anything else, write a list, check it twice, and decide what type of man you want.

Separate must have qualities between nice to have qualities. The important thing here is to know which qualities that are deal breakers for you and which qualities are bonuses.

Attraction can make one person feel very important very quickly. Knowing what actually matters to you can keep “I really want him” from automatically becoming “He must be right for me.”

And once you get to know him, let what you learn change your mind if it needs to.

How Do You Let a Guy Know You’re Interested?

You don’t have to manufacture attraction or convince him to like you. Sometimes you simply have to give another person some indication that you’re open to getting to know him.

If you like him, let yourself look like you like him.

Smile. Talk to him. Ask a question. Be receptive when he starts a conversation.

Showing interest isn’t the same thing as taking responsibility for making something happen. You’re simply giving him something to respond to.

Can You Appreciate Him Without Performing for Him?

Most of us enjoy knowing that our efforts are appreciated.

But I wouldn’t turn that into advice to become easier to please so a man will want you.

If you genuinely enjoyed the restaurant he chose, tell him. If he did something thoughtful, appreciate it. If you admire something he’s done, a sincere compliment is a lovely thing to give someone.

You don’t need a formula for complimenting a man correctly. And you certainly don’t need to act delighted by things you don’t actually like.

If getting a guy interested in you requires you to perform a version of yourself who is always pleased, impressed, and appreciative, it’s going to get exhausting…really fast.

Don’t Work So Hard to Make a Guy Want You

If there is one thing that every woman should know, it’s that you don’t HAVE to have any man.

Don’t jump over bridges or walk on water to convince him that you are the right woman for him.

You can show interest. You can make conversation. You can flirt. You can even initiate sometimes if that’s natural for you.

But then notice what comes back.

If you get into the habit of always pursuing him, you set yourself up for a lifetime of pursuit. You do not want to be the person always initiating dates or nights out. Let him do some of the work.

I personally enjoy the feeling of being pursued. But even if that’s not important to you, mutual effort should be. You shouldn’t have to continually create opportunities for someone to see you, remind him you exist, or convince him that the two of you could be good together.

His interest is his part.

And maybe that’s the easiest answer to how to get the guy you want: don’t make getting him your entire job.

Know what you want. Let him see that you’re interested. Be yourself when you’re with him. Then give him enough room to show you what he wants, too.

Because the real question isn’t just whether you can get the guy you like.

But whether you like the person you see when you share that you like him.